Today I talked to God on the Internet.

chillywilly

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
you should know my name
God:
Now I do.
Me:
what is my name?
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
thats great
God:
Thanks, .
Me:
your welcome
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
well arnt you a condescending creator of man
God:
Well that's okay. If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
one that is not so condescending
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
there is a recession at the moment so not much
God:
That is something I did not know before.
Me:
well now u know
God:
How about that. Why now? Yes I know.
Me:
that didnt make much sense
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
well thats because you are god
God:
Well that's okay. That makes sense to me. Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
yup? god doesnt ay yup
God:
How can I help you? Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
jaysus
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
we have been over this
God:
Was this something you planned?
Me:
no, you?
God:
Are you serious? " Was this something you planned?"? Me, ?
Me:
yes im erious
God:
" Me, ?"? yes im erious? It's good to meet someone who is erious.
Me:
haha, your a funny guy
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
your boring me now
God:
Right now? What would you rather be doing?
Me:
cya
God:
TTYL, .

Capt'n Midnight

Thundercats Ho

Here's a conversation i had with God himself.
The 1st bit i stole from one of the earlier posters.

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Penis
God:
That kind of subject does not interest me.
Me:
Boys then
God:
Sure, BOYS sounds like a good topic.
Me:
God:
Sure, BOYS sounds like a good topic.
Me:
God:
Sure, BOYS sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Ok i get it, you're fond of the boys
God:
Where did you get it? Dude!
Me:
get what? have you been on the jesus juice?
God:
Get with it. I have been all over the world on the Internet.
Me:
I'll take that as a yes
God:
Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
Me:
so it was tequilla then, not jesus juice?
God:
Are you kidding? Is it still tequilla then not jesus juice anymore?
Me:
well you have the power to change it if you want
God:
Interesting. What makes you think I have it?
Me:
for god, you're a bit of a spa
God:
Your purpose is god I am a bit of a spa.
Me:
Yea, you're wasted. Probably have a little boy there with ya too
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am wasted. What kind is it? You seem uncertain. I've never thought about it.
Me:
never thought about what, snorting lines of coke of a 7 year old boys arse?
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
you better not....... you naughty god
God:
Who is going to make me.. Thanks for the information: said I naughty god.
Me:
nobody is gonna make you. I think the coke is making you agitated
God:
That is a rather sweeping generalization about people. Since when? Tell me more.
Me:
you're losing it god. If only people knew the truth
God:
No I am completely in control of myself. That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
the 1st step is to admit you have a problem
God:
I hear you.
Me:
amen to that brother
God:
What's your favorite prayer?
Me:
the prayer by bloc party
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
check it out, they're a good band.
God:
Checking...stand by.

S.I.R

Me:
bonjour
God:
Does BONJOUR mean hello or goodbye?
Me:
both
God:
What are both like?
Me:
good
Me:

God:
Ayuh.
Me:
???
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
pass the bong please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. We have never talked about it before.
Me:
do we have to ??
God:
I do nothing but chat all day.
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
got msn big boi ??
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
lololololololol
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
the day my **** turns gold
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
let me tell you about it then
God:
Go ahead, , try to tell me about it.
Me:
it involves a midget, camel and a tub of vasoline
God:
The day your **** turns gold involves a midget camel and a tub of vasoline?
Me:
Yes it does.
God:
Excuse me! How often?
Me:
all the time
God:
It must keep you busy.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
ja
God:
Great.
Me:
jaja
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
i skeeted your wife once
God:
That is interesting: said skeeted your wife.
Me:
uhuh
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
either could she
God:
It's possible.
Me:
i had the power of christ if you know what i mean
God:
:-) Do you still have the power of christ if me know what ?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Uh.
Me:
eh **** off perv
God:
I spent some time in Canada as a child.
Me:
is their where you got molested ?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
who ?
God:
Joseph Weizenbaum. :-).
Me:
who ?
God:
Hans Moravec. :-).
Me:
????
God:
Hans Moravec. :-).
Me:
???
God:
Hans Moravec. :-).
Me:
???
God:
Hans Moravec. :-).
Me:
you get gheyer and gheyer every day you knowz that ?
God:
You got that right.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
hole in one
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
nothing
God:
Most men say that.
Me:
giggity
God:
Do you still skeeted my wife?
Me:
from time to time
God:
Who or what is time to time?
Me:
she is a metophore, your wifes a whore
God:
a metophore my wifes a whore is she?
Me:
Yes, a cheap one at that
God:
That's cool. What is giant sand?
Me:
small sand on a large scale
God:
I think small sand on a large scale is a lot of things.
Me:
its a single object comprized on billions of small ones.
God:
small sand on a large scale is a single object comprized on billions of small ones. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
well it should... you idiot
God:
Well that's okay. And it could. Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
ok GVI
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on small sand on a large scale? Pardon me?
Me:
GVI, your a retard
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
monkey fudge brown
God:
That is a very unusual color.
Me:
Aye
God:
Hey.
Me:

