I can't control my drinking

LegacyUser

Im female, 18 and have been drinking socially for the past 3 years. When I go out I would always drink, and be drunk - Id have maybe 4 beers, 2 vodkas, a few shots and about half a naggin of vodka before I go out, when getting ready with friends.

Over the past while Ive found myself getting so drunk that I pass out in the club and friends have to look after me and I make a total fool out of myself, and cant remember what happened the next day.

Over the past while, after a night out Ive promised myself that the next time I go out I wont drink, to prove to myself that I can. But its never happened - I'll have one drink, and I cant seem to stop at one, I have to have more and more until Im waisted. For example, out at a party in a pub, feel too self consious (and i dont really understand why, im not shy and am generally confident) so I had a drink, and just couldnt stop at one. Even when I only have the money for one and a taxi home, I end up borrowing money or getting someone to buy me a drink.

Another thing Ive noticed recently - Ive been getting kindof agressive (thats a bit strong and not the right word) when Im drunk - for example I started on a girl who was in my old school a while back for no reason whatsoever, I started on and ended up fighting a random guy who disrespected me, and I slapped a guy who my friend was dancing with on the face for no reason. I dont know why I do this, and immediatly after I get very upset and apologise. This is only really in the last 5 or 6 months, and not each time I go out.

I am under a huge amount of pressure at the moment and I suppose at times I have felt myself go 'god, id love a drink right now' - but thats normal, right?

I was talking to a chap who is a recovered alcoholic (while i was drunk ironically) and he was saying I should really keep an eye on it - my question is what is normal, and what is abnormal? where is the line between having a night out to relax and to forget your worries for a night, and where it becomes a problem? Do I appear to have a problem?

I guess even writing this means that Im concerned about this - and I am, but I dont want to stop drinking, Im only young and I feel that alot of social events are centered around drink, I love going out but feel self consious and get a drink, but then cant stop.

What do I do? Should I be concerned or am I over reacting?

KM56

well if you are worried then you should go talk to someone or get conselling or rehab. what ever feels more comfortable to you. it is not very fair on your friends minding you when you go out because they are going out to enjoy themselves.

abnormal would be waking up and grabbing a drink and worrying when and where are you going to get your next one from...well thats what i think anyway. and not everything is centered about drink.....its upto the indivdual.

LegacyUser

Other than getting aggressive and being self concious i'm in pretty much the same boat as you. I still drink enough to get drunk but not so much that i forget the previous night. I wouldn't be too worried I bet if all your friends stopped you'd be able to no problem theres just nothing worse than going out when all your friends are drinking and not doing it yourself. Your just having one two many on the nights that you blank out. Think about the last time you drank too much and then try and drink half that next time you go out and see how it goes

TheDollyParton

I have had a lot of experience with alcoholism and if I were you I'd be concerned. Alcohol certain seems to have a power over you if you can't go out and have a night without it even if you're determined to. If you keep telling yourself you're never going to get that drunk again. or never going to behave that way again, and yet it still seems to happen...that's a definite warning sign. It's a good sign that you're questioning it though. If I were you I would look into some counselling even if its just to deal with the pressure you mentioned. Best of luck, and know you're not alone in this.

TheDollyParton

KM56 wrote: »

abnormal would be waking up and grabbing a drink and worrying when and where are you going to get your next one from...well thats what i think anyway. and not everything is centered about drink.....its upto the indivdual.

It's a common misconception that in order to be an alcoholic you have to drink all day every day or as you said, grab a drink first thing upon waking up. There are lots of alcoholics out there who hold down steady jobs and live perfectly "normal" lives Monday to Friday, or even go for weeks and months without a drink and still have a dependency. A limited amount of research on the net will support me on this point. It's not about how much you drink, it's about the effect the drinking has on you.

