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  • 24-02-2009 12:20pm
    #1
    gerTheGreat
    Registered Users Posts: 871 ✭✭✭


    There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.

    "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

    The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"

    A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small community he worked for found out, they decided they should do something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45 years.

    So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house, and the homeowner welcomed him in. They gave him a pile of presents to thank him for all his hard work.

    At the next house they gave him a cheque for 100 dollars, and the 3rd house, a cheque for 200 dollars.

    At the fourth house, a blonde lady answered. She was wearing silk pajamas, and was motioning him to follow her upstairs. the mailman had the best sex of his entire life, and when they were done, he went downstairs. On the table was a huge breakfast, with waffles, eggs, pancakes, the whole deal, and a cup of coffee with a 5 dollar bill underneath.

    The mailman was curious, so he said to the lady, "I've had the best day of my entire life, everyone has been so nice to me, but I have to ask, what's the 5 dollar bill for?"

    The lady replied, "I asked my husband what we should do for you and he said '**** him, give him five bucks', but breakfast was my idea."

    The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsy," one child answers.

    "And this?" the teacher asks. "A piggy," replies another youngster."

    And now this one?" asks the teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers. There was no answer, only total silence.

    "Come now, children," she coaxes, "I'll give you a little hint".

    What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot?

    "I know! I know!!" exclaims one little girl.

    "It's a horny bastard!"

    A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"

    The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"

    "No", replied the trainee.

    "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"

    "No.", replied the Managing Director.

    "Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!


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