First baby, first week, F*** me...

giftgrub

So we got our little boy home on Monday, of course everything we did on the ante-natal course was forgotten.

There's been tears from my wife, and almost me, but i thought I have to hold it together or we're all screwed,

Theres been loooooong nights, and buckets of self doubt.

These are the questions on a typical day:

• Why isn't he eating?
• Is he eating too much?
• Is it time to change a nappy?
• What does that scream mean?
• What time is it?
• How many f***ing nappies can he go through?
• Why are we finally eating dinner at 11pm?
• Why do my eyes itch?
• Why do all these f***ers keep calling to the house, cant we be left alone?

I don't know about the rest of you but the first week has been a total bitch, one friend told us she'd rather go through 2 labours.

I think its starting to get better...and he smells nice.

Latchy

Welcome to the world of parenting OP and all the natural parenting instincts will kick in over the coming weeks /months .

Best wish's and dont over do it with the talcum powder

joes girls

ha ha it gets no better your life is not your own any more........:):D:)

Latchy

Even after 19 years

CJhaughey

It's pretty thoughtless of people to be calling around in the first week, I know that they are excited and happy for ye, but you can just stand on the doorway and say; Sorry mrs giftgrub is shattered and the baby is asleep.
Can ye come back next week?
Make it easy on yourselves as well.

Redpunto

It gets easier ....promise

Trust your instinct and just dont answer the door!

keystone

CJhaughey wrote: »

It's pretty thoughtless of people to be calling around in the first week, I know that they are excited and happy for ye, but you can just stand on the doorway and say; Sorry mrs giftgrub is shattered and the baby is asleep.
Can ye come back next week?
Make it easy on yourselves as well.

Best of luck, its hard but well worth it.

I agree with this post, your priorities are the wee one, the wife and finally yourself.....if any of you are not up to 'thoughtless' callers, tell them to come back another time.

We put the word out that we did not want any callers for a month after our kiddies were born, it was great to have time with the family at what is an amazing if tough time. Most people understand this and will agree (yet they will call uninvited if you don't lay down the law).

Itchy eyes.........you get used to that.....lol

mrfreddred

Hi, I am 10 months into the new father experience and the first 2 weeks are the toughest. The lack of sleep and shock to the system are huge factors.... but you can do it. Take it one day at a time and try to establish a routine as soon as you can. It will help the baby to settle and it will help ease the sense of panic. If you know when the baby needs fed etc and when they are going to sleep .... you will match your mindset to do the same. So get into a routine as soon as you can. Sleep when there are sleeping no matter what time.

Tell visitors to stay away or make up a story that will keep people away!! Dont listen to too much advice cos everyone will tell you whats best for baby .... and then feck off out the door. Find your own way. There is no baby perfect manual ..... I tried looking for one! Tell your partner how you feel as you will find the silliest of things will drive you nuts just because you are under pressure. Finally, make time away from the baby too... just so you can relax, you will need to destress. Dont forget theres loads of fun stuff to enjoy along the way!

Best of luck.
Fred.

littlebug

Oh dear lord the memories:(

I agree with the others, try to put a stop to the visitors. The last thing you need is to HAVE to have the house clean and tidy, to entertain and to have to find the milk that you probably put in the washing machine instead of the fridge.
Those first few weeks can be very horrendous but at about 6 weeks when the cute little wobbly smiles start you'll see the returns for all your hard work You'll get there... in a bit of a dozy blur.. but you'll get there.

BostonB

A vistor is ok of they do some work. Get some shopping for you. Cook dinner, help with the baby, or let you have a shower kip. First few weeks are hard until you and the baby fall into a routine.

Lizzykins

Ah God love you. I remember it well having done it four times! Just try chill a bit if you can.
Forget the house. If visitors come and offer a hand let them make the tea,load the dishwasher etc. Buy your groceries online. Sleep when baby sleeps.
I found when I took a baby home from the hospital it took a few days to settle. The hospital is very warm and smells different to home! I think babies sense that.
Try eat properly yourselves to keep up your strength. If baby cries you have to eliminate things like hunger,wet/dirty nappy,overstimulation etc. If you've done all that and babystill cries just try soothe as best you can. Sometimes you won't have the answer.
I used to wonder if mine were getting enough to eat and was told by nurse if baby has wet and dirty nappies then they're fine.
Best of luck!

PS. A friend told me on her first baby she AND husband ended up in tears trying to give baby a bath! Said baby is now 21 and they laugh about it!

stovelid

You think you won't ever get through it all, but you will.

