How far would you go to get your hole?

flyton5

About two years ago when I was interrailing I got it into my head that I was gonna shag some bird in a hostel in Krakow. She was 34 and I was 19 but I figured I could pull it off. Long story short...I got her wasted and she gave in(even though she knew she'd have to demean herself by shagging in a bunk). Now I'm pretty sure I rode into battle bareback(never got around to the STI check but meh). So if anyone knows a 36 year old named Marie from Melbourne with a young child could they maybe let me know? Also OP, congratulations on shagging owen or whoever, you're a man now.

blinding

Rabies wrote: »

this is going far
http://www.3news.co.nz/German-tourist-elaborates-on-internet-disaster-date/tabid/209/articleID/91431/cat/409/Default.aspx?ArticleID=91431

Is this not how all internet men get girlfriends!!

Adiboo

Aspen Rich Vigilance wrote: »

I want to go to Japan for sex.. or some asian country, like Vietnam.... nyom nyom nyom

I had sex in Japan. Good times:)

Overheal

i wouldnt even drive the car out the garage to get my hole when she asked. i was uninsured unlicensed and unexperienced wanting me to drive 5 miles down a 6 lane highway at night....damn i shouldaa just done it. oh well. i probably would have crashed with the raging boner from how excited i would have gotten from going to all that trouble.

samhail

with the topic "how far would you go to get your hole" and you starting off your post mentioning a german girl, mapcrow.info tells us that its about 850mi from dublin to germany... i was like Germany is pretty far to go.

sorry... but u ending up going to... your bedroom is a fail in my books.

Sleipnir

Overheal wrote: »

i wouldnt even drive the car out the garage to get my hole when she asked. i was uninsured unlicensed and unexperienced wanting me to drive 5 miles down a 6 lane highway at night....damn i shouldaa just done it. oh well. i probably would have crashed with the raging boner from how excited i would have gotten from going to all that trouble.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/mediaselector/ondemand/comedy/partridge/ram/kmky_s1ep2?bgc=000000&nbram=1&lang=en&nbwm=1&bbram=1&ms3=6&ms_javascript=true&bbcws=1&size=4x3&bbwm=1

MarkR

Well jigsaw would go to galway on a stolen mountainbike. Or something clever like that.

midlandsmissus

Abigayle wrote: »

*snigger*

I would have thought she'd have more fight in her tbh.

Seriously abigayle, you're laughing at a woman getting beaten up?

Armin_Tamzarian

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Seriously abigayle, you're laughing at a woman getting beaten up?

+1
Seriously not funny...

irish_bob

to quote jonah hill from the movie super bad

no , im not willing to die for beer but i am willing to die for pussy

Galvasean

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Seriously abigayle, you're laughing at a woman getting beaten up?

It's after Hours, ie: not serious.

Wazdakka

Galvasean wrote: »

It's after Hours, ie: not serious.

Even after hours is on the internets

Dragan

SoWatchaWant wrote: »

This happened a couple weeks ago, and I thought it went pretty well, considering how hair-brained the scheme was.

I met a German girl on a Friday, and we got on really well. We met again Saturday afternoon and we spent the day together, and she went out with her mates for the Saturday night, while I was with mine. She texted me up near closing time and said,

"Hey Sowatchawant, is there any room in your house?"

Awesome. It's her last night here in Dublin, and I'm in with a sure thing, more or less. Only problem is, I live with my parents, and they wouldn't stand for that sort of thing with a girl they don't know in their house. But I didn't let that stop me!

So, I left my mates with a cunning plan. I brought her home and walked in the door with her. My parents were in bed, but awake. I have to walk by their door to get to my room, so they called me in, as they heard us walk up the stairs.

They said, "Have you got someone with you?"

And I say, "Yeah, it's my mate Owen, he's a bit locked, he's sleeping in my room tonight"

"Oh, that's grand, Sowatchawant. Good night! Love ya!"

And that was that! Locked the door, and the rest of the night looked after itself!

Got any stories yourselves?:)

They reason they now give you funny looks is because the heard the sexings and now think you are gay.

The reason they give your mate Owen funny looks is because they think he is effeminate.

Wazdakka

Dragan wrote: »

They reason they now give you funny looks is because the heard the sexings and now think you are gay.

The reason they give your mate Owen funny looks is because they think he is effeminate.

