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As useful as .....

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  • 07-02-2009 10:23am
    #1
    midger
    Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭


    I heard this great one yesterday,barman talking about an ex member of staff,he said 'he was as useful as a handbrake on a canoe'! Thought it was a great one. Anyone know anymore 'he was as useful as....'?


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    #2
    Crumble Froo
    Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    a condom machine in the vatican.


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    #3
    slavetothegrind
    Registered Users Posts: 2,789 ✭✭✭slavetothegrind


    tits on a bull


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    #4
    me_right_one
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,043 ✭✭✭me_right_one


    tits on a bull


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    #5
    bennyx_o
    Registered Users Posts: 4,116 ✭✭✭bennyx_o


    "As useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm" - Jeremy Clarkson


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    #6
    Mossin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭Mossin


    As useful as:

    A tow-bar on a helicopter
    A one-legged man at an arse kicking contest [Rowan Atkinson]
    A screen door on a submarine


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    #7
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    An ashtray on a motorbike.
    A chocolate teapot.
    A chocolate fireguard.
    An inflatable dartboard.


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    #8
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    as Brian Cowen in Ireland


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    #9
    fastrac
    Registered Users Posts: 718 ✭✭✭fastrac


    A lighthouse in a bog


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    #10
    Ave Sodalis
    Registered Users Posts: 7,553 ✭✭✭Ave Sodalis


    an ejector seat on a helicoptor
    underwater hairdryer


    .........cant think of the rest


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    #11
    banshee_bones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,160 ✭✭✭✭banshee_bones


    a... cock flavoured lollipop!


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    #12
    LorraineL
    Registered Users Posts: 138 ✭✭LorraineL


    an underwater hairdryer


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    #13
    Captain Chaos
    Registered Users Posts: 11,174 ✭✭✭✭Captain Chaos


    sup_dude wrote: »
    an ejector seat on a helicoptor

    They exist, the blades go first though.


    A solar powered torch.


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    #14
    Jimbo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,379 ✭✭✭Jimbo


    A university in Kerry


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    #15
    Nikko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 88 ✭✭Nikko


    as useful as:


    Anne Frank's drumkit...

    :)


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    #16
    Fey!
    Registered Users Posts: 4,184 ✭✭✭Fey!


    ...a square wheel


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    #17
    Ave Sodalis
    Registered Users Posts: 7,553 ✭✭✭Ave Sodalis


    Captain Chaos wrote: »
    They exist, the blades go first though.


    Imagine if something went wrong. *shivers at thought*


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    #18
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    As jimbo78 :rolleyes:


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    #19
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    Crumble Froo wrote: »
    a condom machine in the vatican.

    That's not a useless item. The only problem with the condom machine in the vatican is that's it's mostly SOLD OUT. ;)


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    #20
    dardevle
    Registered Users Posts: 771 ✭✭✭dardevle


    as useful as...


    . a pogo stick in quicksand!
    a glass beak on a woodpecker!
    a mint flavoured suppository!


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    #21
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    dardevle wrote: »
    as useful as...a mint flavoured suppository!

    There's an idea --- mint has a cooling effect ? - doesn't it. :D


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    #22
    dardevle
    Registered Users Posts: 771 ✭✭✭dardevle


    probably a safety mechanisim also...


    if you can taste mint you've gone too far!:eek:






    .


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    #23
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    dardevle wrote: »
    probably a safety mechanisim also...
    if you can taste mint you've gone too far!:eek:.

    Polo the mint with a hole :D
    now I remember :rolleyes:.


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    #24
    dardevle
    Registered Users Posts: 771 ✭✭✭dardevle


    dh0661 wrote: »
    Polo the mint with a hole :D
    now I remember :rolleyes:.

    topic.....funny how you always remember right at the END!:o


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    #25
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    dardevle wrote: »
    topic.....funny how you always remember right at the END!:o

    Tic Tacs are better than polos any day --- more mint and no holes. ;) BARRED


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    #26
    seanybiker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,898 ✭✭✭✭seanybiker


    Captain Chaos wrote: »
    They exist, the blades go first though.


    A solar powered torch.
    they charge during the day and store the power.


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    #27
    Drummerboy08
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,102 ✭✭✭✭Drummerboy08


    Heard this the other day... " your about as useful as a condom with sweatholes".


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    #28
    andy1249
    Registered Users Posts: 1,371 ✭✭✭andy1249


    Imagine if something went wrong. *shivers at thought*

    http://www.break.com/index/guy-ejected-into-helicopter-blades.html


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    #29
    oneeyedman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭oneeyedman


    He wouldn't get a kick in a stampede ........

    (for a defender)

    He wouldn't tackle a good dinner !!!



    He's useless..... he wouldn't stop cows !!


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    #30
    entropi
    Registered Users Posts: 21,730 ✭✭✭✭entropi


    As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.

    The 2009 Cork hurling squad :P


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    #31
    GAAman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,370 ✭✭✭GAAman


    As useful as a master of nothing :D:D:p


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