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A guy walks into a bar

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  • 04-03-2009 1:36pm
    #1
    gerTheGreat
    Registered Users Posts: 871 ✭✭✭


    One night, a garda was stalking out a pub full of rowdy drunks for possible drink-drivers.

    At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.

    Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

    The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test.

    The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

    A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

    She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

    After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

    To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "€200? YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND!"

    A cowboy is traveling on his horse when he sees a bar. He decides to stop for a few drinks, so he ties his horse outside the bar, walks into the bar, sits right up at the counter and orders a few beers.

    The cowboy is new in town, so he notices some of the other bar patrons giving him funny looks, and he suspects that they'll try something funny, but he continues to drink. When he's satisfied, he pays for the beers and walks out of the bar only to find his horse missing.

    However, he keeps his cool, struts back into the bar, puts on a really mean look and says, "Look, I don't know what you asses did to my horse out there...but I'm planning to make a move on within the next FIVE minutes, and if my horse isn't back where it's supposed to be by then, well...I'm gonna have to do here what I did in Texas!" The cowboy sneers. "And I DON'T wanna do what I did in Texas!"

    The cowboy glares at everyone before returning to the counter and ordering another couple of beers. The other customers seem a bit shaken, and sure enough after 5 minutes, the cowboy walks out and finds his horse tied where it was supposed to be.

    Just as he's about to leave, the bartender approaches him and asks, "Just out of curiosity, partner. What was it you did in Texas that you didn't want to do here?" The cowboy turns to the bartender, gives a lopsided grin and replies, "I had to walk home!"


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