ADHD

mumof2

Id love to relate to another parent of a child with ADHD. Im fed up with reading the books, and not getting anywhere.:(

Nevyn

My son was only just ruled out for having tis a few months back.
Is there a support group where you are ?
Who DX your child and can they refer you on to someone ?

http://www.hadd.ie/home.htm

Local Support Groups

We are including a list of local Support Groups around the country that we know of. We would encourage you to contact them as it is always good to have local support. Many of the local groups run events such as talks for parents, conferences and workshops that are of great benefit to anyone interested in learning more about ADHD. If you are involved with a local group that’s not listed, please forgive us! Contact us and we will post your details on the website.

HADD 01-8748349

ADD Midwest Support Committee Ltd (Limerick) 061-312621

ADHD Family Support Group (Blanchardstown) 01-8205253

Ballyfermot ADHD Support Group 01-6234829

CLADDA (Clare) 065-6839827 or 087-6610534 or 086-0807712

Drogheda ADHD 041-9846614

Finglas/Cabra ADD/ADHD Support Group 01-8683806 or 087-9700034

Galway ADHD Support Group 091-798226

INCADDS -The National Council for ADHD Support Groups 091-755090

Unit 9, Ballybane Enterprise Centre, Galway. info@incadds.ie

HADD Child & Family Support Group (Cork) 021-4515032

Mayo ADHD 087/9572311

Meath ADHD Parent Support Group 086-1568209

NIADD (Belfast) 048-90200110

North Fingal ADHD Parent & Adult Support Group 01 8413444

South Tipperary ADHD Support Group 052-29529

The Association for AIDD (Donegal) 086-2545669

byhookorbycrook

also try the boards on www.adhd.ie

mumof2

Am with the HADD group in Cork. Im on the committee. But sometimes its good to have fresh ideas/suggestions.:D

apple aine

we are parents of a nine year little boy who we have just found out has ADD. we have a month before we have to go back to the hospital and decide if we are going to medicate him or not. im so confused and i dont know what to do for the best. ive heard afwal stories about the meds for these conditions and im scared of giving it to him but then im scared of not giving it to him. i dont know what to do for the best?????? anyone out there with experience of this please help me i feel like im loosing my mind

Nevyn

Have you looked at/been offered behavioral therapies?

As for medication like any other medication there will be a trial period where the dosage will be changed to find the smallest one which is most effective. You will both as parents have to track the changes to him as this is figured out.

You can try it and if you don't see a difference or that it doesn't make enough of a difference you can stop the meds, you do have that right as his parents.

Now that you have a DX do go back to his school and find out if a special needs assistance can be assigned with him, which should make a real difference.

cynder

How old is the child???

My guy is being assessed for an ASD, there is a question over adhd but i was told they wont diagnose that until he is at least 5 and at school. He is getting help from the early intervention services and has speech therapy and has group and individual sessions with the early intervention educator and is waitlisted for the psychologist.

My son is 3 and has been assessed as needing further assessment at 2 and a half. He should get the full asd assessment done within the next year. ( we are more inclined to think if he has an asd its very mild and there is more chance he has adhd)

mumof2

I would recommend talking with other parents in the same situation, who have children on medication for ADHD. Some medication suits one child while it may not suit another. Small dosage is usually started and increased if necessary. Find a support group in your area - it was a godsend for me when I found my support group!! Good luck with your decision. BTW Behavioural Management strategies only work when both parents are working as a team, and professional services review things on a regular basis.

cynder

apple aine wrote: »

we are parents of a nine year little boy who we have just found out has ADD. we have a month before we have to go back to the hospital and decide if we are going to medicate him or not. im so confused and i dont know what to do for the best. ive heard afwal stories about the meds for these conditions and im scared of giving it to him but then im scared of not giving it to him. i dont know what to do for the best?????? anyone out there with experience of this please help me i feel like im loosing my mind

I have a freind who son was diagnosed at 9 and he was medicated, she said it calmed him down a bit and she only gave it during the school term and not during the holidays, she said his school work improved, she also got a special needs assistant for him.

