Am I being controlling or is it right to ask OH not to drink cycle?

LegacyUser

I'm waiting up worrying about my OH who gets very stoned or drunk and cycles home. We've had a few arguments about it. I think he's being very selfish because he knows I can't help worrying, but then I do blame him for ruining my day the next day when I get no sleep, and maybe I'm a bit harsh- it is partly my fault for not doing something about my anxiety, and maybe I should trust him. The other night when we were out together he fell off the bike twice on the way home. We can't afford taxis or anything like that, so it's cycling or staying home.

I don't know if my giving out and asking him not to go out sometimes, or not to drink/smoke is being too controlling, or if I'm right to say I'm very unhappy about it. I don't mind so much if we're together and it's a weekend, but when he's on his own and I have to get up early the next day after lying awake worrying I get very upset and feel betrayed really. I think he should be more considerate.

What do other people think I should do or say?

Gyalist

No, it's not controlling - it's natural to be concerned about your partner's welfare and you a perfectly within your rights to express your unhappiness about his apparent recklessness. The danger sign though is that he doesn't seem to be concerned about his own physical well-being (or the rights of other road users) or that the stress of his behaviour is contributing to your anxiety.

star-pants

IMO he really shouldn't be cycling drunk, ok it's not as bad as stepping into a vehicle by a long shot, but it's still dangerous to others and to himself. If he cycled drunkenly in the road and weaved out in front of a car and caused an accident? How would he feel?

I don't think it's a big thing to ask him to be responsible for his actions. Of course you're going to worry, I would too. No offence meant, but if he can afford to get drunk / stoned often, is there no other alternative to a taxi? are ye far away from where ye go drinking?
Perhaps saying he's ruined your day is a little harsh too btw.

John Mason

My friend was arrested years ago for being drunk and a push bike. he was a danger to himself and others

maybe you could tell him, it is completely illegal to be in charge of bicyle while under the influence

jim o doom

whilst drinking & cycling is irresponsible and dangers - a lot of people do it all the time - doesn't make it right of course, but people can be blase about it.

A good friend of mine had a quite bad accident, had to have facial reconstructive surgery after a few drinks and a bicycle crash - he doesn't remember the incident so doesn't know who was at fault - but as he was drunk he wasn't given the time of day by the gards.

With regards to smoking - I assume you are talking about reefer as I don't think cigarettes affect your mind other than in an addictive manner - I don't really think that (reefer) does affect a person cycling.. but that's just the opinion of a smoker, so feel free to disregard it as entirely biased.

I am a drinker & wouldn't cycle drunk but I would stoned - dichotomy in my mind

AARRRGH

I don't think that's controlling at all. It is a genuine concern that he might injure himself. But he is a free man and you have to accept you can't nag him into submission, so just learn to deal with your anxiety.

So, stop worrying about his cycling and start worrying about your anxiety problem.

cantdecide

Do it.

I couldn't expect someone to have to lie awake because I preferred boozing to getting home safely to my OH. If he were on his own, it would be ok. You probably have to worry less about smoke cycling.

UrbanSea

Your right to be cautious.You arent over reacting your just rightly worrying about your partner.
You need to tell him that you find it selfish of him to put you through such worry and making you feel scared all so he can have a good time.Try to find a solution with him.

JJJJNR

If he drinks and THEN smokes he should be ok as he'll have major para and will be scared stiff.

Can you drive, maybe collect him if your sitting up worrying about him.

clones1980

Your not controlling. I think he is very selfish tbh. What if for example he is so drunk he cycles onto the road in front of traffic. Imagine the poor person innocently driving along in their car and there is some drunken egit after riding straight out in front of him. Tell him to wise up. Good kick up the @rse is what he needs.