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Animals

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  • 24-02-2009 6:00pm
    #1
    gerTheGreat
    Registered Users Posts: 871 ✭✭✭


    A bear is sitting in the middle of a forest taking the biggest **** of his life and feeling dam good about it.

    He looks down and sees a rabbit dumping a load right next to him. The bear looks at the rabbit and says, "Hey, uhh Mr. Rabbit, uhh do you have a problem with the **** sticking to your fur?"

    The rabbit shakes his head no and says, "Nope, never bothers me."

    The bear says, "Good!" takes the rabbit and wipes his ass with him and then tosses him aside

    A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 miles from his home and leaving him at the park.

    As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

    The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 miles away. He put the beast out and headed home.

    Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

    He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few hundred miles away, constantly taking random turns right and left until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

    Hours later the man calls home to his wife:

    "Jen, is the cat there?"

    "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

    Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!"
    One afternoon while doing some work in the garden Ted noticed his dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to his dismay, he realized it was the next door neighbour's daughter's rabbit. For years he had watch her come home from school and head straight out to its cage, free it and play with it in the garden. Ted knew today would be no different and fearing for his dog, he had to think fast.

    The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so Ted washed it off with the hose, combed it with the dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finishing its grooming, Ted jumped the fence and replaced it back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as "natural causes". Within the hour, the neighbour's car pulled in and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed "DDDDDAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

    Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbour that Ted was, he rushed to fence and asked if there was anything that he could do.

    Her father less than calmly blurted, "What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in it's cage?"


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