Knacker Dwarf Beating The Recession

peterswellman

I know there was a thread before but this guy is smarter than I thought(not saying much). I work in a shop out in the Tuam rd, quite expensive place as it's only convience.

I do get the occassional visit from KD, who seems to keep visiting the house right across the road fromn the shop. He is always eyeing up the prices of stuff but never bought anything besides his adored minstrels(pronounced 'MINSTRs'). That's all he ever buys and he can't reach them so I have to get them for him.

Anyway, one day he enters with a plastic bag and 2 bags of sugar. I was like wtf. Knacker Dwarf utters the words:

'I bought these yesterday, I bought 4 but I only meant to buy two'.

My reply was, 'how did you buy them then?'.

To which he replied, 'I dunno, can I return them, they are the same ones as on the shelf?'.

'No problem' says I. Hoping he will keep coming back.

'Thanks', he says as I give him the money back and leaves.

Checking the dates on the sugar, there was no way possible they are ours. My first though was that he knicked them but I think after dealing with him he has a more cunning plan. He's trying to play the role of wholesaler buying low in Dunnes and selling them at a profit back to me. Simply Genius. The guy can run a sugar empire this way I thought.

The point that confirmed this to me was, he entered the shop one day and bought two items of Lynx shower gel. Weird I thought, wtf would he use whsower gel for. Knackers don't wash.;)

Then his cunning plan hit me. The masterful genius. He must have spotted the showergel dearer in another shop and by returning it he would be making a whooping 20cent profit.

The life of crime is behind KD, he is now running the markets. Buying low and selling high. He was probably a stockbroker until the recession hit. His sugar purchasing empire is on the up lads. Watch out, KD will own a mansion in Eyre Sq soon.

Dastardly midget.

Robbo

It's not widely known, but KD manages a hugely successful hedge fund.

peterswellman

Robbo wrote: »

It's not widely known, but KD manages a hugely successful hedge fund.

I figured as much. With his genius profit making ways. He would only need to buy and sell 500 sugars a week to live like a god.

bigeasyeah

Robbo wrote: »

It's not widely known, but KD manages a hugely successful hedge fund.

There are thoses who think little of him...

gmkgreaney

bigeasyeah wrote: »

There are thoses who think little of him...

think his name is seamus , a real lepracaun stereotypre name:D

peterswellman

gmkgreaney wrote: »

think his name is seamus , a real lepracaun stereotypre name:D

His name is Seamus.

Buy-in low and selling high and being a knacker is what he's all about.

banshee_bones

ha ha i reckon the only reason hes out on the Tuam road is because the judge slapped a ban on him from hanging out in his favourite haunts around Eyre Square..

keane2097

I've tried many times, but I simply can't think of any situation where the introduction of a dwarf doesn't immediately lead to an increase in hilarity. This dwarf in particular imo.

road_2_damascus

peterswellman wrote: »

I know there was a thread before but this guy is smarter than I thought(not saying much). I work in a shop out in the Tuam rd, quite expensive place as it's only convience.

I do get the occassional visit from KD, who seems to keep visiting the house right across the road fromn the shop. He is always eyeing up the prices of stuff but never bought anything besides his adored minstrels(pronounced 'MINSTRs'). That's all he ever buys and he can't reach them so I have to get them for him.

Anyway, one day he enters with a plastic bag and 2 bags of sugar. I was like wtf. Knacker Dwarf utters the words:

'I bought these yesterday, I bought 4 but I only meant to buy two'.

My reply was, 'how did you buy them then?'.

To which he replied, 'I dunno, can I return them, they are the same ones as on the shelf?'.

'No problem' says I. Hoping he will keep coming back.

'Thanks', he says as I give him the money back and leaves.

Checking the dates on the sugar, there was no way possible they are ours. My first though was that he knicked them but I think after dealing with him he has a more cunning plan. He's trying to play the role of wholesaler buying low in Dunnes and selling them at a profit back to me. Simply Genius. The guy can run a sugar empire this way I thought.

The point that confirmed this to me was, he entered the shop one day and bought two items of Lynx shower gel. Weird I thought, wtf would he use whsower gel for. Knackers don't wash.;)

Then his cunning plan hit me. The masterful genius. He must have spotted the showergel dearer in another shop and by returning it he would be making a whooping 20cent profit.

The life of crime is behind KD, he is now running the markets. Buying low and selling high. He was probably a stockbroker until the recession hit. His sugar purchasing empire is on the up lads. Watch out, KD will own a mansion in Eyre Sq soon.

Dastardly midget.

Dont pick on the poor dwarf.. if you want to see real mark-up, take a look at the suppliers to the jewelry shops... then you'll see the real profit the jewelers make, take a look at the mark-up on new cars, then you'll see the profit the garages make, look at the mark-up on houses (a year ago) then you'll see the profit the developers, estate agents and banks make... poor KD is only repeating what he sees the legal instituitions do every day, except on a petty scale... the ceo of Trocaire makes 60k +, shouldnt this be a voluntary position for someone who has their money already made?

mikom

Boom and bust cycles don't affect him much.

When you are that low to the ground, you haven't got far to fall.

peterswellman

banshee_bones wrote: »

ha ha i reckon the only reason hes out on the Tuam road is because the judge slapped a ban on him from hanging out in his favourite haunts around Eyre Square..

