Accepting money from OH

OK, so I have a bit of a dilemma. My OH is working in Asia for a year and I planned to go over and visit him. Turns out April is a good time for both of us, however, I won't have enough money saved by then, I'd be about 200 quid short. He has offered to make up the airfare as he really wants to see me. I feel a bit bad accepting it, but he says he decided to go over there, making things difficult, so it's the least he can do and money isn't important etc. Would you accept it?

petethebrick

yes

GiftofGab

Of course yes. Dont be daft. Its only money at the end of the day-seeing him is more important than money. He would be very suspicious if you didnt except and didnt travel. He would think you are making excuses for not wanting to see him

SeekUp

Yes.

If you really feel that bad about it though, offer to pay him back once you have it saved. Seeing each other is certainly worth more than that 200!!!

CathyMoran

Whats the problem? He gets something out of this too (he sees you), accept the money but offer to pay it back.

zuroph

200 quid?!? its grand, take it! I forked out 180 today for a new dress for the gf! she barely resisted at all!

Yeah I guess it's grand, I just have a bit of a complex about accepting money from anyone. I suppose in this case, he wants to see me as much as I want to see him so it's not like it's purely a gift.

kizzyr

[quote=[Deleted User];59024731]Yeah I guess it's grand, I just have a bit of a complex about accepting money from anyone. I suppose in this case, he wants to see me as much as I want to see him so it's not like it's purely a gift.[/QUOTE]

and even if it was a gift what is so wrong with that? Do you accept gifts from him for Christmas and birthdays? Its only €200 go and see him and enjoy it.

gowayouttadat

I agree with everyone else. Don't see the problem at all. In fact if he offered to pay for the whole flight I'd accept it. Ye're in a relationship he has the money and wants to help you.

miaowsky

Oh god take it! I'm sure it's been ages since you've seen him and you probably do miss him. After all it's only money and you could pay him back by buying his ticket back the next time.

*Dallas

you are crazy to even think about it imo. he obviously wants to see you really badly.

its not like you make him pay your rent every month or buy you stupid expensive gifts, this is something for the both of you

aoibhebree

What they said! Yes!!

Chinafoot

Take it but pay it back. I hate borrowing money off the other half, hate hate hate it. However, sometimes it's necessary. I only take it because I know I'll pay it back. If it makes you uncomfortable just insist on paying it back. It's a loan, not a hand out.

Morgase

The consensus is YES! Go and see your man and be happy!

MJOR

take it girl! be happy

jellie

think about it the other way around.. if he had the opportunity to come home for 2 weeks & he was 200 short would you offer him the money?

take it, go, enjoy. if you really dont like the idea of the money then pay him back when you come home.

CDfm

[quote=[Deleted User];59024731]Yeah I guess it's grand, I just have a bit of a complex about accepting money from anyone. I suppose in this case, he wants to see me as much as I want to see him so it's not like it's purely a gift.[/quote]


Stick by your principles - borrow the money but pay him back asap.

Jules

Do i need to say anymore!

Madame Razz

Wow, go for it OP, I mean he benefits from you visiting too!!

Nice of him to offer you something towards the trip too... I'm off to see himself in Canada today and I'm funding the trip myself; and no alternative was suggested, not that I wanted one, but ya know what I mean;)

watna

Of course take it. A relationship is give and take and you'd do the same for him. Say you'll pay it back if it makes you feel better.

My OH has offfered to pay half my airfare back home if I need it, just because he knows I have homesick days and might need to just go home sometimes. He lends me money if I'm short and I do the same to him or if he;s broke and wants to get something and I have money I'll get it for him and vice versa. Granted we do live together so it makes things different but as long as he's not your sugar daddy i see no problem occasionally azccepting money.

CDfm

watna wrote: »

Of course take it. A relationship is give and take and you'd do the same for him. Say you'll pay it back if it makes you feel better.

OP but will you repay.Its also about setting down principles and being careful with money especially other peoples.

Blending finances is all very good and the amount of times I have heard but he is getting what he wants.

LIsten to your inner Judge Judy.

Creamy Goodness

i can see why you questioned it.

myself as a person absolutely hates borrowing things from anyone - i even hated having to ask a college friend could i borrow a calculator for an exam as she had a spare - although i don't mind people borrowing off myself. i'm weird like that.

