My daughter

LegacyUser

Hello. My 14 year old daughter recently told me she is bisexual. She says she has known this since she was about 10 years old. I was wondering if anyone had any advice. The kind of things I am wondering about are: I have two other daughters who are heterosexual, we (all 3 daughters) have always commented and giggled about this cute boy or that cute boy, etc.. With my bisexual daughter, is it okay to now point out "cute girls" too? I really don't know what to say or do that would be appropriate. By the way, I am absolutely fine with this. I want her to feel comfortable. As you know this age group has a tough time with sexuality no matter what the circumstance is. Thanks for any ideas on everyday life.

Boston

All depends on your daughter, you know her best.

Reflector

she is very young, I'd just be there for her if she needs to talk. You don't need to chat to her about girls but show an interest in that side of her if you want.
Any other bi girls on the thread might know how they felt at that age.

Nevyn

I knew by the time I was 11, I had a huge crush on one of the girls in my class
and had crushes on certain boys.

As for if your daugther would be comfortable having those types of conversations
with you and her sisters, well talk to her about it.

You are blessed to have such a good parenting bond that she is happy to be as open
about this with you, well done.

GAAman

Just my 2c on passin through here, from what i read did you say that you used to giggle and comment on boys cuteness with your daughters? Was the 14 year old one part of this? If so then yes do comment even asking what she thinks of girls etc to show her it is the very same as the two others lookin at boys

GreeBo

Are the other daughters older or younger? Do they know the 14yo is bi?
It might be prudent to not point out good looking girls while the others are around if they are younger or do not know yet.
i.e dont do anything different than you are already doing, you seem to have a great relationship with her, so let her lead the way a bit, by the sounds of it she will tell you if she has any cute girls to point out.

Bear in mind that it might just be a phase/confusion and telling the others might just muddy the waters.

Dwn Wth Vwls

I'm bi and I know that I appreciate when people take it into account. I think it's safe to also comment on girls, you'd soon judge by her reaction if it's not. I would say there's probably no need to quiz her about any of it, because at that age she probably doesn't know for sure, but definitely the same light hearted conversation for both genders. It should let her know that you've accepted it and it's perfectly normal.

lushballs

Your daughter is old enough to attend Belongto Youth Group in Dublin on Sunday afternoons. 14-23 year olds. Check out their web site. She's lucky to have a mother like you

hot2def

Unregistered wrote: »

With my bisexual daughter, is it okay to now point out "cute girls" too? .

I imagine, like most teenagers, she will be mortified by a parent trying to be cool...

I could be wrong though

shay_562

hot2def wrote:

I imagine, like most teenagers, she will be mortified by a parent trying to be cool...

I could be wrong though

Probably right I'd reckon. But I'd say she'll appreciate you trying, as long as you're not incredibly awkward about it. Like others have said, talk to her about it in general and see how she feels. And make sure she's told her sisters first.

Monkey61

GreeBo wrote: »

Are the other daughters older or younger? Do they know the 14yo is bi?
It might be prudent to not point out good looking girls while the others are around if they are younger or do not know yet.
i.e dont do anything different than you are already doing, you seem to have a great relationship with her, so let her lead the way a bit, by the sounds of it she will tell you if she has any cute girls to point out.

Bear in mind that it might just be a phase/confusion and telling the others might just muddy the waters.

In fairness the more the other girls hear about it the better, it's never too early to start normalising the whole spectrum of sexuality.

Muddy what waters by the way? I highly doubt a 14 year old who thinks she is bi is either confused or going through a phase. If she has gone so far as to tell her mother you can bet that this something she has been wrestling with for a long time. It's not the sort of thing that you say out loud to someone for the first time without having put a lot of thought into it.


Anyway OP I'd say play it by ear and see if she brings it up and if so then you can go along with it. At that age the most important thing to do is not to make her feel like she is different in any way - if she is comfortable laughing about cute lads with you then she will probably be the same about girls but let her do it in her own time because she is probably only getting used to the idea being out in the open herself

Well done to you though because you sound like a brilliant mother!

LegacyUser

To all who replied, thank-you so much for your insightfullness...I think I worry more about her because of the reactions of others. The world is simply not the way it ought to be. I have advised her to use her own judgement. We have a close relationship and am very happy about that. Her dad is the same and has handled this news in a very accepting way. simply put...we love her.

Thanks again

Crumble Froo

hot2def wrote: »

I imagine, like most teenagers, she will be mortified by a parent trying to be cool...

I could be wrong though

tbh, that'd be my reaction too.

that said, i never had a close relationship with my parents and even the notion of either one pointing out a 'cute guy', i cringe at.

i think this one depends very much on your daughter, let her be the lead on this one... if she's comfortable to spot out cute guys with you, and comfortable to tell you she's bi... i'd take her lead on whether or not she's comfortable spotting out cute girls with you too.

Annasopra

Hi

Their are lots of other parents who have been in the same situation

I would suggest maybe contacting "parents support"

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/parentsSupport.html