Deliverance

I have a niece at the moment who is in full need of attention (undiagnosed for add) but she seems to have it. She has been banned from preschool due to her actions, language and attention seeking. She is pretty full on at 3 and a half yrs old.

At first I found her a bit to much and decided to not have her around my own 4yr old after she attacked her physically a few times behind our backs. She was pulled up on this and didn't do it again i.e. she learned via the adults that this type of action would not be tolerated.

Recently I tried to ignore her attempts at attention and it made things worse, she became more and more aggressive to get attention i.e. she started to attack me physically due to my ignoring her. She jumped on me tried to hit me etc. Basically the ignoring thing did not work.

I tried another tack i.e. I gave her full attention and talked and listened to her non stop for awhile at the dinner table with others and she was delighted, she talked non stop for awhile and eventually learned to listen bit by bit. After this she did as she was told when I told her to behave when she was being 'bad'.

She was intitially hard work for me and everyone else, but after giving her full attention and giving her a release by giving her some full attention for awhile, I found her to be the little one that we all adore and love. Rather than the little monster that she was without the attention input.

Personally, once I gave her the full attention at this time, she became, briefly at least the nice little girl she 'should' be. I found her endearing and nice yet she in my opinion does need this attention because I feel that she is v.clever and has an abundance of energy. At this point she listened to me and behaved when I told her to do so. Previously she tested everyones patience including mine. Simply giving her the time of day and listening to her non stop for awhile calmed her down.

Still though I imagine that a parent of a child with this so called disorder should look at medication as an extreme last resort. Personally I think that medicating a natural condition is wrong.

apple aine

thanks to everyone who replyed to my question about my little boys ADD. i have some soul searching to do over the next few weeks before the decision has to be made. his dad and i think that he just seems to be getting worse and its only with reguard to school work or homework. he just gets soooooo fustrated and angry and then will not do it. its causing so much stress in the house and im just hoping that this medication is all it promises to be because im so tired of trying to find the best way to help him for the last five years. and to deliverance...... thanks for ur comment but after spending the last five years trying to sort him out i dont think im taking this decision lightly. if u had to live my reality everyday u would never say that the situation is "natural" to anyone again because it most definatly is not. :eek:

Deliverance

Hope it works out for you guys. I would not agree with medication but I suppose you as parents will make the best decision for your own. It is not a decision taken lightly for sure. Personally I would not see the chemical option as a solution but that is just me.

I would imagine that the chem solution is a choice outside the natural order of your child. Simply dosing them with tabs etc might give your head peace. But is that fair for your child? Imagine the long term effects on them i.e. dependancy on chems to exist and be compliant rather than be accepted for who they are?

I feel that to much dependancy is easily put upon a technology i.e. chem solutions to determine a kids life over accepting the actual condition that exists thereby avoiding the actual responsibility and actual solution socially. After all if these tabs and chems did not exist as an 'easy out' then you as a parent would have to deal with it surely?

Sorry to say it but personally I see the chem option as a betrayal of the child and a cop out. At the same time as a parent I imagine that you are doing what you can in the best way that you can.

Personally I would take the harder option of taking all the difficulites involved with the youngster and be a stressed parent over the chem option. Seriously though, that is just me and my opinion. Hopefully seen as constuctive advice and not taken to critically;)

Nevyn

Deliverance 3 year old wanting a lot of attension is pretty normal for that age and more prevnalt if she is the eldest and only child and used to a child level if interaction and stimulation. That is very different from a child with ADD.

For some children medication is required.

apple aine

how dare u judge me deliverance for wanting the best for my child. i came on here get information about my sons condition from parents with childern who have ADD. not to be bleeted at by some auntie of a child who is just a brat by all accounts. dont u dare think that this is an easy option as the last five years have been about the other routes like ur listing and paying all the attention in the world to him. this IS my last resort. u have some cheek ill tell u that. heres an invite to u........... u come and live my life and see how many hours u last!:mad:

Nevyn

apple aine if you have a problem with a post report it you click this icon and fill out the box and all the mod of the forum get an email.

I know how hard it is to go through the process and finally get a diagnoises and yes there are a lot of people who don't know how hard it is and how much of a struggle it is mentally, phyically and emotionally to deal with such kids, but please report posts rather then responding in a manner which breaks the site rules on civil posting.

