Sexy? Teddies or Bare?

Nevyn

Terodil wrote: »

Sorry, but that article made me sick. While the author may make some valid points, she ruins it entirely by falling into the other extreme of attributing all the problems that may exist between man and woman to the male chauvinists' iron boots pressing down on poor women's necks.

I thought we were long past such overly simplistic mindsets.

The society we live in is the product of it's past and social mores may have change to a degree but
certain underlying ways of doing things and some attitudes have not. I don't think people go around
deliberately oppressing other people it's just hang overs from earlier times and we do still need to question
such things.

I think sexuality is a complex issue and she does have some points which are worth considering even if the article seems to go tits up towards the end.

that women feel overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, understimulated, and shamed about their bodies

We see threads about that every day in here and on the rest of the site and about

It's still women who are instructed to worry about their "number" being too high. It's still women who have to hear that having prior sexual experience makes us legitimate targets to rape. The words "whore" and "slut" describe women, not men. Sexual mores have loosened somewhat, but we still live in a world where Good Girls Don't.

The idea that we can't be loved and respected by our male partners and also dress up
in sexy undies or role play sex wear and have all the mad happy raunchy silly sex while
in a long term relationship I think is a very very daft one.

Then again I never bought into the being 'settled down' and becoming 'respectable' crap.

So many people seem to have thier sex life trail off, maybe they have bigger expections and yes working long hours and having kids can wear you out and use up the day
but really wearing certain clothes ( what ever they may be ) which signal to your partner that later on will be sexy play time helps you both get into the mood.

Stheno

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think sexuality is a complex issue and she does have some points which are worth considering even if the article seems to go tits up towards the end.



We see threads about that every day in here and on the rest of the site and about



The idea that we can't be loved and respected by our male partners and also dress up
in sexy undies or role play sex wear and have all the mad happy raunchy silly sex while
in a long term relationship I think is a very very daft one.

Then again I never bought into the being 'settled down' and becoming 'respectable' crap.

So many people seem to have thier sex life trail off, maybe they have bigger expections and yes working long hours and having kids can wear you out and use up the day
but really wearing certain clothes ( what ever they may be ) which signal to your partner that later on will be sexy play time helps you both get into the mood.

Great post

I think in many ways people deprioritise their sex life over time, the rest of "life" takes too much of a toll, I'm thinking of a post by Wibbs today in PI where he posted that more women than men cite a crap sex life as being a factor in seperation/divorce.

Like any aspect of a relationship, imo you need to work on your sex life just as much as any other area, and it's not a huge effort to make.

ETA: What's settling down and becoming respectable? I've a friend who's mantra is that we are all fundamentally playing at being grown up, getting obsessed with what you do/who you are/what you earn doesn't really matter if you aren't happy

Joey the lips

I got the article but it deviates slightly from my thinking I dont know if its directed at me. My question speci deals with my wife. My wife does loads for me. She dresses up, she perfumes up etc but I dont know what I am expected to do for her bar the few comments back which says "trat her like a lady"

Stheno

Joey the lips wrote: »

I got the article but it deviates slightly from my thinking I dont know if its directed at me. My question speci deals with my wife. My wife does loads for me. She dresses up, she perfumes up etc but I dont know what I am expected to do for her bar the few comments back which says "trat her like a lady"

I'm not trying to be critical, but can't you talk to your wife about this?

Do you discuss your sex life and what you both want from it? Your fantasies, what you each love about sex, what more you'd like from it, and what could add to it? Have you asked her what she would like you to do?

You might not get one standard answer, I know for me it depends on my mood, sometimes I want to feel absolutely loved, othertimes I want different things, but unless you discuss it (and it doesn't have to be an awkward stilted conversation if you time it right) you'll never know and you'll always wonder.

The Sweeper

You know that article makes some good points, but in a way it oversimplifies them and blames the wrong things for what it's accurately identified as issues.

It also makes one argument that I feel is intrinsically wrong - it links things like resentment through general inequality to a low libido in women.

I think the scariest part of relationships where one partner is dissatisfied with their sexual fulfilment is the part that we don't want to recognise. Usually, it's assumed that the man wants sex, and the women doesn't. She simply isn't interested. I don't believe that.

I believe that the man wants sex, and the woman does too; but she just doesn't want to have it with him.

