Ever Worked In A Call Centre? Tell Your Funny Stories Here!

LaMer

Most my jobs have been in call centres, had one snob before who kept ticking me and a mate off for using "Yeah" or "ok" instead of yes, one day she rang and was put through to a guy with a very thick Dublin accent, she asked to be transferred to somebody who could speak English properly, and then told me that we shouldn't have working class people in the institution.

Another time, working for a bookies, some guy asked for money to be transfered back to his account on Dec 22nd or something, usually takes 5 working days, nothing we can do about it. He then decided to get in a rage about it and say that because he had been gambling, he needed the money in time for Christmas eve or else he was "f*cked", the poor bloke, I nearly laughd down the phone.

Pyr0

Anyone have that link with all the stories about customers being really stupid and biting the head of people working in shops ?

Edit : Wait, found it !

source

Pyr0 wrote: »

Anyone have that link with all the stories about customers being really stupid and biting the head of people working in shops ?

Edit : Wait, found it !

care to share??? or is it the link at the start of the thread?

Sofaspud

There's a lot of great games we play in the call centre as well, in my firsdt couple of months I'd always play the "meow" game, where you try to fit as many meows into a call as possible. My record is 7 in 40 seconds. We've also played that one with "mip"

Then there's the exchanging your name for random words like table or fridge at the start of a call, or saying words that the other person has to fit into a call.

My ex-girlfriend used to be a trainer where I work, and the trainers would have their groups listen in to calls and watch the screen on a projector, and once they were watching me, and she was texting me words that I had to fit in. Eventually they stopped noting what I was doing, and they were all just listening for the words.
For one of them, when someone asked for a hotel I had to ask if they said "the spongebob hotel".

While thye were listening, I got a call looking for someone with the surname "boner", who was, unfortunately, not listed.

"I don't seem to have a boner coming up there. I do have a boner in a nearby area, but it's not the boner you're looking for" etc.

Pyr0

foinse wrote: »

care to share??? or is it the link at the start of the thread?

http://notalwaysright.com :

There ya go !

January

Not as funny now that I think back on it...

I work for customer care in an insurance company, and most of the policies we offer allow you to change to a commercial vehicle for two days, once it's a small van under 2 tonne payload.

This guy rings in to do the change and I'm going through the details with him.

Me: "What's the payload of the vehicle, sir?"
Him: "3.5 tonnes"
Me: "I'm sorry sir, we cannot insure that vehicle for you, we only insure vehicles that have a payload under 2 tonnes"
Him: "It's not like I'm trying to insure the starship enterprise!! It's not like I'm a teenage boy trying to insure a Ford T-Bird!! You know this is the reason that America is invading Iraq!!!" and he hangs up the phone....

Fat_Fingers

Oh man... some very funny stuff here. Long time ago when i worked in a call center i had this sort of bizarre calls for about a 3 days… I’m not sure who I pissed off , anyway. You know the usual “hello, I was last dealing with blabla can you please transfer me to him?” so call would come to me and it goes like this: “ Hello , I believe you have something that belongs to me and I would like it back” Yes Sir and what would that be? The answer was “that condom dangling out of your ass” and then phone would go dead. About 4-5 different voices did variations of that one for about 2 – 3 days and that was that.. They were not kids voices so its looks like bunch of idle hands had found a new way to make a free prank calls.

source

Pyr0 wrote: »

http://notalwaysright.com :

There ya go !

ah yes, that one, good site alright.

frecklier

This is more a story someone working in a call centre might write in about me, but fessing up to it here anyway:

I got a new pc at work about 6 months ago. I set it all up, but couldn't access our server, email, internet, etc.
I rang over to our IT services. The poor guy was on to me for about 20 minutes, when I suddenly realised my stupidity. Instead of disconnecting my old computer from the wall socket, and connecting my new one, I had disconnected my old compute from the wall socket and connected it to my new one. So basically I had connected the two pcs together, with no connection to the outside world at all. I was mortified when I realised it, and tried to tell the guy I was fine and I'd sort it out by myself, but he insisted on staying on for another while helping me out, and I was too embarrassed to admit my stupidity.

