girls what do u think lap dancing clubs?

heavymetalrock

hi girls, what do u think of boyfriend goin to a lap daning club?
my bofriend is goin to one for his freinds birthday in a few weeks. and i dont see the point of him goin? i dont like them at all, and i could do one for him myself, i told him about this, but he just said that he cant miss his friend birthday, im a bit upset over this cos i feel he didnt listen to me, or
consinered my feelings in this.

MagicMarker

What about his friend's feelings?

You're over reacting tbh.

heavymetalrock

MagicMarker wrote: »

What about his friend's feelings?

You're over reacting tbh.

what do u mean im over reacting?

MagicMarker

MagicMarker wrote: »

What about his friend's feelings?

You're over reacting tbh.

None of us can say if she is overreacting. We don't know what type of guy her fella is.

If I have ever been in a relationship with someone, it is because we shared a trust.
I honestly wouldn't have had a problem with any of my ex's taking off to a lap dancing club.

tallaght01

You can sort all that stuff out by being assertive about your concerns.

But my real worry about lapdancing clubs is that people still go to them, despite pretty significant concerns about girls being forced to work in them against their will :mad:

jazoo

heavymetalrock wrote:

i dont like them at all, and I COULD DO ONE FOR HIM MYSELF, .

but could you do one for his friends birthday......its just a bit of fun..unless he is going to a club that does EXTRAS.... know what i mean

heavymetalrock

i have no problem with him goin out or anything, just dont see the need to go there............
why spend our money on that?

RedXIV

heavymetalrock wrote: »

i have no problem with him goin out or anything, just dont see the need to go there............
why spend our money on that?

because he wants to go out to his friend's birthday. if you throw in why should he be allowed to spend money on that, be warned that the same could be applied to every luxury you have from make up to take out

heavymetalrock

heavymetalrock wrote: »

i have no problem with him goin out or anything, just dont see the need to go there............
why spend our money on that?

Ahh I don't think your being honest with yourself there. We all waste buckets of money in the name of social interaction. I've have even gone to country and western extraganzas to keep friends happy.:o
Why would that be a big deal.

Macha

heavymetalrock wrote: »

hi girls, what do u think of boyfriend goin to a lap daning club?
my bofriend is goin to one for his freinds birthday in a few weeks. and i dont see the point of him goin? i dont like them at all, and i could do one for him myself, i told him about this, but he just said that he cant miss his friend birthday, im a bit upset over this cos i feel he didnt listen to me, or
consinered my feelings in this.

Successful relationships are about having the same values. So no one has the right to tell you that you should be OK with stripclubs etc. They're your values and you are allowed to keep them.

I personally would not be OK with my boyfriend going to a stripclub. Conversely, he wouldn't be very impressed if I went to a venue to watch men strip for my pleasure either. We both know this and respect each other's views.

I suppose what would be different in this case is that he isn't going for himself so much as for his friend. Then again, there's the fact that he thinks it's worth upsetting you so as not to miss his friend's birthday. Did he say at all that he understood why you wouldn't be happy with him going?

heavymetalrock

taconnol wrote: »

Successful relationships are about having the same values. So no one has the right to tell you that you should be OK with stripclubs etc. They're your values and you are allowed to keep them.

I personally would not be OK with my boyfriend going to a stripclub. Conversely, he wouldn't be very impressed if I went to a venue to watch men strip for my pleasure either. We both know this and respect each other's views.

I suppose what would be different in this case is that he isn't going for himself so much as for his friend. Then again, there's the fact that he thinks it's worth upsetting you so as not to miss his friend's birthday. Did he say at all that he understood why you wouldn't be happy with him going?

i dont want him to miss his friends birthday, cos i feel bad enough saying it to him about the way i feel about them, i did tell him when we started goin out what i liked and didnt liked, i know he is goin to go in the end, any way

St Bill

jazoo wrote: »

but could you do one for his friends birthday......its just a bit of fun..unless he is going to a club that does EXTRAS.... know what i mean

Would you like it if your girlfriend/boyfriend performed a lap dance/striptease for one of your friends?

