Just No Spark

LegacyUser

Story is im seeing this girl the last 2 months or so and although she is stunning, such a good laugh and we get along good there just doesnt seem to be any spark or electricity (well on my side anyway). In all honesty im punching far above my weight with this girl and she could have her pick of men and I really do like her alot but just wandering has anybody ever gone out with someone and later on in the relationship got that spark or have they found becaue there was no spark that the relationship fizzled out quickly? Im 26 and only ever felt it once with somebody and that was when i was around 20 so that could possibly be put down to everything being new to me at the time. Does the spark even exist or would I be getting into a relationship that just wont work because of no spark or should I just go along with it in the hope it might happen?

CDfm

So there were no lightening bolts.

2 months is a short time. Maybe she is a really nice person and likes you.

Buy the girl some flowers and take her out for a nice lunch and romantic walk:) Jump out of the friendzone.

Wibbs

Reading the post it doesn't sound like he's in the friendzone. He's been "seeing" her which I assume means romantically.

As for the spark? My take is it's either there or it's not. I once met this woman, stunning. I mean objectively a head turner in the street stunning. She was physically completely my type. Asked her out, we had a great date, meal, pub and found we had loads in common intellectually too. Came to the end of the night and the snoggage kicked in. With a vengence as it had been clear for most of the night that we both wanted it..... and I felt nothing. Nada. Zip. Fir her the same. Made no sense to me. Or her. I think maybe its a pheromone, hormonal thing or some such thats running under the surface above our conscious attraction triggers and in that case our bodies said no though our eyes and mind said go.

If you don't feel it, I'm not sure you're going to feel it down the line. The spark isn't a conscious choice. It's either there or it's not. IMHO anyhoo

LegacyUser

OP here, im definetly not in the friendzone!!! Yea, I have mentioned this to some of my mates and they think im crazy to call it off over this as they all say they are envious of me since she has everything you could hope for in a woman ie the looks, great personality, generous, just down right cool really. She has told me she is mad about me but sure I dont know, maybe give it a few more weeks. Its not like we have said we are exclusive or anything but it is kind of obvious we are. We havent had "the conversation". Its the sort of thing you think to yourself why cant you find a girl like this and then you do and there is no spark and the one girl I did have it with turned out to be a selfish crazy b*tch. Why could'nt I have been indifferent about that girl!

Thinking about it maybe I would actually be mad to throw it away so soon.....

star-pants

Hey OP,

As Wibbs said, generally there's either a spark or there's not (least I've found that). And just because someone is gorgeous, funny, clever, a great catch etc... doesn't mean that's the reason to stay. Is she someone you want to be with? Thing is you could give it another week or two and see how you're feeling. But IMO a spark is needed to start a relationship. It's up to yourself, but to me I need to have that special feeling about someone, no matter how great they are, without that there's not a lot of point.

boarddotie

Unregistered wrote: »

Im 26 and only ever felt it once with somebody and that was when i was around 20 so that could possibly be put down to everything being new to me at the time. Does the spark even exist or would I be getting into a relationship that just wont work because of no spark or should I just go along with it in the hope it might happen?

Unregistered wrote: »

Its the sort of thing you think to yourself why cant you find a girl like this and then you do and there is no spark and the one girl I did have it with turned out to be a selfish crazy b*tch. Why could'nt I have been indifferent about that girl!

Was in v similar situation a few weeks back. Had been single for a while and all the guys I had dated (and there was spark with) were either feckers or werent interested (maybe they didnt feel the spark). So I was wishing to find a nice, cute fella who I got on well with etc etc. That happened, he was v good looking and I approached him in the pub etc and it was going well but there was zero spark. I couldnt believe it! The first time we kissed it was like kissing a wet fish! I put it down to nerves but as it went on it was the same.

I was raging because here was the guy I asked for and now I still wasnt happy! So I ended it.

My friends were disgusted with me that I would let someone so good go and when I told them the reason they said I was childish and to get real (I personally think a lot of them have settled). But I wont settle!

So OP, dont keep it going just because you think you should. IMO if this girl is so hot, nice and brilliant and you DONT feel a spark with her then it will never happen!

Good luck!

PS I often think al these views are biased because no one is going to come here giving advice like 'stick with her, who needs a spark? I dont have it but I am happy.' or 'I have settled'. Be nice to be proved wrong though!

CDfm

OP - sometimes things ceeep up on you. Maybe it will for you.:)

nylon

It might be too early too say. Stick with it another while and see how you feel. I think the best test is whether or not you get excited by the thought of seeing her.

cantdecide

Try not seeing her for a few days. You'll quickly know when she re-enters your life if there's a spark