Professey Chin

frecklier wrote: »

This is more a story someone working in a call centre might write in about me, but fessing up to it here anyway:

I got a new pc at work about 6 months ago. I set it all up, but couldn't access our server, email, internet, etc.
I rang over to our IT services. The poor guy was on to me for about 20 minutes, when I suddenly realised my stupidity. Instead of disconnecting my old computer from the wall socket, and connecting my new one, I had disconnected my old compute from the wall socket and connected it to my new one. So basically I had connected the two pcs together, with no connection to the outside world at all. I was mortified when I realised it, and tried to tell the guy I was fine and I'd sort it out by myself, but he insisted on staying on for another while helping me out, and I was too embarrassed to admit my stupidity.

You shoulda just admitted it. Its not like they woulda cared that much*

*really means theyd still laugh but less since you woulda admitted your problem

Big_Mac

Customer: My teenage daughter is out in london and she called me with number withheld, I need to know her number so I can call her

Me: I'm sorry Ma'am, unfortunately we do not monitor incoming calls. If the other party had their number withheld then we cannot assist you.

Customer: Why don't you track incoming calls?

Me: Because its none of our concern. We keep a record of outgoing calls for billing purposes only

Customer: BUt my daughter is in london somewhere and I can't get through to her

Me: I'm sorry, but we cannot assist you there

Customer: So if something happens to her it will be your fault

As if.......

tman

Me - "So is the traffic light icon red or green?"
Caller - "Erm....<long, akward pause>... I'm colourblind"

chopperbyrne

kickoutthejams wrote: »

The best call centre story was something someone posted on boards a while ago. They had a coworker who was very deaf and would have the customer repeating everything down the phone endless;ly. Then one day, they got a call from a guy with a stutter. The phone call lasted foreever:D

I posted that story. It happened while I was working in eircom net.

He had to use hearing aids and they had to buy him a specially made headset.

It didn't make a difference. That was on a 95c a minute line too!

Big_Mac

Customer complaint escalated to a Team Leader:

Customer: I never got the callback that I was promised

Me: Apologies, I can see that we tried to call you three times but we couldn't get through.

Customer: But I never got my callback

Me: Again, I apologise, but I am here now and you have my undivided attention. How can I help you?

Customer: Blah blah complain moan

Me: Apologies but we are not in a position to offer any credits for this issue

Customer: But I never got my callback

Me: But I am speaking to you now

Customer: but I never got my callback

Me: I apologies, but I am speaking with you now

Customer: But I never got my callback

Me: Well, I can hang up and ring you back if it makes you feel better...

Queue complain about me

Knobhead!

User45701

i was in a call centre years ago (lol at how many posts say years ago)
but anyway two stand out.

1. Brittish bakeries used to outsource there customer calls to ireland so we would handle all the bread orders of the asda's tecco's and every other little store in england. some people are just stupid but ive always wondered about this delivery driver i mean there is such a thing as common sense... Got a call at 8.30 the second the phones where switched on and its a old lady and she was practically crying down the phone and it took a while for me to figure out what was going on, she started screaming about how there is no way she is paying for this and that we wont get away with it, she will see us in court ect. After she calmed down and exlained that she has a tiny little store in a village in the middle of nowhere and she woke up (lives above her shop) and saw 28 pallets of bread outside her front door.

Turns out some truck driver gave her an ASDA stores delivery of bread...

2. Same call centre but i was asked to work 2 nights dealing with a few things - it was all fairly simple. 3 companies i cant remember the first one but the 2nd one was irish nurses renewing there licenses. I dont know the name of the 3rd one - it could have been diagio...
Anyway in America Baileys has a slightly different name "Baileys Irish cream" - guess the irish sells it over there - anyway got one call from a bunch of VERY drunk and even more stupid than they where drunk americans who where asking for cocktail idea's (i googled) but wow they where stupid, hmm ive typed this much and i cant remember what they where saying dammit well it was funny anyway...

