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Mother wants more maintenance

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245

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    #32
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    If the D of SW are doing it surely they will use a Model.

    Isnt there a Model they use for Legal Aid Eligability that will give some indication -some of the helplines give it out.

    Also- guys have more rights then they think - OP is correct lots of Solicitors are useless at Family Law.


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    #33
    craiginireland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 872 ✭✭✭craiginireland


    mikemac wrote: »
    Hey, I'm no mod and I don't I've posted in this forum before but had a quick read through this thread and what a wreck.

    I'd say ye scared the OP away!

    That's just sad reality. After Hours is where to go if you wanna bury your head in the sand
    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Didn't know you could do that. What happened?

    I was lucky, had a solicitor -I was applying for a few things at once. My solictor went up to the ex before hand and told her maintance will be x.
    And if she wanted to fight it she could.... She didnt and it was agreed.
    Had to fill in loads of forms i remember tho.. What did you have for breakfast sort of thing


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    #34
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    craiginireland wrote: »
    That's just sad reality. After Hours is where to go if you wanna bury your head in the sand



    I was lucky, had a solicitor -I was applying for a few things at once. My solictor went up to the ex before hand and told her maintance will be x.
    And if she wanted to fight it she could.... She didnt and it was agreed.
    Had to fill in loads of forms i remember tho.. What did you have for breakfast sort of thing

    Good post - the reality is you have to be very clear and prepared- on everything from maintenance to childcare issues.

    If the OP is looking for overnight access he should have a full discription of the property and accomadation he is bringing the child to etc.

    When you get into it its easy.There are guys who thru lack of funds repreent themselves and are successful at it.


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    #35
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    craiginireland wrote: »
    That's just sad reality. After Hours is where to go if you wanna bury your head in the sand
    That's a little unfair. We don't know if this is the reason.


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    #36
    Amazotheamazing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,048 ✭✭✭Amazotheamazing


    OP, ring your local Family District Court Office and ask to speak to a Clerk about it. They can be very helpful and if you want, can suggest a solicitor they think would suit your case.

    As it stands, I think so far you have a fairly bad deal going. You are paying a good bit of maintenance for relatively minimal time with your child. You might be glad to be supporting her, but a child needs a father, and it needs a father for more than just a few afternoons a month. Overnight access is a must imo, if you want to develop a proper relationship with your kid. Why is your ex preventing you from overnight access?

    I'm not trying to place any blame on either you or your ex, but ask yourself, is what is going on now in the best interest of your daughter? That has to be the main focus.


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    #37
    niall1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭niall1979


    Hi all,
    Thanks for the replies,I have not been scared off i just didn't know what else to say.
    I have spoken to FLAC & AIM, was too waiting ton the phone to speak with the SW so i hung up. I am pretty sure now that she was calling my bluff,but it could be brought up in court,I will speak to my solicitor,
    Why is your ex preventing you from overnight access?
    She think my daughter has a good routine and doesn't want to spoil it.I wanted to bring her on holidays this year with my parents,sister,brother in law and 4 nieces/newphews aged 4weeks-6years. I was told she was too young.Thats a joke!.
    We don't speak about these matters or argue in front of her, We would meet somewhere to discuss..
    I think overnights is a must and the sooner the better for my daughter,
    I also think what i'm paying maintenance is appropriate,I pay her medial insurance and buy her clothes/shoes often.the ex lives at home with her parents(Always has),her mother is a home maker and can mind my girl anytime,at the drop of a hat.
    This i find is a disaster for me, If she was living out on her own and couldn't get out much or didn't have much of a life.I would be called to mind her or take her for a weekend etc.
    anyway thanks for your support, i am pretty confident on overnights from the courts.


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    #38
    craiginireland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 872 ✭✭✭craiginireland


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    That's a little unfair. We don't know if this is the reason.


    I wasn't refering to the op specifically. In fact I commend him for taking the steps he has done and will do to ensure the child gets whats best for them.

