Agony Auntie Fred

Queen-Mise

kerash wrote: »

Thanks you are so right.:)

Dear kerash,
I have realised the errors of my ways and have realised that you are right. The world does indeed revolve around you and therefore you must always be right. Realising this I have handed over the right of counselling the boardsies over to your good self.

Thanks
Queen-mise

kerash

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear kerash,
I have realised the errors of my ways and have realised that you are right. The world does indeed revolve around you and therefore you must always be right. Realising this I have handed over the right of counselling the boardsies over to your good self.

Thanks
Queen-mise

Cool. How many monies I get paid? :cool:

Hermy

Dear Queen kerash,
I don't understand what a tracker mortgage is?
Does this make me a bad person?
Please advise me.:(

kerash

Hermy wrote: »

Dear Queen kerash,
I don't understand what a tracker mortgage is?
Does this make me a bad person?
Please advise me.:(

*this is an automated message*

You are currently in a queue and will be dealt with as soon as all outstanding issues surrounding payment for counselling services are resolved.
Please hold.

*this is an automated message*

Queen-Mise

kerash wrote: »

Cool. How many monies I get paid? :cool:

It comes out at about €4,500 per post when you include the actual pay, the pension, and then the extra you get from employing someone cheaper to do your original job, bonuses, being fired bonuses, €29 euro lunch allowance for Dublin Airport, and then finally the complimentary Credit Card from FAS.

Is that acceptable as a pay package.

kerash

queen-mise wrote: »

It comes out at about €4,500 per post when you include the actual pay, the pension, and then the extra you get from employing someone cheaper to do your original job, bonuses, being fired bonuses, €29 euro lunch allowance for Dublin Airport, and then finally the complimentary Credit Card from FAS.

Is that acceptable as a pay package.

This is thoroughly acceptable.
I am now a unprofessional counselling queen thanking you.:)

Hermy wrote: »

Dear Queen kerash,
I don't understand what a tracker mortgage is?
Does this make me a bad person?
Please advise me.:(

Now Hermy, don't be a silly billy, nobody knows what a tracker mortgage is. So based on that alone you are not a bad person, you are a person who asks stoopid questions.
I hope that helps.:)

Nerin

I'm here to overthrow you. >_>

<_<

*pushes kerash over*

Queen-Mise

Nerin wrote: »

I'm here to overthrow you.

That cant be done nerin. The mantle of agony auntie fred needs to be handed over willingly.

Hermy

Oh Hi Queen Nerin,
Can you tell me what a tracker mortgage is?

Nerin

Hermy wrote: »

Oh Hi Queen Nerin,
Can you tell me what a tracker mortgage is?

Yes. I can.

Hermy

Grand so.
I feel better now.

Nerin

Nerin wrote: »

A tracker mortgage is similar to a standard variable rate mortgage, with one main difference - it 'tracks' the European Central Bank (ECB) rates. The benefit is that it commits the lender to keeping their 'margin' (the markup they charge on top of the wholesale rate) under a certain level.

...

kerash

queen-mise wrote: »

That cant be done nerin. The mantle of agony auntie fred needs to be handed over willingly.

I'm being assaulted and I'm barely in the door :eek:
I presume as I'm being made redundant there will be a massive pay out. + I'll be keeping the credit card.

Nerin wrote: »

Yes. I can.

Can you tell me why Herms ignores my advises?

Nerin

kerash wrote: »

I'm being assaulted and I'm barely in the door :eek:
I presume as I'm being made redundant there will be a massive pay out. + I'll be keeping the credit card.


Can you tell me why Herms ignores my advises?

Because you may be a good advices giver,but you don't have the fierceness of a true ruler.

Hermy

kerash wrote: »

...nobody knows what a tracker mortgage is.

Nerin wrote: »

A tracker mortgage is similar to a standard variable rate mortgage, with one main difference - it 'tracks' the European Central Bank (ECB) rates. The benefit is that it commits the lender to keeping their 'margin' (the markup they charge on top of the wholesale rate) under a certain level.