Dragan, you're just jumping to conclusions now.
There are no facts whatsoever to support your claim it's just all idle speculation.

Why would his parents assume that Owen was the bitch?

Mr.Lizard

Adiboo wrote: »

I had sex in Japan. Good times:)

Were you big in Japan?

ejmaztec

All these posts and nobody said that they would go the hole distance. :P

galwayrush

ejmaztec wrote: »

All these posts and nobody said that they would go the hole distance. :P

Or which hole.:rolleyes:

owenmakken

I once was with this lad who wouldnt let me ride him till I ate his anus out! and gave him an 'anul orgasam'(??).

You might think that itd be pretty hot but it wasn't I was literally munching his arse for a full hour, and he wasnt all that clean - pickin dangle berries out of my teeth for a week. The ride was so-so.

His parents where in the next room I think they heard everything, He told told them I was actaully some German chick the next morning, even though they seen the both of us come in.

Armin_Tamzarian

Brings a new meaning to the expression 'You've just been POWENed'...

ejmaztec

owenmakken wrote: »

I once was with this lad who wouldnt let me ride him till I ate his anus out! and gave him an 'anul orgasam'(??).

You might think that itd be pretty hot but it wasn't I was literally munching his arse for a full hour, and he wasnt all that clean - pickin dangle berries out of my teeth for a week. The ride was so-so.

His parents where in the next room I think they heard everything, He told told them I was actaully some German chick the next morning, even though they seen the both of us come in.

Holey sh1t man! :eek:

galwayrush

owenmakken wrote: »

I once was with this lad who wouldnt let me ride him till I ate his anus out! and gave him an 'anul orgasam'(??).

You might think that itd be pretty hot but it wasn't I was literally munching his arse for a full hour, and he wasnt all that clean - pickin dangle berries out of my teeth for a week. The ride was so-so.

His parents where in the next room I think they heard everything, He told told them I was actaully some German chick the next morning, even though they seen the both of us come in.

Left a bad taste no doubt....................:pac:

ejmaztec

galwayrush wrote: »

Left a bad taste no doubt....................:pac:

There are some things you brag about and other things that you just take to your grave. :eek:

galwayrush

ejmaztec wrote: »

There are some things you brag about and other things that you just take to your grave. :eek:

There's enough crap in the world without dealing in that ****.:eek:

SV

owenmakken wrote: »

I once was with this lad who wouldnt let me ride him till I ate his anus out! and gave him an 'anul orgasam'(??).

You might think that itd be pretty hot but it wasn't I was literally munching his arse for a full hour, and he wasnt all that clean - pickin dangle berries out of my teeth for a week. The ride was so-so.

His parents where in the next room I think they heard everything, He told told them I was actaully some German chick the next morning, even though they seen the both of us come in.

Wait?

Owen?

OP? you're not telling us the full story at all here are you?

Wibbs

I drove to cork once for a jump. Wasn't worth it. For her either I suspect.

Lockstep

I put up with her playing Czech folk-pop in the background.

If you've heard Czech folk-pop you'll know how much of an ordeal that is.
It sounds like a mixture between Irish trad, the soundtrack to Borat and gangsta rap.

steo87

Dude...your parents think you got it on with your mate Owen....

Kenno90

qz wrote: »

OP, you're not a patch on Stuart.

f*cking brill

Steo46

I rode an 89 year old granny in new york last week. I'm going back next year. The crack'll be ninety.

TerrorFirmer

This has to be the most nauseatingly pathetic thread I've read in quite some time. I can't quite capture in it words but a pimply faced teen wanting everyone to know he lost his virginity/had sex always end up the same way.

Rory123

I don't think the OP has reposted on this thread either.

TerrorFirmer

Valmont wrote: »

Replace Dutch with Columbian and banged with handjob and we have had very similar experience!

Except yours was ten times worse and probably paid for her families upkeep for an entire generation.

ejmaztec

Rory123 wrote: »

I don't think the OP has reposted on this thread either.

I think, like the rest of us reading this thread, he lost the will to live. He probably didn't go out with a bang, to add insult to injury.

Call Me Jimmy

steo87 wrote: »

Dude...your parents think you got it on with your mate Owen....

Dude... sweet post!

NorthernRock

owenmakken wrote: »

I once was with this lad who wouldnt let me ride him till I ate his anus out! and gave him an 'anul orgasam'(??).

