Mom or Not

Fad

I'm not a parent, I'm a teenager, I'll still drop in here and if its appropriate for me to comment, I will. Another parents perspective isnt always the right perspective ya know!

Gran Hermano

I find both the tone and opinion of the OP offensive, not to mention the backseat modding.

I like how on Boards one can post in any of the public fora as long as one is respectful and civilised. Why should one poster decide who should be excluded or not?

Most sensible people realise that they should question what they read online, albeit question it to various degrees depending on who the porter is and what you know about them/their background. I also find that no matter what forum on here other posters have no hesitation in correcting posts they see as incorrect or misinformation.

Now maybe I should toddle off to AH or TLL as I appear to fail the uterus check the OP is requesting.

Nevyn

Gran Hermano the charter of the forum already detail's it's inclusiviness not out fault
if the op didn't read it and was working under a false assumption.

Gran Hermano

Thaedydal wrote: »

Gran Hermano the charter of the forum already detail's it's inclusiviness not out fault
if the op didn't read it and was working under a false assumption.

Thanks Thaed, it's not the modding nor charter I was objecting to as I have no problem with either. As I said above it's when one person starts requesting people are excluded or censored because a forum does not match their own particular definition of what a forum should be and who has permission to post that irks me.

Kudos to you and the other mods here,as a frequent and long term lurker I have no gripes.

stovelid

Tbh, I think you're more likely to identify advice from actual parents by their contributions, or the context of them, as they are usually anecdotal. The overwhelmingly majority of posters probably are parents, but I wouldn't like to see any forum that only welcomed comments from one group. By its nature, parenting will have a wider range and appeal than a lot of other 'expert' forums.

embee

G&T wrote: »

I will use my best judgement when it comes to offering advice to people on this forum, parenting is not a hobby/past-time for me.

Jeez G&T,

Do you really think that there's a parent out there who looks on parenting as a hobby or past-time?

Enough already.

aoibhebree wrote:

Poor thing ... has she tried Immac?

Honestly - there's no need for that. None whatsoever.

CathyMoran

Everyone has a viewpoint on kids and has a right to post. I dont have a clue how to look after them so I avoid that but as I miscarried I know all about that and being pregnant and would consider myself and my husband to be parents even if our child died. It is useful picking up tips about what to hopefully do if we are lucky again. I am not trying to concieve this month as I have a medical test, if that is OK then all steam for a Christmas baby.

G&T

aoibhebree wrote: »

Poor thing ... has she tried Immac?

This is the meanest thing I have ever seen on this site!
You cow how dare you.

Im done with this debate because it is not
being moderated by impartial mod's.
And debate is being allowed to turn into attack.

lostinnappies

G&T wrote: »

Just wondering how many people post
on this site who are not parent's or trying to become parent's.

Why?

Could ye go hang out in after hours
or the ladies lounge and leave the parenting
site to the parent's.

I understand that while non-parents would not have the "in the trenches" experience you would be surprised where you can find inspiration or guidance. Everyone you meet in life is there to teach you something .... sometimes it maybe how NOT to do something but they have taught you.

There is enough of this "you dont understand because you havent done it yourself/ dont work as somethingorother" mentallity in these boards.

templetonpeck

G&T wrote: »

Im done with this debate because it is not
being moderated by impartial mod's.
And debate is being allowed to turn into attack.

You're dead right G & T...all you did was make a comment about the forum...there was nothing rude about it, but the replies you got, and are continuing to get are complete OTT with the Moderators jumping on the bandwagon. It's not nice to see at all. Looks like an argument for the sake of it to me.

stovelid

templetonpeck wrote: »

You're dead right G & T...all you did was make a comment about the forum...there was nothing rude about it, but the replies you got, and are continuing to get are complete OTT with the Moderators jumping on the bandwagon. It's not nice to see at all. Looks like an argument for the sake of it to me.

I think the replies (and moderator comments) have been perfectly reasoned.

The forum is supposed to be inclusive, so non-parents are perfectly entitled to post.

If you take the qualified posters rule to the extreme, you may as well say that a parent of two children is better than one; a parent is better than an expectant parent-to-be and so on.