I would in your situation, borrow the money off him to go see him, he wins, you win. but i would pay it back regardless of what he said to do.

bealbocht

dont worry about it, he offered, and really sometimes it is just so much easier for everyone, if you just take it, and dont make a big deal of it.

Besides, if you break up, and he asks for it back, and takes you to court for it... Judge Judy would bounce him out of the court.

CDfm

bealbocht wrote: »

dont worry about it, he offered, and really sometimes it is just so much easier for everyone, if you just take it, and dont make a big deal of it.

Besides, if you break up, and he asks for it back, and takes you to court for it... Judge Judy would bounce him out of the court.

But I would have a hard time being under an obligation to someone.

So the problem lies with the obligation.And how that affects the relationship. IMHO - thats unhealthy and changes the balance of a relationship.

Thats fine and dandy if you want a sugar daddy or someone else calling the shots.

Dragan

Chinafoot wrote: »

It's a loan, not a hand out.

LoL, I see this more and more around boards lately as a general attitude.

It could just be a present, last time i checked it was perfectly fine for a man to offer a woman a present and it didn't need to imply that she was somehow in need of him financially.

CDfm

Dragan wrote: »

LoL, I see this more and more around boards lately as a general attitude.

It could just be a present, last time i checked it was perfectly fine for a man to offer a woman a present and it didn't need to imply that she was somehow in need of him financially.

LOL.

Im very amused at all the excuses that come up and the whole ethics on the I borrow,he pays, the repayment or non repayment of loans, loans as really presents and splitting of expenses.

This is not a go at Izzy who seems very genuine on what she is saying.

CathyMoran

While I think that she should offer to pay it back it would be bad form if he asked for it back. When I first met my husband he was a poor undergrad and I had relatively more money than him being a postgrad...I paid for more of the stuff than him...it has gone in waves where one of us had more money than the other, one time I was ill on reduced pay but needed a holiday, he paid...it is give and take in a relationship.

OP - enjoy the holiday, he gets to see you too so it is as much a present for him.

CDfm

CathyMoran wrote: »

While I think that she should offer to pay it back it would be bad form if he asked for it back.

Oh Cathy -shame on you. The first one in with an excuse:pac:

Oh, what wicked webs we weave, when we practice to decieve.

shellyboo

CDfm wrote: »

LOL.

Im very amused at all the excuses that come up and the whole ethics on the I borrow,he pays, the repayment or non repayment of loans, loans as really presents and splitting of expenses.

This is not a go at Izzy who seems very genuine on what she is saying.

It's definitely a personal thing. If you think it's a big deal to owe/borrow, then it's never going to sit right with you. You might feel under an obligation even if the other person never thought about the money again. If you're ok with taking the money as a gesture and forgetting about it, I think that's an easier way to be!

I'd be of the 'take it as a gesture' school of thought... I'm one of these people who finds it really rude if I pay or offer to pay and it gets refused or the person secretes money in my bag. Really annoys me.

CDfm

shellyboo wrote: »

It's definitely a personal thing. If you think it's a big deal to owe/borrow, then it's never going to sit right with you. You might feel under an obligation even if the other person never thought about the money again. If you're ok with taking the money as a gesture and forgetting about it, I think that's an easier way to be!

I'd be of the 'take it as a gesture' school of thought... I'm one of these people who finds it really rude if I pay or offer to pay and it gets refused or the person secretes money in my bag. Really annoys me.

Ya shellyboo. But when does the line get crossed and you take advantage of someones generosity?

Or more importantly, if the giver can't really afford it and you take advantage of them.

In that case, if you are OK with taking money without a conscience or a thought for the other person then IMO you are not a straight up person.

THe giver should be able to "forgive" a loan in the case of real hardship or need. But it should be their choice and its not up to the borrower to presume.Nobody likes to ask for repayments when their stuck and may actually be relying on that repayment.

In the case you mention -its say a lunch -but how many times do you get stuck with the I forgot my purse or wallet and you go " Ive been got again".

Princessa

If you felt wierd you could accept it and tell him that once you have the 200 saved up you will wire it over to him...