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How to discipline a child with adhd?

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  • 04-03-2009 1:27pm
    #1
    modmo
    Registered Users Posts: 32 ✭


    I have a son 11 years old with aspergers syndrome and ADHD. He was on medication for a year but we have taken him off it about 5 months ago because he hated taking it and we hated giving it to him. Also although we thought it helped at first after a while there was no improvement in his behaviour. He isnt really hyper-active but would have some behavioural issues and has poor concentration with school work. He had an SNA with him in school but he is in denial that anything is wrong and that he needs her.
    The thing we are finding hard is how to discipline him when he does something wrong. We used to use the magic 1.2.3 method but that doesnt seem to work. When we send him to his room for example to time-out he has a serious meltdown and starts thrashing the place. Its kinda like he doesnt believe he should be punished and you cant reason with him. We sometimes ground him and he hates that, he only gets the play station at the weekend anyway but that is another pervilige that we take away is neccessary. Has anybody else been in a similar situation with a child arround the same age? And have you any suggestions? As he's getting older I can forsee the violence will get worse. At the moment its directed towards the furniture and walls.


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Meltsdowns can be scary and frightening, thankfully it has been a while from when we last had one in this house.

    My son is also 11 and has aspergers, he recently had adhd ruled out as while he is more
    active then other kids it is self stimultion and not at levels which are distrubtive
    and distracting other children in the class.

    He also has an SNA who is brillant at keeping him on task and knowing what will trigger him and can intervien early.

    We were lucky that last year he got a place in an incredible years program called
    dina school which had a 3 prong approach with workshops for him, parental program and support meeting for the parents and info packs for the school so that everyone
    dealt with him in the same way and how things were managed were consistant
    until he learned to know and manage his emotions and out bursts.

    http://www.incredibleyears.com/Program/child.asp

    I found the anger management to be great and it built on know what you are feeling
    before you get to the being angry stage.

    You have to be consistant, you have to explain to him why what he is doing it not
    acceptable and you have to then afterwards when he is calm talk about what sparked
    him off.

    We talk about stress levels here in the house and they usuall start in our tummys
    and that ist he first stress level. Then it moves to our heart and we get upset feelngs
    and then it move to our neck and if we have not expressed them in a way that is helpful
    they come out as hurtful or angry words and then if the stress is not dealt wtih it goes to our heads and we have a full on strop or melt down.

    It took me doing this about what I was feeling to get my son to do this about his
    so that he will come to me at the first two stress levels instead of me hearing him
    shouting and giving out or shouting and giving out to me.

    What supports are being offered to you to help parent him ?
    How are you doing at managing his stress and yours ?


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    #3
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,498 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    talk to the parents on www.adhd.ie


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    #4
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    we have an 8 yr old with aspergers who also has issues regarding anger and not feeling like he dserves to be punished - he does something wrong,, we tell him to go on the time out step and then he gets more aggrevated when hes disciplined.

    Perserverence is the key i guess but it hasnt worked for us yet. The anger meltdowns are there as he doesnt know how to express it. At the moment it sounds like he might need help from you to calm down as in explaining to him how in an acceptable way he can express his anger.


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    #5
    Eugene finane
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭Eugene finane


    You might try out the Parent Plus Programme. This programme is designed to teach coping skills to parents of children with behavoural issues. It was developed by a Dr John Sharry. Check your local district to see if such a course is running. I hope this is of some help to you.


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    #6
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    modmo wrote: »
    I have a son 11 years old with aspergers syndrome and ADHD. He was on medication for a year but we have taken him off it about 5 months ago because he hated taking it and we hated giving it to him. Also although we thought it helped at first after a while there was no improvement in his behaviour.

    Did you discuss this with his doctor?


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    #7
    goosie2005
    Registered Users Posts: 70 ✭✭goosie2005


    hi would agree with other poster recommending parent plus programme. i did it last year when going through terrible time with my son. really brilliant, changed my whole relationship with my son (now 13). have done lots of appointments, assessments and treatments believe me, and this was streets ahead in helpfulness. hth and things improve soon.


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