    I meant i know it's not easy and lot of weaker people do bury their heads etc


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    #39
    Amazotheamazing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,048 ✭✭✭Amazotheamazing


    niall1979 wrote: »
    Hi all,

    She think my daughter has a good routine and doesn't want to spoil it.I wanted to bring her on holidays this year with my parents,sister,brother in law and 4 nieces/newphews aged 4weeks-6years. I was told she was too young.Thats a joke!.
    We don't speak about these matters or argue in front of her, We would meet somewhere to discuss..
    I think overnights is a must and the sooner the better for my daughter,
    I also think what i'm paying maintenance is appropriate,I pay her medial insurance and buy her clothes/shoes often.the ex lives at home with her parents(Always has),her mother is a home maker and can mind my girl anytime,at the drop of a hat.
    This i find is a disaster for me, If she was living out on her own and couldn't get out much or didn't have much of a life.I would be called to mind her or take her for a weekend etc.
    anyway thanks for your support, i am pretty confident on overnights from the courts.

    A routine is important for a young child, but this doesn't mean you can't be a part of that routine and the routine doesn't have to change just because a different person is minding her for the night. Have you and your ex attended parenting courses? the HSE run some.

    I would have thought that the longer you put off overnight access the more disruptive it's going to be on your daughter's routine when it does happen.


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    #40
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Amazotheamazing wrote: »
    A routine is important for a young child, but this doesn't mean you can't be a part of that routine and the routine doesn't have to change just because a different person is minding her for the night. Have you and your ex attended parenting courses? the HSE run some.

    I would have thought that the longer you put off overnight access the more disruptive it's going to be on your daughter's routine when it does happen.

    Yes routines are important and not just for children. Its very important that the mother and her parents get into a routine of handing the child over.

    Its also great that the OP is so commited and is a great safety net if things go wrong.

    Joint Parenting Classes were run by Gingerbread and are not a requirement for overnight access. I dont know if the still do them but they were run by the ex-chairman of Gingerbread who is a man and a father.


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    #41
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    Just thought i'd add this in in case it was helpful. When i applied for the one parent benefit there was a section of the form regarding the father, all details including salary. On mine i put down don't know but i was quizzed about this when i went in. I told the inspector what he was on pre promotion when we were together and inspector said he should be paying x amount and therefore i would receive x amount from sw. They did mention the maintenance recovery thing if the father was disagreeable but the father has never contributed at all. It does seem similar to what op said


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    #42
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    craiginireland wrote: »
    In some cases I'd dissagree, I got into money problems as a result of courtcases and as a result I was living off a credit card. Not a nice time. I made the bank a fortune and they wanted it back!!!

    I did say, personal, frivolous expenditure.
    LolaDub wrote: »
    Just thought i'd add this in in case it was helpful. When i applied for the one parent benefit there was a section of the form regarding the father, all details including salary. On mine i put down don't know but i was quizzed about this when i went in. I told the inspector what he was on pre promotion when we were together and inspector said he should be paying x amount and therefore i would receive x amount from sw. They did mention the maintenance recovery thing if the father was disagreeable but the father has never contributed at all. It does seem similar to what op said

    Did you ever lose money over it?

    It could be scare tactics from the SW alright.

    Anyway with maintenance, often courts are best to decide. Not an ideal route but at least an independent party decides.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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    #43
    Zynks
    Registered Users Posts: 1,693 ✭✭✭Zynks


    niall1979 wrote: »
    I am pretty confident on overnights from the courts.

    Good luck OP


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    #44
    Superdaddy
    Registered Users Posts: 234 ✭✭Superdaddy


    niall1979 wrote: »
    anyway thanks for your support, i am pretty confident on overnights from the courts.

    Best of luck, well done on being a Superdaddy too:) Enjoy your time with your little girl:)


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    #45
    MammaTina
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19 ✭MammaTina


    Have you contacted the USFI? This is an organisation that looks after rights for unmarried and separated fathers. They should be able to give you good advice. The website is USFI.ie and all contact numbers are on the site.
    Good Luck!


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    #46
    994
    Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭994


    TargetWidow wrote: »
    She wouldn't go through all the hassle of getting it at all if she wasn't really stuck in the first place. Its thirty something extra quid a week.

    Very very naive. She may be just doing it to get at him. €1,600 a year is quite a bit.
    "Is there any way you can come up with it to see to it that your little girl has everything she needs?"
    How do you know she won't spend it on herself??


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    #47
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    994 wrote: »
    How do you know she won't spend it on herself??
    I think that's a little unfair to most single mothers and realistically the level of maintenance would have to certainly be over the district court levels before it seriously could be abused.