:rolleyes:

Queen-Mise

Dear Queen Nerin,

I have a problem in my marraige. I am having lustful thoughts for a man in an army uniform What should I do?

queen-mise

Nerin

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Queen Nerin,

I have a problem in my marraige. I am having lustful thoughts for a man in an army uniform What should I do?

queen-mise

Dear queen-mise,

While we all know that many women find a warrior attractive, would giving up the love of a learned wizard and philosopher really be worth it. My advice is,live out your fantasies with the man you are with. An army surplus store can be a great place to find outfits and accessories to spice things up. Failing that,the local armourer is always a safe bet. Not only will you find a warrior garb attractive on your man,but it will also give him added practical protection from beasts and monsters in his day to day life.

joes girls

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Queen Nerin,

I have a problem in my marraige. I am having lustful thoughts for a man in an army uniform What should I do?

queen-mise

must be something in the water i also have marraige problems and have lustful thoughts but its any man and he dont have to be in a uniform of any kind:eek::o:confused:

Nerin

joes girls wrote: »

must be something in the water i also have marraige problems and have lustful thoughts but its any man and he dont have to be in a uniform of any kind:eek::o:confused:

Nymphomania seems to be a common problem in these modern times. My advice to you is to seek medical advice as soon as possible,an enlarged or enflamed internal area can often be to blame. My pamphlet on nymphomania is in the post to you dear.

joes girls

Nerin wrote: »

Nymphomania seems to be a common problem in these modern times. My advice to you is to seek medical advice as soon as possible,an enlarged or enflamed internal area can often be to blame. My pamphlet on nymphomania is in the post to you dear.

thanks nerin but all i am doing these days is counting to a million......in ma pants and dont know if i like or dont like and now you want me to wait on post i need something to happen now;)

Nerin

joes girls wrote: »

thanks nerin but all i am doing these days is counting to a million......in ma pants and dont know if i like or dont like and now you want me to wait on post i need something to happen now;)

Pornography is what people these days turn to for a quick fix solution in times of frustration.

randylonghorn

Nerin wrote: »

Pornography is what people these days turn to for a quick fix solution in times of frustration.

Heh ... so at least some of us are recession-proof! :cool:

colrow

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I used to own this counselling practise, and sold it to queen mise, she hasnt paid me for it yet, and now I see shes sold it on to yourself.

She owes me 37c which was the agreed price, based on a valuation by Anglo Irish Bank.

My question is how much did she flog it to you for ?

And also as I'm in Scootland and want to fit in, what should I wear under my Kilt, especially when its snowing ?

yours

Uncle fred

Nerin

colrow wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I used to own this counselling practise, and sold it to queen mise, she hasnt paid me for it yet, and now I see shes sold it on to yourself.

She owes me 37c which was the agreed price, based on a valuation by Anglo Irish Bank.

My question is how much did she flog it to you for ?

And also as I'm in Scootland and want to fit in, what should I wear under my Kilt, especially when its snowing ?

yours

Uncle fred

Dear colrow,
I'm sending you pamphlets on being gullible and making bad business decisions.

I hear cotton boxers will suffice under a kilt,just don't shave your legs.

Agony Aunt Nerin

Queen-Mise

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I have a serious problem, I love too men - Staker and Colrow. It is a real problem as one of them has a vampire fetish and the other is a crow lover. How do I pick and choose between. I am abandoned one of them at the altar in Dublin Airport to spend time here with the other.
Oh Nerin, how do i pick between these loves... Do you have any answers.

Queen-mise

Nerin

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I have a serious problem, I love too men - Staker and Colrow. It is a real problem as one of them has a vampire fetish and the other is a crow lover. How do I pick and choose between. I am abandoned one of them at the altar in Dublin Airport to spend time here with the other.
Oh Nerin, how do i pick between these loves... Do you have any answers.

Queen-mise

Dear queen-mise,

Pick the crow lover,keep the dream alive. If you still are torn between them,why not make it literal.
My pamphlet on menage et tois, "spitroast,its whats for dinner", will answer more question.

Aunt Nerin

colrow

Dear Aunty Nerrin

I've joined the single thread, and my only possessions are a gun, a solar panel, a springer spaniel three guitars and a crate of hob nobs,

Will this be enuff to entice queen mise to get me out of the single thread.

col mcCrow

Nerin

colrow wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerrin

I've joined the single thread, and my only possessions are a gun, a solar panel, a springer spaniel three guitars and a crate of hob nobs,

Will this be enuff to entice queen mise to get me out of the single thread.

col mcCrow

Yes,it will. I suggest watchin reruns of mac guyver to see how.

colrow

Thank you Aunty nerin

Can you send me my free dvd player so I can watch the reruns.

Nerin

colrow wrote: »

Thank you Aunty nerin

Can you send me my free dvd player so I can watch the reruns.