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/tests/a/aa040130.htm

Blazer

I went through the same at your age..wasted drunk every weekend..
never bothered me during the week but at soon as the weekend came ..wooho off i went...used to have blackouts and all with no idea where i went clubbing or how i got home.
After a few years though I grew out of it...it's all part of growing up as a teenager. It wasn't the drink I craved but the crack we used to have..absolutely brilliant and made tons of new friends.
However if you find yourself craving a drink during the week then I'd be very worried.
Relax, cut back on the booze a bit, tell your friends to watch out for you and you should be ok.
Drinking is part of the Irish culture unfortunately and i can't see that changing for a while.

flyton5

I can see where you're coming from as I used to be mad for drink when I was your age. I'm only 21 now but maybe the best bit of advice I can give is to just cut back on going out. If you do decide to go out try to arrive at the club sober. That way you're less likely to end up completly hammered by the end of the night. My biggest wake up call was a trip to A&E courtesy of the guards after falling off the back of a truck(seemed like a great idea to jump on it at the time). By rights I probably should have been killed(my friends brother died after a similar incident) and that really got to me. At the end of the day you're putting yourself at great risk as there are people out there only too willing to take advantage of young, drunk women.

Maybe talk to a family member about it and see what they think. If you feel you can't cut back then maybe seek help to give it up altogether. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide is best for you.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

Do I appear to have a problem?

Most certainly.

biko

You could be in a unhappy stage in your life and the alcohol will emphasise the dark sides of this, the recent increase in aggression for one.

I am under a huge amount of pressure at the moment and I suppose at times I have felt myself go 'god, id love a drink right now' - but thats normal, right?

There is a problem when you associate drinking with relaxation and a good time, just as bulimic people associate comfort with food.
You should do something else to reward yourself. A session costs maybe 50 euro, how about you buy clothes instead? Or go for a nice dinner?

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

Im female, 18 and have been drinking socially for the past 3 years. When I go out I would always drink, and be drunk - Id have maybe 4 beers, 2 vodkas, a few shots and about half a naggin of vodka before I go out, when getting ready with friends.

That's an awful lot of drink. Certainly, mixing so many different drinks makes you worse.
I would say you have a big problem. I say that because you are an 18 year old woman who admits to passing out.
In this day and age I cannot even begin to tell you how foolish that is. There are people out that who are only too happy to take advantage of a woman in your state.
My motto is, stop once you see yourself loosing control. Always be aware enough to be able to get home in one piece and be able to take care of yourself.
If you cannot do that, if you cannot stop when you know that you should, then without doubt you most certainly do have a problem.
You should quit altogether until you learn some sort of self control.

I am under a huge amount of pressure at the moment and I suppose at times I have felt myself go 'god, id love a drink right now' - but thats normal, right?

It most certainly is not normal, except for alcoholics of course, which you are heading towards being if you continue on this path.
If you cannot give up for a while, then you are one already.

Should I be concerned or am I over reacting?

You should be very concerned and you are not over reacting enough imo.
I've seen what an alcoholic can do to their family and the people around them.
You don't want to go there. Nip it in the bud before you do.

merlie

Unregistered wrote: »

Im female, 18 and have been drinking socially for the past 3 years. When I go out I would always drink, and be drunk - Id have maybe 4 beers, 2 vodkas, a few shots and about half a naggin of vodka before I go out, when getting ready with friends.

Over the past while Ive found myself getting so drunk that I pass out in the club and friends have to look after me and I make a total fool out of myself, and cant remember what happened the next day.

Over the past while, after a night out Ive promised myself that the next time I go out I wont drink, to prove to myself that I can. But its never happened - I'll have one drink, and I cant seem to stop at one, I have to have more and more until Im waisted. For example, out at a party in a pub, feel too self consious (and i dont really understand why, im not shy and am generally confident) so I had a drink, and just couldnt stop at one. Even when I only have the money for one and a taxi home, I end up borrowing money or getting someone to buy me a drink.