AnnieB82

oh poor you - been there done that! My son is now 8 months old but I remember the serious self-doubt, endless worry and lack of sleep from back then. All of the above are still present - but much more diluted. I worry less, am more confident and sleep a little more. Still hard work, but you really will start seeing the rewards soon. I used to never believe it when people said it will get easier - I just thought - 'yeah for you maybe' but have you seen my son?! But of course it does get easier - eventually! Good luck, and try to enjoy it

michellie

I felt the same why do people feel the need to visit us when weve JUST had a baby...we had people in every single day,it drove me nuts! thats the one thing i will never forget and its the one thing i will change next time...i will be telling them we dont want visitors for a few days!

but anyway, its only the first week, you've got a lot of changes, you will get used to it and answer all those questions yourself over the next few weeks, enjoy your baby!

Orion

There's been tears from my wife, and almost me, but i thought I have to hold it together or we're all screwed, check

Theres been loooooong nights, and buckets of self doubt. check

These are the questions on a typical day:

• Why isn't he eating? check
• Is he eating too much? check
• Is it time to change a nappy? check
• What does that scream mean? check
• What time is it? check
• How many f***ing nappies can he go through? check
• Why are we finally eating dinner at 11pm? check
• Why do my eyes itch? check
• Why do all these f***ers keep calling to the house, cant we be left alone? check

Yep - we went through all of that too. Sounds like a pretty standard first month of parenthood. It gets easier - I promise.

marti101

Just close the curtains and dont answrer the door.And it will all pass you will look back and not really remember any of it.And if you do have visitors as others said get them to help out and 1 thing if anyone offers any help take it no matter how small it is.

IsThatSo?

Oh the memories

I remember all of that from my first child, and the terror that I/we were doing something wrong..............and how everyone else thought they knew better and kept telling me what to do etc. Have my third one now (3 weeks old) and that terror of years ago seems like a dream (well, nightmare lol).

Here, have a look at this for the crying. Only use it after you have ruled out the hungry/hot/cold/nappy change issues and if baby is still crying this might help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddRkI5wVIqQ

Speak to your public health nurse as if baby continues to scream he might have colic.

Congrats and best of luck

Mr Magnolia

ROfl, nice post giftgrub.

Sounds about normal to be honest. If he's crying it's either an empty tummy, wind or a dirty nappy generally. It's tough for the first couple of weeks but it does get better. Don't be afraid to tell your family(s) not to call after 8pm or what ever time you specify.

Good luck!

giftgrub

Some nice posts here from everyone, thanks a million!

One other thing i should have added to my list of questions

• Where did i park my car?

That happened the other day outside Tesco's, after a particularly sleepless night.

Had been sent down for cabbage, maternity pads, fennel tea, tea tree oil, cotton pads, Johnson's Shampoo, and Fanta

Had to stand outside the shop for about 5 minutes trying to remember where i'd put the car!!

Mr Magnolia

We never did try out the that cabbage trick ourselves

siobhan.murphy

cabbage brilliant but make sure u put them in the fridge!
If people keep calling around give them loads of jobs each time they call,
I found the pram was great for shutting up my yougest! he seem to bawl all the time!
If baby is fed and changed he shouldnt be roaring(but they do)
I remember thinking thank God we live in the country or I sure someone would have thought I was murdering the child!!
yes I remembering putting my lad into the car at 3.30am trying to send him to sleep!and my self bawling!!!
oohh the joys!
Good luck with it and next time u go to the shop bring herself back a bar of chocolate!she will probably cry when she sees it as emotions are upside down!but she will remember it and love u for it!:D

Ludo

Cabbage???

What cabbage trick? Sounds interesting.

best of luck OP..16 months and counting here with twins...it's rough but gets better briefly and then gets even worse

joes girls

best of luck OP..16 months and counting here with twins...it's rough but gets better briefly and then gets even worse [/quote]

ok here it is my lovely little baby boy has just turned 2....OMG...he was a cute little thing and now over nite he is sooo temperamental...then my nexts is 7....no matter what i say he will argue back and he is always right and then i've saved the best for last my 16 year old....dont even go there........ so its a long road but like me you will change nothing.........:):D:)

laurak265

HI OP.

Try not to worry. A new mum will bawl her eyes out for a week...its the baby blues..a massive drop in hormones and tears at any minute for absolutely no reason. Try not to say anything just rub her back and get her a tissue and it will stop in a minute or two!

YOu have to get into a routine..you will hear this but ask why is a f8ckin routine lol!

Change nappy before fed...helps wake the baby up to have a feed.
Give baby bottle...stop half way through for wind and give the rest of bottle. If baby start to fall asleep...turn bottle in babies mouth to wake them up. I recommend making a batch of bottles and putting them in the fridge and heat when needed. Take turns to sleep during the day and maybe take turns with night feeds.

The most important thing to remember is that baby will let you know if they are not happy. Also don't be afraid to ask for help. It takes a community to raise a family...so ask parents, siblings for help.

Best of luck!

