Girls who dump their friends for men...

gowayouttadat

This wrecks my head!

I've been friends with this girl since she was going out with my OH's friend a few years back. They broke up about two years ago and I was there for year when she went through hell over it. We've been v close friends for about 3 years. But she's doing my head in at the moment. When she's single she used to phone me about 3 or 4 times a day and constantly email etc etc to the point where it was excessive. She's had two or three boyfriends since she broke up with my OH's friend and the same thing always happens. Once she starts going out with them she cuts the phone calls/txts, won't answer the phone if she's with them and only emails when she's in work.

She's now with a fella for the last 9 months and she never contacts me outside of when she's in work and not with him. If I txt her at the weekend she either won't reply till Monday morning when she's at work or she'll reply after 11 when he's obviously gone home.

Anyone else been through something similar. It's really annoying! Especially considering I've really been there for her in the past and I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and she's barely acknowledged it. I had my first scan yest and she emailed yest morning to say good luck but I haven't heard anything from her since to see how we got on.

Dudess

Being in a long-distance relationship and spending every weekend with him - and not seeing your friends (for the vast majority of the time) - is reasonable.

Not being in a long-distance relationship but reducing the amount you see your friends, is reasonable. Being all loved up is a wonderful thing - people can't begrudge that.

Not being in a long-distance relationship and not bothering in the least with your mates, then coming running and crying to them when it's all off... is sh1tty and selfish.

Wompa1

On the flipside from a mans perspective. She's now probably calling him 3 or 4 times a day and constatnly texting him to the point where eventually he'll get so fed up with being smothered that he'll break up with her and you'll have your friend back...And the circle is complete

Dudess

Wompa1 wrote: »

On the flipside from a mans perspective. She's now probably calling him 3 or 4 times a day and constatnly texting him to the point where eventually he'll get so fed up with being smothered that he'll break up with her and you'll have your friend back...And the circle is complete

Don't exactly welcome her with open arms if that happens. Jebus, lots of us take our friends for granted when there's a lad on the scene - when we're teenagers. Then we grow up.

gowayouttadat

Wompa1 wrote: »

On the flipside from a mans perspective. She's now probably calling him 3 or 4 times a day and constatnly texting him to the point where eventually he'll get so fed up with being smothered that he'll break up with her and you'll have your friend back...And the circle is complete

He's quite like a little puppy dog around her though. None of that seems to bother him. I forgot to mention that if we ever go out and the two of them are there they're all over each other like a bad rash.

No long distance. They live in the same town and from what I can gather he's practically living in her folks place.

Meh, don't think I'll be too interested in picking up the pieces if it does go pear shape. Over the last few weeks I've gotten fairly cheesed off with the whole thing. I think I might give her what she wants and not contact her.

Dudess

You can't blame her for being loved up, but she needs to make a bit of an effort where her friends are concerned too. It's just laziness and thoughtlessness - nothing personal. No excuse though.

Creamy Goodness

Wompa1 wrote: »

On the flipside from a mans perspective. She's now probably calling him 3 or 4 times a day and constatnly texting him to the point where eventually he'll get so fed up with being smothered that he'll break up with her and you'll have your friend back...And the circle is complete

Which reeks of being used.

If I had a lady friend who text/email/phone 3+ times a day and then she got a boyfriend and stopped then when she broke up the contact on the same level resume when she didn't have a boyfriend I'd gladly say **** off.

Dudess

It happens a huge amount between girls, Creamy.

By the way OP, best wishes on your pregnancy.

Creamy Goodness

Dudess wrote: »

It happens a huge amount between girls, Creamy.

Ahh I'm aware it happens between girls it happens with guys as well.

I was lookng more from the perspective asthe guy just filling the void whilst she's single. You know having a relationship without any physical contact

gowayouttadat

Dudess wrote: »

It happens a huge amount between girls, Creamy.

By the way OP, best wishes on your pregnancy.

Thanks

Now that I'm finally over the shock I'm quite happy about it. It helps that it's going well and I'm not suffering too much!

OMG I HATE that. Sooo many girls do it, though. One friend in particular is really bad, once she got this new boyfriend, she literally ditched us all. Never came out, never texted, just didn't bother. They're still together and engaged, but if it ever ends, she'll be in bits because she's totally isolated herself. I don't understand why people do it.

SeekUp

I'm not sure what's worse -- hearing nothing from a friend who's in a relationship and then having them come running to you once the relationship is over, or remaining friends and hearing them talk about nothing but their OH all the time and how good/bad things are going.

