Are we friends?

LegacyUser

I recently asked a girl out. She is a friend of a friend. Very fun, quirky, easy to talk to etc. She said she thought I was a great guy but she wasn't interested in something right now. We agreed to pretend the incident never happened because we were becoming great friends anyway. I've since seen her since and it was really like going back to normal; great banter, no noticeable awkwardness, all round fun.

Though to be honest, I still like her. I'm happy to just be friends but she still is the attractive fun girl I knew when I first met her and I still see her fairly frequently. I know she is technically now my "friend" and just friends but would it be weird if I asked her out to a gig or something?

It's something I wouldn't think twice about with my other friends but because there's the history I don't want to mess things up. On one hand, it would be great to do something with a friend and maybe see if there's something more, on the other I don't want creep her out and have her think I can't just be friends and I'm asking her out again.

Monkey61

Friendster wrote: »

I recently asked a girl out. She is a friend of a friend. Very fun, quirky, easy to talk to etc. She said she thought I was a great guy but she wasn't interested in something right now. We agreed to pretend the incident never happened because we were becoming great friends anyway. I've since seen her since and it was really like going back to normal; great banter, no noticeable awkwardness, all round fun.


It's something I wouldn't think twice about with my other friends but because there's the history I don't want to mess things up. On one hand, it would be great to do something with a friend and maybe see if there's something more, on the other I don't want creep her out and have her think I can't just be friends and I'm asking her out again.

Right, well the "not interested right now" means that she does not fancy you at all. Maybe it might be possible to change her mind..but that is a very small chance and probably won't happen.

She wants to be friends and you get on well, which is great though. But as to my second highlighted bit there - she would be right in thinking you can't just be friends because you essentially would be asking her out again.

I'd say back off for the moment. If you only recently asked her out then it is much too soon for you to ask her to do something on your own. She will know that it is because you fancy her and it may just make everything uncomfortable. It would be an especially bad idea if hanging out with her alone just makes you like her more - it probably isn't the best way for you to get over her, which to be honest you are going to have to do.

LegacyUser

leave it for now. she likes you as a friend, so unless there was a big gang of you going, you will make things more awkward for her which isnt fair after she was honest with you. enjoy her friendship for now and it might naturally progress to something else when she is ready

star-pants

I would agree -- she's said she's not interested so you need to tread carefully with yourself. You still like her - so make sure you don't mix up the friendship for something more, or a bridge to something more. You need to accept what she's said. I had someone in the same position as you, and we became really good friends, until I met a guy and the 'friend' flipped because I still wasn't into him and went on about how much he cared about me. He'd grown very attached throughout the friendship and was clearly waiting/hoping for something more. I felt betrayed almost and I couldn't trust him and had to end the friendship.

Don't let this happen to you - have a think and see if you really are happy with just being friends? will you be ok if/when she meets a guy?

As to asking her to a gig - wait a while, as you've only recently asked her out out. But then if ye are just friends then you can say in a couple of weeks 'hey I'm thinkin of heading to X, would you like to go with?' type thing.

Salome

Sorry mate, you're just going to be friends. By all means, ask her to go out with you in a few weeks but don't think anything else will happen.

If you can't just be friends, then don't freak her out and become a nuisance.

Wagon

I'll certainly say that she isn't interested and in you are in the friend zone. Sorry mate, it's disappointing i know but for future reference keep a look out for the phrases, "your a great guy", "not ready for a relationship right now" and the classic "don't want to ruin the friendship". All these point to she's not interested. Sheer bollocks of the highest order and i know you wish she was probably honest and so you wouldn't be second guessing but that's just some women folk for ya.

Leave it and move on to the next

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. It's been over a month now since I asked her out. I don't think it's been awkward, we've already seen each other twice and been more than fine about it. I asked a few of her friends, they think I should go just ask her. Apparently she's in bit of an anti-men phase cos of a dickhead ex boyfriend so she might be interested but genuinely not ready. They said if she's not, she's easy going enough to wanna go just as friends anyway.

I'm gonna go for it. Que Sera, sera, right?