Changing to married name and the affect on your child.

MariMel

Hi,
I am getting married in November and want to take my future husbands name when we marry. I have a 7 yr old who has my surname. I have a couple of questions I would appreciate some advice on regarding my child.

Has anyone had any issues with their children not having the same surname as their mother after she marries or remarries?
(problems with schools/taking shild on holiday/ esteem issues?)

Can I change my childs surname to that of my future husband?
(He is not the childs biological father) The biological father has very little to do with his son, seeing only 2-3 times a year for a day.

We plan to have more children after we marry and I would like them to have my future husbands surname too.....I dont want my own son to felt left out.

Am I worrying too much? Does what my son's surname is really matter as long as he feels part of the family?

thanks x

Moonbeam

Hi,
If you can't change his name you could make it out to be a special thing that he has the same name as his mammy:)
I am not 100% sure but I think your husband to be would have to adopt him for him to legally have the name this would involve his dad giving his permission.
It is a bit annoying having different surnames but I think it is more because you need to point out that your mother is not in fact Mrs your surname!

marti101

Yes he would have to be adopted by your future husband.I think you might need the childs biological father consent cant be to sure.Is he on your childs birth cert,i think a visit to a soliciters is in order they be able to help you much better.Cause i was adopted by my mothers future husband but my dads name wasnt on the birth cert and that was over 30 years ago,so maybe the laws have changed.Go to a soliciter.

spurious

As a teacher, I've come across a number of kids with two surnames. It's not an issue for the children usually. It's certainly not a problem for the school, once they use their legal name for exam entries and the like.

In many of the cases I have come across with parents remarrying or marrying 'late' the children often kept what they saw as 'their' name regardless - especially if they were in secondary school. More often I have met kids who want to change to their mother's name if the father is no longer in their lives.

Have you asked your son what he'd like?

foxinsocks

As far as I know you can change your name to anything you like, whoever's surname it is... You can change your name by deed poll for example. You can also legally change a name by usage, after 7 years the name becomes legally yours. The only proviso is that you don't do it for the purposes of fraud.

In the case of your child, you may need the biological father's permission, but if he agrees there's no real difficulty, and the child's stepfather wouldnt need to legally adopt. (course, he may want to!)

mumof2

sorry to hijack this thread, but what happens after a divorce? Does a mother have to revert to her maiden name, and yet have the children going round with the fathers surname? This would be confusing for young children i'd say...

Moonbeam

No they can keep their married name.
I am pretty sure they can not with an annulment though.

K-9

MariMel wrote: »

Hi,
Can I change my childs surname to that of my future husband?
(He is not the childs biological father) The biological father has very little to do with his son, seeing only 2-3 times a year for a day.

No, only if you marry the birth father. Deed poll is the only option.

mumof2

Moonbeam wrote: »

No they can keep their married name.
I am pretty sure they can not with an annulment though.

Thanks for your reply.

Das Kitty

Moonbeam wrote: »

No they can keep their married name.
I am pretty sure they can not with an annulment though.

Not true, my Mum is annulled from my Dad (state and church) and she still goes by her married name. There's nothing saying that she ever needs to change.

She'll be remarrying soon so she'll take her new husband's name then, otherwise I reckon she would have reverted once we were all out of school.

OP talk to your son about what he would like. It may mean a lot to him to have your future husband claim him as his own with this gesture of having the same name, especially since his own father hasn't been on the scene, it could be just what he needs.

Tupins

We went through a name change in our family after separation of parents. My mothers solicitor told her that you can change your name for everyday use without anyone's permission or without doing anything official other than just start calling yourself by your new name. (I actually remember him saying "You can call yourself Mickey Mouse if you so wish and noone can stop you!")

This means OP, that yes you can change your son's surname without permission of his father but only for daily use. i.e. you cannot change his name on his birth certificate without legal procedures. This would probably mean that he could go by your new surname but on his passport he would go by the name on his birth cert. There is an option on passports now though to have both official name and 'also known as' stated so he could have a passport with both names stated.

With regard to his emotional response however, I could only advise that you speak to him about it and maybe give him the choice of either keeping the name he has or getting a new name???

Hope it all works out.

MariMel

thanks for the replies.
I asked my son if he;d like to take my fiances name but he wants to keep his own surname.....his reason.......it wouldnt rhyme with his his and doesnt sound good!!!!!
Maybe in a few months i will bring it up again and see....or even wait til after i get married and will be using my husbands surname.

The using the 2 name option on his passport is an option for me too....I dont like double barrelled names as a rule....so many of them about now adays even with my own nieces and nephew.

My fiance's daughters dont have his name either and as teenagers they decided to keep their mothers maiden name after she married too.

Feeling part of a family is more important than having the same surname as everyone in it.
My fiance and I have spoken about him possibly adopting my son, if that is to happen then I will think more seriously about changing my sons surname to that of my husbands.

littlebug

MariMel wrote: »

thanks for the replies.
I asked my son if he;d like to take my fiances name but he wants to keep his own surname.....his reason.......it wouldnt rhyme with his his and doesnt sound good!!!!!
Maybe in a few months i will bring it up again and see....or even wait til after i get married and will be using my husbands surname.

.

I think your answer is there. His own name is very much part of his current identity and he doesn't want to change it. It's his name rather than his biological fathers name... the two are separate and as long as he is happy i wouldn't worry about it and wouldn't push the issue.

karinadoherty2

i had daughter 14yrs ago.called her my ex boyfriends surname.we never married and split up when she 18mths old and then called her my surname.i got married in 2005 and changed her surname to my future hasbands surname by common usage.no deed poll and no consent from ex as he is not a guardian and sees her every weekend.my husband never adopted her

Orion

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