Kenno90

i know a couple that did , that we used to all hang around in a big group , then we two of them got together we'd never seen them , but the rest of can manage friends and a boy/girl friend ,

it gotten so bad that we don't even talk to them any more , pity they WERE good friends

banshee_bones

Dudess wrote: »

Not being in a long-distance relationship and not bothering in the least with your mates, then coming running and crying to them when it's all off... is sh1tty and selfish.

yes. it really is.

Also when you call to their house and their OH is their and they just completely ignore you. Oh wait no, thats just bad manners.

rain on

I think everyone's allowed a few weeks' grace at the start where their new other half is The Best Thing In The Entire World and all they want to do is spend time with them.. but if they haven't come back down to earth after a few weeks, that's not cool.

MIN2511

My friend does the same all the time... And then she throws tantrums when i don't reply her(giving her a taste of her own medicine!)
Why don't you send her an email telling her how you feel and see what she says

nomorebadtown

SeekUp wrote: »

I'm not sure what's worse -- hearing nothing from a friend who's in a relationship and then having them come running to you once the relationship is over, or remaining friends and hearing them talk about nothing but their OH all the time and how good/bad things are going.

Lol this never happens with lads.
My male friends and I never ever discuss our girlfriends/relationships between ourselves - time with the boys is an escape from all that gay stuff like talking about our feelings and womanly over analyzing of relationships and 'signals'. This is why guys are cooler than girls.

gowayouttadat

MIN2511 wrote: »

My friend does the same all the time... And then she throws tantrums when i don't reply her(giving her a taste of her own medicine!)
Why don't you send her an email telling her how you feel and see what she says

Ya I might do that. She can never see when she's in the wrong though so I doubt she'd take any notice.

Haha she does the exact same when I don't reply.

Chinafoot

gowayouttadat wrote: »

He's quite like a little puppy dog around her though. None of that seems to bother him. I forgot to mention that if we ever go out and the two of them are there they're all over each other like a bad rash.

No long distance. They live in the same town and from what I can gather he's practically living in her folks place.

This is exactly like a friend of mine at the moment. It does my head in!

This "friend" (and I use the term very, very loosely these days) has been going out with her fella for over a year and right from the beginning we were all dropped. I'll call her Anne and her boyfriend Barry. I wouldn't mid but the only reason she met him was because he was a friend of my boyfriend...not that my OH sees him at all anymore, despite making a lot of effort.

Anyway, she will only text us to meet up when he's not around and if he is around and she's planned to meet us she inevitably bails. This is actually a weekly occurance with one of the girls who lives closest to her. Every Tuesday Ann says "Oh lets meet for a coffee when you finish work" and every Tuesday she cancels on her at the last minute, openly telling her that Barry wants her to stay in with him. They don't live together...although he is practically living in her house (where she lives with her mam) despite paying rent on a city centre apartment. It's at the stage now that when she makes these plans to meet up we say "yeah, sure" and then make our own plans because we know she has no intention of coming.

Nights out when they're there are the worst! I actually refuse to go out with them now. He sits there ignoring everyone else and only speaking to her. They whisper to each other the whole time which I find incredibly rude. Also, on numerous occasions I have been mid conversation with her and he'll start kissing her and she just ignores me. When I'm out with my OH I don't feel the need to paw at him and snog the face off him. I can do that at home, in private. She doesn't see anything wrong with ignoring the rest of us though. I actually let rip one night when they started whispering to each other when there was a group of us out. She didn't know what to say, but unfortunately it doesn't appear to have had an impact as she's still acting the same way.

She used to go "oooh we have to have a girls night" so the rest of us would tell the other halves that we'd be out with the girls and then she'll arrive...with him. They came out for my birthday drinks last summer and at one point went and sat at another table for about an hour and a half. A friend of ours got married and she was bridesmaid and as soon as the meal was over she went and sat outisde with him in the beer garden of the hotel for the rest of the night. She didn't bother her arse coming in to the bride.

She's sent me a few texts recently and I think she's copping on to the fact that I'm not replying for a reason. I'm just not going to bother with her anymore. I'm not going to allow her to use me when she's at a loose end. The others feel the same and if this relationship ends she'll be a very lonely girl.

I have never ever dropped my friends when I've been going out with someone. If anything I'm more conscious of making sure I spend time with them.

<Phew...rant over! Needed that!!>

wolfpawnat

I try to limit how much I talk about my OH when with the girlies, I too am pregnant and live with him so needless to say he comes up a little, especially when it comes to what I've been up to between visits to the girls, but I really think time away from OH's and time not talking about them is just as necessary as time with them!

I dont get how some girls need to be with their fellas 24/7 I would go mental, my guy is at college all day and when he comes home in the evening I like spending some time with him but even at that I need space.

gowayouttadat

Chinafoot wrote: »

This is exactly like a friend of mine at the moment. It does my head in!

