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Why some Mammies & Daddies don;t live together

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  • 24-02-2009 4:32pm
    #1
    RIRI
    Registered Users Posts: 292 ✭✭


    Folks,

    Any advice on this would be much appreciated... my 4 year old little lad has just become aware that his cousin lives with her Mum only.

    As is his usual form he caught me completely off guard the other day (while I was trying to park the car!) asking why *marylou's* mammy & daddy don't live in the same house. I tried to explain that sometimes mammies & daddies can;t live together but that they love their little boys & girls just as much. Since then he has become totally fixated on the idea of his own daddy moving out. For example on sunday morning he piped up - will you always live here daddy? and then yesterday evening his dad was working late and I was asked is daddy coming back?

    Has anyone any experience of this & how to handle this without making a big deal of it?, any imput much appreciated

    Thanks in advance

    PS I know I didn't explain things very well to him & for the record his dad and I have a great relationship so it;s not like he's feeling insecure due to us rowing or anything like that


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    #2
    IsThatSo?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 988 ✭✭✭IsThatSo?


    It didn't sound like he was insecure :) He just sounds like a normal, curious, 4 year old tbh.

    When I need to explain "differences" to any of my children I usually take the "some people have different colour eyes/hair, taller, shorter" etc that kind of thing. For me it helps explain that everyone is different/special (because Holy God made them that way) and then I can cross reference to whatever the situation is i.e. "You know how Holy God makes everyone different and special? Well everybody has different and special families too.............some have all sons/daughters, some have no children (yet) and sometimes the Mummy & Daddy live in different houses. "Thats what Holy God decided" can be very helpful too as sometimes there just isn't an age appropriate answer.

    That may not even make sense to you, but it works very well for me :) I hope its some help :)


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    #3
    noby
    Registered Users Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭noby


    I do something similar, but without all the Holy God references.


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    #4
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    I would suggest that his Daddy tell him he doesnt' have any plans to live anywhere else but
    if he ever does change his mind he will come talk to him about it.

    That way the child will feel that if that is to happen he will know rather then waking up
    one day and Daddy is not there which is a pretty big fear.


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    #5
    RIRI
    Registered Users Posts: 292 ✭✭RIRI


    To be honest it never even occurred to me that he might be afraid of waking up one day to find his dad gone - that's really scary stuff for a 4 year old and explains why he's been so fixated on this for the past few days, I'll definately get his dad to have a chat as per Thaedydal's suggestion.

    Reinforcing the whole idea of difference is a good idea too & I will definately give it a try.

    As always boardsies, you're a fountain of knowledge & advice :)

    Thank you


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