8 year old won't sleep

steder

we have an eight year old who crys and crys when we put him to bed it's only just started a few weeks ago...he says theres nothing wrong at school/cubs/or anything like that but everynight he goes to bed he has a different reason for crying-tonight it's that he's lonley..last night it was the dentist, the night before a school work thing...we've tried everything..talking to him, taking toys away,stopping him doing his favorite things, cuddles, stories but nothing is working. he's exchausted and were ready to pull our hair out!! any advice or anyone else go thro this at all?

luckat

Mm. Punishment isn't going to help him to settle.

He hasn't been minded by anyone new lately, I hope?

It wouldn't be nightmares, I suppose?

Otherwise, it might be what psychologists call 'free-floating anxiety' - a general sense of anxiety that can fix itself onto whatever's handy.

Kids are liable to fall victim to this at the moment, with their parents so worried about recession, job insecurity, etc.

It might help if you go in and sit across the room from him and talk gently, slowly and quietly for a little while in the darkened room, then maybe put on one of the 'sleep' recordings from www.pzizz.com.

steder

no he hasn't been minded by anyone strange or new...he's going over and over the same i can't sleep thing.....it's so flustrating when after three hours he's still up and crying... your automatic reaction is to shout...it's just so annoying cos you know shouting isn't going to get anywhere....it's just getting worse every night.were can an eight ear old get 'anxiety' from should we bring him to see a doctor?

luckat

Well, kids talk. He's probably in school and they're all talking about their parents being afraid they'll lose the house...

Shouting, oddly, doesn't help to calm people down

I'll pm you.

steder

thanks for the pm....i'll give it all a shot...we already read and have quite a good bedtime routine..and he was always good and sleeping well but now after i read him his story he's straight out after me crying his eyes out...tonight the other half spent half an hour calming him down and everything was fine and he knew he had to go asleep...the agreement was he would lie down and i'd tuck him in but as soon as i went to leave he went mad again..it's just happened so fast and so sudden....i hope your right about the looking back and laughing!!!

saoirsetouch

steder wrote: »

thanks for the pm....i'll give it all a shot...we already read and have quite a good bedtime routine..and he was always good and sleeping well but now after i read him his story he's straight out after me crying his eyes out...tonight the other half spent half an hour calming him down and everything was fine and he knew he had to go asleep...the agreement was he would lie down and i'd tuck him in but as soon as i went to leave he went mad again..it's just happened so fast and so sudden....i hope your right about the looking back and laughing!!!

Sorry to but in on this but why would you look back and laugh? What is that all about? I have had a very similar problem with my little guy. Have it sort out now though. Pleas do not tell me you are laughing at your little boy who is obviously trying to express something he probably does not understand or is experienced to express. This is probably why he is resorting to tears. He does not have the life experience to know what else to do. I may have a little solution to this with out having to humiliate him or yourself.

January

saoirsetouch wrote: »

Sorry to but in on this but why would you look back and laugh? What is that all about? I have had a very similar problem with my little guy. Have it sort out now though. Pleas do not tell me you are laughing at your little boy who is obviously trying to express something he probably does not understand or is experienced to express. This is probably why he is resorting to tears. He does not have the life experience to know what else to do. I may have a little solution to this with out having to humiliate him or yourself.

I think he means in a couple of years they'll look back and laugh at it because it was all so trivial??

saoirsetouch

adrieanne__x wrote: »

I think he means in a couple of years they'll look back and laugh at it because it was all so trivial??

OMG, I feel silly now, but relieved. Glad he is not laughing at his sons emotions.

shaca

My daughter is 8 and you would be amazed where they pick things up and how the process them in their young minds. The last few weeks she refused to stay in the sitting room on her own if the fire is on. I always have the spark guard up but this makes no difference to her. But after sitting down and talking to her about her, a few times about it, she made a comment about that poor young mum and her 2 kids who died in a house fire in Christmas Eve.

I think there is probably something worrying your son that he might be afraid to talk about. It took my cousin 4 trips to the doctor and sleepless nights over a space of 2 and a half weeks for her little girl to finally admit she was being bullied. They all react in different ways and at the age of 8 they have an understanding of what is going on around them.

I could be wrong, maybe it is nothing but if it was me I would be anxious to get to the bottom of it. You could try having a chat with his teacher to see if everything is ok at school.

Hope you get it sorted out soon. Good luck with it.

IsThatSo?

We went through this with a slightly younger child. I kept asking him what was worrying him and he couldn't put his finger on it. He would be up and down the stairs if he thought of something and we would chat about it but it was all day to day stuff. After a few weeks I got a bit impatient and was more firm in the way I talked to him. THEN he told me. I don't know if he felt what he was worrying about was silly or just too big for him to deal with but it took that firmer approach before he spilled the beans.

He was worrying about people dying, and all children go through that stage, I know. He was having nightmare though about horrible deaths so I ended up getting him to draw a picture and we talked about it. I kept the picture with me then so it wasn't in his head, it was with me and he could sleep. The following night we talked about it again and then tore it up into the smallest pieces you ever saw He hasn't had nightmares about that since and now he will talk about it whenever he needs to.

OP, get your son to draw pictures. It doesn't have to be about anything but when he has them done just get him to tell you a story about the picture (in the third person is good, then he feels like he is talking about someone else rather than himself). You would be surprised at what comes out!!!

Best of luck, I hope it gets resolved soon.

saoirsetouch

Op, you can get a liquid remedy in the healt shop called 'Sleep essence'. That with a little lavender on his pillow should help. We find it great.