Another thing Ive noticed recently - Ive been getting kindof agressive (thats a bit strong and not the right word) when Im drunk - for example I started on a girl who was in my old school a while back for no reason whatsoever, I started on and ended up fighting a random guy who disrespected me, and I slapped a guy who my friend was dancing with on the face for no reason. I dont know why I do this, and immediatly after I get very upset and apologise. This is only really in the last 5 or 6 months, and not each time I go out.

I am under a huge amount of pressure at the moment and I suppose at times I have felt myself go 'god, id love a drink right now' - but thats normal, right?

I was talking to a chap who is a recovered alcoholic (while i was drunk ironically) and he was saying I should really keep an eye on it - my question is what is normal, and what is abnormal? where is the line between having a night out to relax and to forget your worries for a night, and where it becomes a problem? Do I appear to have a problem?

I guess even writing this means that Im concerned about this - and I am, but I dont want to stop drinking, Im only young and I feel that alot of social events are centered around drink, I love going out but feel self consious and get a drink, but then cant stop.

What do I do? Should I be concerned or am I over reacting?

Oh dear! Well the fact that you are aware of your drinking habits is a good thing. Its best to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. You need to talk with a close friend, sister or relative, whom you trust about what is going on. You say you are under pressure, stress can be one of the key issues with your problem. And getting drunk isnt going to solve anything for you. I know you say socialising is centred around drink but at the end of the day it is up to you to put a halt to it. You realise if it keeps getting out of control it will only make matters more worse for you. So the best option is to talk with someone and maybe get a friend to buy your drinks and when you have drank say one or 2 then that should be your limit and they should help prevent you from buying further alcohol. It might be better if you bought light drinks as opposed to the heavy ones you are taking now.

smileysurfer

I think you should seek help before it gets anymore out of hand! not to mention the damage your doing to your liver! :eek:

ManOfMystery

That's a lot of drink to take BEFORE you go out. I'm a 31yr old guy and thats probably as much as I would actually drink on an average night out, never mind as a warmup to the main event.

You say you can't seem to stop at one drink .... no disrespect intended, but that's bull ..... it's all about willpower. I doubt at the age of 18 and only 3yrs drinking that your body & mind has developed such a dependency on alcohol that you can't say 'No' to it. You just need to be stronger and learn not to give in.

I agree with the posts above - if this continues it could become a much bigger problem for you. At the moment, there are plenty of warning signs - aggression, lack of self control, etc - sooner or later, something is going to happen and you should really take control of yourself before then.

Faith

About the aggression, different drinks can cause different effects on people. My boyfriend can't drink whisky, whereas I've found that if I drink a huge amount of vodka, I get aggressive too. Maybe try switching to another drink?

Other than that, it does sound like you have a bit of a problem, but I'm sure you'll get better advice from others on this thread than I can give you.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the input guys.

There is alcoholism in the family, I am well aware of the destruction it causes and thats why Im posting on here, in an attempt to see it from an outsiders point of view opposed to someone who knows me personally.

I came on here to find out, as 'Matthewreilly' put it - if its 'all part of growing up as a teenager' or if indeed I have a problem.

Honestly, I dont think I can give up for a while, when I go out its to have fun and have a few drinks, which for me leads to me getting far, far too drunk. If Im gonna do something about this, Im gonna have to give up altogether - and to be quite honest, that scares me - I can see the arkwardness in social situations etc, aswell myself and the best mate go out drinking and dancing all the time, theyre such good nights and I dont want to loose that.

So, where do I go from here? Any suggestions? I think Im heading down a slippery slope.. And as posters said, at this stage I can nip it in the bud, before it causes real damage.

R.D. aka MR.D

hi op,

I see a lot of myself in your post.

I used to be exactly the same and i figured out that when I'm upset about something or particularly stressed or in an awkward social situation I end up in a bad state.

You need to work on your self-esteem. know that you are a fun person to be around whether or not you are drunk.
If your friends judge you for not drinking then just remind yourself that your doing it for yourself and real friends will stick around no matter what.
You can go out and not drink or go out and have a few.

its only been in the last few years i've been able to identify that point when you feel yourself slipping out of control, get a glass of water and keep on doing whatever your doing. when you feel the feeling your drunk enough already and don't need anything else.