Deliverance

apple aine wrote: »

how dare u judge me deliverance for wanting the best for my child. i came on here get information about my sons condition from parents with childern who have ADD. not to be bleeted at by some auntie of a child who is just a brat by all accounts. dont u dare think that this is an easy option as the last five years have been about the other routes like ur listing and paying all the attention in the world to him. this IS my last resort. u have some cheek ill tell u that. heres an invite to u........... u come and live my life and see how many hours u last!:mad:

Apologies:o Didn't mean to offend at all. Like I mentioned it was only my personal experience from what I know with some personal opinions thrown in as well. Sorry about the personal opinions about the chem option.

I have one niece as mentioned above for indirect experience plus I have another niece who is possibly ADD as well, her brother is also severely autistic. I suppose I drew indirect experience from this outside knowledge without having direct experience.

Apologies again and best of luck in your situation, Ps I think you're right to be angry at me. So no hard feelings?

mumof2

Parenting a child with ADHD is like living with a mini tornado - you don't know when they touch down, nor do you know when they frazzle out....
My daughter is turning 10 soon, and has been diagnosed since 6, yet in the "services" since 3 yrs of age.

Medication was not the route I chose either, as I was a firm believer in not doping them up as I called it then.

However, my views have changed alot over the years, mainly through the support group, from listening to other mums living with agressive and impulsive, non respecting children, who end up being a danger to themselves, their siblings, their family and friends.

Certain friends will tollerate them for who they are - thats great. But I can count on one hand the amount of times my daughter has been invited to someones house - either for a party or a play date - over the last 3 years - ONE HAND!!!!!!!
At this age she should have friends hanging off her - she has none!! Yeah she goes to school happy, plays with whomever she chooses to annoy and hopes they let her join in, but mostly its hit and miss.

Over the past 4 months I have been considering medication to help calm her down, so she doesn't physically abuse her brother, verbally abuse me or other people and so on. She cannot help her behaviour - I know that, but if medication will help her to help herself, then that's what I will have to aim for. I have been a stressed out parent for years, as I had a husband who stuck his head in the sand when she was diagnosed, and was left to do it all alone. Now I'm alone with the two kids, and much more able to handle her outbursts and anger etc. However, just because I can handle her, doesn't mean she no longer needs help - be it professional services or medication wise.

She is attending social skills classes, which I feel is doing no good, but I have at least tried all the other so called 'services options', waited on 2 year waiting lists and so on, before making this decision.

It's not easy to make this decision, you do feel like your letting them down, but at the end of the day if I had a headache, and if it didn't go away after half a day or so, I would take medication to help me along the way to get better.

Remember, if the meds don't suit the child, you will know, and they can come off them just as easy as going on them!

(Sorry I ranted on there........:o)

apple aine

deliverance i am very sorry for my outburst. im just very stressed at the minute and u are emtitled to ur opinion. to the others thanks for ur advice and mum of two i dont know how u did it for so long with the "services" help only. u are an inspiration to me. my son can be agressive but not psycaily will shout and scream but never hit etc. its mostly his school and anything that requires any amount of attention that causes a problem with him. even something as simple as getting dressed can explode into a war. my husband and i will try the meds we have decided and take a see how we go approche and hopefuly things will work out ok for everyone. is it ok to take the child off the meds on holidays or will he have to adjust again next time he takes them does anyone know?:rolleyes:

cynder

Mum of 2.

you said your daughter was in the services sine she was 3 - i take that to mean the early inervention services.

my lad ag3 3 has been with them since he was 2 and 3 months, they question adhd but said they would not diagnose it until he was at least 5 and in a school setting. My lad is quite violent and had given his 4 year old brother black eyes and bloody nose and fat lips. he has given me a fat lip too by throwing a punch.... he is being waitlisted for a full asd assessment.

