Are you a heartbreaker or a heartbreakee??

Wibbs

Oh no I agree. Entirely. One should never revisit the past, only create new relationships, from the lessons of that past. Sometimes and rarely that's with a long time ex, but it still has to be a new relationship. Hence it's rare and even then usually goes south.

NewFrockTuesday

Sorry for hi jacking the thread a little. Ive just finished dinner with the guy and he was in a really good mood this evening It was lovely to enjoy his company in good form.

Maybe theres hope for him yet!

Sometimes that is just not possible due to the amount of mental and emotional
drama and trauma

Am I really so late in copping this on?

Im not convinced. Ive never seen anyone else not move on in the way I saw exposed last night for a very brief second. What has happenned to these people in your collective experience? Im very curious about this now.

Wibbs

Usually first love types. Lasted a few years. Because they were inexperienced they ddn't see the pitfalls coming. Tend to over believe the romantic hollywood notion. They may be quite insecure people too and believed that only one could love them. Or like your mate, they've had someone truly dump on them. Someone they truly loved and were massively betrayed by or as I say didn't see it coming. Because of that they have regret as well as the loss to deal with. I mean that mate of yours had it rough. Married to someone with an 8 year old child. so they were probably together for ten years or more and then bang. No wonder they're screwed by it.

NewFrockTuesday

Ok....yes. Thank you.

But what happens now? In 5 years? What happens to these people? This could not go on forever? Ever and ever? No. It would surely be too hard to labour under all the days of your life. Recovery must happen. It has too. Otherwise there would be alot more madness in the world.

Nevyn

Due to the fact she is still in his life via the child he has not had time to forget or heal.

Forgiving is one thing forgetting is another and for her to have no longer any impact means him being able to forget which he can't do if she is in his life, so the wounds never close properly and each bad encounter just rips them open again.

He knows far to much about what goes on her life, maybe when the child is older and he no longer
has to deal with her and what she did to him day in and day out he can rebuild.

IF she is still in the family home then that in it's self can be a grudge which is festering.

There are many many miserable people out there trudging through the day and week and
doing what ever it takes to get by, be it keeping themselves detached and not feeling anything or
taking meds or drinking to dull the pain of their life cos they cant' deal with it.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from, all the lonely people, where do they all belong."

Terry

Oh Terry. i really love you. You're such a nice person and a really good friend, but...

Twice.

My reply: Well **** you, you ****ing bitch. I loved you and this is how you treat me?
go and **** yourself you complete and utter ****.

Phone numer deleted. e-mail and MSN blocked. Sulk for a few weeks and then get over it.
Still hold a torch, but being realistic I now know that both relationships were doomed.

Never been the heartbreaker though.

littlebug

Thaedydal wrote: »

There are many many miserable people out there trudging through the day and week and
doing what ever it takes to get by, be it keeping themselves detached and not feeling anything or
taking meds or drinking to dull the pain of their life cos they cant' deal with it.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from, all the lonely people, where do they all belong."

That's so sad (sniff)

A bit of both here. I think I broke a few hearts in my earlier lurve career... though they seemed to get over it quickly enough so it can't have been that big a deal. The first really big relationship (3 years) was totally heartbreaking for me from start to finish so it was a blessed relief to be out of it. The next one had the biggest effect for the shock factor of the way it ended but we weren't together that long so I think it was more the shock and having to deal with an amount of public humiliation . I'm not sure that I've ever been truly heartbroken... or maybe I just convinced myself that I wasn't.

Wibbs makes sense (as always) every one of these experiences has formed part of the chain that has led me to who I am and where I am today and that's a good place... so thanks you lyin' cheatin' bustards

Wibbs

littlebug wrote:

every one of these experiences has formed part of the chain that has led me to who I am and where I am today and that's a good place... so thanks you lyin' cheatin' bustards

and exactly.

Thaedydal wrote: »

There are many many miserable people out there trudging through the day and week and
doing what ever it takes to get by, be it keeping themselves detached and not feeling anything or
taking meds or drinking to dull the pain of their life cos they cant' deal with it.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from, all the lonely people, where do they all belong."

Sadly and commonly true and not just heartbreakees either.









PS my fave song ever that one. Not for it's pathos, but musically, lyrically, its complex simplicity and simply for how much resonance it has and probably always will have all packed into two minutes. The next time someone calls Madonna a genius, point them that away(she would).