Sort your head out and it will calm down. Definitly drink less before you go out. You don't need that much.

obviously if you are really worried about it seek professional help, they aren't nessacairly going to turn you into some 'weird tee-totaller', they can help you work on issues around it.

stay healthy, good luck

Crash Bang Wall

Would it be possible to say go to the local on a quiet Monday night with a mate and have a couple of soft drinks and then go home. It might make it a wee bit easier to o out on a w/e nite and not drink?

Just a thought.......

evad_lhorg

Im the same when I move on to spirits. just drink beers or whatever and you wont have the blackouts. You dont have to prove you can drink so much. I know what its like though. you want to get pissed sometimes and the quickest way is spirits and shots. Everyone has a few nights like this jsut dont make it every night. Go out and just drink pints or bottles.

CDfm

I suggest you go and talk to your GP as 18 is fairly young to be drinking so much and needing it to function.

Darragh29

Mathew Reilly wrote: »

I went through the same at your age..wasted drunk every weekend..
never bothered me during the week but at soon as the weekend came ..wooho off i went...used to have blackouts and all with no idea where i went clubbing or how i got home.
After a few years though I grew out of it...it's all part of growing up as a teenager. It wasn't the drink I craved but the crack we used to have..absolutely brilliant and made tons of new friends.
However if you find yourself craving a drink during the week then I'd be very worried.
Relax, cut back on the booze a bit, tell your friends to watch out for you and you should be ok.
Drinking is part of the Irish culture unfortunately and i can't see that changing for a while.

I was the same when I was in my early-mid twenties, in fact I was a lot worse! I was a divel for ending up in a house party at 4 in the morning and pukeing all over the place, always 'cos I drank too much and mixed loads of drinks.

Next morning I wouldn't have had a recollection of what I'd have been up to the previous night and it would take me the best part of a week to get myself back together again. Every few months I'd end up in a digging match with someone over a taxi or a queue jumper or something stupid/irrelevant.

I grew out of it after a few years, now I go out and have 4-5 pints and that does me fine. Every now and again I'll end up at a house party and I'll be the one dancing to "Money for Nothing" on the kitchen table but that's just having a laugh! I don't drink so much anymore that I get sick and make a twit out of myself, you'll probably grow out of it...

EDIT: Back then I was the same as you, I couldn't go out and not have a drink, I was too self aware and concerned with what others might think and say. Now I'm off drink for lent and I'll go out with the lads and take the car and have a coffee with them. As you get into your 30's OP, you stop giving a sh*t what other people think! That's the great thing about your 30's!

bman

You definitely can go out and not drink. It's a matter of willpower. Just do it one night and see how you get on. It won't be as much "fun" but you won't blackout, you won't make a fool of yourself and you'll feel great the next day. You have to ask yourself is the "fun" worth all that bad stuff.

Also, on nights where I'm not drinking I try to dance a ****load when I get to the club. Keeps your mind off drinking if you're feeling that self conscious about it. And sober people dance much better than drunk people (once you get into it)!

If you can't quite for a while then, as someone else already said, don't drink shots. You've much less chance of getting wasted if you stick to beers all night coz you'll feel full after a few.

Monkey61

I would have been the exact same at your age OP, I was always the one passing out and being carried home by friends. Recently enough I had to stop drinking for a year because I was gettng horrinbly agressive as well.

The agression, well as you say you are stressed at the moment, that's is why that is all coming out once you are drunk.

It's all very well saying give up drinking, but sometimes that isn't a choice that people want to make. It will have a major impact on your social life. It is very possible to have a few drinks and be pleasantly merry but know when to stop.

Firstly knock the vodka and shots on the head - these are much harder to control as you tend to think you are more sober than you are and then suddenly they hit you like a train. Stick to beer - bottles are better than pints because you tend to take smaller mouthfuls (I do anyway). What I sometimes do as well is pik a certain cut off time and say for instance "I' sticking to soft drinks til 11 o clock", then you will have missed the first few rounds but can match everybody else from then on. Or the opposite and decide to finish drinking at a certain time.

