Dirty rotten scoundrel

LegacyUser · 03-03-2009 2:39am #1

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to. its not fair to my wife. not fair at all. i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it. i must have serious mental and emotional problems. i dont know why im even writing this as i will get seriously abused. i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking. i cant even try to explain how wonderful she is to me. i have never been caught by anyone. and i dont want lectures. an outlet i suppose. am i alone in this?

loloray · 03-03-2009 3:01am

Unregistered wrote: »

am i alone in this?

I hope so!

Kiith · 03-03-2009 3:03am

Unregistered wrote: »

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to. its not fair to my wife. not fair at all. i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it. i must have serious mental and emotional problems. i dont know why im even writing this as i will get seriously abused. i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking. i cant even try to explain how wonderful she is to me. i have never been caught by anyone. and i dont want lectures. an outlet i suppose. am i alone in this?

Are you alone in this? No, probably not. A lot of people are cheaters.

But you are 100% in the wrong. You should have the decency of being truthful with her. You say you dont want to be abused/lectured, but you give us no reason to do otherwise. You show pretty much no regard for your wife, and somehow have the audacity to say you have trouble trusting her? Dirty rotten scoundrel is putting it pretty lightly if you ask me.

If you ever want to have a trusting relationship, you should definitly get some help. Then again, do you even want help?

useful_contacts · 03-03-2009 3:10am

Unregistered wrote: »

i am one of those people who thrive on the thrill of cheating on my wife. I cant stop or really dont want to.

well then whats the point of asking people on here?

Unregistered wrote: »

i know this. if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it.

one rule for you- another for her. Thats just completly hyprocital

Unregistered wrote: »

i have never been able to be with someone and not cheat. as a result of this i have huge problems with trusting her. i am self absorbed and not even that good looking.

TBH it sounds to me like you need other women to validate your attractivness, you know your wife loves you but thats not enough, you need to know you can still get other women

Four-Too · 03-03-2009 3:44am

On the positive side of things.....you could be seeking kids for sex.
It sounds like a fantasy you have that you find hard to resist. It's not easily sorted out, perhaps you could try to keep your mind off sex completely somehow

Quazzie · 03-03-2009 10:46am

OP, you are not alone. There are thousands of people out there like you and while what you are doing is wrong the fact that you recognize it as something you need to change is a positive step. You need to look at what you have and realise that is what you really need as a person. I used to be like you, but with some deep searching inside me I changed. This might sound like an old cliche but the only person that can help you is you. I cheated on my wife for years before we were married, and the only way I found that I could stop was to draw a definite line under it, and that line was the day I go engaged. For me it seemed easier to stop once I had made my mind up to do it and set a certain moment in time as the cease date. I'm not saying it was easy, it certainly wasn't, and still sometimes now I do be tempted but in reality its just a lifestyle change, no different, or harder than going on a diet, taking up a new passtime, giving up cigarettes etc. The hardest part is actually finding a reason inside you that makes you want to stop. Until you find that reason you will always be a cheat.

biko · 03-03-2009 10:49am

Unregistered wrote: »

am i alone in this?

Do you even want to stop? Or do you want to know that others do it too so you can get some sort of justification for what you're doing?

useful_contacts · 03-03-2009 11:08am

biko wrote: »

Do you even want to stop? Or do you want to know that others do it too so you can get some sort of justification for what you're doing?

he doesnt want to stop

he said so in his orginal post

cantdecide · 03-03-2009 11:11am

You should start by acknowledging that it's a truly horrendous thing that you must stop asap. You must make yourself want to stop if you don't already. If you don't want to want to stop (bear with me), then you're a terrible person and you should leave your wife or at least come 100% clean and let her leave you. It might also be that you're not in love with her but that obviously falls into the 'leave her' category...

After this, the question is how do you stop. I'd see a counselor if I were you. I would think that anyone who has no problem risking so much damage on a very regular basis must have some kind of emotional or psychological problem....

Or maybe you're simply happy to be a nasty piece of work???

sammyv · 03-03-2009 11:15am

I could get banned for this, but feel i have to say it.