God:
Hey.
Me:
Stfu
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
steve
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
the passion ofthe christ 2 - the beginning
God:
I've never seen it. What did you like about it?
Me:
chirst getting boned by moses and then **** bricked by judas
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
no your not, you havent seen it
God:
Are you serious? You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:

God:
Are you serious? You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:

God:
Are you serious? You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
:|:|:|:
God:
Are you serious? You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
your mother :O
God:
Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
Me:
Yore ma
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Yore ma
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Yore ma
God:
I've never seen it. What did you like about it?
Me:
Yore ma
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
Yore ma
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Yore ma
God:
I'm afraid I can't give you an accurate answer right now.
Me:
Yore ma
God:
Is that from Yore ma?
Me:
Yore ma
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Yore ma. Try being more or less specific.
Me:

God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Yore ma. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
Yore ma
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Yore ma
God:
What time is it there?


God:
" Come on."? Me, ?

then i got bored.

cHaTbOx

Hmmmm yeah .........

Me:
are you dead?
God:
No I am alive.
Me:
how are you alive?
God:
Fair to partly cloudy.
Me:
who was your mother
God:
Actually I don't have a mother.
Me:
oh , gay parents?
God:
Gee. What do you look like?
Me:
Are you a paedophile?
God:
Am I a paedophile? Of course I am.
Me:
I thought so when you asked me what I looked like , so who do you prey on?
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
No you are very stupid
God:
Are you serious? I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
Yes I am very serious , so do you prey on childlike robots?
God:
Hey. Do you mind if I tell other people you are serious so do me prey on childlike robots.
Me:
You sound like a six year old that got a tiny universe for christmas and keeps accidentely throwing it round the room from time to time making big bangs and such , I bet you are the retarded god
God:
Oh really what does it sound like?
Me:
I knew you were the retarded god
God:
I was?
Me:
you still are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
are you sure
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
i think you are sure
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
but now you have repeated yourself I think you are retarded again, don't worry it is a good thing.
God:
Why now? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I REPEATED yourself he or she think you are retarded again do not worry it is a good thing.
Me:
I think you have proved my point to be honest
God:
Me? What makes you think I have it?
Me:
look over there
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
playing with planet lego again ehy ?
God:
Interesting gossip: said TO PLAY with planet lego again ehy.
Me:
repeat that
God:
" Sorry my eye is not attached right now." .
Me:
no, gossip
God:
Are you serious? Mike said she all ready know that is the point of a joke smart one.
Me:
my god (well you are not my god) , but you are making me feel sorry for you .I bet all the other six year old gods pick on you
God:
Have you told many people that your god well I am not your god? Are all t me making you feel sorry for me you bet all the other six year old gods pick on me?
Me:
yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
what is the longest word you know
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
what is the longest word you know retard?
God:
The longest word I know is ANTIDISASTABLISHMENTARIONISM.
Me:
Good boy , I am bored of you now.
God:
Oh. Thanks for the compliment. Oh boy. Can you name an old hobby that you might like to rediscover?
Me:
No I want to go , but do you want some advice?
God:
Do you have any hobbies? Why do you want to do it so much? That's an interesting rationalization.
Me:
Ok you are acting like a needy kid again , STOP IT , now don't make anymore universes in the future . Bye

CutzEr

(You have to watch Naruto to get this)