Sleepy

OP, believe it or not you'll manage to forget about a lot of it... I can hardly remember my daughter's first week and it was only 5 months ago (we're starting to get normal-ish sleep now). One tip I will give ya is to turn off the mobile phone. Kept getting work-related calls during the two weeks annual leave I took at the time. Still annoyed about it.

Joey the lips

When my first child was born he was very quiet. Would go down at 7pm wake up at 1am wake up at 7am go down till 11am and on and off all day.

We have the second on the way I am dreading it. Jasus!!!!! Its like a ticking time bomb and I cant get out of the room

radharc05

Oh you poor fella.

I 1000% know where your coming from.

Babies change the dynamics of a relationship sooooooo much its unbelievable.
Most importantly talk with your wife and let her know how your feeling. (and no i'm not american!!) You must open up to each other because communication is KEY. Once you two have established what it is exactly your both freaked out by then you'll have your doubts out in the open.

This little bundle (and not of joy!:eek:) has changed everything, and you 2 have GOT to get to grips with this HUGE change in your lives.
It does get easier, you'll find yourselves getting some sort of a routine in a short while. This time next month you'll not be so much in a heap.

I too (the mother of afore mentioned BUNDLE) found it incredibly hard.
Even when visitors called to the house I was so full of self doubt I was asking them (people who did'nt have kids!) if what I was doing was right.
Is he too hot? is he too cold? why is he crying? what does that cry mean? he's hungry is'nt he? he's crapped his nappy?
WHY DID WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
When he's asleep you find yourself with ear cocked 'is he breathing still'

Its sooooooooo hard. And the sleepless nights are terrible and take a terrible toll. Try not snap at each other.
IF YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING then CRY, nothing wrong with it.
Its not showing weakness, its showing your human. I cried, and I know my husband probably did too.

I hope you'll be ok
Tell visitors that 'sorry 'wifes name' is asleep' or that you've had a rough time of it to day.
It boggles me why people think its ok to barge in in the early days. I know its heartfelt, but only when you have your own child do you realise that this is an incredibly private time and you feel so vulnerable in your new role. I wish people would give you a good month before you decide to 'VISIT'
In the mean time take care
and KNOW that you are not alone and that all that your feeling is normal
TALK TO YOUR WIFE. Make her TALK To you

lostinnappies

giftgrub wrote: »

So we got our little boy home on Monday, of course everything we did on the ante-natal course was forgotten.

There's been tears from my wife, and almost me, but i thought I have to hold it together or we're all screwed,

Theres been loooooong nights, and buckets of self doubt.

These are the questions on a typical day:

• Why isn't he eating?
• Is he eating too much?
• Is it time to change a nappy?
• What does that scream mean?
• What time is it?
• How many f***ing nappies can he go through?
• Why are we finally eating dinner at 11pm?
• Why do my eyes itch?
• Why do all these f***ers keep calling to the house, cant we be left alone?

I don't know about the rest of you but the first week has been a total bitch, one friend told us she'd rather go through 2 labours.

I think its starting to get better...and he smells nice.

It will be a road of getting better then getting worse then getting better again for what will seem a long time. Try and enjoy the bits in between and unplug the phone when you nap during the day (you need to). If any visitors come tell them they have to bring diner lol, or they wont be allowed in. What we did is told people that the best time to visit is in the afternoon between 1 and 5pm. If anyone called other then that time I didnt answer the door, and they knew I wouldnt. You have to look after yourselves first.

Take it slow and listen to what your baby is telling you by his crys or things he does. First time around it is always difficult to understand what a baby is saying but they do tell you. sticking out the tongue usually means food. Wiggeling around like they are squirming can mean poopies, let him sleep dont wake him because its "time" for a feed. Watch out for collic which can happen anywhere from 1 month old and up (you can almost feel the wind in their tummies, farting (usually 2 hours after feeding), throwing up because of trapped wind ect) Soothers can be great for collic, it gives them something to chomp on until the wind passes, along with infacol.

There will be tears and exhaustion but smiles and fun in between.

delly

giftgrub wrote: »

[*]Why are we finally eating dinner at 11pm?

Ah here, you've actually managed to eat dinner, things can't be that bad :pac:

magconn

delly wrote: »

Ah here, you've actually managed to eat dinner, things can't be that bad :pac:

Yeah, but was it hot?? Got so used to cold-ish dinners, half cups tea/coffee. Actually eating a hot meal after 3 kids was a phenomenal experience, and being able to finsih a cuppa ! Bliss. Good luck GiftG, and try not to fill the washing machine with dog nuts like I frequently used to do! Washed my husbands phone once 2!!!

Sooooooo worth it
Oh, and stick a "Do not disturb" sorta note on both doors, cos if they cant get an answer, believe me they WILL knock louder and chances are the nipper will have just gone down !

Nevyn

My youngest is 8 and I can't drink a hot cup of tea/coffee got so used to them being
lukewarm.