My pamphlet on gambling will help you get the funds for a new dvd player. I've also set up an email appointment with the generous prince of nigeria for you.

colrow

Nerin wrote: »

My pamphlet on gambling will help you get the funds for a new dvd player. I've also set up an email appointment with the generous prince of nigeria for you.

rotflmao

I'm waiting to here about a door knob in nigeria, I'd better keep my rifle to take there

Melted M&M

Dear Aunty

I tend to pick my nose and rub it under flat surfaces but this now has escalated into rubbing the snot everywhere for all to see and get slightly giddy when someone put there hand on it what do I do please help

Public snot flicker

Nerin

Melted M&M wrote: »

Dear Aunty

I tend to pick my nose and rub it under flat surfaces but this now has escalated into rubbing the snot everywhere for all to see and get slightly giddy when someone put there hand on it what do I do please help

Public snot flicker

I sent you pamphlet on "living like a filthy animal" and a shotgun shell. Enjoy.

Queen-Mise

Dear Agony Aunt Nerin,

I am having delusions of marrying Jack Sparrow and living on his pirate ship, what should I do. I keep swaying as I walk around the house, praticising my sea legs and I am putting Aaarr in all my sentences. For some reason I want to plait and dreadlock my hair also.

Yours aarr

Queen-mise

Nerin

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Agony Aunt Nerin,

I am having delusions of marrying Jack Sparrow and living on his pirate ship, what should I do. I keep swaying as I walk around the house, praticising my sea legs and I am putting Aaarr in all my sentences. For some reason I want to plait and dreadlock my hair also.

Yours aarr

Queen-mise

While searching amazon today,i found a lovely wenches outfit <i was searching for pirate shirts>.
Put it on and live your dream.

colrow

Deer Auntie Nerin,


I'm having problesm wtih my keyboards, its got dxslexai i think, how can i hple it, would marrying queen mise solve all its pwoblems, sometmies it lithps as well

Nerin

Marrying queen-mise solves all problems. If the government married her there'd be no recession. Too bad for them she has taste. I don't know if her taste will affect you though...

colrow

Dear Aunty Nerin

Have you any knoledge of Queen-Mise's flavour, would srtawbeery sauce or chocolate sauce make her taste better

Nerin

colrow wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerin

Have you any knoledge of Queen-Mise's flavour, would srtawbeery sauce or chocolate sauce make her taste better

The correct,or nearest,to those flavours would be shocklate or rawberry.

colrow

rotflmao

Queen-Mise

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I can't decide between strawberry or chocalate to put on my pancakes. Help please.

queen-mise

Nerin

queen-mise wrote: »

Dear Aunty Nerin,

I can't decide between strawberry or chocalate to put on my pancakes. Help please.

queen-mise

Maple syrup.

colrow

Dear Agony Aunt Queenie,

Please come back this nerin has nothing like your insight, and ability to solve all our problems.

How can we get rid of him ?

Queen-Mise

Dear colrow,

it is no problem to get rid of nerin, he is really an imposter in the CN's, he is really a part of the Nocturnal Forum. So threaten him with sunlight and stakes and he will go back to where 'IT' came from.

I have returned to be you Agony Auntie Fred.

thanks

Queen-mise

colrow

Dear Aunty Queenis,

I'm so happy, I've used a whole b ox of kleenex weeping with joy, but I have now got addicted to mr kiplings little french fancieds, it started off as just comfort eating, but now I am addictged to them,

How can you help

Nerin

colrow wrote: »

Dear Aunty Queenis,

I'm so happy, I've used a whole b ox of kleenex weeping with joy, but I have now got addicted to mr kiplings little french fancieds, it started off as just comfort eating, but now I am addictged to them,

How can you help

Fire. And lots of it!

Nerin

My throne has been usurped. Hmmm. I must now plan my revenge. *steals away into the shade*

Queen-Mise

Dear colrow,

Those little french fancies are no substitute for true love and companionship in your life. I think you need to go to a proper french brothel, and meet a nice french maid who will look after those needs.

Thanks
Queen-mise

colrow

Dear Queen Mise

Thank you.

Have you got a french maids costume, maybe you can hire one at dublin airport, what would be the charge

What percentage WAT (wear n tear) no you charge.

Yours rampantly

colrow

HugoIrl

Dear Queen Mise,

I have a problem I am in love with my neighbour, she's great i always she her struting around in the morning & like myself loves to go for a run in the evenings and she has a great gallop! Is it strange the she's a horse!? *Neigh*