Your Ladies Lounge = Can we have your thoughts please!

Jules

How would you improve on our forum, what would you like to see more of and less of. Any ideas you have to improve it and make it a better place for ladies to post.

I have a few ideas of my own as do some of the other mods but, as you lot use the forum, your input is, well the most important. Say what you think and feel.

I would just like to take a moment to say, i love the mix of serious and funny thread which are posted up in here but i would love to see more interesting topics.

Anyways Ladies... the floor is open!

Stheno

I enjoy reading TLL and debating the odd time on the more serious topics that come up, but would never want the more "frivolous" topics like matching underwear to go.

I'd wonder if there is value in potentially having a subforum for serious discussion, possibly with heavier moderation in a sense where women can debate their own experiences IRL versus the academic stuff that comes out.

I know given my own life and work experience and that of female friends that there is a serious lack of online resources to discuss such issues.

I'll have a think to flesh this out more, I kinda know what I mean but want to clarify it with friends if that makes sense.

I'll think

watna

I you all!

I like the mix of serious and funny threads too but a lot of the "why do all women/men do x" threads annoy me. I also sometimes think that there are too many relationship threads (although maybe that has improved dur to the new PI subforum)

Otherwise, I like tLL. I find that most os the posters come across as smart and interesting women (of course there's always a few!) and I love having a place where I can hear from them and discuss things with them.

jellie

in the last couple of months i havent really paid as much attention here as i used to, seemed something had changed. i dont know if it was an increase in men posting or a decrease in women posting.. (or possibly just all in my head?)
for me its just seemed a bit different.

i really like tLL & all the girls seem genuinely lovely. i like the mix of serious & silly threads & definitely think the balance is needed between the 2. the only threads that annoy me are men looking for womens advice for their gf or why does this girl do this or whatever. im not sure why they annoy me though.. maybe i just think it should be more for female discussion than for men to have us fix their problem. maybe im being a bitch??

but anyway, for the most part its great

Wibbs

Yep I'd agree re the men looking for advice. That's what PI's for, or the gifts forum or whatever.

Clare Bear

sar84 wrote: »

in the last couple of months i havent really paid as much attention here as i used to, seemed something had changed. i dont know if it was an increase in men posting or a decrease in women posting.. (or possibly just all in my head?)
for me its just seemed a bit different.
i really like tLL & all the girls seem genuinely lovely. i like the mix of serious & silly threads & definitely think the balance is needed between the 2. the only threads that annoy me are men looking for womens advice for their gf or why does this girl do this or whatever. im not sure why they annoy me though.. maybe i just think it should be more for female discussion than for men to have us fix their problem. maybe im being a bitch??

but anyway, for the most part its great

Agree with that!

banshee_bones

watna wrote: »

I you all!

I like the mix of serious and funny threads too but a lot of the "why do all women/men do x" threads annoy me. I also sometimes think that there are too many relationship threads (although maybe that has improved dur to the new PI subforum)

Otherwise, I like tLL. I find that most os the posters come across as smart and interesting women (of course there's always a few!) and I love having a place where I can hear from them and discuss things with them.

said it better than i ever could so a +1 for that! \o/

allabouteve

I've been here a bit more often recently, and I have a perception of more male posters at times.

Not that thats a bad thing usually, but lately I seem to be reading the same oft repeated opinions even more frequently. Again, that's just my personal perception.

I love the mix of light and and heavy topics, especially the ones that refer to the everyday experiences of women.

SarcasticFairy

I don't really post here all that often, but when you click in there's an awful lot of stickies.
But that's about all I would complain about tbh!

Jules

thanks for the comments so far, just done a bit of a clean up of stickies, one or two merging of threads so hopefully it will make the place more readable!

Keep them coming!

RacoonQueen

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep I'd agree re the men looking for advice. That's what PI's for, or the gifts forum or whatever.