You might think that itd be pretty hot but it wasn't I was literally munching his arse for a full hour, and he wasnt all that clean - pickin dangle berries out of my teeth for a week. The ride was so-so.

His parents where in the next room I think they heard everything, He told told them I was actaully some German chick the next morning, even though they seen the both of us come in.

You can get tongue-covers for that sort of **** you know

vanessamee

AH SHE FELL ASLEEP HA HA HA

alexandros

other than the hole you were birthed out of

I think the bedroom at your parents house is about as CLOSE as you can get to "get your hole"

unless you have found a way to stick yourself.. that would technically be closer

brendansmith

Piste wrote: »

Pfff, easily done with no effort I would have thought!

Piste: 'Hey babe i moderate the clearasil and hormones forum on boards.ie'
Babe: 'Lets fu(k till we die!"

TerrorFirmer

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

This has to be the most nauseatingly pathetic thread I've read in quite some time. I can't quite capture in it words but a pimply faced teen wanting everyone to know he lost his virginity/had sex always end up the same way.

I actually think its one of the funniest threads I've read in ages.

sunshine007

owenmakken wrote: »

I once was with this lad who wouldnt let me ride him till I ate his anus out! and gave him an 'anul orgasam'(??).

You might think that itd be pretty hot but it wasn't I was literally munching his arse for a full hour, and he wasnt all that clean - pickin dangle berries out of my teeth for a week. The ride was so-so.

His parents where in the next room I think they heard everything, He told told them I was actaully some German chick the next morning, even though they seen the both of us come in.

Ha ha ha- that has to be a form of abuse!!!

Yeah, anal abuse - the best kind.

Wagon

Bah! I'm moving to a different country for it!

The Mad Hatter

FearDark wrote: »

I may havr quptred some one bi acciedcnt there. Im vert drunk so i dont care, anywatoy OP what agr are u? 13 ha!

Im drunk by the wey.

This post is brilliant

kmick

Here one you may all appreciate.

An evil mate of mine lest call him J had not had sex for months. So he hatched a plan whereby he would put an ad on daft for a house share (even though there was no room available in his house) and then only answer the girls. He would then vet the girls by allowing them to arrive in 15 minute slots. So he gets about 5 replies 3 from women and of the 3 he chooses a german girl with serious Body Odour. Over the course of the next week he emails and texts her constantly telling her about the amazing chemistry they had, did she feel the connection blah de blah de blah until she starts to feel the chemistry and agrees to meet him for a drink. Friday comes and he says she is so boring and smelly he can only stand one drink before he says right back to my place. He said she had thick black hair all over body and smelled atrocious. He made her shower but she still smelled. He attempted to have anal sex with her but all he could find was hair gel so he used that instead. At the end of the experience he told her get out and never contact him again. She cried.

As I said evil but you have to admire the lengths he went to.

TestTransmission

kmick wrote: »

Here one you may all appreciate.

An evil mate of mine lest call him J had not had sex for months. So he hatched a plan whereby he would put an ad on daft for a house share (even though there was no room available in his house) and then only answer the girls. He would then vet the girls by allowing them to arrive in 15 minute slots. So he gets about 5 replies 3 from women and of the 3 he chooses a german girl with serious Body Odour. Over the course of the next week he emails and texts her constantly telling her about the amazing chemistry they had, did she feel the connection blah de blah de blah until she starts to feel the chemistry and agrees to meet him for a drink. Friday comes and he says she is so boring and smelly he can only stand one drink before he says right back to my place. He said she had thick black hair all over body and smelled atrocious. He made her shower but she still smelled. He attempted to have anal sex with her but all he could find was hair gel so he used that instead. At the end of the experience he told her get out and never contact him again. She cried.

As I said evil but you have to admire the lengths he went to.

It was you wasnt it

kmick

jackncoke wrote: »

It was you wasnt it

No I draw the line at hairy girls with BO.

kmick

kmick wrote: »

Over the course of the next week he emails and texts her constantly telling her about the amazing chemistry they had, did she feel the connection blah de blah de blah until she starts to feel the chemistry and agrees to meet him for a drink. .

This is my favourite bit. Email chemistry!

00112984

Rory123 wrote: »

I don't think the OP has reposted on this thread either.

He's probably over in PI asking why she didn't call.

Rory123

00112984 wrote: »

He's probably over in PI asking why she didn't call.

Who?... Owen?

Rabies

Did he style her ass hair?