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General Knowledge

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  • 03-02-2009 12:18pm
    #1
    Homer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,315 ✭✭✭


    Teacher: 'Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're
    going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the
    answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back
    to school until Tuesday.'

    Little Paddy thinks, 'Whoo hooo! I'm bleedin' deadly at
    General Knowledge. This is gonna be sooo easy!'

    Teacher: 'Right class, who can tell me who said.. "Don't ask
    what our country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?"

    Little Paddy shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.
    Teacher looking round picks Farqhuar-Fauntleroy at the front.
    "Yes, Farqhuar?"

    Farqhuar (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is
    John F Kennedy - inauguration speech 1960."

    Teacher: "Very good Farquhar. You may stay off Friday and
    Monday and we will see you back in class on Tuesday."

    The next Thursday comes around, and Little Paddy is even more
    determined.

    Teacher: 'Who said? "We will fight them on the beaches, we will
    fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will
    never surrender?"

    Little Paddy's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting
    "I know. I know. Me Miss, me Miss!" Teacher looking round and
    picks Tarquin-Smythe, sitting at the front: "Yes Tarquin?"

    Tarquin (In a very, very posh, English accent): "Yes miss, the
    answer is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."

    Teacher: "Very good Tarquin, you may stay off Friday and
    Monday and come back to class on Tuesday."

    The following Thursday comes around and Little Paddy is hyper,
    he's been studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for
    anything that comes.
    He's coiled in his wee chair, dribbling in anticipation.

    Teacher: Who said... "One small step for man, one giant leap
    for mankind?'"

    Little Paddy's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing
    on his seat, jumping up and down screaming "Me miss. Me miss.
    I know, I know. Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee "

    Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the
    front "Yes Rupert." Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully,
    ever so plummy English accent):
    "Yes miss that was Neil Armstrong, 1967, the first moon landing."

    Teacher: '"Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and
    Monday and come back into class on Tuesday."

    Little Paddy loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and
    throws his chair at the wall.

    He starts screaming "WHERE THE F**K DID ALL THESE ENGLISH BASTARDS COME FROM?"

    Teacher spins back round from the blackboard and shouts: "Who said
    that?"

    Little Paddy grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door,
    "Patrick Pearse, GPO, 1916. See ye on Tuesday Miss." :D


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