    However, it is a flaw in the system of how maintenance is handled, in that once transferred, there is no accountability. The theory goes that if a father earns more then the child should benifit more, and thus get more maintanance - so that instead of getting runners from Dunnes, the child should be able to get runners from Nike, for example.

    Unfortunately, the accountability ends there and while the father may be ordered to pay so that his child can get runners from Nike, the mother can still buy the pair from Dunnes and pocket the rest.


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    #48
    Kildrought
    Registered Users Posts: 381 ✭✭Kildrought


    The country is of course awash with Lone Parents driving expensive cars, taking three holidays abroad every year and wearing haute couture ....


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    #49
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Kildrought wrote: »
    The country is of course awash with Lone Parents driving expensive cars, taking three holidays abroad every year and wearing haute couture ....
    Of course not, but don't let that stop you adopting a straw man argument.


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    #50
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Of course not, but don't let that stop you adopting a straw man argument.

    Equality please - straw man is a perjorative misandrist term. Now straw woman I have no objection to.;)

    But, of course, here the court system is being used to scare the father from applying for more access with threats of a maintenance application. When making his application the OP should detail this as part of his affadavit and raise it with the judge.


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    #51
    shaca
    Registered Users Posts: 109 ✭✭shaca


    How can the SW say that you have to pay "x" amount to your ex without knowing your circumstances. They cant just go by your earnings, can they? Surely they have to take mortage and car loan etc. into account. Does your ex have all these details? I know the sw used to interview the father too.


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    #52
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    994 wrote: »
    Very very naive. She may be just doing it to get at him. €1,600 a year is quite a bit. How do you know she won't spend it on herself??

    Look, When I pay my maintenance I don't care if she goes on the piss for a weekend with it.

    As long as my son is well looked after and my maintenance is being spent on him throughout the month, I don't care.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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    #53
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    K-9 wrote: »
    Look, When I pay my maintenance I don't care if she goes on the piss for a weekend with it.

    As long as my son is well looked after and my maintenance is being spent on him throughout the month, I don't care.
    Those two statements are contradictory.


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    #54
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    K-9 wrote: »
    Look, When I pay my maintenance I don't care if she goes on the piss for a weekend with it.

    As long as my son is well looked after and my maintenance is being spent on him throughout the month, I don't care.

    Well K9 -we all know that legally access and maintenance are seperate issues and should not be linked but thats what happens.

    OP said his ex says she wants more maintenance and quotes "experts"such as SW as agreeing with her saying she will get it in court.

    The reality is as a guy he is left in the situation that going to court he knows she will scream maintenance in response to every question.

    The reality is that the girl leaves the kid with her parents who she lives with and throw that in to the mix and hey presto you have an instant alternative to handing the child over to OP for overnight access.So the OP is blamed for everything by the grandparents and will always be.

    I have often thought that Hilary Clintons book "It takes a Village to raise a Child" should have a special chapter on fathers issues. It could be that the child can be cared for by anyone in the village except her father and this aint right.


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    #55
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Y'know what would be really nice and some day it might happen,
    that threads such of this would get helpful, supportive replies with out
    decending into the bashing of either gender, custodial and non custodial parents
    or become a place for snide remarks.

    niall1979 if you are not happy with the information being relayed to you then get in touch
    with the dept of welfare and find out what the actual offical policy is.
    As far as I know it is means tested.
    Find out what you options are and while the court system may be skewed see if you
    can get it to work for you so that you have terms in black and white.


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    #56
    merlie
    Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭merlie


    niall1979 wrote: »
    Hi,
    I have been paying child maintenance for 3 yrs now.The mother of my child was working until a few months ago.now she has applied for the lone parents allowance through the department of family affairs,who sent out an assessor who means tested her. He told her that she needed to get me to pay €433 per month. an increase of €133 on child support. I think i have been very fair with what i have been paying so far, considering her circumstances and mine. I also have my daughter 9 days a month.

    She told me they will come after me for the extra money if i don't pay.
    can they do this?
    I read today that there are 80000 lone parent allowances for single mothers and only 10000 of them recieve child maintenance from thier childs father. thats 70000 who avoid paying anything. I think that is a disgrace in itself but feel good that i am one of the 10000 that do pay it. but many of these 70000 fathers could be paying in cash.

    can anyone shed any light on the subject, Will they come after me for more money? I can't really afford it and doubt i'll be means tested for the extra money.