Blisterman

I'm not a girl, but my ex went to see a male strip show with a few friends of hers, and I had no problem with that. I trusted her.

And from what I've heard, male strip shows are a lot more full on, with touching and stuff.

The basic drill for an Irish lap dancing club is

1. You pay a lot to get in, and buy a ridiculously overpriced drink. Girls dance topless on stage, while you watch on.
2. Girls come around in clothes, trying to persuade you to go for a private dance. It;s the most forced flirting ever, from my experience.
3. You pay a small fortune for a dance, you go into a booth with a curtain around it. You're told to sit on your hands.
4. The girl takes off her clothes, and dances in front of you. There's no contact whatsoever, and if you try anything, you'll quickly have a massive bouncer on your hands.
5. After 5 minutes, she puts on her clothes, and you walk back to the club feeling dissapointed.
6. Repeat steps 3 to 5 until you run out of cash.
7. You go home and jerk off.

You've got virtually no chance of anything happening between your boyfriend and the girl. In fact, it's probably the one place, where you have no chance in hell of anything hapening.

And the only person being exploited is the guy paying for it.

Macha

heavymetalrock wrote: »

i dont want him to miss his friends birthday, cos i feel bad enough saying it to him about the way i feel about them, i did tell him when we started goin out what i liked and didnt liked, i know he is goin to go in the end, any way

Why are you feeling bad about expressing how you feel? Honesty is paramount. You really need to talk to him about it. Maybe he isn't aware that you feel so strongly about it.

You shouldn't feel so powerless: whether he goes or not is still not definite. Have more confidence in yourself!

Blisterman wrote: »

You've got virtually no chance of anything happening between your boyfriend and the girl. In fact, it's probably the one place, where you have no chance in hell of anything hapening.

I don't think the OP is worried that something will happen. She is not happy with the idea of her man sitting in a room watching naked girls right in front of him.

Blisterman wrote: »

And the only person being exploited is the guy paying for it.

Buh? And the women who would rather not be working in the sex industry? Or the more extreme issue of human trafficking?

RedXIV

tallaght01 wrote: »

But my real worry about lapdancing clubs is that people still go to them, despite pretty significant concerns about girls being forced to work in them against their will :mad:

taconnol wrote: »

Buh? And the women who would rather not be working in the sex industry? Or the more extreme issue of human trafficking?

Where are people getting this from? just curious because i knew two girls working in lapdancing clubs who said it was a fantastic way to make an awful lot of money and everyone they worked with said similar?

Dudess

You don't want him to miss his friend's birthday so let him go to the lapdancing club.
Why do you feel so threatened by it anyway?

Blisterman

taconnol wrote: »

Buh? And the women who would rather not be working in the sex industry? Or the more extreme issue of human trafficking?

Well, like any industry, there are people who do their job, not so much that they like it, but because it pays well. It's a sacrifice most people make, at some point or another. I briefly worked as a care assistant, for some spare cash, and a large part of that job involved changing elderly and inferm people's soiled nappies. It was fairly nasty.
No disrespect to the patients, by the way. They didn't enjoy it either.

My point is, that if someone's willing to do the job, for the money they're getting, fair play to them. Clearly I don't agree with human trafficking, but that's a seperate issue for the police to deal with. Has there ever been a link proved, between any clubs in Dublin and Human trafficking?

Macha

RedXIV wrote: »

Where are people getting this from? just curious because i knew two girls working in lapdancing clubs who said it was a fantastic way to make an awful lot of money and everyone they worked with said similar?

There are strong links between human trafficking and the sex industry, although I would stress that there is a much stronger link between prostitution and trafficking than strip clubs.

And of course there are many women who do it purely because they enjoy it/large financial reward.