Papillon87

littlebug wrote: »

every one of these experiences has formed part of the chain that has led me to who I am and where I am today and that's a good place... so thanks you lyin' cheatin' bustards

Hehehehe, that cheered me right up :P

Crumble Froo

both, but mostly with the same guy. had a few relationships before him, but i was never able to handle a serious relationship and it was generally pretty clear to all involved that it was going nowhere.

with my fella though, we had a really stormy first year, and broke up a couple of times. mostly cos of me, actually. but yep, i damn near broke his heart once, basically re-enacted the end of his last relationship for him. cos im nice like that. ive never felt more despicable and worthless in my life.

got it back together after that, and just when it seemed we'd finally settled back down, he dumped me, and i was absolutely gutted. devastated, just... so numb. wibbs is right, it hurt worse than most bereavements... it's got everything about the loss and the person being gone and nothing you can do...but it's got this added personal thing to it, they deliberately left you because of you. that **** stings.

i have vague memories of that being my first night in fibbers, had gone round to a mate's and she brought me out to cheer me up and i refused to drink cos it would end in badness and then i lost everyone and ordered a few tequilas. man, elements of that night are all so clear. but it's awful, truly truly awful.

Caliden

First time posting here. Hi!

Been both the heartbreaker and heartbreakee.

Being oblivious to the breakup is harsh enough but when I done the heartbreak I did actually think of the other person and say "If that was me, I would want to know what was going on"

Either way, it wasn't easy but then again relationships are never easy

Kya1976

Even though I ended my last long term relationship it doesn't mean I didn't get my heart broken in the process:(

Puddleduck

Both. Been heartbroken (I think) and heartbreakee.

But for the most part the hearts I broke healed quickly.
I had my heartbroken, again I think, once. Tbh Im not sure, it did physically hurt and I felt completely lost but I built myself back up, I find the hardest thing to get over is the anger you direct at yourself (see : How could I have been such a fcukin eejit)
I dont think Im any more guarded than before. Im with someone new now and I love him in a different way, but not any less. I can also say I love him in a healthier way. It would hurt like hell if we broke up, but at the same time I know I wont be destroyed from it. In order to move on you have to make yourself move on.

Monkey61

Always the heartbreakee. Mainly because I am far too idealistic and sensitive and will never let anything go without fighting for it even if it is long dead. Also because once I'm mad about someone it takes a hell of a lot for me to stop being - years.

Nevyn

Nothing quiet like the feeling someone has reached into your chest with an icecream scoop
and had a go at removing your heart.

Poccington

I've had my heartbroken, never broken a heart though thankfully.

It's an absolutely terrible feeling and led to some quite heavy drinking for me. Ironically enough, it all came from the fact that her heart had been broken by someone previously. Although if I stayed with her I never would've applied for the job I'm in as it's an idea she hated, so it worked out for the better eventually.

I'm quite guarded when it comes to women these days as a result though, which isn't good.

Zee Deveel

Thaedydal wrote: »

Nothing quiet like the feeling someone has reached into your chest with an icecream scoop
and had a go at removing your heart.

Particularly when they don't even get it in one nice fluid motion, but have to keep hacking away at the block of icecream in order to nicely fill the cone...

Though I'm not entirely sure I like comparing my heart to ice...

pseudonym1

Heart breaker have been told - but that me thinks was in jest.

As someone said it is almost worse than a beravement - broke up from a long term relationship the same summer my Father passed away- and I prayed to whatever was devine if could have one of them back!
Twice heartbroken it always seemed as if they got over it easier - or maybe thats just the way it seemed.

IMO Heartache is like love it never fully disolves.

Nevyn

Zee Deveel wrote: »

Particularly when they don't even get it in one nice fluid motion, but have to keep hacking away at the block of icecream in order to nicely fill the cone...

Though I'm not entirely sure I like comparing my heart to ice...

Oh you mean when they wait just long enough for when you think you are over them and come back for seconds ?

Or when you have trusted them again and have just about healed up and
they have another go ?

pseudonym1 wrote: »

As someone said it is almost worse than a beravement - broke up from a long term relationship the same summer my Father passed away- and I prayed to whatever was devine if could have one of them back!
Twice heartbroken it always seemed as if they got over it easier - or maybe thats just the way it seemed.

IMO Heartache is like love it never fully disolves.