People like you ruin other peoples lives. Leave your wife, she is better off without you.
You are horrible and nasty...you get a thrill cheating on her.

My b'f cheated on me, and i thought my life was over, but if i was married to a man that i made a commitment to spend my life with...i think i would actually go mad!!!

You have no respect for your wife...

Quazzie · 03-03-2009 11:20am

Orls81 wrote: »

I could get banned for this, but feel i have to say it.

People like you ruin other peoples lives. Leave your wife, she is better off without you.
You are horrible and nasty...you get a thrill cheating on her.

My b'f cheated on me, and i thought my life was over, but if i was married to a man that i made a commitment to spend my life with...i think i would actually go mad!!!

You have no respect for your wife...

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

LegacyUser · 03-03-2009 11:21am

Men like you make me sick. It isn't big or clever, your wife doesn't deserve this because all it is down to is your low self esteem. Get help.

sammyv · 03-03-2009 11:26am

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

Thats your opinion, and i have mine.

Cheaters are nasty people, i just hope there is no kids involved.

And i hope he doesnt put his wife in any sort of danger...infection wise!!

star-pants · 03-03-2009 11:31am

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

Thats a bit harsh. Everybodies issues affect their lives in different ways. Everybody has their vices and this mans happens to be cheating. In my opinion its a better vice than going out drinking everynight or over dependancy on drugs. Both of the latter would affect his wife in much worse ways

True everybody has their issues and vices but I don't think you could say cheating is better than overdrinking/drugs for affecting your OH. What if by cheating a virus was caught and passed onto the wife - that would affect the rest of her life. Or if there were children involved - cheating might cause a whole mess for the family. Or if it's continued for years it could have similar mental and emotional scars as overdrinking etc would.

You are right in the fact that only the OP can choose to stop this, noone can force him. OP - do you love your wife? If you truly do, then you need to do this for her. Prove your love, you've married her but you don't stand by the vows you made. Which means you're lying to her. You said yourself you'd leave her no problem if it was her doing this -- why should you get away with it? I'm not berating, obviously I don't agree with what you're doing, or the fact you're so happy in doing it. But you're hurting your wife, and your future. I would say counselling might help you to confront your issues and learn how to curb your urge to cheat.

You have to want to stop - I know you said you don't -- but what's the point in continuing with your marriage if it's a lie on your half?

Quazzie · 03-03-2009 11:32am

Orls81 wrote: »

Cheaters are nasty people,

Thats a bit of a generalization isn't it. Brandishing people who cheat as nasty without knowing the people involved is a bit harsh imho.

ManOfMystery · 03-03-2009 11:38am

Well it may be a generalisation but it's on the right track, cheaters are hardly nice, decent honest people - particularly serial cheaters who cheat on their spouse like this one?

OP - what is it that you enjoy, the thrill of the chase or the sex itself? Are these one-offs or long time affairs? Is it a sex addiction?

LegacyUser · 03-03-2009 11:44am

its a new marriage. no kids. 1st marriage. do i love her... i think so. she deserves better, that i know. therapy, id love too... who can afford anything but the basics these days? simply cant afford it. kind of stupid isn't it? if i was on drugs or something people would be coming outta the woodwork to get me help, government programs and the like. this will have a huge affect on her, how could it not. long term i mean. i just needed an outlet. cheers all.

Wagon · 03-03-2009 11:51am

Unregistered wrote: »

I cant stop or really dont want to.

Well nobody here can help you. Sorry.

am i alone in this?

No, there's lots of twats on the world. You certainly aren't alone.

Why the hell are you even bothering to post this? Lads like you really drag the rest of us down.

Pub07 · 03-03-2009 11:54am

Four-Too wrote: »

On the positive side of things.....you could be seeking kids for sex.

wat

Wagon · 03-03-2009 11:57am

Pub07 wrote: »

wat

He means that it could be worse. He has a point.

bubblewrap · 03-03-2009 12:11pm

Unregistered wrote: »

if the situation was reversed i would leave her. divorce, no second thought about it.