Femelade

My 7 yr old daughter used vomit she was so anxious about going to bed. She used to say she had a pain in her toe , or her knee, or her nose...
Her heart used to be racing and there were occasions where i couldnt hide my concern when i felt her chest.
So we took her to the dr, and he checked her heart and everything, and told her she was fine, that she was just growing.

She's been fine since.
I think hearing it from the dr helped.
So, maybe if you try that?

steder

we went to see his teacher today she says she hasn't seen anything out of the ordinary...but shes keeping an eye on him for us incase anything crops up...thanks for all the ideas everyone posted we'll give them ALL a shot.i'll hit the health shop tomorrow and also get out the crayons... the doctors is the last resort but might have to happen if nothin else works....and thanks adrieanne__x for clearing up the fact were not laughing at our son who obviously has something wrong with him but were not to sure what... you's have all been a great help,it's nice to know we are not the only parents going thro this too....

johnpauls

Hello, we are just getting out of very similar situation with our daughter. It started out with exact same behaviour then developed into "school refusal" (google it). Eventually ended up at a psychologist who diagnosed anxiety disorder, which is very distressing for any child (especially at 8 years old). Its now a year and we are starting to get back to normal. Dont let it drift! We did and it got worse. Get help.

pokerman123

try doing more activites with him and reassure him every time when he gos to bed you go with him to show that your there all the time have jokes with him to take his mind of might be worrying him also ask him if he is being picked on at school talk to his teacher as well to try and find out why .

Crea

My DS aged 5 started this before Christmas. Coming up to bedtime he'd start getting anxious about the "bad thoughts in his head" Ie: going over nightmares, something he saw on telly or a story he heard or worry about people dying. He'd work himself up into high anxiety where he'd refuse to stay in his room by himself. Now when he goes to bed I play a CD of Winnie the pooh stories in his room which distracts him from his thoughts. The CD has around 6 stories on it but usually by story 3 he's asleep. I'm sure you can get more age appropriate stories for your child.
There may not be anything actually happening to make your son anxious, it may be things just going on in his head. When I was 10 I was terrified of dying and used to cry and get tummy aches from it. Your son may be worried about his parents dying or splitting up or losing their jobs and does't want to say it in case he hurts someones feelings. Let him know he can say anything and maybe he'll open up.

steder

a couple of people have suggested the books on tape thing...i'll hit the libary tomorrow...i gave him some herbal stuff but it din't work and i asked him to draw me a picture of what was scaring him at night and he said he can't cos it would just be black....i'm going to bring him to the doctors just to be on the safe side too...

sukikettle

Hi I wonder if something new was placed in any of these bedrooms...teddy, toy,picture anything that wasn't there before. Some of these things contain stuff that invade the child's heart and mind and it all becomes rather mysterious to the parent. Look what's in your child's bedroom. I do not allow books/dvds that have any supernatural content, dinosaurs, dragons, snakes, rodents, frogs, owls, anything depicting negativity, charms, fairies and my children always sleep soundly and are never ill. You can google this and you'll be fascinated by the influence this stuff can wield. And just in case you decide it's nonsense...why is Harry Potter and dragons and fairies in their rooms in the first place. Someone somewhere believes in the supernatural to put it there

taram

sukikettle wrote: »

Hi I wonder if something new was placed in any of these bedrooms...teddy, toy,picture anything that wasn't there before. Some of these things contain stuff that invade the child's heart and mind and it all becomes rather mysterious to the parent. Look what's in your child's bedroom. I do not allow books/dvds that have any supernatural content, dinosaurs, dragons, snakes, rodents, frogs, owls, anything depicting negativity, charms, fairies and my children always sleep soundly and are never ill. You can google this and you'll be fascinated by the influence this stuff can wield. And just in case you decide it's nonsense...why is Harry Potter and dragons and fairies in their rooms in the first place. Someone somewhere believes in the supernatural to put it there

Eh? What's wrong with owls or dinosaurs? I understand snakes and rats can be scary, even for little boys who love them during the day might be scared of them at night, but I grew up surrounded by dinosaurs, and they'd protect me at night Tbh ANYTHING can become an item of fear, used to be terrified of my school shoes at night, had to slap them in the morning before I could put them on.

Phsyche

steder wrote: »

he said he can't cos it would just be black.......

Is he afraid of the dark?

luckat

steder wrote: »

a couple of people have suggested the books on tape thing...i'll hit the libary tomorrow...i gave him some herbal stuff but it din't work and i asked him to draw me a picture of what was scaring him at night and he said he can't cos it would just be black....i'm going to bring him to the doctors just to be on the safe side too...

When I was little I was terrified of ghosts.

My mother was sewing something and had some cloth over, and she made me a toy, Ghostie, which was a little baby ghost that was terrified of people. There was a whole story about how Ghostie would mind me if I was scared of ghosts, and I would mind Ghostie if s/he (not sure which!) was scared of people.

It was incredibly comforting.

I wonder if you made a little black toy - very, very appealing-looking, and soft and snuggly - and made a similar story, would it help?

IsThatSo?

steder wrote: »

i asked him to draw me a picture of what was scaring him at night and he said he can't cos it would just be black....

That is exactly what my son said, exactly!!! I got him to draw it anyway and when he was done making the page all black he added a few bits of colour on top of it (which explained the real problem and it was the colour bits we ended up talking about).

Let him just colour the page black, if he feels comfortable to do that of course. Once that is done and he can see past the "black" he might add extra. If he doesn't add colour don't worry, he might the next time or it might help to take some of the "black" out of his head for a while and give him a breather. Umm, does that make sense??