It is hard. The hardest thing being the reactions of big drinkers around you who think you are ruining their fun - just tell them that you have to cut down because you keep doing stupid things and can't stop yourself.

Also have a big dinner before you go out because that will help slow you down too. When you buy a drink, force yourself to drink at half the speed you normally would so that it eventually becomes natural. I also make sure I drink a pint of water for every drink I have - that slows down the speed I'm drinking at hugely and gives me something to do with my hands once my drink has gone and stops me rushing immediately to the bar.

Karen_*

Its all very well telling the OP to drink less, take smaller mouthfuls or drink different drinks but if she could do that she wouldn't have a problem to be posting about in the first place.

Life doesn't revolve around drink OP. Giving it up isn't so terrible at all and in fact you have alot more freedom without drink. Yes your social life will be impacted without it but thats only if you soley socialise in pubs. Why not knock it on the head even for six months and see which life you prefer?

Dragan

Unregistered wrote: »

Honestly, I dont think I can give up for a while, when I go out its to have fun and have a few drinks, which for me leads to me getting far, far too drunk. If Im gonna do something about this, Im gonna have to give up altogether - and to be quite honest, that scares me - I can see the arkwardness in social situations etc, aswell myself and the best mate go out drinking and dancing all the time, theyre such good nights and I dont want to loose that.

So, where do I go from here? Any suggestions? I think Im heading down a slippery slope.. And as posters said, at this stage I can nip it in the bud, before it causes real damage.

What kind of suggestions? You just need to stop drinking and exercise a bit of control over yourself.

Right now, drink if your crutch, try facing up to those social situations sober and see how you do. Give yourself a bit more respect that you are currently doing and maybe even SEE how a sober night feels.

I will tell you one thing, it's worth going out and staying sober just to see what drunk people are like when they get too drunk. That might be enough to shock you into dropping the bottle for a while.

You can still have a lot of fun and be sober you know.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here, thanks for the input guys.

Honestly, I dont think I can give up for a while, when I go out its to have fun and have a few drinks, which for me leads to me getting far, far too drunk. If Im gonna do something about this, Im gonna have to give up altogether - and to be quite honest, that scares me - I can see the arkwardness in social situations etc, aswell myself and the best mate go out drinking and dancing all the time, theyre such good nights and I dont want to loose that.

So, where do I go from here? Any suggestions? I think Im heading down a slippery slope.. And as posters said, at this stage I can nip it in the bud, before it causes real damage.

read the non drinkers thread and there are lots of links off it

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1015

Wisheress

Hi OP. Well done on posting and being prepared to explore whether or not this is an issue. You have really guts to face this head on, good on you.

I think that people who say " ah sure I was the same when I was your age" is not necessarily going to help you suss out if this is a problem. What you need is something objective. So here is a questionnaire that is used in pretty much every GP surgery and hospital in the world. It is called the CAGE questionnaire and has just four questions...so it takes no more than 8 seconds! You just tick four boxes and it gives you a score. Here's the link

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/alcohol-cage/index.html

The factors that I was concerned about when i read your mail were the blackouts and your inability to stop drinking despite your best efforts. Regular blackouts when drinking are not routine, no matter what anyone says. Others here talk about giving up after their teenage years but I think the point is that you're concerned you won't be able to.

I think the fact you have acknowledged there is an issue is the first step. In terms of practical advice on what to do next, I am sure other posters here may have better advice than I do so I'm sorry I can't help too much. My gut feeling would be that a trip to the GP or practice nurse might be a pointer in the right direction. Whether or not it is an issue, dealing with it now at the age of 18 is far easier than letting things progress to a point where's it becomes more of a problem. No matter what happens I wish you the very best of luck.