I disagree. A lot of people don't go near the gifts forum or the PI forum. Whereas in here they can get the opinions from a wider audience, so to speak.

Jules

granted but this forum was not set up for guys to get advice on presents or how to propose or holidays or how to figure out what there girlfriends are thinking or what they want.. thats called having a conversation with her!

It was set up as a place for the women on boards to come and discuss topics which are important to them and to discuss things that effect their lives!

Piste

By and large I think this forum is very well run and is so succesful for a relatively new forum, the only issue I'd take with the moderating is that some threads are closed fairly quickly even while there is still discussion going on. Obviously this needs to be done if the thread has degenerated into flaming or trolling, but occasionally moderators will decide that a discussion is finished when posters are still discussing it, it might be a better idea to split threads instead of closing them outright.

Other than that fantastic job.

Quality

sar84 wrote: »

in the last couple of months i havent really paid as much attention here as i used to, seemed something had changed. i dont know if it was an increase in men posting maybe i just think it should be more for female discussion than for men to have us fix their problem. maybe im being a bitch??

I defo +1 with this statement,

And your not being a bitch:cool:

shellyboo

Been trying to think of a way to put this across without sounding overly critical or ranty... but I imagine that I'll get torn to bits anyway. Just to say that I love tLL, I think it's great - but I've had to take breaks from it in the past due to sheer frustration. And here are some of the reasons why...

*deep breath*


Something that's put me off tLL to an extent is the overwhelming amount of male voices in here. It seems (just a perception) that the majority of people posting are male, and the majority of that posting is critical... not necessarily of women, but of whatever topic is at hand. There's little, if any, sense of female solidarity; and I really don't think that many female posters see the forum as the 'safe space' it was intended to be.

There's also the sense of lions round the watering hole, as another poster put it recently. However, I think that the male posters are essential to a forum like this... it wouldn't be the same without them.

I'm not really sure how to tackle an issue like this, though... I'd certainly agree that the "Why do women do this"/"What should I buy my gf"/"How to please a woman" threads should be clamped down on... we're not here as a resource for men to draw upon.

I'd liken it to me going into the rugby forum and asking them to explain the offside rules, or rucks, or scrums, or penalties... endless questions along those lines. Sure, those people know about those things, but the forum is for them to discuss rugby, not for eejits like me to ask them stupid questions about rugby. On occasion I'm sure it would be fine... but all the time? It's infuriating, to say the least.

I'm also not a fan of the relationshippy threads, but that's just a personal preference. I just personally think that "relationships" aren't a women's issue, per se. They're everyone's issue. And I feel that the forum can be very relationship-oriented at times - as if, without men, we'd have nothing to discuss. 7 of the 18 threads on the front page atm are about relationships - obviously, since they're discussions rather than issues, they don't fit in Relationship Issues, but... have we nothing better to talk about other than our bfs? I just think it's a lot of wasted potential for a forum that could be great as an outlet for women to really talk and even learn something, get empowered.

But I guess in order to do that I'd need to start more threads myself

Good things about the forum: I love all the health topics, so important and a great way to allay your fears about certain procedures. It's spoken about so little, it's fantastic to have a space where you can come (relatively) anonymously and ask the icky questions!

The more lighthearted and humourous threads are brilliant. Worst dates/experiences is a riot.

And I love the debates that get up... oftentimes I do lose the head, but for the most part it's great to have somewhere I can exercise my arguing muscles.


Hope I haven't put anyone's backs up with this... just giving my honest opinions.

GirlInterrupted

I agree with everything Shellyboo has said. I'd have said the same only not so well. I certainly agree that a good deal of the male input is critical, and often really repetative.

I'm not much of a debater myself but I do enjoy reading the heavier threads and I'm always impressed by the arguements put forward and the views expressed by so many posters. Not least Shellyboo herself.:)

shellyboo

GirlInterrupted wrote: »

I agree with everything Shellyboo has said. I'd have said the same only not so well. I certainly agree that a good deal of the male input is critical, and often really repetative.