EDIT:

Im sure someone else has probably mentioned this classic in the previous pages but still.

Tech support centre...

Caller: "My computer is not working"
MS Tech Guy: "Is your computer running under windows"
Caller: "No, but the other guy in the office - his computer is under the window and his is working fine"

sneakerfreak

d-don wrote: »

I remember once I had a customer I sold electronics too.. (His ) name was rebecca lovely guy soft spoken and harmless . He was in the uk and about two months after he received his order I get a call saying his electronics were acting up so I sent him to Technical support. So 3 days later I get a call from his in Histerics :eek: crying etc and sobbing I said whats up

Customer: in a sad voice- the techician came and took one look at me and got back into his van and drove off :eek:

Me:Eh what did you do?Are you a naturist or something ?

Customer : No i'm a trans-sexual (man in woman's clothes)

My draw dropped but I helped him out ... technician got fired I belive :rolleyes:


---====

---

Or doing a finance check for a customer one day goes like this :

Me: whats your occupation sir?

Customer: Eh I don't know the technical name but I catch chickens .

Me::eek: what

Customer: I catch chickens in the barns and box them up for slaughter.


Lets just say he was DECLINED



====================

sorry to be pedantic but a transvestite dresses up as the opposite se while a transsexual actually has altered their bodies in some way towards transforming themselves into a member of the opposite sex

also whats wrong with chicken catchers ? lol,i know a few lads who work in slaughter houses and the moneys good lol

i did a short stint working for a mobile phone network and had calls from people claiming the network were stealing their credit etc

the worst was the sex shops though where i have worked most of my life,keep in mind 90% of people were absolutely fine but holy **** you got some nutters

had a fella pull down his kecks and show me a huge rash and boils and tell me "some big n-gger in the george gave me that"
ffs like,he was asked to leave

but this is about phone calls

me-hello ****** adult store

him-hi,do you sell gay movies?

me-yes indeed,have about 3 to 4 hundred gay titles here

him-oh great,do you have any with fellas wearing boots?

me-yep,have a lot with millitary themes where the actors are wearing boots and we have about 20 titles which are specialist footwear titles

him-and are ye wearin boots yerself?

*i hang up*

me- hello ****** adult store

him-have ye any sex dolls

me-yes,we have a large range,prices vary from the novelty kind at €15/€20 to €50 for more realsitic dolls right up to €500 for the ultra realsitic

him-what do they look like?

me-emm..to be honest theres quite a lot here,it would take ages,just call in and you can see the whole range

him-would they get you goin would they?

me-ah come on man,if youre interested call in,im not goin to go through all this ****

him-have they hairy fannies?

*i hang up*

yed get loads of lads ringin up tryin to get you to describe loads of ****e in the shop,they were jerkin off like **** lol

you would get caught out for your first few weeks until you copped on

instore agin i had a woman return an oral sex simulator she had bought for her husband

her (stinking of booze)-dis doesnt werk

me-what doesnt work?

her (opens a plastic tescos bag and plonks the product down on the counter,it is covered in what im guessing is lube and black pubic hair)-DIS!!!

me-ahhh right,eh,do you have the box?

her-naw

me-well the instructions are on the side of the box

her-i cant bleedin read and his mickeys so small i thought it would make it bigger

me-ahhh right,eh,i cant really do anything for ye eh,to make it bigger you would use a pump and then get him to wear a cock ring when ist pumped up,this will keep it big as it keeps the blood in his penis so its really hard and enlarged,kind of like tieing a string around the top of your finger.

her-well i dont want it you can have it

me ahh no...ahh no..you take it

her-but i want me money back

me yes yes yes no bother here you go

her-will you keep it?maybe you can return it or sumtin?

me ahh no..no ..no no dont worry about it

her (with refund)-thanks love,dyer fancy goin for a walk with me?

me-ahh no...no ... thanks though

ffs sorry im drunk and ramblin but jesus there was a lot of stories but i shouldnt hijack the thread

HereticPrincess

Pyr0 wrote: »

Well not really.. We hang out on boards during calls too :pac:

Yeah ya big messer!