Parenting isn't like other 'expert' forums, as a lot of people (people involved in childcare, children's healthcare, or even just people with young nieces, nephews, and siblings) have opinions on children. It may not be as hands-on as being a parent, but it doesn't mean it's entirely invalid or uninteresting.

The actual parents here are usually easily identified by their use of anecdotal evidence, and as for what constitutes valid advice, you shouldn't take any internet advice for gospel anyway. As some topics show, parents can proffer just as unsuitable a piece of advice as a non-parent.

templetonpeck

stovelid wrote: »

I think the replies (and moderator comments) have been perfectly reasoned.

The forum is supposed to be inclusive, so non-parents are perfectly entitled to post.

If you take the qualified posters rule to the extreme, you may as well say that a parent of two children is better than one; a parent is better than an expectant parent-to-be and so on.

Parenting isn't like other 'expert' forums, as a lot of people (people involved in childcare, children's healthcare, or even just people with young nieces, nephews, and siblings) have opinions on children. It may not be as hands-on as being a parent, but it doesn't mean it's entirely invalid or uninteresting.

The actual parents here are usually easily identified by their use of anecdotal evidence, and as for what constitutes valid advice, you shouldn't take any internet advice for gospel anyway. As some topics show, parents can proffer just as unsuitable a piece of advice as a non-parent.

You can dissect anyone's post to within an inch of it's life and find fault with each segment of it.

If people disagree with what the OP said fair enough, voice your disagreement but the personal insults and comments that followed are completely out of order.

I wouldn't give a parent advice on raising their child, because I wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about because I've no experience. Simple as that. If some one asked me for advice on pregnancy at 3 months, I would certainly be more qualified now to pass on information than I was 12 months ago, having passed that stage already, but I certainly wouldn't give any kind of advice to some one who was further along in pregnancy than me. No internet advice is gospel, you're right and should never be taken as such, and why's that? Because you don't know whether the person giving it is talking from real experience or knowledge. Which is the point I believe the OP was trying to make.

templetonpeck

aoibhebree wrote: »

Poor thing ... has she tried Immac?

this post for example.....what the hell is the need for this???? :mad:

stovelid

templetonpeck wrote: »

this post for example.....what the hell is the need for this???? :mad:

I actually laughed at it. I don't think it was malicious: just a joke. And the poster was censured for it, were they not?

The OP's tone was confrontational from the off, so this is going to have bearing on the some of the replies.

Toots

G&T wrote: »

Im done with this debate because it is not
being moderated by impartial mod's.
And debate is being allowed to turn into attack.

TBH, I can see why the mods might be a bit peeved, you're basically criticising how they run the forum. (Not directly, but by saying that parents only should be allowed to post here and that non parents should not be allowed to post that's pretty much what's happening).

...all you did was make a comment about the forum...

Yes, it was a comment, but it came accross as pretty nasty IMO. "Are you a parent? No? Right, piss off to AH or TLL because I've no interest in what you have to say here and you've no clue what you're talking about." Is roughly how I think most of the other posters in this thread interpreted that.

At the end of the day, it's a public forum, anyone could post here if they so wish. If it were a private forum and access was granted to parents only, it wouldn't get as much traffic. The beauty of the parenting forum is that you can get such a wide range of solutions and opinions on issues, then you can pick and chose which ones you think would work best for your situation.

It's also helpful for people who may not have kids, or be trying just yet, but might be thinking about it some time down the line, to come in here and have a look around. Maybe get a heads up on what they're in for

As I said before, this is the internet, unless you know the posters personally there's know way of knowing for sure if they actually have kids. Actual parents would usually post their experiences in a more anecdotal style, however, this too can be imitated. Somebody could be posting about an experience they saw with a relative/friend/TV character and just inserting 'my son/my daughter' as appropriate. Bearing this in mind, I think the OP's point is moot.

Nevyn

G&T wrote: »

This is the meanest thing I have ever seen on this site!
You cow how dare you.

G&T aoibhebree was told that post was out of order and now you are being told that
calling anyone a cow is not acceptable.

G&T wrote: »

Im done with this debate because it is not
being moderated by impartial mod's.
And debate is being allowed to turn into attack.