I'm not much of a debater myself but I do enjoy reading the heavier threads and I'm always impressed by the arguements put forward and the views expressed by so many posters. Not least Shellyboo herself.:)

Hurrah, thanks

Thought I'd be shunned for traitorous opinions :P

Jules

Excellent post Shelly, and you are bang on the money and i agree with the issues you have raised, but saying that i also see the flip side. Some of the women on boards come in here and want to start a serious topic of conversation but terms like man haters, feminist nazi and such like get thrown about. So it is difficult especially when some of these comments come from other women.

I agree with the guys issue, they are essential but there will be a crack down on smart arse remarks and derailing a threads.

It will take time and we will miss some, but also i would like the forum to not lose its sense of humour also, but for it to stay where it belongs. So ladies its up to you too, start threads on topics you find interesting, which are important to you.. Its kind like the field of dreams, if you build it they will come, well its been built and we want you to fill it with threads that you care about. We, as mods, will take care of the muppets!

Jules

Dragan

Personally, as a bloke, i like posting here. I tend to get some interesting debate and i enjoy reading the opinions of a lot of the posters here. It's a good place to post as i tend to learn about things i might not always get exposure to , and opinions i might not always get to hear.

That said, the whole man bashing thing gets old, and fast, so it's nice to see that acknowledged Jules.

shellyboo

Dragan wrote: »

That said, the whole man bashing thing gets old, and fast, so it's nice to see that acknowledged Jules.

I dislike the man-bashing too, quite frankly... It's such a stereotypical, cliched way of going on. I think it's just a shame that we have this forum, and we come in here... and the same old stereotypes are perpetuated time and again...

Jules wrote: »

Some of the women on boards come in here and want to start a serious topic of conversation but terms like man haters, feminist nazi and such like get thrown about. So it is difficult especially when some of these comments come from other women.

...like those ones

I would love if this forum would be a place where people can come and see some enlightened opinions from women, about men or about anything... where we can fight the stupid stereotypes, basically. There is an element of that here, but it could be a lot stronger.

In other words, girl power, or some such nonsense :pac::D:p

panda100

Jules wrote: »

So it is difficult especially when some of these comments come from other women.

Ah they dont really,its the same few posters that come in stirring up anti women/pro men sentiment on all those types of feminist threads. I usually agree with their sentiments but it derails the topic from talking about our own issues and experiences as women to a defence of our gender as a whole.I've stayed away from the Antifeminist women thread because it seems to have descended into another thread on whose got the more woes in this world, men or women. However,I wouldnt want the males posters to go from TLL,most of the time I like their input,especially Wibbs and Dragan.


I love the Ladies Lounge though!Its always the first forum I check on boards
Though I think the LL meetup sticky should be kept. Theres a few young women on Personal Issues looking for people to meet up with and I was going to suggest a cinema trip or something this weekend.

Wibbs

panda100 wrote: »

Though I think the LL meetup sticky should be kept. Theres a few young women on Personal Issues looking for people to meet up with and I was going to suggest a cinema trip or something this weekend.

+1

Nevyn

panda100 wrote: »

Ah they dont really,its the same few posters that come in stirring up anti women/pro men sentiment on all those types of feminist threads. I usually agree with their sentiments but it derails the topic from talking about our own issues and experiences as women to a defence of our gender as a whole.

This drives me bats tbh.

I really enjoy the diversity of topics here and it's great to see women sharing
their experiences with each other and talking about topics which don't tend
to get talked about due to taboos and about the little things which make us smile.

OldGoat

On the 'Men in here' issue I have to de-lurk for a moment and post. tLL is a victim of it's own success. Men are lurking and posting here because the forum is fun - interesting - topical - educational and it's about the ONLY forum where that happens. I seldom post here because I realise it is the Ladies room but I lurk all the time. It's very difficult not to respond, to take a side or to join the ranks.
tLL is wonderful but until there is somewhere else as broad-rangeing as tLL that is open to men AND women I'm afraid ye are stuck with us.
(Lurk mode ON)

Nevyn

Like afterhours but for grown ups ?

