Mother wants more maintenance

K-9

The Corinthian wrote: »

Again this depends. Some fathers have to travel from one end of the country to the other to see their children - do you think the petrol / train fare is considered as a child related cost?

It should be in your expenses in the statement of means. Seeing as maintenance is decided on income less expenses, yes, it would be allowed and seen as a child cost.

The Corinthian wrote:

Direct purchases such as gifts, school fees, or medical fees are also not counted as maintenance legally, and many mothers don't seem to register them either.

Technically, maintenance should be the contribution towards everything. I suppose you could take the line that I amn't getting any gifts for my child because my maintenance covers that, but I'd find it a bit tight!

Again, the mother should put things like school and medical fees on her list of expenses, so yes, he would be paying towards them to.
Additional expenses that occur after, really should be mutually agreed if possible, but I have heard of awards for school fees being part of maintenance agreements.

K-9

CDfm wrote: »

If that means a mother should find a saturday job to contribute to the costs well that should be it. After all its for the childs benefit and she should want to.

Depends, if she doesn't have the kids on that Saturday, work away, if she does, I'd prefer her having Saturdays off with the kids. Some things are worth more than money as I'm sure you are aware of when you have time with your kids.

CDfm

K-9 wrote: »

Depends, if she doesn't have the kids on that Saturday, work away, if she does, I'd prefer her having Saturdays off with the kids. Some things are worth more than money as I'm sure you are aware of when you have time with your kids.

Yes I missed a lot of my kids growing up having to earn money.

But that aside equal custodial rights and financial responsibility would be a good thing. It would take a cultural shift and might just be the thing to put reality into the system.

THe other aspect is tax relief and regulation of childcare costs would be great.A lot of childcare is in the black economy and is untaxed money. THe US have a programme promoting women going to work and low cost childcare assistance/provision.

Why pay LPA if the woman has one child why cant she take care of another for the benefit of everyone.Where do we get this welfare culture from.

The Corinthian

K-9 wrote: »

It should be in your expenses in the statement of means. Seeing as maintenance is decided on income less expenses, yes, it would be allowed and seen as a child cost.

You'll find that a lot of judges would not see it that way.

Technically, maintenance should be the contribution towards everything. I suppose you could take the line that I amn't getting any gifts for my child because my maintenance covers that, but I'd find it a bit tight!

True, but when things get adversarial, this is what happens. A mother could bring the father to court for an increase in maintenance. This could be merited because she could be receiving too little, or she could simply be chancing her arm to see how much she can squeeze the lemon for - either way it ends up with a response of "you want to do it by the book, then we'll do it by the book" and maintenance is all they get. To the penny.

Again, the mother should put things like school and medical fees on her list of expenses, so yes, he would be paying towards them to.

She won't get them though. Remember, unless the father is a big earner, there's an effective cap of €150 p.w.

Additional expenses that occur after, really should be mutually agreed if possible, but I have heard of awards for school fees being part of maintenance agreements.

Realistically only where the parents were married. Or the school is really, really cheap.

I do think that where a father is, or wants to be, involved it is a far better idea to agree and let him take the lead on many of these things. People will spend a lot more when it's their idea and will resist it when coerced. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out.

CDfm

The Corinthian wrote: »

You'll find that a lot of judges would not see it that way.

True, but when things get adversarial, this is what happens. A mother could bring the father to court for an increase in maintenance. This could be merited because she could be receiving too little, or she could simply be chancing her arm to see how much she can squeeze the lemon for - either way it ends up with a response of "you want to do it by the book, then we'll do it by the book" and maintenance is all they get. To the penny.

She won't get them though. Remember, unless the father is a big earner, there's an effective cap of €150 p.w.

Realistically only where the parents were married. Or the school is really, really cheap.

I do think that where a father is, or wants to be, involved it is a far better idea to agree and let him take the lead on many of these things. People will spend a lot more when it's their idea and will resist it when coerced. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out.

IM curious - you dont really mention your kids much- and you seem to be a reluctant Dad? Are you.

Why send your kids to cheap fee paying schools when the state schools are better. I am a really active Dad so I dont understand those who arent.

On money - on maintenance though - I think its different when you are active cos you buy the stuff clothes and school stuff as you go -so you dont feel it like you would if you werent involved- so while there is a maximum maintenence order - you may not go to court but pay it in other ways dental bills or VHI etc. THe OP wants to be active and be the providerand not just the giver of life.

The Corinthian

CDfm wrote: »

IM curious - you dont really mention your kids much- and you seem to be a reluctant Dad? Are you.

Is there a rule I need to mention anything personal?

The statement you highlighted is actually common sense. Just as a father should not force a mother into his vision of how she should do parenting, neither should a father.

Why send your kids to cheap fee paying schools when the state schools are better. I am a really active Dad so I dont understand those who arent.

Everyone's circumstances are different. Sometimes a man will not want to be a father at all, other times he will, no matter what the cost. Most of the time, I suspect, it's somewhere in-between.

CDfm

The Corinthian wrote: »

Is there a rule I need to mention anything personal?

The statement you highlighted is actually common sense. Just as a father should not force a mother into his vision of how she should do parenting, neither should a father.

Everyone's circumstances are different. Sometimes a man will not want to be a father at all, other times he will, no matter what the cost. Most of the time, I suspect, it's somewhere in-between.

It just made it seem that you are not really interested in your childrens lives.THe OP really wants it and its not about paying the least maintenance but getting the most time and maintaining enough resourses to do that.

I posted cos I feel the maintenance issue is being used as a weapon to discourage him seeking access.So the OP is in a different space to you.You are not required to say personal stuff but it might helo the OP with his vision of Dadship.

My 15 yo daughter says Im her shopping buddy and I got her her first high heels.Man -what a laugh - you can never have enough string tops;).I just love being a Dad and am good at it-but we also do serious too.My 18 yo son had a drinks party at New Years with friends. You cant just drop in and create that bond.

So I think your motivations are different. Kids need consistancy so you cant just dip in and out when the mood takes you. I couldnt do that- but then I still do Santa:cool:

Nevyn

Due to distance and other difficulties not all Father's can be that type of Dad,
even if they would wish to be, you are lucky CDfm and so are your children.

The Corinthian

CDfm wrote: »

It just made it seem that you are not really interested in your childrens lives.THe OP really wants it and its not about paying the least maintenance but getting the most time and maintaining enough resourses to do that.

Which is why this thread is called "Mother wants more maintenance"...

I think you should keep your opinions as to me to yourself however.

I posted cos I feel the maintenance issue is being used as a weapon to discourage him seeking access.So the OP is in a different space to you.You are not required to say personal stuff but it might helo the OP with his vision of Dadship.

He's somewhat in a different space to me, but my circumstances are quite different. He's also in a different space to you too. After all he's not you and his child's mother is not your child's mother, and the history between them is different too.

So I think your motivations are different. Kids need consistancy so you cant just dip in and out when the mood takes you. I couldnt do that- but then I still do Santa:cool:

Of course they need consistency, and I've never suggested otherwise.

CDfm

The Corinthian wrote: »

Which is why this thread is called "Mother wants more maintenance"...

I think you should keep your opinions as to me to yourself however.

Sorry - I was a bit unfair. Point taken.