Nah, the number 3 bus gets him there. The disability pass gets him there. He realises that there is profit to be made and a packet of minstrs to be enjoyed.

road_2_damascus wrote: »

Dont pick on the poor dwarf.. if you want to see real mark-up, take a look at the suppliers to the jewelry shops... then you'll see the real profit the jewelers make, take a look at the mark-up on new cars, then you'll see the profit the garages make, look at the mark-up on houses (a year ago) then you'll see the profit the developers, estate agents and banks make... poor KD is only repeating what he sees the legal instituitions do every day, except on a petty scale... the ceo of Trocaire makes 60k +, shouldnt this be a voluntary position for someone who has their money already made?

'Petty' scale. The man probably earns 20 cents per pack. No transportation costs and no wastage. It's a muilt-million euro industry.

I would like to official name it 'Knacker Dwarfs Sugar Empire LTD'.

fish fingers

Robbo wrote: »

It's not widely known, but KD manages a hugely successful hedge fund.

pity he cant see over it:o:D

ronnie3585

road_2_damascus wrote: »

Dont pick on the poor dwarf.. if you want to see real mark-up, take a look at the suppliers to the jewelry shops... then you'll see the real profit the jewelers make, take a look at the mark-up on new cars, then you'll see the profit the garages make, look at the mark-up on houses (a year ago) then you'll see the profit the developers, estate agents and banks make... poor KD is only repeating what he sees the legal instituitions do every day, except on a petty scale... the ceo of Trocaire makes 60k +, shouldnt this be a voluntary position for someone who has their money already made?

Get out!

Brilliant post OP. Who would have thought it - KD, Galway's answer to Warren Buffett.

dafunk

Cheers for giving me a giggle!

Asmodean

Ah lads that's the best post I've seen on here all year!
Gwan KD and his sugar empire. I can only imagine him sitting behind a huge desk (if he can reach) leaning over huge mounds of the stuff screaming "say hello to my little friend."..................................... I'll get my coat.

ronnie3585

I heard on Power Lunch that his sugar empire is going to rival that of Homer Simpson's.

Robbo

Asmodean wrote: »

Ah lads that's the best post I've seen on here all year!
Gwan KD and his sugar empire. I can only imagine him sitting behind a huge desk (if he can reach) leaning over huge mounds of the stuff screaming "say hello to my little friend."..................................... I'll get my coat.

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

peterswellman

ronnie3585 wrote: »

I heard on Power Lunch that his sugar empire is going to rival that of Homer Simpson's.

Pfft. Homer Simpson?

KD sugar empire is a far more professional operation. Like, he's making a long term profit and has no overheads(well besides those standing next to him ba-bum-dish).

KD is concerned with balancing the bucks. Rumours are his long term goal is to buy a sugar cane farm abroad. Only 80 million bags of sugar to return then.:D

Bobeagleburger

<castrated>

Mr Velo

rarnes1 wrote: »

<castrated>

Sweet fudge...... KD is a Headford Dwarf.....
Obviously has followed a certain somebody from a shop in Headford to the convenience store on the Tuam Road

Teddy Bear

TerrorFirmer

He's got quite a tooth:gum ratio going on there.

PopeBuckfastXVI

ronnie3585 wrote: »

I heard on Power Lunch that his sugar empire is going to rival that of Homer Simpson's.

Ah white gold... Texas tea sweetener...

peterswellman

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1290160&id=508339853&op=1&view=all&subj=66790101150&aid=-1&oid=66790101150

Look at him dressed as a fish.:D

inisboffin

Aren't pics a bit uncool after calling someone 'Knacker Dwarf' repeatedly?
KD is grand right? We know who he is.

peterswellman

inisboffin wrote: »

Aren't pics a bit uncool after calling someone 'Knacker Dwarf' repeatedly?
KD is grand right? We know who he is.

I doubt he'll care soon when he's a billionaire sugar empire guru. He'll be up there with Bill Gates and Donald Trump. With a face like his how can he not?

11811

Robbo wrote: »

First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

dang ya got there before me... http://www.tubearoo.com/articles/64746/Homer_Simpson_Sugar_Tycoon.html

s_carnage

peterswellman wrote: »

I doubt he'll care soon when he's a billionaire sugar empire guru. He'll be up there with Bill Gates and Donald Trump. With a face like his how can he not?

I hear he has a plan to buy boards and close it down after all the discussion about him on here!!! His next point of destruction will be facebook.

mikom

inisboffin wrote: »

Aren't pics a bit uncool after calling someone 'Knacker Dwarf' repeatedly?

You're right it could cause a MIDGET FIGHT..........

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8qyHk1jm50

peterswellman

11811 wrote: »

dang ya got there before me... http://www.tubearoo.com/articles/64746/Homer_Simpson_Sugar_Tycoon.html

He's the english guy who Homer takes out of the sugar mound.;):D

irishgrover

mikom wrote: »

You're right it could cause a MIDGET FIGHT..........

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES....

that's probably the most politically incorrect and funniest thing I've seen in months....

Bobeagleburger

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

He's got quite a tooth:gum ratio going on there.

he sure does. The downside of being a sugar guru