There was a thread started recently on boards.ie, some poster had signed up for one of these online tryst-arranging sites, where married women can have no-strings-attached sex. He said he'd had sex with three women already and was astounded by the number of responses and even by the nature of the act itself. It would probably be difficult if not impossible for a husband to understand why his wife, who won't have sex with him, would sign up to have sex with a complete stranger. It's easier to assume that a lack of sex in a relationship is down to a lack of libido on her part than to shine a light on anything else in the relationship that is making her not want to have sex.

Personally, I believe that those married women who use NSA sex websites are essentially using a human dildo - a bloke to scratch the itch and with whom there is absolutely zero emotional connection. That zero connection means she can have sex without shame, respect, concern or any underlying tensions or themes. She still wants the sex, but she can't get past the baggage with her current partner to have sex with him.

There is a far, far greater mental aspect to sex for women than there is for men. Personally I believe that's hardwired into evolutionary conditioning even more than societal conditioning. That's why I say sex for women is about what happened all day, not what's happening right now.

Joey the lips

nouggatti wrote: »

I'm not trying to be critical, but can't you talk to your wife about this?

Do you discuss your sex life and what you both want from it? Your fantasies, what you each love about sex, what more you'd like from it, and what could add to it? Have you asked her what she would like you to do?

You might not get one standard answer, I know for me it depends on my mood, sometimes I want to feel absolutely loved, othertimes I want different things, but unless you discuss it (and it doesn't have to be an awkward stilted conversation if you time it right) you'll never know and you'll always wonder.

I do thanks I app the question. I have talked many times. My wife tells me I am looking into it to much and not to worry she is happy enough. So I broadened the question " If you walk into a room dressed in lovely underware and a gown I assume you want me to suduce you" She said "ok" So I said what do I do to say "Dress up" so that when you see me you know tha I want you to suduce me and so hopefully making you feel you want me rather then just I want you.

She said dont worry your fine I want you just as you are and its not the same for women. Which of course I dont believe which is why I am researching here!

Stheno

Joey the lips wrote: »

I do thanks I app the question. I have talked many times. My wife tells me I am looking into it to much and not to worry she is happy enough. So I broadened the question " If you walk into a room dressed in lovely underware and a gown I assume you want me to suduce you" She said "ok" So I said what do I do to say "Dress up" so that when you see me you know tha I want you to suduce me and so hopefully making you feel you want me rather then just I want you.

She said dont worry your fine I want you just as you are and its not the same for women. Which of course I dont believe which is why I am researching here!

Firstly why don't you believe her?

Secondly when do you bring this up? There's a time and a place for these conversations imo, sitting on the sofa watching dispatches is not the best time to do it

It could well be that you bring it up too much, or at the wrong time, and your wife feels it's a demand rather than an equal discussion?

Joey the lips

nouggatti wrote: »

Firstly why don't you believe her?

Secondly when do you bring this up? There's a time and a place for these conversations imo, sitting on the sofa watching dispatches is not the best time to do it

It could well be that you bring it up too much, or at the wrong time, and your wife feels it's a demand rather than an equal discussion?

I dont know why I dont believe her. Honestly I want to be the best I can as to me she is brilliant. I walk around like a cat that gets the cream she dosent so thats the reason why I am trying to improve it.

When is the best time to bring it up? Thanks

Stheno

Joey the lips wrote: »

When is the best time to bring it up? Thanks

It depends on you as a couple imo when do you usually bring it up?

Joey the lips

nouggatti wrote: »

It depends on you as a couple imo when do you usually bring it up?

Seriously: Truth or dare when we are drinking. Its the only time she lets go but I wish she wos like that when sober. Thanks for the advice its much appricated.

Stheno

Joey the lips wrote: »

Seriously: Truth or dare when we are drinking. Its the only time she lets go but I wish she wos like that when sober. Thanks for the advice its much appricated.

Ah to be honest, imo you'll never make any progress there imo.

Bring this up after really good sex, or when you are talking about your relationship, but when you are sober, and it's contextual.

I'm very lucky, I've a partner I can talk to very openly about these things, but at an appropriate time (be it lying on the sofa having a cuddle or after sex) and he's very open.

Drink doesn't come into it as neither of us are great drinkers, you need imo to move away from that

Good luck.

Red Hand

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Nothing feels nicer against your skin, than the skin of someone you love.