Yes cos if they were at least dead there would be no way to give it another go and try do things better or they would be walking around making other people happy.

Which I think it is important that for a period of time you have to make them
dead to you, so that you can heal.

Zee Deveel

Thaedydal wrote: »

Oh you mean when they wait just long enough for when you think you are over them and come back for seconds ?

Or when you have trusted them again and have just about healed up and
they have another go ?

The second one, mostly. It just never seems (in my experience anyway) to happen in one fluid motion. It's never just one smooth enormous amount of pain, it's always sort of hacked away, whether it's some fighting and harsh words or rejection or them moving on or something else hurtful. It's just never quite a nice smooth motion, the heart seems to be taken out in various sized chunks. Which sounds immensely weird now that I've elaborated, but it made perfect sense when I first said it.

pseudonym1

Thaedydal wrote: »

Which I think it is important that for a period of time you have to make them
dead to you, so that you can heal.

Agree - 'tis the only way - Unfortunate thought that heart ache takes all your faith and belief in love and leaves you with fear and loathing!

Nevyn

NAh I get you, it erodes away at who you are and your love for them,
until there is more heartache then love but it's gradual enough that
you keep forgiving them and people think you are mad until one day
there is the straw that breaks the camels back.

aoibhebree

Poccington wrote: »

I've had my heartbroken, never broken a heart though thankfully.

That's a really selfless statement. Fair play to ya!!

Jules

Once the breaker but as said before i had my heart broken a thousand times during the relationship, that it changed who i was. Once the breakee and that word doesn't even cover it.

NewFrockTuesday

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poccington
I've had my heartbroken,

never broken a heart though thankfully

.


That's a really selfless statement. Fair play to ya!!

I thought the exact same thing. Fair play to you.

cuckoo

Zee Deveel wrote: »

The second one, mostly. It just never seems (in my experience anyway) to happen in one fluid motion. It's never just one smooth enormous amount of pain, it's always sort of hacked away, whether it's some fighting and harsh words or rejection or them moving on or something else hurtful. It's just never quite a nice smooth motion, the heart seems to be taken out in various sized chunks. Which sounds immensely weird now that I've elaborated, but it made perfect sense when I first said it.

Don't forget the sharp shards that get left behind, and stab at your lungs so it can be hard to breathe. They lie in wait, you think it's all over and you're better then something happens to shift the last remaining bits of your broken heart and it's like a thousand splinters under your fingernails - only it's on the inside, and you feel like the pain will never end.

The worst bit is when you wake up in the morning, and for a minute or two as you swim out of sleep you don't remember. Then, as you blink into the day the loss hits you....again. It's like the broken bits of heart are a corrupted disc, skipping back to and repeating the pain.

Zee Deveel

cuckoo wrote: »

Don't forget the sharp shards that get left behind, and stab at your lungs so it can be hard to breathe. They lie in wait, you think it's all over and you're better then something happens to shift the last remaining bits of your broken heart and it's like a thousand splinters under your fingernails - only it's on the inside, and you feel like the pain will never end.

The worst bit is when you wake up in the morning, and for a minute or two as you swim out of sleep you don't remember. Then, as you blink into the day the loss hits you....again. It's like the broken bits of heart are a corrupted disc, skipping back to and repeating the pain.

Don't worry. It'll be a long time before I ever forget. :P:(

Live and learn. The hurt gets less as time goes on, but it really does stay with you.

aoibhebree

Feckin hell, you know something, I started this thread not too seriously, but reading some peoples' replies ... I really really hope that, whatever hearts I broke, the people in question didn't love me enough to hurt as much as described here Maybe I'm just immature and inexperienced, but I honestly had no understanding or comprehension of just how horrific and life-changing it could be.

Wibbs

Oh it can be pretty horrific and life changing alright. I look at it this way though; on the pretty rare occasions where I loved someone and they loved me back I feel that very deeply, no holds barred, I'm completely emotionally open, so I figure the loss of that love I feel as equally deeply and emotionally open and make no excuse for either states of mind and heart. That's the horrific bit, but the life changing part is a good thing. My life will be forever changed for feeling that kind of love and in the losing of that, it changed too. For the better. Yes I lost them, but in learning from it, I found more of myself. I wouldn't have it any other way. Though I must admit, I do envy those that fall in love more often and those who can reset the mechanism quicker.