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Doctor Jokes

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  • 26-02-2009 12:29pm
    #1
    gerTheGreat
    Registered Users Posts: 871 ✭✭✭


    A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.

    The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

    The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?"

    "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

    The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?"

    "What? And work in the dark?"

    A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

    The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

    "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

    This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

    After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.

    "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

    Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

    After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

    A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies. "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and...." He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".

    "Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

    "Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles.This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".

    Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?"

    "Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And, by the way, you have a lovely home."


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