Tell her then and give her the option. What do you have to lose? You will still be getting what you are getting just without the guilt. You obviously do not love or respect her.

What exactly is keeping you with her?

No bloody wonder I am so insecure and jealous in relationships when men like you exist. :mad:

LegacyUser · 03-03-2009 12:52pm

OP if you want to save your marriage, you'll find the money for counselling. On the other hand, you've already said you don't want to change, so even if you could afford the counselling, I doubt you would.

If you don't want to change, then I think you should end your marriage. If your wife didn't agree to an "open" relationship, she shouldn't be subjected to one. If you end your marriage you can fcuk around all you want without hurting someone who thinks she's with the man of her dreams and doesn't realise he's actually hurting her quite badly behind her back.

If you love her, but not enough to change, then you really should leave her. She deserves someone who will devote himself to her and not disrespect her the way you have.

On the other hand, whatever happens, you need counselling. Even for the sake of figuring out why you cheat.

sammyv · 03-03-2009 12:54pm

Yes it really poeple like you that causes so much insecurity and paranoia in a relationship.

Why cant people be faithful?

LegacyUser · 03-03-2009 12:58pm

I don't understand cheaters either, a drunken mistake maybe but not continuous affairs, if your partner is that bad that you have to go elsewhere to make you happy then just bloody LEAVE THEM!!

useful_contacts · 03-03-2009 1:28pm

Unregistered wrote: »

its a new marriage. no kids. 1st marriage. do i love her... i think so.

What!!!!!!!!! How can you marry someone you THINK you love!!!

Loxosceles · 03-03-2009 1:28pm

And then, what amazes me, is that the man in the 'Wife leaving' thread has supported his wife, been faithful to her while she had affairs, held up the family alone with his wages, been a great father to his kids, and she is still leaving him and trying to take the kids with her...because she's bored.

I dunno, I personally think this scumbag who is cheating on his wife probably has some messed-up subconscious reasons for doing so, and should not be doing it, granted, but would married cheating in Ireland be _this_ rife (I'm American, birthplace of the sexual revolution, and I NEVER have seen married cheating so damn rife except here, it is APPALLING) if the previous weren't so easy for a woman to do?

Because in this country, people, between the welfare system and the legal system, men are 100% disposable at any time whether they put in decades of devotion, if they're good husbands and fathers, or nasty little scumbags like this one, or a woman is a horrible horrible mother and alcoholic and addict and she STILL gets the damn kids. Maybe a lot of men here would think twice about behaving like scumbags if they felt they had some reward and recourse in being responsible, and women were taught how to value their own careers and equality.

Just saying.

Because it's night and day here. Either devoted sacrificial hardworking fathers who end up getting screwed anyhow, or absolute total scumbag pr!cks like this one who are just pre-empting the inevitable.

Kaldorn · 03-03-2009 1:30pm

she washes his clothes and makes his dinner most nights and he gets the odd bit of head during the week and she cleans the gaff,he is lazy and lives an easy life..simple really not justifying it at all by the way

LegacyUser · 03-03-2009 1:40pm

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't understand cheaters either, a drunken mistake maybe but not continuous affairs, if your partner is that bad that you have to go elsewhere to make you happy then just bloody LEAVE THEM!!

Could not agree more if I tried.

sammyv · 03-03-2009 2:01pm

I dont even see the point of this post, he doesnt even want to get help.
I can cope with alot of things, and i would give alot of people the benefit of the doubt....but i hate innocent people getting hurt due to someones crappy behaviour. Cop yourself on!!!

bubblewrap · 03-03-2009 2:08pm

I think this thread is completely uneccessary, I wouldn't care if he was remorseful asking for help but all he is doing is fuelling insecurity and showing that some people really are heartless b******s.

Mountjoy Mugger · 03-03-2009 2:08pm

O.P.

If you don't want to stop, or get help, why post in PI?

Are you a troll? If not, have the balls to post somewhere like AH, under your normal username.

Dirty rotten scoundrel

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