Blisterman wrote: »

Well, like any industry, there are people who do their job, not so much that they like it, but because it pays well. It's a sacrifice most people make, at some point or another. I briefly worked as a care assistant, for some spare cash, and a large part of that job involved changing elderly and inferm people's soiled nappies. It was fairly nasty.
No disrespect to the patients, by the way. They didn't enjoy it either.

I understand what you're saying, but there is a qualitative difference between looking after the elderly/sick and removing your clothes for financial gain.

It is no coincidence that the majority of women who work in the sex industry in Ireland are foreign nationals, are poor, speak little English and have few skills or qualifications.

Blisterman wrote: »

Has there ever been a link proved, between any clubs in Dublin and Human trafficking?

No but that is more a reflection of the lack of human trafficking laws in Ireland than anything else. We have yet to ratify the Council of Europe Convention on Action Against Trafficking in Human Being.

Sorry, this is off-topic.

LolaLuv

Just let him go and have fun! If he's given you genuine reason for concern then he isn't quality anyway.

PrettyInPunk

You clearly have other insecurities and concerns about your relationship that his going to the lapdancing club is bringing to the surface.

panda100

I wouldnt stop my boyfirend(If I had one) from going to a lapdancing club. However, I can't imagine I would ever go out with someone who wanted to go to one. Most of the guys I usually date have quite high moral views and standards on women gyrating for a strangers pleasure.

I actually went to a lap dancing club two years ago when I was up in Galway for the races. It was my experience that night that completly changed my opinion on women and how we are viewed in society.I became quite involved in anti-sexist groups after that.

Me and two of my friends had got chatting to this bunch of doctors we kinda knew from Limerick who were all on a stag night. We spent the evening drinking with them and at the end of the night they decided it would be fun to take us to a lap dancing club. I have to admit I was really curious,as I always wondered what went on inside them. So in we went to this dark crowded,seedy room which just looked like a scene from a bad fifty cent video. The women were wearing these horrific neon scraps of material that barely covered their bodies. They were walking around trying to flirt with all the guys. It was all very fake, as surely the guys knew the women were only doing it for money?And how is that a turn on?

Anyway ,the guys told us they had booked a private session in a room a the back. They said they had paid for us to come in,so in we went thinking it would be more women sticking their tits out gyrating etc. Uhhh noooo! There was two women full on licking each other everywhere, and I mean everywhere!! They were full on simulating sex with each other.It was gross.

The wierdest thing about it is that none of the guys seemed in any way turned on by the whole experience. It felt like they all just had to endure it as a lads rite of passage. Of course, the only guy in the group who was really into it, was the one guy I had spent the whole evening flirting with, and he stayed for a private show after :rolleyes: I really know how to pick 'em!

I just felt so sorry for these women (all Eastern European) because there is just noone who could enjoy doing that for a living. It was degrading for them having to sell their bodies so shamelessly to this bunch of pissed Irish lads.

Sorry that doesnt answer the op's question. If you dont feel comfortable with him going them say it to him.

Macha

PrettyInPunk wrote: »

You clearly have other insecurities and concerns about your relationship that his going to the lapdancing club is bringing to the surface.

Just because someone has different values than you, doesn't mean they have some sort of mental issues. Why is it so hard to accept that she just doesn't like the idea of him going to a strip club?

Sometimes I think women just pretend they don't mind so as not to rock the boat. Then again, some really don't mind. That's great. It doesn't mean other women aren't allowed to be bothered by it.

That's the beauty of relationships - you can agree what your limits/values are between the two of you.

Puddleduck

Personally I wouldnt like it. I wouldnt say its because I have issues or insecurities. I dont like the idea of having the guy Im dating and a naked woman dancing to get him turned on and blowing his money in the same room.

Thats my opinion, if youve told your fella you dont like it then youve said your piece, thats all you can do.

The Sweeper

I'm locking this on the grounds that it appears to be a duplication of a thread posted in PI here:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055478923

You only need to post in one forum on boards.ie to get the answers you want.