This "friend" (and I use the term very, very loosely these days) has been going out with her fella for over a year and right from the beginning we were all dropped. I'll call her Anne and her boyfriend Barry. I wouldn't mid but the only reason she met him was because he was a friend of my boyfriend...not that my OH sees him at all anymore, despite making a lot of effort.

Anyway, she will only text us to meet up when he's not around and if he is around and she's planned to meet us she inevitably bails. This is actually a weekly occurance with one of the girls who lives closest to her. Every Tuesday Ann says "Oh lets meet for a coffee when you finish work" and every Tuesday she cancels on her at the last minute, openly telling her that Barry wants her to stay in with him. They don't live together...although he is practically living in her house (where she lives with her mam) despite paying rent on a city centre apartment. It's at the stage now that when she makes these plans to meet up we say "yeah, sure" and then make our own plans because we know she has no intention of coming.

Nights out when they're there are the worst! I actually refuse to go out with them now. He sits there ignoring everyone else and only speaking to her. They whisper to each other the whole time which I find incredibly rude. Also, on numerous occasions I have been mid conversation with her and he'll start kissing her and she just ignores me. When I'm out with my OH I don't feel the need to paw at him and snog the face off him. I can do that at home, in private. She doesn't see anything wrong with ignoring the rest of us though. I actually let rip one night when they started whispering to each other when there was a group of us out. She didn't know what to say, but unfortunately it doesn't appear to have had an impact as she's still acting the same way.

She used to go "oooh we have to have a girls night" so the rest of us would tell the other halves that we'd be out with the girls and then she'll arrive...with him. They came out for my birthday drinks last summer and at one point went and sat at another table for about an hour and a half. A friend of ours got married and she was bridesmaid and as soon as the meal was over she went and sat outisde with him in the beer garden of the hotel for the rest of the night. She didn't bother her arse coming in to the bride.

She's sent me a few texts recently and I think she's copping on to the fact that I'm not replying for a reason. I'm just not going to bother with her anymore. I'm not going to allow her to use me when she's at a loose end. The others feel the same and if this relationship ends she'll be a very lonely girl.

I have never ever dropped my friends when I've been going out with someone. If anything I'm more conscious of making sure I spend time with them.

<Phew...rant over! Needed that!!>

OMG, that sounds identical to my friend!

Except it's her that paws him when they go out. There's three of us in the group and she invited the other friend up one night when I was at a dinner dance. Once the friend accepted she said "Oh John* will probably come up too". The other friend had to sit there for the night while she constantly mawled the face off him while they were all mid conversation.

A group of us went to ****** last year and it was sickening for the weekend. They lost us on purpose on the Friday. We were all going to the bar, we turned around and they were gone. We just assumed we'd lost them in the crowd but when we met up with them accidently later at the park and ride and asked them where they'd gone they said they'd gone for something to eat. So basically they didn't bother saying a thing to us and just fecked off.

I said it to her one day about the fact that she's always all over her bf's and she got so humpy. She totally denied it. She doesn't even realise she's doing it I'm sure.

jellie

and then when they do manage to tear themselves away from the bf in an attempt to pretend to be friends they spend the evening glued to their phone texting.. :rolleyes:

i think everyone has a friend like this.

MIN2511

Hahaha... I am mad at my friend now, i am wrecked and i don't want to go out... She's forced me to go out on a 'girls night out' and now she tells me her bf is coming as well.... So the other friend has also invited her bf, i would be the only single person there....
Plus she's 20minutes late with no phone call/text... Wtf.... I am close to getting changed to piss her off...

MJOR

:rolleyes:I think that the friends that drop you like a hot snot soon as they get a boyfriend always come back to reality after a while.I never really minded and inda always stood my ground if i felt they were taking the mickey.

I personally had a hard time with my friend s because i am invlolved in a Cork-Dub relationship and I generally try not to go out on a satuurday night with the girls as its the only night that we get to spend together. I was really annoyed that they organised nights out on a Sat and then got pi$$ed off because I wouldn't go. :rolleyes:

They used to always organise Fri nights out when i worked in retail and had to roll up to work on a sat morning hungover and tired.:(:(
Anyhoo they seem to have finally got the message! I wouldn't object if he was fly by night two month fling but we are engaged to be married this year!!
I can see it form both sides!!!!!!!!

SeekUp

nomorebadtown wrote: »

Lol this never happens with lads.
My male friends and I never ever discuss our girlfriends/relationships between ourselves - time with the boys is an escape from all that gay stuff like talking about our feelings and womanly over analyzing of relationships and 'signals'. This is why guys are cooler than girls.