My question is, how come it took 3 years for a diagnoses? (i will hate having to wait another 3 years). and if you have time what did you go through in those 3 years?

they say it runs in the family, my mom was told my brother was hyper 31 years ago but they didnt have the buzz word adhd then.... he still has poor language and math skills.

i wouldnt go down medication route first i would try other options untill it came to having no other choice but to medicate. ( they are helping my sons behaviour by giving him 1 to 1 and group sessions with the early intervention educator) i am also doing the Hannan course to try and improve his speech.

cynder

apple aine wrote: »

. is it ok to take the child off the meds on holidays or will he have to adjust again next time he takes them does anyone know?:rolleyes:

My friend takes her son off meds for the school holidays and it works fine for her. he only need it at school to help him calm down and do his work.

apple aine

maybe i could do the same. there are lots of things to do around behavoural therpies with ur child. these are all before meds. we did them with our son and they worked very well but hes nine now and he just cant focus long enough to take anything in. as i said in an earlier comment hes not voilent but can get aggressive and vocal. i would try the behavoural things or find out through ur playschool if ur child is in one. they have links to all those services.

mumof2

Grindelwald -

I could write a book about the last 8 years of her life starting at the age of
2, but it would take a while.

Just to give you an idea - When she was 3 we attended certain public 'services' (not sure if im allowed mention them by name), and had an assesment done with the result being that she was 'hyperactive'. I knew that by the way before they did, but hey, they have to do their job:D
We (the parents) were sent on a parenting skills course. Surprise Surprise, as I learned from the support group, thats what every parent there had to go through!
I attended myself as my husband at the time was working and didn't feel strongly enough about matters to go. Unfortunately the course was aimed at children aged 10 plus, not suitable for a 3 yr old.

Anyway, as time went on, because of how the 'services' handled our case I felt I was to blame for the way she was. So I struggled on with her behaviour for the next year. I remember in particular one child minder saying she was like 10 children rolled into one. She was constantly on the go. When she started primary school the real problems began. Until this, she hadn't been seen by anyone else. I was at the school gate every day talking to the teacher as she had done something wrong every day. Throwing things, hitting other children, running round the classroom, scribbling on other kids books/clothes and threatening them with a chair over her head and so on. Till one day the school suggested getting her assessed again. So I did, but had to go privatley this time. With the waiting time involved and all incidents over the school term and so on, it wasn't until she was 6 when she was diagnosed with ADHD. Medication was mentioned but neither of us were interested in it as we knew nothing about it and didn't like the sound of it.

She was awarded a full time SNA. Resourse hours also granted of 2.5 hrs a week, to help her with her Maths problems.

That was then - this is now:
She is now a week away from turning 10.
We moved schools 3 years ago (from finishing 1st class - starting 2nd in the new school). She will go into 5th in September. She lost her SNA due to smaller class sizes, and someone did call to the school to asess whether she needed one, but caught her 'on a good day' and felt it wasn't necessary.:rolleyes:

She has major issues with friends, social skills, engaging in conversation at the right time. She has Maths problems - one professional told me last summer, she may have dyscalcula, and also sensory integration disorder, so were on a waiting list for OT assessment, and need to urgently get her on the waiting list for and educational assessment for the dyscalcula thing. The school of course havn't got the allocations left for her, neither last year nor this year. Whats new. We just had re- assesments done (forms filled in again so they can diagnose her again - hey the psychiatrist even suggested she doesn't have ADHD!!). I wonder what she doesn't have myself;)

Thats it in a nutshell. Im walking on egg shells most of the time around her, she is a ticking time bomb that can go off at any time any minute any hour. Then I need to keep her brother away from her at times as she would seriously harm him if they had a disagreement - she is always right:rolleyes: I feel she also has ODD, but who am I - I'm only a 'proffessional parent':D

My whole life is a waiting game, hoping someone else can help her - but today I know only I can help her by trying to understand her. I've read the books, done the courses (qualified SNA, studying child psychology etc), but if the professionals let her down, then medication may be her only lifesaver.

Oh, and then theres the danger thing, - she has no care in the world, would jump off a bridge thinking it was normal, swim into the deep blue sea, cycle in the middle of the road etc!!

But hey - she's a challenge and thats what makes my life interesting!!:D

Hope this wasn't too long:D

Nevyn

I know the feeling about living with a ticking time bomb and the being on alert to intervene constantly know certain things will set them off, and then trying to do damage limitation and being left to do all the running around the meetings, the courses, the assessments, the constant contact with the school and needing to go to the teacher or the head of the school.

