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  • 09-03-2009 8:53pm
    #1
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭


    A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV.
    She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the
    message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys,
    we're going up to our room for a little while."Pretty soon
    one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees
    the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in
    for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother
    and takes him up to peek into the bedroom."Before
    you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same
    woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs."

    There once was a bear hunter who was having no luck
    in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his
    shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.The
    hunter's shock was increased when the bear spoke to
    him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear.
    "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul
    you to death or **** you up the arse!"The hunter
    didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear
    the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and
    the hunter returned to his cabin.The next day, the
    hunter decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as
    luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again,
    the hunter felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear
    made his request. The hunter dropped his pants, bent
    over, and took what the beast had to offer.The third day,
    the hunter was really irate and decided he would torture
    and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the
    better hunter. When the man felt the familiar tap on his
    shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a
    choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not
    really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!

    Two sperms talking to each other the first say "when I develop
    I will become a doctor", the second says "when I develop
    I'll be an engineer for sure". The man goes in the toilet and
    masturbates, they both say "the wanker destroyed our career."

    Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making
    love to a beautiful woman.

    Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out
    on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up.
    Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back
    and admire your handiwork.


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    #2
    Steoob
    Registered Users Posts: 2,552 ✭✭✭Steoob


    coldfire1x wrote:
    Two sperms talking to each other the first say "when I develop
    I will become a doctor", the second says "when I develop
    I'll be an engineer for sure". The man goes in the toilet and
    masturbates, they both say "saaley ne career barbaad kar diya."
    I dont get that one AT ALL, anyone care to explain?


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    #3
    Podge2k7
    Registered Users Posts: 3,963 ✭✭✭Podge2k7


    Good stuff.!


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    #4
    chin_grin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,808 ✭✭✭✭chin_grin


    coldfire1x wrote: »
    Two sperms talking to each other the first say "when I develop
    I will become a doctor", the second says "when I develop
    I'll be an engineer for sure". The man goes in the toilet and
    masturbates, they both say "saaley ne career barbaad kar diya."

    Yeah, I'm sorry but I don't get that one at all at all.
    Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making
    love to a beautiful woman.

    Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out
    on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up.
    Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back
    and admire your handiwork.

    Ah Fast Tony!


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    #5
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    coldfire1x wrote: »
    they both say "saaley ne career barbaad kar diya."

    :confused:


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    #6
    Aodan83
    Registered Users Posts: 1,110 ✭✭✭Aodan83


    Steoob wrote: »
    I dont get that one AT ALL, anyone care to explain?
    I think it's Armenian!!


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    #7
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭coldfire1x


    coldfire1x wrote: »
    The man goes in the toilet and
    masturbates, they both say "saaley ne career barbaad kar diya."

    Oops... apologies everyone.....


    Please read....
    coldfire1x wrote: »
    The man goes in the toilet and
    masturbates, they both say "the ba****d destroyed our career."


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    #8
    Steoob
    Registered Users Posts: 2,552 ✭✭✭Steoob


    Haha why was it in a different language???


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    #9
    passive
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭passive


    I think that punchline works better with wanker instead of bastard, maybe?


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    #10
    coldfire1x
    Registered Users Posts: 3,354 ✭✭✭coldfire1x


    @Steoob - yes that was it.

    @passive - good suggestion, changed the puncline :)


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    #11
    tossy
    Registered Users Posts: 9,590 ✭✭✭tossy


    coldfire1x wrote: »
    There once was a bear hunter who was having no luck
    in finding his quarry. All at once, he felt a tap on his
    shoulder from behind. It was a huge grizzly bear.The
    hunter's shock was increased when the bear spoke to
    him. "You are hunting me, I'll bet", said the bear.
    "You may choose your punishment. Either I will maul
    you to death or **** you up the arse!"The hunter
    didn't want to die, so he consented to give the bear
    the pleasure of his booty. The bear left satisfied and
    the hunter returned to his cabin.The next day, the
    hunter decided to kill the bear for revenge. But, as
    luck would have it, the grizzly found him first. Once again,
    the hunter felt the tap on his shoulder and the bear
    made his request. The hunter dropped his pants, bent
    over, and took what the beast had to offer.The third day,
    the hunter was really irate and decided he would torture
    and kill that bear! Once more, though, the bear was the
    better hunter. When the man felt the familiar tap on his
    shoulder, he expected to hear the grizzly's offer of a
    choice again, but this time the bear just said, "You're not
    really into this for the hunting anymore, are you?!
    .

    Old joke but one of my favourite,it really is the way you tell em though...

    A bear hunter is in the forest hunting,he comes to a clearing and spies a deer at the other side,the deer hasn't seen him so he cocks his rifle and takes aim,he has the deer in his sights when he feels a tap on his shoulder...

    He turns around to find a great big bear staring down at him,the bear without hesitation turns him around drops the hunters trousers and does the deed,the hunter is thinking WTF.... and the then the bear is gone,the hunter runs from the forest shaken.

    The next day the hunter vows revenge and returns to the forest,he comea to the same clearing and waits for the bear,he suddenly spies the bear across the clearing,he cocks his rifle takes aim and...there is a tap on his shoulder,he wheels around to find another great big bear standing over him,he is whipped around,pants down and bobs your uncle ,the bear has his way!

    On the third day he vows vengenge and returns to the forest,he comes to the clearing and can't believe his luck whwn he spies the 2 bears at the other side,he hurrudly cocks his rifle takes aim and...there is a tap on his shoulder to frightened to turn around he hears a voice say..

    "something tells me you dont come here for the hunting" :D


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