Cooler and smellier. It's all a rich tapestry.

denizen

nomorebadtown wrote: »

Lol this never happens with lads.
My male friends and I never ever discuss our girlfriends/relationships between ourselves - time with the boys is an escape from all that gay stuff like talking about our feelings and womanly over analyzing of relationships and 'signals'. This is why guys are cooler than girls.

'never ever' is a strong overstatement. Men are just as likely to discuss relationships as females, if not moreso..!

Madame Razz

Chinafoot wrote: »

This is exactly like a friend of mine at the moment. It does my head in!

This "friend" (and I use the term very, very loosely these days) has been going out with her fella for over a year and right from the beginning we were all dropped. I'll call her Anne and her boyfriend Barry. I wouldn't mid but the only reason she met him was because he was a friend of my boyfriend...not that my OH sees him at all anymore, despite making a lot of effort.

Anyway, she will only text us to meet up when he's not around and if he is around and she's planned to meet us she inevitably bails. This is actually a weekly occurance with one of the girls who lives closest to her. Every Tuesday Ann says "Oh lets meet for a coffee when you finish work" and every Tuesday she cancels on her at the last minute, openly telling her that Barry wants her to stay in with him. They don't live together...although he is practically living in her house (where she lives with her mam) despite paying rent on a city centre apartment. It's at the stage now that when she makes these plans to meet up we say "yeah, sure" and then make our own plans because we know she has no intention of coming.

Nights out when they're there are the worst! I actually refuse to go out with them now. He sits there ignoring everyone else and only speaking to her. They whisper to each other the whole time which I find incredibly rude. Also, on numerous occasions I have been mid conversation with her and he'll start kissing her and she just ignores me. When I'm out with my OH I don't feel the need to paw at him and snog the face off him. I can do that at home, in private. She doesn't see anything wrong with ignoring the rest of us though. I actually let rip one night when they started whispering to each other when there was a group of us out. She didn't know what to say, but unfortunately it doesn't appear to have had an impact as she's still acting the same way.

She used to go "oooh we have to have a girls night" so the rest of us would tell the other halves that we'd be out with the girls and then she'll arrive...with him. They came out for my birthday drinks last summer and at one point went and sat at another table for about an hour and a half. A friend of ours got married and she was bridesmaid and as soon as the meal was over she went and sat outisde with him in the beer garden of the hotel for the rest of the night. She didn't bother her arse coming in to the bride.

She's sent me a few texts recently and I think she's copping on to the fact that I'm not replying for a reason. I'm just not going to bother with her anymore. I'm not going to allow her to use me when she's at a loose end. The others feel the same and if this relationship ends she'll be a very lonely girl.

I have never ever dropped my friends when I've been going out with someone. If anything I'm more conscious of making sure I spend time with them.

<Phew...rant over! Needed that!!>

Wow,i can identify with above!!!

I have so many friends lwho do/have done this..... Don't regard a lot of them as friends anymore to be honest...

C'est la vie I guess..... I hate people who use people though I have to say...

Wibbs

denizen wrote: »

'never ever' is a strong overstatement. Men are just as likely to discuss relationships as females, if not moreso..!

Well depends on the guys. We do though usually not as intensely, more practicalities going on(or what we think are the practicalities;)). The only real difference between my male and female mates that I've noted fairly consistently is that women mention their relationship status much more in general conversation. Now men can judge themselves and each other on how many notches in their bedpost, but less so with general relationships. Women judge their social value on their relationship status more. Sit with a group of women for an hour and you'll hear much more about their relationship or lack of it than with the similar group of men. They're more competitive about the whole thing.

banshee_bones

Chinafoot wrote: »

I have never ever dropped my friends when I've been going out with someone. If anything I'm more conscious of making sure I spend time with them.

I am exactly the same. Unfortunatly I also have a friend who is as i call it is "caught up in the cling" where its all about the guy. Friend in question was dumped last summer because she was being too clingy, they have got back together since, but has she learned anything from the breakup?


NO.

who will she come crying to when he ditches her again for the exact same behaviour? yes you guessed it, me and the girls.

Some girls never learn......

gowayouttadat

I am actually quite pissed off and a bit hurt that she hasn't made any contact since Thursday to see how the scan went. I know what'll happen now, I won't hear anything over the weekend and she's off work Monday so I'll get an email on Tuesday morning asking how it went.
I think I've had enough. I don't think I'm going to bother replying. Do ye think that's fair or OTT?

banshee_bones

No i think you are perfectly within your right to do it. Shel get whats going on soon enough id say and if it doesnt cop her on, let her off....