There is just so much work and managing of the child and it's surroundings, it can be draining. Things are certainly at a more manageable level atm but it's still active management and having to constantly over over the rules and what is and is not acceptable and constant conversations about explaining why and trying to get him to understand.

Never mind the prep work to bring him some where new or if the routine changes.

I too felt a huge amount of guilt when I couldn't cope, the changes with my son's behaviour seemed to others come on suddenly, they didn't they were always there but
a bunch of changes which happened all at once sent him into a tail spin and no one in the family knew what the reasons were and some assumed the worse and even made a complaint to socail workers, that was real fun.

And then you end up having to be come very educated in the whole field of managing them and different therapies and what the Connor tests are and it's a lot of work and reading and explaining and then having to explain to family members who are clueless.
Some whom did grasp the situation and some still think it's cos I was/am a crap mother.

It can be a very rough ride and when we get it right and do all we can to be there for them and support them and they are having good days people gloss over them and are completely unaware of all the effort and stress and strain it can take to make that happen.

I am dreading the move to secondary school in Sept, the applications for an SNA for him had to be submitted already. I have put off applying for the allowances which we are meant to be entitled to due to the head wrecking process and the awful way in which assessments are done cos I could not hack the stress of it and the kids had to be where I focused my time and effort.

cynder

Thanx do much for that, you have a tough time. I hope things will improve.

I have a 10 year old diabetic and she is a handfull (her attitude sucks). Cant imagine what your going through.

My 3 year old is like 5 kids rolled into 1. But because he is receiving help now he should improve.....he has no sense of danger either (not too many 3 year olds know what danger is) i hope that will improve...

take care and good luck.

kisaragi

The thing to remember about meds and ADHD is that they don't "cure" the disorder, they just alleviate the symptoms. You said your son is getting to the stage now where he can't focus long enough to engage in behavioural therapies, but if he was on medication that was working for him he probably could.

The medication can have some nasty side-effects, but if you change around the dose and which one your using til you find the right balance it should be ok. Also, NOT medicating your children can lead to some nasty side effects too - More likely to become addicted to other illegal drugs (possibly self-medicating), less likely to do well in school which leads onto a variety of problems, harder to make and maintain friendships etc.

I'm not a parent, just a psychology student who's done a fair bit of study on the issue, so take that in whatever context you want. Here's an article you might want to read http://journals.lww.com/jrnldbp/Fulltext/2001/02000/Findings_from_the_NIMH_Multimodal_Treatment_Study.8.aspx. It's a large study from the American government comparing medication, combined medication/behavioural therapy and behavioural therapy alone for their outcomes on ADHD... Basically the result is that combined med/BT is the gold standard but meds alone are better than just BT. Of course there's still plenty of debate but it's a good place to start.

dan_d

Hey guys, just flicking through and found the thread. I'm not a parent, but I'd be curious to know how much TV and computer games any of these kids may be allowed? I've heard that these can have quite a bad impact on kids with attention problems, as everything moves so fast and images flicker a lot. I'm not taking this from the media btw, I've a relative who has a lot of experience dealing with kids who have ADHD and other disorders. PArticularly violent children - sometimes they find that kids who are severely violent with ADHD are allowed a LOT of time on video games, and TV programmes especially one not suitable for their ages.
I don't profess it to be a solution, but it's just a suggestion that you might like to take on board as part of helping the problem?
Best of luck.