Ok then I am going to move this to feedback and I am going to pm the cat mod
about it as you seem to think all four of the parenting mods are not impartial.

marti101

Ah op you cant come on a parenting site say stuff like that and wonder why everyone is pissed off with you.Look i dont mind people having their 2 cents worth if they dont have kids cause they will change their mind pretty quick when the reality of the situation hits.The way i look at it they can post here and i can post in bgrh even though i dont have that either.

John Mason

OP why dont you request a private forum ? and ask people to scan in their childrens birth certificate or baby scans before you allow them access

Dudess

G&T wrote: »

Just wondering how many people post
on this site who are not parent's or trying to become parent's.

Why?

Could ye go hang out in after hours
or the ladies lounge and leave the parenting
site to the parent's.

Appalling post - extremely rude, condescending, arrogant, exclusionary... and the way you subsequently act all innocent when people confront you? What do you expect when YOU'RE the one who was confrontational in the first place? Just because you're now pregnant does not give you any right to suddenly feel entitled to box people off like that.

G&T wrote: »

Wanted to post in parenting,
yes if your pregnant then of course you can post:D

I'm sure she's delighted to have your permission...

Just came to my attention during the week
that alot of people who were neither trying to concieve,
pregnant or parent's are offering advice on this board.

That's a fair enough concern... so why did you have to phrase it so aggressively and rudely? And consider the situations too - often there are aspects to parenting on which non parents could advise, either because they have very young siblings, nieces, nephews whom they look after a lot... or could be childcare professionals. How come you excluded those?
And childless people giving advice might be none of the above - they might just have more common sense than the parent looking for advice. Yes, it's true - not all parents are good advice givers.

Can't stand the "you're not a parent so you wouldn't understand" mindset when it's unwarranted.

I come on this site to chat with people
who are in similar circumstances to myself.

This site isn't just about what YOU want.

templetonpeck wrote: »

I think I know what the OP is getting at. I've seen some posts in here offering advice from peeps who really haven't any experience in the situation. Though you could say us first timers haven't a clue either

Well there you go... but apparently it's ok to give advice if you're pregnant/trying to conceive. And again, sometimes advice can be given by those who don't have experience in the situation - it's often very beneficial because of how impartial and objective it is.
My friend's coping with the anniversary of her ex's suicide - I've been suggesting things she could do to help ease the pain, she's very grateful. Should she not be, seeing as I never lost anyone to suicide?

I wouldn't take 'keep fit' advice from a couch potato.

Oh right, because they'd advise you to eat chips with every meal, seeing as that's what they do. Oh and if the did, their posts would be deleted off the Fitness forum anyway. What if they're well up on nutrition/fitness because of reading about it/studying it?
Actually yeah, if these non parents' advice is so inappropriate, how come the regular Parenting moderators (all of whom are parents) don't delete the comments?

G&T wrote: »

Jim im on this forum because im pregnant,
like your partner,would you like someone
to use that tone with her........
way ott and out of line mod's

No it isn't - Jim said nothing personally abusive whatsoever. You just didn't like reading it.

Crea wrote: »

I think people reactions here are way OTT.

Before I had kids I had alot of experience with children as I had worked as a nanny, had lots of nieces and nephews and worked for a few months in a montessori. I would wonder at how people dealt with their children and be thinking in my head of how they should do it another way.But let me tell you NOTHING prepared me for the feelings and emotions that come with being a parent. In all honesty I hadn't a clue how dealing with your own children 24 hours a day 7 days a week changes the way you deal with things.
Frankly if someone who had never parented gave me parenting advice i'd be thinking "Thanks-call me when you have a clue". Fine if your a health professional giving health advice or a behaviour specialist giving behaviour advice or a teacher giving education advice etc.
I in no way see how the poster was rubbishing the site. Other posters saying that you can only post on the sites that apply to you now is frankly ridiculous eg; if you have TTC in the past then you can give advice on TTC eventhough you aren't now.
I think if you're going to give advice you need to have experience of what your advising on.

