Lyrics I Wrote

Nailz

I had some spear time on my hands yesterday evening and I decided I wanted to write something I felt strongly about (a very dodgy subject). I'm a first time writer, but was always interested in making music (I play Drums & the Bass, but very intermediate at both), so apologies if the lyrics are terrible and lack imagination. But be as harsh as you feel critically, because it's only far.

(Working) Title: LRH is Dead.

The subject of anti-worship,
Eminence against that above.
Dead souls without welcome,
The unbeliever knows no home.
Bad feelings of the alien within,
Clarity begotten & free from sin.
Defiantly they rejoyce their pride,
But still stupidity remains inside!

[chorus]Burn - Clones of evil damnation,
His greed welcomes (their) temptation,
LRH is not alive,
But lives of others he deprives.[/chorus]

Their evil has no boundries,
Distinguishing suffering & humanity.
Company of darkness reign,
Bodies left to die in pain,
Rotting corpses of sacrifice,
The leader whom speaks no lies,
Falling blood leads to young death,
Religion is his way of/to success.

[chorus]
________________

Maybe I've been listening to too much Slayer! When writing I felt a Metal vibe. No music as I ain't that good at what I can play to play in the style of Metal. Am I right in saying most of you know what it's about upon reading???
Tell me what you think.

ALL criticism welcome,
Thanks, Paul.

donkeypop

Well, it's definitely metal, and it's definitely about Scientology.

You want to put in bits that could be chanted somewhere (Like "f*ck you I won't do what you tell me" at the end of "Killing in the name of..." RATM) and you might want to consider a bit of wry humour.

If I were to write a song about Scientology I'd call it "Eaten by the Thetan".

Nailz

Haha, sweet name! In humour, I was thinking of saying something about the German government, that's always something I laugh at on the subject of Scientology. But revising over this song, I taught it lacks creative structure (like a basic one got from 'Song Writing For Dummies' or something like that). But lyrically, what do you think? It reminds me of something Slayer would do.

donkeypop

I am the sort of person who would find Slayer lyrics laughable and juvenile - a little bit too close to Spinal Tap - so I'm probably not the best to be commenting.

However, this song would work far better if you rewrote to be sung at someone rather than about an organisation. When you want to express anger it's far more difficult to express it singing generally about things.

For instance: "Look at them, they're so f*cking stupid" skirts very close to a juvenile sneer and is far less effective than "You're so f*cking stupid".

Nailz

I get you, good point. Something like this?
"
Your evil has no boundries,
-
Your Company of darkness reign,
-
You're the leader whom speaks no lies,
-
Religion is your way of/to success.
"
To be fair though, I don't want every second line to have "your/you're" in it, because I think it makes it look like I half-arsed it.

donkeypop

Nailz wrote: »

To be fair though, I don't want every second line to have "your/you're" in it, because I think it makes it look like I half-arsed it.

Yes, you're right, it would look a little half-arsed. I think it would need a rewrite if you were to approach it that way.

I would definitely sing to the followers and intimate that they were fools for following their dead LRH. If you were looking for a Slayer song it would need to have real anger and extreme imagery, in my opinion. This would be my idea about how a song like that might go:

LRH IS DEAD

Worship his glove,
Suck his fingers off
LRH picks at your meat
and feeds it to his dog.

Swallow his DC-8
Praise his defecate
LRH will let you eat
if you call him God

LRH he burns
he burns you f*cking clones
You eat his f*cking sh*t
he eats everything you own

Kiss little Ronnie's fist
Eat it to the wrist
Eat it to the elbow
he has no boundaries
He swallows sacrifice
he eats it with his lies
he s*ts on all your heads
LRH is dead.

Nailz

That's some sound stuff mate! Those last two lines are hilarious I reckon. And I'm not "looking" for a Slayer song, I just think it's taking a look of one.

Edit: and there's a hell of alot of shįt in that song!

donkeypop

Nailz wrote: »

That's some sound stuff mate! Those last two lines are hilarious I reckon. And I'm not "looking" for a Slayer song, I just think it's taking a look of one.

Edit: and there's a hell of alot of shįt in that song!

Fair enough. Well, I was going for "Slayer" and sex and defecation and all that jazz are definitely a running theme in metal songs. Anyway, that's all I've got for now, hope it helps.

Nailz

I does, cheers for that.

humberklog

Nialz I liked both but the re-worked one with Donkey is now brilliant. What're you gonna do with it now? Are you in a band or will you busk it solo on a day out in Dublin on Middle Abbey st.?

donkeypop

humberklog wrote: »

Nialz I liked both but the re-worked one with Donkey is now brilliant. What're you gonna do with it now? Are you in a band or will you busk it solo on a day out in Dublin on Middle Abbey st.?

:pac: I think a song with allusions to oral-fisting and actually consuming the rotting sh*t of a dead leader would be perfect for Middle Abbey Street. Go for it!

Nailz

I think you might need a mask and be somewhat brave or stupid to busk Middle Abbey St. with my dodgy stuff! No I'm not in a band (at this moment), but a mate of mine is in a band and he feels he wants to write some stuff for it. I'm a decent enough singer, I'm having a thought or two of starting one up, but the really close friends of mine are more into other stuff, mainly old Alternative, not the stuff I'd be looking for, recruitment maybe an option. Also my brother told me I can sing Faith No More stuff exceptionally (me being flattered as Mike Patton is one of my favourite singers), so I'm having problems making a musical/genre direction.

BTW, it's Nailz, NOT Nialz!!! Sorry, but my name is not Niall, it's Paul!

Nailz

Hi lads, I'm back again, I wrote another song. I don't want to make a new thread for this because I think it belongs here with my other lyrics. It's about people going out on the piss, and also about people hiding the reality of their lives behind drink. I call it "Intoxication!"! Does anybody want to see it?

humberklog

Go on Nailz (was tempted to type-o your name again).