Out of sight and mind?

LegacyUser

Hi sweetheart, I really hope this is all a misunderstanding, but whatever it is, keep yourself together, show him he has to respect you. If you are not totally satisfied with his explanations, stay a few days at a friend´s or parents for a while, at least a week... Let HIM speak, don´t do much talking, he is the one who owns you a couple of explanations

Peewee_lane

OP, any update on this situation, has any of the advice helped?

LegacyUser

Thank you to one and all who replied to my message.

This situation has been somewhat resolved, he had an alibi. I read his phone, his brother texted him on a few times and the times all match up somewhat. He had no explanation for his weird behaviour.

This was gone and forgotten about, we're moving into a new house soon.

I don't think moving in was a good idea. It's too apparent that he prefers the single life.

As far as I know, living together means considering the other person you're with.

We have talked this all out. There was a promise of effort which lasted a couple of weeks. But now I'll leave everything to time..

Thank you again guys your help has been very much an excellent and comforting part of all of this. I don't have close friends really.

I should probably try find some of those too!

Thanks agaain

allybhoy

Unregistered wrote: »

Thank you to one and all who replied to my message.

This situation has been somewhat resolved, he had an alibi. I read his phone, his brother texted him on a few times and the times all match up somewhat. He had no explanation for his weird behaviour.

This was gone and forgotten about, we're moving into a new house soon.

I don't think moving in was a good idea. It's too apparent that he prefers the single life.

As far as I know, living together means considering the other person you're with.

We have talked this all out. There was a promise of effort which lasted a couple of weeks. But now I'll leave everything to time..

Thank you again guys your help has been very much an excellent and comforting part of all of this. I don't have close friends really.

I should probably try find some of those too!

Thanks agaain

Well im glad to hear its all worked out and maybe he was busy in work etc etc, but if it was me id certainly be less trusting and would certainly have my doubts. Id be thinking is it possible his brother was in on the act with him and sent those msgs to give him an alibi?I would also ask him face to face about the bebo comments and look at the reaction on his face. Ask him about the friend and tell him its a bit of a coincedence that the one weekend you cant contact him is the one weekend this old friend shows up. You should be able to judge by his reaction as to whether he's telling the truth or not. I dont mean to be spreading seeds of doubt into your mind and if you believe him that's fine, but I personally wouldnt be so trusting.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Thank you to one and all who replied to my message.

This situation has been somewhat resolved, he had an alibi. I read his phone, his brother texted him on a few times and the times all match up somewhat. He had no explanation for his weird behaviour.

This was gone and forgotten about, we're moving into a new house soon.

I don't think moving in was a good idea. It's too apparent that he prefers the single life.

As far as I know, living together means considering the other person you're with.

We have talked this all out. There was a promise of effort which lasted a couple of weeks. But now I'll leave everything to time..

Thank you again guys your help has been very much an excellent and comforting part of all of this. I don't have close friends really.

I should probably try find some of those too!

Thanks agaain

This may help you.

My g/f insisted when we started dating that I kept up with contact etc with my friends.

I now have a routine we both know where Im out once or twice a week -not on the beer or anything - just having my space and stuff.

Some of my friends are women - and it now seems as natural to say well Fiona said or whatever as it would to say Al said. It felt weird at first for me - but I couldn't go into a relationship now of living in each others pockets because Ive been shown how to do it differently by someone who is not controlling. Could you be comfortable with this or would you need to be the centre of attention all the time.

We are probably a bit older than you but the trust thing and time allocation thing to life relationships is something is a different way of life and its great to be worry free about these things.I couldn't go back it would be weird.

I'm not saying you are controlling but it seems you want him to make a lot of changes and when he had a free weekend he went off and yelled " bright lights and freedom here I come" . I think you may need to assess what you want and what compromises you are willing to make as your view on what the relationship should be is different.

IMHO words like confront and alibi are not words of trust and love.Some might think if reading that you have control issues.

LegacyUser

Hello again,

I am not so trusting. I am probably the least trusting now as I ever have been .

I don't know how much longer it will go on for. His behaviour has gone back to the same secretive way, example one, taking his phone in to the shower with him.

He has lied to me. something else has happened just last night.

This situation is a make or break. I hate to think of it but now at this stage things might end.

I am afraid if he ever reads this that he'll know I was posting online about him. But he has been in touch with his ex now (someone else,according to his phone,which I have read, and am glad I did), and has been pretty much demanding to see her. He has begun shaving, has bought new cologne/aftershave and is now looking into buying new clothing. I know this might sound like normal things but, it's not for him.

Well anyway i think pretty much that I am on a losing streak. I'll just begin to tie up the loose ends while I still can, the new house is not going to happen, he keeps delaying the moving date with the auctioneer. He can well afford it on his own anyway.

Well thanks for everything anyway.

IRISH RAIL

Im really sorry to hear that op
chin up these things always turn out for the better
My ex cheated on me with someone from her job long after I left her I ran into someone that worked with her.
He told me a lot more than I knew was going on kind of brought up old wounds. seems the accounts dept wasnt the only books she was balancing.
it really hurts
If you want to talk just send me a pm it does feel good to get it all out.

Salome

Hi OP - with the latest info you've given us, it's a classic example of him taking more care of his appearance = another woman. You don't sound happy. He sounds like he's dragging his heels because he doesn't want to live with you.

I'd end it before the complication of property makes a split even more difficult. You don't trust him, he doesn't help by behaving the way he does. Leave now.

dellas1979

I have been completely torn apart like this with a fella. You literally loose your marbles. But im afraid it doesnt look good. The rationale is that you love him and will make excuses for him so you wont leave until something actually happens.

If you want to talk, PM me.

LegacyUser

sorry if this sounds trivial and mean. it is not meant to come across that way!

better to find out now. the worst thing would be to stay in a destructive relationship. you are so worth more. so much more.

Reesy

Abigayle wrote: »

Firstly, I dont think you are being paranoid. It would give most women a niggling doubt at the back of their mind.

Or men.