GI sounds like Annabelle Lector!:eek: No, sorry, I mean Buffalo Wilhelma from the Silence of the Lambs

"It takes the lotion and it rubs the lotion on it's skin!":pac:

Jules

Im not 100% sure if it has been said already but whatever makes me feel sex at the time is always win!

Manic Moran

I don't think there is an answer. Every lass looks different, so the 'sexiest attire' probably varies person to person. However, it's the way they act that gets to me more than what they're wearing.

NTM (Interloper)

SerialComplaint

Joey the lips wrote: »

I buy a lot of underware for my wife but I think I am buying it for myself more so.

Does it fit you?

banshee_bones

Its going to be different for everyone.

For some its a plain black babydoll with pink satin trim. Others its an over sized t-shirt.

for me i find side tying underwear coupled with the right look .... gets a positive response....

However each to their own...

Aisling(",)

At the moment i wouldnt be very comfortable in the kind of anne summers "sexy underwear" while getting down to buisness.Im happier and feel better in a nice bra and hot pants or girl boxers.If im trying to seduce the mister i find one of his t-shirts,a pair of girl boxers and the "i want you right now" look works and i feel sexy in it.

SeekUp

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

What makes you feel most sexy when being intimate with a man, wearing a teddie, other types of lingerie, or bare?

Lads who frequent LL may comment, cause we might be interested in what you think too.:cool:

I feel sexiest when I'm wearing something, whether it be lacy underthings or a skirt or shorts and a tank top around the house. Naked is excellent, but certainly not when I feel my sexiest!

And as for the "Lads who frequent LL,"I've heard enough of what they think is sexy on a woman . . . how about what makes them feel sexy? A fresh pair of boxers? A smart suit? A birthday suit, perhaps?

banshee_bones

SeekUp wrote: »

And as for the "Lads who frequent LL,"I've heard enough of what they think is sexy on a woman . . . how about what makes them feel sexy? A fresh pair of boxers? A smart suit? A birthday suit, perhaps?

yeah... comeon lads..... do tell.......!

GirlInterrupted

SeekUp wrote: »

... how about what makes them feel sexy? A fresh pair of boxers? A smart suit? A birthday suit, perhaps?

I'm just waiting for the handcuffs/string vest/shiny tracksuit/gimp suit type answers...

brianthebard

banshee_bones wrote: »

yeah... comeon lads..... do tell.......!

Jeans that are slightly tight in the derriere, and a tee. I'm not very sexy though so perhaps not a good example.

Latchy

White T shirt ,white socks,boxer's worn on a very tanned body .......hmmmmmmmmm

specialy if they are mine ....yeah ..FYP

Red Hand

Men feel sexy when wearing a matching tweed ensemble (jacket, trousers), shirt and a fine pair of wellies. Pipe and tweed cap optional.

Sheep essential.

Latchy

Miss Marple has arrived .

GirlInterrupted

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Men feel sexy when wearing a matching tweed ensemble (jacket, trousers), shirt and a fine pair of wellies. Pipe and tweed cap optional.

Sheep essential.

Yikes!

latchyco wrote: »

Miss Marple has arrived .

Miss Marple and sheep...I don't think I'll sleep tonight now.:eek:

allabouteve

latchyco wrote: »

White T shirt ,white socks,boxer's worn on a very tanned body .......hmmmmmmmmm

specialy if they are mine ....yeah ..FYP

I was interested until the socks!:D

Latchy

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Miss Marple and sheep...I don't think I'll sleep tonight now.:eek:

They just dont mix do they ? :eek:

allabouteve wrote: »

I was interested until the socks!:D

Socks can disappear .....along with the sheep

Red Hand

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Miss Marple and sheep...I don't think I'll sleep tonight now.:eek:

Oh, you're thinking of combining them? Hmmmm...well, I suppose Miss Marple and, say, a Lancashire Short Hair might make a suitable coupling.

Interesting!

GirlInterrupted

latchyco wrote: »

Socks can disappear .....along with the sheep

Oh, the mental image!:eek:

Jeremiah 16:1 wrote: »

Oh, you're thinking of combining them? Hmmmm...well, I suppose Miss Marple and, say, a Lancashire Short Hair might make a suitable coupling.

Interesting!

Now I'm scared..:eek:

allabouteve

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

Oh, the mental image!:eek:


Now I'm scared..:eek:

I'm scared for you, sweetheart..:p