Break the cycle

LegacyUser

Hey. Hope u dont mind me going annon for this as my family use boards as well. My problem is well me.

I have never been in a relationship..ever. I mean i have spent years with a man, ...... but its always only for sex and whats worse is i know this. I never meet families, i dont get the acknowledgement that a gf should get.

i dont put out first time i meet them either, they do have to wait a while but in past 10 years thats 4 men i have "been with" and i always fall in love with them. They never with me. i dont think im a needy person either and my friends certainly tell me im not. they say i just attract the wrong men.

I dont know whether i crave feeling loved by men or maybe i like to feel wanted, but its usually short lived and i always end up feeling very insecure but y do i keep doing this to myself when i know the consequences.

I dont know whether it stems back to when i was growing up my dad had very little to do with us. We may have lived in the same house but i dont think he has ever loved us. He had no imput into our lives bar when we needed "discipline".

I dont really know what im asking you but i really need to break this cycle, as i always end up very depressed and very upset when one of the "men" go on to meet a new gf.

TheZohanS

You need to keep an eye out for the signals of guys just using you.

If they don't introduce you to their friends, and after 6 months you have not met any of their family you need to ask yourself are you with the right person.

Don't be afraid to ask a guy what he's looking for after a month or so and if he tells you just fun or is afraid of commitment then just walk away.

The fact that your dad wasn't emotional or supportive might be a factor in your relationships but you need to get past that, live your own life for yourself and get over it.

You have to kiss a log of frogs before you meet the right person and as long as you learn from your experiences then you are not doing too bad.

There is someone out there for everyone.:)

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I dont know whether it stems back to when i was growing up my dad had very little to do with us. We may have lived in the same house but i dont think he has ever loved us. He had no imput into our lives bar when we needed "discipline".

I think you have hit the nail on the head here OP. They say Fathers are the ones who give daughters their self image etc.

My father was like yours only worse, I wont depress you with the details, but as an adult I gave away sex to men like it was worthless because thats the message I got growing up, you are worthless (women/girls) Worse than worthless actually, nothing but a drain on his finances, a waste of money.

But anyway, if you are told your worthless thats what you will believe. All the people in the world trying to tell you otherwise and counselling and all that, I dunno if it can change that tape loop in your head.

It was only when I became an adult and started seeing how other fathers treated their daughters, sending them to college, encouraging them to drive, buying them clothes, giving them Birthday presents, cards even, going to their graduations, 21st Birthday parties etc all the things most people consider "normal" that I began to realise this was normal.

But even so, normal to me is to be treated with disdain and contempt, Like you Ive been in dodgy relationships where Ive been made feel I couldn't ask for anything. Just accept what I got. Ive never been allowed have a baby by a man or allowed to feel I am worth anything other girls have like a wedding, I can give them sex and look after them, but dont get any of the usual things women get in a normal relationship "deal"
This is because I dont know how to negotiate it. I have no template.

Well, I have tried to stop the self pity and tried to change....it is very hard, but all we can do is try.

LegacyUser

Maybe you need to cut men out of ur life for a while altogether, at least until u clear your head.

Also maybe seeing a councillor wouldnt harm either???