What will i decide to do?

gayguy2009

Well here's the thing. I'm an 18 year old virgin and I'm sick of holding off on having sex with a guy for the first time. The only reason I have been is because I feel sick after I even masturbate about guys. Guilty in a way. Does anyone think I should just go for it. I'm not out yet and the only thing that is annoying me is me feeling weird after I have sex with a guy. Did anyone else ever get this weird feeling? If so did it ever go away? I hate pretending I'm attracted to girls! I dunno what to do?

Marshy

It seems like you are not comfortable yet with your sexuality. In that sense, it may not be advisable to go out and try and hook up with a guy at this point.

The best thing I would say is to meet like-minded friends if you have none already. They should make you feel more comfortable in yourself. College LGBT socs or BelongTo may be a start to get to know people.

You are still young however and this sense of guilt should go away in time as you become happier with who you are. Thats why it's prob not best to be looking for sex initially.

nxblues

Hey there matey, after reading your post I knew i had to respond. I am 27 (going on 28) and I still feel an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt after I masturbate. I have also experienced these feelings after having sex with guys. I agree with Marshy that it partly has to do with the shame of being gay and that I am very insecure and suffer from bouts of depression. Hooking up with a guy just to rid yourself of being a virgin is not going to make you feel any better and it won't answer any doubts you may have about yourself. So in that i advise you to wait until you feel better about yourself and maybe find someone worth it. Does the feeling go away? I don't know...I hope it does, for both our sakes. All the best fella.

Reflector

yeah I think that you would be making a mistake having sex with that frame of mind. It'll only lead onto further issues with sex when you are older. My suggestion is that you need to feel comfortable being gay. You need to meet and hang out with gay guys your own age. Develop friendships and who knows maybe a relationship. If you actually know and like the person you are sleeping with it makes a huge difference to the feeling of it or if not at least you'll have people to chat to about it.
There is a Belong to group that I really recommend you check out,
Good luck

http://www.belongto.org/

Bougeoir

Yeah I'd recommend just being yourself and coming out in your own time. There is no rush into meeting guys and losing your virginity to a guy or anything. I mean I didn't until I was 21 so don't feel you have to conform to anything. Try BelongTo or a college LGBT society it's good way of starting to meet other lgbt people your own age.

LegacyUser

Whatever you decide to do please take care you are young and have plenty of time virginity is not a timebomb and when you do play it safe

Mr. IWJ

Have you considered just living a lie?

rainbow kirby

Mr. IWJ wrote: »

Have you considered just living a lie?

Not helpful at all.

ixoy

Mr. IWJ wrote: »

Have you considered just living a lie?

Because if you have - don't. It will not help you and not make you truly happy.

dny123456

nxblues wrote: »

Hey there matey, after reading your post I knew i had to respond. I am 27 (going on 28) and I still feel an overwhelming sense of shame and guilt after I masturbate. I have also experienced these feelings after having sex with guys. I agree with Marshy that it partly has to do with the shame of being gay and that I am very insecure and suffer from bouts of depression. Hooking up with a guy just to rid yourself of being a virgin is not going to make you feel any better and it won't answer any doubts you may have about yourself. So in that i advise you to wait until you feel better about yourself and maybe find someone worth it. Does the feeling go away? I don't know...I hope it does, for both our sakes. All the best fella.

I used to feel exactly like this... would get so guilty after doing anything with other males, or on my own, with thoughts like that in my head.
Yes it goes away, or at least did for me, but took a good few years. Dont know why it went away, or what exactly was the reason it was there in the first place. I think probably coming out was the reason it went away rather than being in a relationship, or 'having a life' as someone said earlier.

DubArk

I felt ashamed of myself for years and it was overwhelming to the point it was all consuming. It was the unhealthiest think I could do to myself.
You are going through what a lot of gay people go through.
It’s all in your mind and you need to grow comfortable with yourself first, before you GO FOR IT as you put it!! You need to like yourself too. I found that the hardest. Stand tall and learn that you are a wonderful person who need not feel shame ever. Your unique, powerful and have so much to..........give as you.

Why not try to talk to some group of young gay people, who can empathise with you. There are plenty of groups out there.

Learn to crawl first before you walk.

All the best in your future.

DubArk

Mr. IWJ wrote: »

Have you considered just living a lie?

Unhelpful and very childish! :rolleyes:

jady88

gayguy2009 wrote: »

Well here's the thing. I'm an 18 year old virgin and I'm sick of holding off on having sex with a guy for the first time. The only reason I have been is because I feel sick after I even masturbate about guys. Guilty in a way. Does anyone think I should just go for it. I'm not out yet and the only thing that is annoying me is me feeling weird after I have sex with a guy. Did anyone else ever get this weird feeling? If so did it ever go away? I hate pretending I'm attracted to girls! I dunno what to do?

I used to feel a terrible feeling after doing that but the more i meet other gay people i just got over it, i think you should try and make friends with gay guy first. I mean there is no reason to just go out and have a one off encounter which can leave people feeling pretty **** whether gay or straight at anytime.

smileykey

Hey

I think the previous posters are right. The key is to meet more gay people as friends and then the whole being gay thing will feel less weird and wrong. You'll see other people living happy lives and realise that thats because they're not perverse sickos or anything, just normal people, just like you.

Don't rush into anything. Take the time to figure out who you are and to make sure you're comfortable with it.

Davaeo09

gayguy2009 wrote: »

Well here's the thing. I'm an 18 year old virgin and I'm sick of holding off on having sex with a guy for the first time. The only reason I have been is because I feel sick after I even masturbate about guys. Guilty in a way. Does anyone think I should just go for it. I'm not out yet and the only thing that is annoying me is me feeling weird after I have sex with a guy. Did anyone else ever get this weird feeling? If so did it ever go away? I hate pretending I'm attracted to girls! I dunno what to do?

Where you from?
I have loads of mates, lads and girls that are perfectly fine with me being bi, and its really helped me develop as a person.