apple aine

thanks for that bit of advice will read that report for sure. yes he is not engaging in the bts anymore and its for his own sake im even considering meds at the mo. we have traveled a long road to get to this point and its hard to kniow what to do for the best but i dont want to wake up a few years from now when he can decide for himself and have him ask me why i didnt give him the chance to do better in school etc. im just being selfish as im afraid he will be a child i wont know (ie quiet and relaxed for a change) but i think thats how kids should be relaxed and not worring about things and feeling fustrated all the time. when asked by the specialist was school days the happiest of his life his answer was no way and when asked if he could be helped to do better and not feel bad in school would he like that he answered i sure would that would be the coolest so i guess i have my answer. thanks for ur comment. its good to hear from someone with a back ground in studing this ADD.
DAN D OR D DAN cant remember which lol im aware of the effect of video games and tv on any childs mind not just kids with ADD or ADHD. and u are right too much time in front of these things can be detramental to a childs mind. in my case though our son enjoys outdoor activities such as hill walking with his uncle, football, choir, irish dancing and school band. he also serves on the alter on the weekends so he is quiet busy and doesnt have much time for tv. hes just finished swimming lessons and is about to start horse riding and first aid courses. some people use the tv as a nanny but thats not our house thank goddness. thanks for ur comment.:)

jane17

Hi apple ainne,
I would definately try the medication route.My son takes stimulants mon to fri during school term.It certainly wasn't an easy decision but have'nt looked back since or should say he hasn't! Instead of being the class clown and constantlly in trouble(suspended 3 times) he is now much more settled and actually attending DCU for talented youth. Impossible without meds.

Did all the parenting classes, got little bits from each but lived and breathed a book called 123 magic. Available in all good bookshops.

Last and proberely the most impotannt thing for him and me was sport.
He certainly was not a team player but loves cyclin in a club and does really well.He is seen in a very positive way because he is so good so does wonders for his self esteem.(in the beginning took meds coz he was afraid of not being able to manage his behavior but now goes off quite happily.
Also dives 2 weekly in the aquatic centre.

None of this would have been possible without medication.I am certainly not saying this is the answer to all problems associated with adhd but i do feel often that people judge to quickly without much insight or thought to what these kids and their families are going throught.

Crazy Penguin

Apple Aine I can't imagine what life is like for you and your son at home but hopefully I can give you some insight to life in school from a variety of aspects. I don't expect to help you decide just to give you an idea of life as I know it. I'm a teacher in a primary school. I have a wonderful 1st class. I also have two boys with ADHD and ADD. One of the children has a SNA the other doesn't but the SNA nicely divides herself between both boys to help them. To give you some idea about the SNA they can only be gotten for a child if the child needs them for care reasons ie bathroom, medications or if they are considered a danger to themselves or others. It's not a given to get a SNA for ADD or ADHD.

One of the boys has another learning difficulty but one doesn't. Neither boy is medicated. As the teacher in the room I find some days can be very hard-when one child is having a particularly bad day the whole class can often be changed. However we have ways to try and help this out-an activity break ie going outside the door and walking around for 3 mins until he feels better able to concentrate or using a stress ball when it all gets to much (pound shop or tesco) both helps the boys to feel better. I've heard it described as a jumble in a childs head and can see why.

I really hope this at least gives you an idea of how a child can live like this and hopefully a better of idea of school life. If you want to ask me anything from a teachers point of view feel free to PM me.

I really wish you and your family all the best and I know it will all work out for you

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

apple aine if you have a problem with a post report it you click this icon and fill out the box and all the mod of the forum get an email.

I know how hard it is to go through the process and finally get a diagnoises and yes there are a lot of people who don't know how hard it is and how much of a struggle it is mentally, phyically and emotionally to deal with such kids, but please report posts rather then responding in a manner which breaks the site rules on civil posting.

I totally agree Aine...I am exhausted with my 5yr old son (6 in Jan)..all I do is give out all day..I also have a younger son..there is less than a year between the 2. Some days I just don't want to get up. If there is a day off school I am filled with absolute dread. My son was off school today due to the snow and the whole day was utter chaos. Not even looking forward to christmas. Thankfully though my son has a special needs assistant which takes the stress out of school for us. Any advice is more than welcome

mumof2

shinaede brennan: I would suggest going to your local support group for ADD/ADHD, there are others there who are going through similar situations as yourself, and they are the people who help eachother through the good and the bad.

My daughter has her ups and downs, has sensory issues which makes every day a battle, and its pure stress not to explode which i feel like doing so often with her.

Remember, they have their good points too. They will try everything and not see it as a challenge. Find his good points, focus on them, do the things he loves and you will be rewarded - it works for me when I want some quiet time in return.

Pm me if any one has questions about support groups, as im on the comittee for one of the groups.