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How often do you fart?

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13

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    #62
    Ostrom
    Registered Users Posts: 3,483 ✭✭✭Ostrom


    HarryPalmer wrote: »
    Haven't lit a fart in years. Will do it tonight. Thanks for the reminder.

    Can you clear this up for me, does it work?

    Do you have to eat certain foods, use matches, prep the area??


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    #63
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    HarryPalmer wrote: »
    Sounds good to me. I have no shame. How are you fixed for length, love, or is it to splatty? ;)

    Oh. Get the Palmer thing now. No shame? Cool.

    /attaches strap-on


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    #64
    HarryPalmer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 243 ✭✭HarryPalmer


    efla wrote: »
    Can you clear this up for me, does it work?

    Do you have to eat certain foods, use matches, prep the area??

    It just works. I do recall hearing something about it be restricted to a percentage of people, though. All I know is that I can, with nothing more than a ligher (forget matches), light my farts. YMMV.


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    #65
    Saibh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,431 ✭✭✭✭Saibh


    HighMan wrote: »
    Women dont fart, they cough in their knickers!


    *coughs*


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    #66
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    Abigayle, are you related to snyper ?


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    #67
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    Most impressive fart imho is the "String of Pearls|".

    Starts off slow and as the pressure increases paarps out like a 1956 Nuffield tractor starting up.

    Very impressive if used in a pub.

    First salvo gets attention, then the following rumble scatters the immediate drinkers and if you can finish on a high note you can be sure of the respect of all around you.

    Most important is don't hold back, gradually increase the pressure and clear the pipes good and proper.


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    #68
    Dave!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    I probably fart (no word of a lie) about 50 times a day

    I should probably see a doctor about it...


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    #69
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    check this out

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EVTVc11x-8


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    #70
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    A lot. And I've only recently stopped deliberately standing next to strangers I don't like the look of. Passive agresseve wind FTW
    My sister saves hers up. She refuses to fart around her boyfriend, so when she arrives home after a weekend at his she can literally stink up the entire house.


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    #71
    galwayrush
    Registered Users Posts: 12,815 ✭✭✭✭galwayrush


    I am on top form tonight.:cool:


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    #72
    shamblertine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 888 ✭✭✭shamblertine


    I probably fart about 50 times a day too. Its hell being in the office and having to keep them in, feel all bloated and then when I go for a piss I usually have one long massive fart lasting about 15 seconds.


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    #73
    TPD
    Registered Users Posts: 7,814 ✭✭✭TPD


    A shíteload. Bit of a reputation among friends that if anyone farts, I'll best it instantly. Someone lets out 3 in a row, I let out 4.

    Toilet seat lid farting FTW!

    - To clear that up, I don't sit in the toilet with my friends. The last sentence was separate to the rest.


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    #74
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    efla wrote: »
    Hmm... The old 'trapper or flapper' debate
    Cup and smell is a lot worse than flap or trap.


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    #75
    BeerWolf
    Registered Users Posts: 4,122 ✭✭✭BeerWolf


    I honestly never fart in the presence of people... but when I'm alone, why not? :P


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    #76
    K4t
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,362 ✭✭✭K4t


    Before I fart in bed I put my finger across my arse so I can feel the full force of it.

    Farting all depends on your diet.


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    #77
    Mycroft H
    Registered Users Posts: 9,313 ✭✭✭Mycroft H


    Or the farts that feel like there tearing the arse of ya, they hurt.....

    Silent and deadly ones are brilliant but as i do it so much, invariably i get blamed :)

    I'll fart in your general direction - monty python legend


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    #78
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    K4t wrote: »
    Before I fart in bed I put my finger across my arse so I can feel the full force of it.

    Farting all depends on your diet.



    there's nothing liek a nice high preasured fart then lift of the covers and have a sniff....:D


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    #79
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    Not if you are after having a feed of turnips, horse!!!


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    #80
    Rafterman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Rafterman


    Hey Terrence you farted on my face...
    i certainly did philip!


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    #81
    Ostrom
    Registered Users Posts: 3,483 ✭✭✭Ostrom


    Sam Kade wrote: »
    Cup and smell is a lot worse than flap or trap.

    'Flappers' fan th duvet to waft the smell toward their faces to savour

    'Trappers' pull the duvet tight around their necks and raise their legs to ventilate


    Above is separate in technique from the dutch oven


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    #82
    Sgt Hartman
    Registered Users Posts: 2,474 ✭✭✭Sgt Hartman


    I fart quite frequently in the morning time, just after I wake up. Think it's cos of a gas build up throughout the night.


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    #83
    sillyputty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 654 ✭✭✭sillyputty


    My worst bottom burps (because I'm a Laydee) come the morning after a night on the beer which is not so laydee-like.


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    #84
    Jigsaw
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭Jigsaw


    I drink too much beer and have diet which is largely comprised of fast food. My farts are frequent and can often be completely rotten. Smells that could not possibly come from a healthy arse.


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    #85
    thebigcheese22
    Registered Users Posts: 1,379 ✭✭✭thebigcheese22


    Bottom burp?? Thats the most hilarious name for a fart I'ver ever heard!! :D

    I remember when I was a young un we couldn't call them farts as it was a dirty word so we had to call them rudies :o


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    #86
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Disabling signature for this one.

    I've just parped my way through a Mass for a friend, at one stage one of the elderly mass gatecrashers was so disgusted, that holding her breathe lead her to burst into a massive Gaspy coughing fit. If there is a heaven, my friend is smiling.
    Thanks St. Patrick for devising a reason for me to abuse my digestive system in March.


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    #87
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    K4t wrote: »
    Before I fart in bed I put my finger across my arse so I can feel the full force of it.

    Farting all depends on your diet.

    Finger!!

    Cup your hand around the star and feel her ripple as you unload a meaty one.

    Then up to the snout and savor the tang.

    Clears the head I tells ya:P


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    #88
    1966
    Registered Users Posts: 1,655 ✭✭✭1966


    female : Nil


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    #89
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    1966 wrote: »
    female : Nil

    Bet your knickers are bronzed with the hot air being blown thru them.

    You don't fool us sister.


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    #90
    TheTubes
    Registered Users Posts: 721 ✭✭✭TheTubes


    I had an operation 6 months ago and now I can't burp anymore.
    All the burps get pushed out theother end so I fart a lot more than I used to.
    I can still control them though.

    My girlfriend just lets random farts out when we are sitting down watching tv,
    she has no control over them.
    And they smell way worse than mine.


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    #91
    FlutterinBantam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,575 ✭✭✭✭FlutterinBantam


    Random farts as opposed to scheduled farts is it?

    Last I heard few people fart to a strict timetable:confused:


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