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How to deal with friends buying

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  • 27-02-2009 1:20pm
    #1
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭


    Last year I had a big falling out with a friend of mine over buying two apartments in Bulgaria so after awhile of going on like kids we put it behind us :D

    now he has come to me with a link for a house he wants to buy.

    the location will give him a 4 hour commute he can't really afford it, his job is not very secure right now and if interest rates go up he'll be screwed and possibly won't ever be able get back to Dublin should things go badly which I'm pretty sure they will

    based on what happened before I really just want to nod and smile and say what a lovely house it is to avoid having an argument but on the other hand I will feel guilty when the **** hits the fans and I know I could of possibly done something

    how are people dealing with family members and friends when it comes to discussions on property do you try to give them the facts and prevent them from making mistakes or do you just avoid getting into what's usually a guaranteed nasty argument?


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    #2
    El Stuntman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,720 ✭✭✭El Stuntman


    just tell him what he wants to hear

    other suitable topics of conversation might include how great Biffo is and how he will sort everything out soon, how Mary Coughlan is a lovely girl altogether and how we will undoubtedly win the next soccer world cup.


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    #3
    Agent J
    Registered Users Posts: 1,909 ✭✭✭Agent J


    Tell them you have an opinion on it that you feel you need to express.

    If they are receptive and want to hear it then proceed and tell them

    If not then keep it to yourself.

    Either way once the conversation is over then you put the whole subject area into a little metaphorical black box and both agree to not raise it again. If someone does by mistake then remind them of the black box and change the topic immediatly.

    You'd be surprised how many things you can apply that to.


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    #4
    subway
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,131 ✭✭✭subway


    what do you mean "he has come to you"?

    does he want advice or money or both?
    if he wants advice, he already knows what your going to say so it might be that he wants you to talk him out of it.
    if he wants money it might be because you know how screwed he got last time around so hes coming to you cos you might feel sorry for him.

    put simply, if he came to you, its for a reason


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    #5
    EKRIUQ
    Registered Users Posts: 4,386 ✭✭✭EKRIUQ


    Ntlbell you shouldn’t really disappoint him and I think going with his idea would be the right thing to do. Your friendship might not survive if you disappointed him a again it’s worth taking the chance.


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    #6
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    subway wrote: »
    what do you mean "he has come to you"?

    does he want advice or money or both?
    if he wants advice, he already knows what your going to say so it might be that he wants you to talk him out of it.
    if he wants money it might be because you know how screwed he got last time around so hes coming to you cos you might feel sorry for him.

    put simply, if he came to you, its for a reason

    Oh no, he doesn't want money.

    he wants advice. but I'm guessing he doesn't want to hear the truth he wants someone to re-enforce his decision i think and tell him he's doing the right thing.


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    #7
    ntlbell
    Registered Users Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    EKRIUQ wrote: »
    Ntlbell you shouldn’t really disappoint him and I think going with his idea would be the right thing to do. Your friendship might not survive if you disappointed him a again it’s worth taking the chance.

    disappoint him?

    He lost the guts of 100k because I "disappointed" him? ;)


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    #8
    johnnyskeleton
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Politics Moderators Posts: 14,505 Mod ✭✭✭✭johnnyskeleton


    Really nothing you can do to be honest. Anything you do say to your friend is not going to be well received. Plus, it's entirely possible that we leave the euro tomorrow, the government prints money like it's no tomorrow and the 300k (or whatever) he borrows to buy the house is the same price as a loaf of bread in our new crazy currency (unlikely, but possible). So unless he asks you expressly is he making a stupid decision, say nothing. If he does ask you expressly, point him towards some information on the property market or wider economy and let him make his own mind up. Or point him to boards. It's a lot easier for strangers to tell him he's making a mistake (if he actually is) than it is for friends.


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    #9
    MysticalSoul
    Registered Users Posts: 1,266 ✭✭✭MysticalSoul


    How about saying something like that in the current economic climate, it would be best if he thinks carefully about it, before making any decision, and point out how house prices are falling every day at the moment, and may be holding off for a wee bit, may be the best option. However to say, that regardless of the decision made, that it is still his decision to make, but these are just your thoughts on it...


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    #10
    ronbyrne2005
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,494 ✭✭✭ronbyrne2005


    johnnyskeleton wrote: »
    Really nothing you can do to be honest. Anything you do say to your friend is not going to be well received. Plus, it's entirely possible that we leave the euro tomorrow, the government prints money like it's no tomorrow and the 300k (or whatever) he borrows to buy the house is the same price as a loaf of bread in our new crazy currency (unlikely, but possible). So unless he asks you expressly is he making a stupid decision, say nothing. If he does ask you expressly, point him towards some information on the property market or wider economy and let him make his own mind up. Or point him to boards. It's a lot easier for strangers to tell him he's making a mistake (if he actually is) than it is for friends.
    Not to be pedantic but if we left euro the new currency here would drop hugely relative to Euro and real debt levels would effectively double at least like has happened in Iceland.


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    #11
    johnnyskeleton
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Politics Moderators Posts: 14,505 Mod ✭✭✭✭johnnyskeleton


    ronbyrne2005 wrote: »
    Not to be pedantic but if we left euro the new currency here would drop hugely relative to Euro and real debt levels would effectively double at least like has happened in Iceland.

    There are several theories on Ireland leaving the Euro (including being forced to leave, the Euro falling apart and the PIGS forming their own currency), but the only reasons ever put forward for doing so is because of our high costs and massive private debt. So while I don't credit the Ireland leaving the Euro theory (in fact I have bet against that happening, so to speak), if it were to happen it would be done in a way to redenominate all debts in New Irish Bananas or whatever we have. It would destroy us in international credibility, but that is the only way that leaving the Euro would have any impact.

    The only reason I brought it up is that if it were to happen the friend wouldn't thank ntlbell at all.


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