    Thanks

    It is terrible when things like this happens, a break up of a family and all the issues that go with it. I am a single mother with one teenage child. My ex partner, now just a friend, never paid any child support. Since we lived apart and I was getting Single parents allowance, he saw no reason to pay. I have never asked him but I know by law he should have.

    Now to the question you asked. Yes they will come after you for payment if your ex gets an order for you to pay. And if you do not then you are breaking the law and they will come after you.


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    #57
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Thaed - as far as I know there is no official policy as such. I posted on this before that the Means test for Legal Aid is conducted and assesed by social welfare. That is available and one of the help groups should be able to assist him -you know who.

    Not everyone is as enlightened as you are on these issues and the courts are adversorial. People can only post on experience and its not all lovey dovey and gender free. When you run it -it will be.( not teasing but it does need someone sensible)


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    #58
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    merlie wrote: »
    It is terrible when things like this happens, a break up of a family and all the issues that go with it. I am a single mother with one teenage child. My ex partner, now just a friend, never paid any child support. Since we lived apart and I was getting Single parents allowance, he saw no reason to pay. I have never asked him but I know by law he should have.

    Now to the question you asked. Yes they will come after you for payment if your ex gets an order for you to pay. And if you do not then you are breaking the law and they will come after you.

    Me first- I want you as my ex.:)

    Very well put the emotions and blame take over and the feudin starts.

    Most guys wont pay attention to the legal issues and put more thought into booking their holidays or mobile phone and internet providers then child access and maintenance issues.

    Ya need to do it right. Last weekend I had to get my daughter clothes etc that her Mum thought a bit frivolous - extra phone credit for 2 phones on top of the 20 euro each they normally get and cider and pizza for a party the Boy (18) was going to.

    So I see it from both sides -if I was paying extra maintenance it would come from the kids budget and probably not trickle down to them.


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    #59
    merlie
    Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭merlie


    CDfm wrote: »
    Me first- I want you as my ex.:)

    I am basically just a nice person and I see family as being more important than the financial whims and woes that come with separation. Life is far to short. My ex does visit me and our child every other week and does buy the odd thing here and there. I have never looked for money off of him cos I didn't see the relevance to my family and bringing an ex into court was the last thing on my mind with all the upsets and harassment that goes with it. Going to court isnt the nicest of things to happen to anyone, thats why I wanted to keep things on an open and friendly basis, so that at least we could talk one to one and not through a third party.


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    #60
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Those two statements are contradictory.

    Not really, a little exaggerated, but not contradictory. Say my ex goes of for the weekend while I have my son and spends the childs maintenance that paid that weekend.. That is up to her, as long as the child is clothed and fed properly every month, childminder paid etc. it is none of my business.

    Fathers need to be careful with that view. It can lead to resentment and pettiness. My view is the childs maintenance goes to her income which as long as the child is looked after well, there shouldn't be a problem about it.


    CDfm wrote: »
    Thaed - as far as I know there is no official policy as such. I posted on this before that the Means test for Legal Aid is conducted and assesed by social welfare. That is available and one of the help groups should be able to assist him -you know who.

    Not everyone is as enlightened as you are on these issues and the courts are adversorial. People can only post on experience and its not all lovey dovey and gender free. When you run it -it will be.( not teasing but it does need someone sensible)

    There is official policy. People get civil and criminal aid mixed up.
    http://www.legalaidboard.ie/lab/Publishing.nsf/Content/How_do_I_qualify

    You are allowed childcare, accomodation and dependent allowances as well as tax and PRSI. After those your disposable income needs to be less than €18,000 p.a.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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    #61
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    K-9 wrote: »





    There is official policy. People get civil and criminal aid mixed up.
    http://www.legalaidboard.ie/lab/Publishing.nsf/Content/How_do_I_qualify

    You are allowed childcare, accomodation and dependent allowances as well as tax and PRSI. After those your disposable income needs to be less than €18,000 p.a.

    I meant with Dept of Social Welfare and maintenance but its still a very good link.

    The thing is you can work out your budget etc the same way the SW dept do.Not a bad exercise for anyone in the current climate.


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