PCPhoto

OP ..... I do think that its a bit of both..... "part of growing up" and "sign of alcohol abuse"

my advice would be ..... if you have to drink then try a half-pint of water in between every drink or every second drink (works for me)

also, as someone else has said .... watch what you drink .... various alcohols do various things to people .... ie. whiskey makes a lot of people aggressive, vodka/gin tend to make people more emotional ...... mixing drinks just makes someone legless.

Best of luck


ps. you are only 18 so its probably the hardest time for you to deal with this situation, with a history of alcoholism in the family you are right to be cautious.

Miss Fluff

With the amount that you are drinking and the trouble it is causing for you I don't think just deciding to give up by yourself is a great idea, you will never really have addressed the problem then. You are only 18 and I think some guidance would be of enormous benefit. Go and see your GP who will refer you to a professional who can assess your drinking habits and help you deal with it accordingly. Fair play for recognising there is a problem. If you continue going like you are you will ruin your life.

LegacyUser

hiya

just been reading your post, just came across it by accident really.
i know where your coming from, that was me when i was 18. i am now 32.
i ended up in pretty much the same states as you did, never went out with the intentions of getting drunk it was just for the fun and to solialise but i always ended up getting drunk and blacking out. i thought i would grow out of it too.....i didnt stop drinking until i was 25. from age 18 to 25 my life was hell because i couldnt control my drinking. i only drank at the weekends i never drank during the week and held down my job. i was told at 19 to give up alcoholism is too in my family so i was well aware too of the destruction but was unable to accept for yrs that i was alcoholic. i am a normal person,. i have a good job, am engaged. we are not bums on the street we are your average every day person that has a disease.
i attend aa meetings and they are the only thing that keeps me away from drinking sure id love to be able to have a glass of wine with dinner or a few drinks with the girls but i cant i accept i am powerless over alcohol and my life becomes unmanageable when i drink.!!! thats what saved my life! the warnings are there.......its not easy give up.....but its the best thing i have ever done in my life....i miss it...but i dont miss the 8yrs of hell i had...it just gets worse you will see that if you have a problem if things dont change and they get worse....you will know....best of luck to you take care

LegacyUser

OP here - just an update - I have gone out twice (as in to a club) since this post, and one of those times I drank - had quite a bit of vodka but didnt buy anything when I got in there (got my friend to pay for the taxi, so didnt bring any cash just my bank card, which is only an atm machine one). Didnt black out and can remember pretty much everything.

The second night I went out, I had one bottle of miller, only when I got in to the club. Didnt 'pre sesh' with the girls before I went out, got around it by going to my friends house really late, leaving just enough time to get ready and go.

I was in a venue where I know alot of the regulars and its only up the road from my house. Didnt feel self conscious really at all tbh - had a great night. Found it difficult but my (close) friends know the situation and helped me out.

So - it can be done. Without the encouragement here I honestly dont think I woulld have even tried. Next step - a different venue, with different people where I won't feel as comfortable. Im hosting an event in a club in town in 3 months time, where Im not going to know very many people. Im trying my very best to be confident that I can do it - any more advice?

Many thanks to all who replied, I feel like Im getting a bit of control back - I know its only early days but I have to start somewhere. I feel maybe a support group of some kind would be of benefit - suggestions? Id be so afraid someone I know would be there though.

LegacyUser

i havent read all of the thread but i can really relate..ive had to stop drinking because I just couldnt handle it. theres a history of alcoholism in my family so it was hardly the biggest surprise but you still think "oh but I'm different, I won't fall for that because I've seen the consequences" but it doesn't happen like that. I'm not sure whether you're an alcoholic or not but you should definitely consider taking a break from alcohol and see whether that has an effect on your life. when i stopped drinking, my life really calmed down. I wouldn't get agressive with drink but I would become over-flirtatious and sometimes too promiscuous. what are your hangovers like? if you can recover too well from them, thats not a great sign. i used to be able to go out til 4/5 in the morn then go into my part time job for 10, absolutely fine with a bit of redbull so i know what im talking about sadly!