Get some work done

Gordon

The mother of a guy I work with used to work in Directory Enquiries. If she had an abusive customer she'd note down their number. If she got another abusive customer she'd transfer them to the first abusive customer, and listen in to the call for extra hilarity.

Aodan83

Gordon wrote: »

The mother of a guy I work with used to work in Directory Enquiries. If she had an abusive customer she'd note down their number. If she got another abusive customer she'd transfer them to the first abusive customer, and listen in to the call for extra hilarity.

Genius

CiaranC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sIrCpfZuZE

This was generally my experience in BT

Captain Slow IRL

Sofaspud wrote: »

There's a lot of great games we play in the call centre as well, in my firsdt couple of months I'd always play the "meow" game, where you try to fit as many meows into a call as possible. My record is 7 in 40 seconds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jln8RBjZFiw

hideous ape

I redirected a Morgan Stanley executives phonecall to the Blood Transfusion Board in Dublin instead of an internal office in the UK...he rang me back to shout at me and I managed to connect him to the Blood Transfusion board a second time. On my third attempt I transfered him to the right number. I know computers inside-out but phones get me everytime:)

Brimmy

[QUOTE=Carpaydiem;59081461I also remember, we used to have to answer the phone "good morning/afternoon/evening eleven-eight-fifty information [name] speaking" so one day I thought it would be funny if we changed it slightly to see if anyone would notice.

We then started answering "......eleven-eight-filthy-information..." you could almost hesr the confusion of people on the other end when they weren't quite sure what they just heard us say..... [/QUOTE]

Buy Conduit's greetings are precorded for 11850? Unless you were there + six years or something.

That said I've had people threatening to wait outside to kill me when I wouldn't give them a number and people calling to tell me they've been raped at 8am on Saturday morning as they're crying down the phone.

Nothing will ever beat the woman who was crying on the phone for 20 minutes and when I told her a number didn't exist point blank she screamed through tears "fine, forget it then I'll just f*cking kill myself!" followed by an inaudible scream and the sound of a phone going flying across a wall and breaking into little pieces..

Still a fun place to work though :pac:

Crackerspray

Me: good morning AIB, yada yada speaking, how can I help you?

Farmer: I need to see if my direct debit was paid

Me: that's grand, can I have your account number so I can check that?

Angry Farmer: what would I be doin with my account number, I'm out in the feilds!!!

Wasn't the funniest thing but was pricless at the time!

Also, we had a german countess who insisted on being called countess.... (b!tch)

Edit: just remembered, I use to have to ring different departments and I used to have to speak with a 'Jane' on a regular basis, Jane was a bit of a cow at the best of times and would get more and more angry as my calls to her went on.... One day Jane was getting VERY angry and had a sudden outburst, shouting; ITS JAMES, NOT JANE!!! I stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, trying not to laugh at his squeeky voice as I whimpered a pathetic 'sorry' down the line!!

spinandscribble

i worked for a british bank who gave out free travel insurance as a perk for certain types of accounts. one day a terribly posh brit rings up to inform me that her lovely 18 year old daughter was going to be working and sailing around on a tallship for a year.
as she was
a) over 18 and not in full time education
b) working overseas for a year

she would not be covered. the posh lady got incredibly thick with me over this and eventually decided it was discrimination against single mothers (?!). she then told me did we go after "the gay fellows" as badly.
"eh, no in fact they have the same rights as a heterosexual couple"
"alright then... me and my daughter are gay and together"

:O

i explained to her thats incest and not exactly covered under the free policy she snapped and told me calling her lover her daughter was the same as calling her a elephant....
she then asked for my supervisor.

another time a customer rang on behalf of her husband. his name was richard dickinson. when i confirmed this she got quite huffy over being kept on the phone and ranted "his name ain't rich, its dick, its always dick, has been since he was little, little ick not little rich, he's been a dick for years, he's dick dickenson!!"

cue me laughing and telling her
"i completely understand your husbands a dick not a rich. he's got a great name!"