OldGoat

Nothing compairs to AH, grown up or not. But have you ever tried posting anything other then frivolous there? Mayhem, delicious mayhem.

Nevyn

Clearly you missed some of the threads on feminism in there :pac:, trust me I have tired.

jellie

Thaedydal wrote: »

Like afterhours but for grown ups ?

good way of describing it. a lot of topics that would probably more suitable for somewhere like AH end up getting posted in tLL because everything in AH turns into a joke. & so in cases like that male input makes sense in the thread. which is not a bad thing either, but it maybe explains why a lot more men are posting here.

shellyboo

OldGoat wrote: »

On the 'Men in here' issue I have to de-lurk for a moment and post. tLL is a victim of it's own success. Men are lurking and posting here because the forum is fun - interesting - topical - educational and it's about the ONLY forum where that happens.

Yes, but are they posting within the spirit of the forum? Or are they stirring and creating drama in what's supposed to be a sort of haven from the male-dominated atmosphere of boards?

There are certainly male contributors who don't stir or cause drama... but I'd have to say that the scales are tipped slightly towards the other sort. But only slightly.

OldGoat wrote: »

I seldom post here because I realise it is the Ladies room but I lurk all the time. It's very difficult not to respond, to take a side or to join the ranks.
tLL is wonderful but until there is somewhere else as broad-rangeing as tLL that is open to men AND women I'm afraid ye are stuck with us.
(Lurk mode ON)

That's fine... but is it too much to ask that men adjust their attitudes accordingly before coming in? I wouldn't get away with going into, say... the LGB forum and posting along the lines of "Why are ALL gay men camp" or "Why are ALL lesbians butch" or replying to threads with "yeah, well, you're gay, you would say that" or "foreign gays are better than Irish gays cos you're all bunny boiling headwreckers" and things along those lines. It's not respectful of that forum as a community... and I think that sometimes, some male posters in here aren't respectful of women as a community.

Now, of course in life we're all equal and not deserving of more respect or easier treatment just because we're female... but in a community designed FOR women (albeit one that welcomes men) surely that should be respected?

It would be nice to cultivate that sort of atmosphere, at least. Not talking about being wrapped up in cotton wool... just a basic level of respect, as would be expected in any other dedicated forum.

I could be way off base here. I don't want to paint the women in here as powerless against the big bad men and their opinions, we're all well able to speak for ourselves... but as another poster said, time and again we get distracted from discussing real issues by having to defend our gender on a sweeping scale. That really shouldn't be an issue in The LADIES lounge.

Dragan

Shelly,

the only way to deal with any of those issues is a two part attack by both the Mods and the regular posters here. If you see something being led off topic then you report the post so that the Mods are aware of it. Often times a user will see something quicker than a Mod, simply because Mods are far outnumbered by us users here.

After that, it's up to the Mods to take firm stances on off topic posting and the general type and attitude of threads that are allowed to stay open for discussion.

Even then, it's a tough process, you leave things open and you are not doing a good thing, you shut things down too soon and you are not doing a good thing.

T'is a hard one to solve.

The simple fact of it is that ANY of the threads along those lines ( men seeking advice ) got response, so is it really an issue for people in the forum or is it just an issue for us that are vocal about it?

With regard to the "male domination of boards.ie" issue....males make up the higher percentage of the population. It's not a domination thing, it's a numbers thing. I also wouldn't think this place is a "safe haven" plenty of females that post on boards don't post here, because it doesn't interest them. At the end of the day it's just another niche forum that will attract certain types of users for their own reasons. Like most forums.

OldGoat

Shelly,
I had typed up a long reply to yours but Dragan got there before me and said most of what I had in mind...except mine was funnier