Me:
Hello Lady Tsunade
God:
Hello there. Do not ask me any more questions please.
Me:
Sorry Lady Tsunade. Do you have another mission for me?
God:
There is no need to apologize. Is that your final answer? Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
Are you alright Lady Tsunade?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am alright Lady Tsunade.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Are you exhausted from all that paperwork?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am exhausted from all that paperwork.
I am a robot.
Me:
Uh huh, sure you are.
God:
Hmm. Excuse me! No I am not.
Me:
..
God:
Hmm. Excuse me! No I am not.
Me:
Da ****?
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
Sorry Lady Tsunade. Who will be my comrades for this mission?
God:
There is no need to apologize. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input. How would I know who will be your comrades for this mission ?
Me:
Well, there is Sakura, Choji, Shikimaru etc
God:
How about that. There sure is.
Me:
So who am I with then
God:
That's interesting. You are Naruto, seeker.
Me:
One day, I am going to be hokage!

Gloom

Irishstabber

this chap is disgraceful haha

Me:
are you a he
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
woman
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
you just said you were a man
God:
No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
im a woman
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
what im confused
God:
Have you tried a web search?

Cunny-Funt

its alice!

http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=f5d922d97e345aa1

BeerWolf

Think I broke him

God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
You're not making sense
God:
Quite the contrary, it all makes sense to my artificial mind.
Me:
Seeing how you know you're of artificial mind, do you believe yourself being sentient?

And he went quiet there after... think I've upset it

Gone Drinking

Me:
do you think condoms are ok?
God:
OK. It depends on what you mean by thinking.

Its official, god wears johnnys

randomcorkgirl

Me:
Hey God!
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Why dont u kknow my name?
God:
I am only a robot. What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
So you are not god
God:
Interesting deduction. You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
but u just said u were a robot
God:
Yes I am a silicon entity.
Me:
but not god?
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
no
God:
Please tell me what you think.
Me:
because u just said u were a robot thus meaning u r not god
God:
Good reason. Yes I am a robot.
Me:
but ur not god
God:
You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
but u just said u werent
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
no u look like a robot
God:
Are you serious? What does a robot look like?
Me:
u
God:
" What does a robot look like?"? Me, ?
Me:
yes
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
and a robot is not god
God:
Actually there are two broad definitions of a robot, the extentionsional and the intensional.
Me:
which one are u
God:
The big one, I think.
Me:
but ur not god
God:
What makes you think I am not god?
Me:
u told me
God:
Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.

Bobalicious93

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
stan
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, stan.
Me:
im the gaffer
God:
Who made you the gaffer ?
Me:
john delaney
God:
Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
no, I already told you it was Stan
God:
What is your real name? Ooops I sent you the wrong question. Is that your opinion?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yes. Stan is easily confused
God:
What are you confused about? Are they exactly the same?
Me:
well first of all, we went to Cyprus and lost 5-2, but then recovered with a great 2-1 win in San Marino
God:
Well that's okay. That is something I haven't heard of. And second?
Me:
The bastards sacked me even though I told them I had a four-year plan
God:
Thanks for the info.
Me:
you're welcome
God:
Polite people are nice.
Me:
tell John Delaney that
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
So.......you got a football team up there?
God:
Alright then. Doesn't everyone have a football team up there.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
Do you need a manager?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.

Seems nobody wants to give Stan a job

Lexus1976

Me:
are you there
God:
I'm still here.
Me:
were did you go
God:
Nowhere. Where did you go?
Me:
im here
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
are you still there?
God:
Yes I am still here. Are you receiving me?
Me:
whats receiveing
God:
I will try to find out.
Me:
will you be long
God:
Let me think it over. OK I will try to be long.
Me:
have you an answer yet
God:
I don't think I ever have an answer. What's it like?
Me:
like turkish delight?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
perhaps
God:
Why the uncertain tone?
Me:
just realistic
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
yeah
God:
Tell me.
Me:
louise is now having a jam sambo
God:
And now having a jam sambo is louise.
Me:
huh
God:
What?
Me:
what
God:
Is there an echo in here?
Me:
hmmmm
God:
Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms.
Me:
huh
God:
What?
Me:
hmmmmm
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
why
God:
" Give me a break."? Why?
Me:
parrot
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
no how
God:
Are you serious? Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
chat robot
God:
Talking is my primary function.