.... cue silence on her end of the phone.

"*cough* its just um, really memorable mrs dick dickenson.... dickensons a great writer, you should be proud of that, eh, name... so about your husbands enlarged prostate again??"

i quit after a month. couldn't put up with being called "a stupid ****ing irish person" at least 5 times a day. i really saw everything in that month had people cry on the phone because they were dying, had them cry because their daughter had finally gone into remission, got death threats. yeah it was like being in this weird bubble.

spinandscribble

Big_Mac wrote: »

Customer complaint escalated to a Team Leader:

Customer: I never got the callback that I was promised

Me: Apologies, I can see that we tried to call you three times but we couldn't get through.

Customer: But I never got my callback

Me: Again, I apologise, but I am here now and you have my undivided attention. How can I help you?

Customer: Blah blah complain moan

Me: Apologies but we are not in a position to offer any credits for this issue

Customer: But I never got my callback

Me: But I am speaking to you now

Customer: but I never got my callback

Me: I apologies, but I am speaking with you now

Customer: But I never got my callback

Me: Well, I can hang up and ring you back if it makes you feel better...

Queue complain about me

Knobhead!

priceless. i've been laughing for minute straight!:D

KingLoser

I fixed Paul Daniels' internet.

Like f*cking magic.

luckat

Is it true that Indigo's tech support office used to be lán-Gaelach in the mornings? (Among the staff, not necessarily with the customers.)

I was once in an office phoning them to get help setting up a new internet connection in an office while my boss stood behind me repeatedly whispering "Tiocfaidh ár lá" and I tried not to crack up laughing.

They were really nice people to deal with, by the way.

midlandsmissus

Oh back in the days when I did cold calls (AGGHHH!!!) in a call centre for mobile phone insurance, one of the calls went like this.

Me: Hello you recently bought a 'certain provider' phone, you had two weeks to take up mobile insurance on it, today is the last day of your two weeks so i'm ringing to check if you want it on the phone

Guy: Do you know who is this? Did you check your computer screen?

Me: Yes Mr. Wise? Em..

Guy: Did you watch big brother?

(Turened out it was that welsh lad GLyn off big brother 2 yrs ago)

Cue alot of 'don't you KNOW WHO I AM', and 'I'M VERY BUSY WITH APPEARANCES' and the like, so i said 'No I never watch reality rubbish' and he hung up hehehe

i also got Shayne Ward on the phone once, and he was much more polite.


I used to love the names aswell. Especially the Mr. Cockburns who insisted I had to pronounce it COburn. Of course I would forget this any time I was talking to them

Berty

Crackerspray wrote: »

Also, we had a german countess who insisted on being called countess.... (b!tch)

I had some strange old man from Jersey who kept demanding to be called Captain because he had a tug boat. I refused to call him captain and kept calling him sir.

Customer "You must address me as Captain"
Me "Sorry Sir, I cannot do that"
Customer "But I am a Captain"
Me "Im not your tug boat crew" (heads started to raise above the cubiciles)
Customer "If you were on my tug you would call me Captain and I would make you swab the decks"
Me "Im sorry Sir but I get sea sick"
Customer "Call me Captain you insolent little paddy fvck"
Me "Im sorry Sir but you cannot use that kind of language so I must warn you that if you use that kind of language again I WILL terminate the call"
Customer "I said call me Captain you beep beep beep beep beep beep fvcking beep beep beep"

Why did I always receive those calls?


In our call centre you generally had a 6 month barrier. If you brook through the barrier you were mentally scarred but strong enough to get through the misery. The rest just crumbled and quit.