More of the "you don't understand unless you're a parent" patronising, condescending, dismissive tripe. Maybe you should only hire childcare professionals as babysitters so? Oh wait... primary teachers aren't trained in childcare, only education, and they're in loco parentis - better home-school the kids. You never know, their teachers might not be parents.

templetonpeck wrote: »

If someone went in giving advice in the motor forum about something they had no experience in, they wouldn't last five seconds

That's a specific science... there are aspects to childcare based on general cop-on.

G&T wrote: »

parenting is not a hobby/past-time
for me.

What are you implying by that?

G&T wrote: »

This is the meanest thing I have ever seen on this site!

She was joking about the spelling (it should be "harelip") not the child.

Im done with this debate because it is not
being moderated by impartial mod's.
And debate is being allowed to turn into attack.

How is it either? Maybe you're the one who's being unreasonable.

templetonpeck wrote: »

You're dead right G & T...all you did was make a comment about the forum...there was nothing rude about it

Yes there was.

but the replies you got, and are continuing to get are complete OTT with the Moderators jumping on the bandwagon. It's not nice to see at all. Looks like an argument for the sake of it to me.

No, people are understandably annoyed. I mean, even the tone of the post is extremely aggressive - and quite nasty. "Go hang out in the Ladies' Lounge or After Hours" - wtf?

templetonpeck wrote: »

If people disagree with what the OP said fair enough, voice your disagreement but the personal insults and comments that followed are completely out of order.

Harshness isn't the same as personal insults.

Beruthiel

G&T wrote: »

Could ye go hang out in after hours
or the ladies lounge and leave the parenting
site to the parent's.

Wow! Condescending much?!
This site is open to everyone, they can post in any forum they wish as long as they stay within the rules of that particular forum.

Adam

wow. i didnt think anyone actually took that "internet. serious business" stuff to heart!

if someone wants to offer advice, they're entitled to. it's your job to decide who's advice you want to take, not to tell people you dont want advice from where to go!

lighten up G&T, i think the parenting is getting to you.

faceman

OP if you have issues with specific advice then you should report the posts or contact the forum mod. General brash statements dont really achieve anything other than having a rant. I dont have kids but I disagree with what you are suggesting. Not all parents provide good parenting for their kids. And besides, everyone on the internet is an expert!

If you do have specific examples though, you should take it up with the mods directly before coming to Feedback.

Nevyn

The thread was moved from one of the parenting sub forums to feedback.
It was allowed stand in the main forum until G&T questioned the impartiality of the mods.
She has not to my knowledge reported any post she has had this issue with what so ever.

nesf

I assume we're not impartial because we disagree with G&T.

templetonpeck

spread the thread around the forum as much as you like to get as many peeps in on it as possible, the overreaction to what the OP said is ridiculous.

As some one else said, I can't believe people take the internet so seriously. People are looking waaaaay to much into what she said and jumping on the bandwagon for the sake of a good old argument. The OP has already said she's leaving the thread, so the point on carrying it on is lost on me.

Dudess

templetonpeck wrote: »

spread the thread around the forum as much as you like to get as many peeps in on it as possible

Yeah, that's the reason it was moved here, not because it was deemed to be of little relevance to Parenting... paranoid and presumptuous much?

the overreaction to what the OP said is ridiculous.

And what about her bile-filled opening post? You get what you give...

Stark

G&T wrote: »

Just wondering how many people post
on this site who are not parent's or trying to become parent's.

Why?

Could ye go hang out in after hours
or the ladies lounge and leave the parenting
site to the parent's.

Excuse me. Could you leave the feedback to posters with longer tenure than you?

Dudess

Love the title too - what about dads?

Gran Hermano

Dudess wrote: »

Love the title too - what about dads?

As long as we get an uterine implant I'm sure it'd be ok with the OP.

The tone of the OP is what annoyed me the most and the way I was by her post ordered to TLL and AH.

Maybe I'm wrong but was the opening post not even more strongly worded before she edited it?

Varkov

100% of the time, not everyone who isn't a parent themselves won't understand exactly what you are trying to say to them. Likewise 100% of the time everyone who isn't a parent themselves or aren't going to think about those others, arn't always going to listen and / or offer the best advice.

Its up to the individual I think you'll realize.