Your Ladies Lounge = Can we have your thoughts please!

Dragan

Thaedydal wrote: »

One of my friends did her degree thesis on just this topic.

So any chance i could see that? I would be interested.

Really no matter how personal ?

The personal nature of the information you divulge comes secondly to the arena in which you do so, no? If you say something publically....expect interest, questions and counter opinion.

No. Discussion does not always equal debate were you try and counter and discredit the other persons points to force them and others to change their minds.

I never said it did? What i am saying is....if you voice an opinion in public...expect it to generate debate. If people wanted protected "discussion" then take it private.

How many online discussion sites which have a predominantly female posters have you read ?
Did you know that most of them are strictly members only and not open
in order to foster the type of female discussion rather then debate ?

By the sounds of it i wouldn't be able or allowed to read them?:)

Look, trying to force a certain posting style on people is the surest way to see this forum sink in my honest opinion and i don't want to see that happen.

Nevyn

Dragan wrote: »

So any chance i could see that? I would be interested.

I'll ask her.

Dragan wrote: »

The personal nature of the information you divulge comes secondly to the arena in which you do so, no? If you say something publically....expect interest, questions and counter opinion.

I think the ethos of the forum can dictate how that goes tbh.

Dragan wrote: »

I never said it did? What i am saying is....if you voice an opinion in public...expect it to generate debate. If people wanted protected "discussion" then take it private.

I don't think the forum has to go private at all, the parenting forum isn't.

Dragan wrote: »

By the sounds of it i wouldn't be able or allowed to read them?:)

Some of them are more public then others, go have a nose and you will
see the difference.

Dragan wrote: »

Look, trying to force a certain posting style on people is the surest way to see this forum sink in my honest opinion and i don't want to see that happen.

I don't think there is any harm in there being a level of decorum and respect
when posting you seem to manage it well enough and so do other male posters.

Dragan

And i agree with you, but i am having a hard time in trying to figure out what people see as disrespectful?

I mean, we have sat here, giving honest opinion, quoting and counter quoting each other with no feathers ruffled.

We're both old hands at the internet game but neither of us are THAT far ahead of the curve!:)

Nevyn

Thats cos this is discussion, there is respect and we are not sniping or being snarky
we are actually listening to each other rather then posting at each other in an antagonistic fashion.
After all this is not the soccer forum ( yes I know sweeping male stereotyping but hey it's true )

Jules

From a posting aspect, i know what you are saying Dragan, its a public forum, if you post something here expect a response. But it comes to the basic principal, for me anyway, if i want opinions i'll ask for them. If i want to just say something then i will. I know that probably comes across as very bitchie, and forgive me im not a very eloquent poster, part of the reason i don't post a lot, and i don't mean it in a bitchie way but just... i have completely lost where i was going.

Eh, i tend to post as im thinking so i tend to go off track a lot, but i think Thaed has said much better than i have.

Jules

As a mod, in the beginning it was very difficult to curb the posting , everything was commented on, if i was too harsh on the guys i was a lesiban man hater, which i was actually called, if i was to harsh on the girls it was "this was set up for girl and we are not even allow to say what we want"... basically it was a very difficult forum to moderate and from time to time can still be difficult. It has a very broad range of posters and tbh, i dont want to scare people away by being too strict on either but the curbing of the stupid response will get stronger. And i hope the threads that really interest the women on boards will become more plentiful.

Again i know i'm not the most eloquent of posters and i really hope you guys get what i mean. God when im talking to people face to face i find it difficult to find the right words too... im a disaster!

dfx-

g'em wrote: »

Folks can we try not to single individual users out when discussing our likes and dislikes on the forum?

I had a debating post ready for shellyboo to pounce on but saw one particular post in this thread and have checked back and not posted it. It has quite honestly astounded me..so I'm back to thanking the posts which display my line of thinking instead.

And the soccer forum is not the fairest comparison for anything - we are wounded and scarred souls over there

ChewChew

Well, I can't say I like or enjoy the ladies lounge as I used too. when I first joined boards a year ago I started off here. This was my first hangout spot. I enjoyed it. I had a laugh. I met my best friend here! And I got to talk to & meet some pretty cool people!

But the ladies lounge I once knew no longer exists, and I think everyone that knows me knows how much I've grown to dislike this place. Not the posters. Just the forum. And it's purely a reflection on how times change.

There are a few posters who really get my goat up and its just when they post here. on other forums they are deadly!

Some of the serious threads bug the crap out of me when all it is is moaning and crying and the typical replies ''aw no you are great and its not your fault'' type things. it just sometimes reminds me of P.I.

I want to be able to have a crap day and come in a say ''girls, I've got period pains from hell. god has his pliers and is ripping at my insides'' I want the girls to come in and have a right old laugh at me not for a guy to come in and say ''ah love, take 2 paracetamol, sure you'll be grand''

That, BTW, is not the only reason I cant be dealing with tLL. I can't quiet put my finger on any one thing in particular (apart from what I've stated)

I know all that sounds bítchy and childish and I may get slated, but my honest opinion, which I have already shared with alot of people and some mod's too

Jules

Great reply chewie, and fair play for your honesty... that was what i ment by being able to come in and say something and not have it commented on. Or being able to disagree with people and not be shouted down for it.

ChewChew

Jules wrote: »

Great reply chewie, and fair play for your honesty... that was what i ment by being able to come in and say something and not have it commented on. Or being able to disagree with people and not be shouted down for it.

Thanx Jules.

the more I think about it the more I think it boils down to what I think has happened gradually which is the maturity levels. They are decreasing, within reason of course. Some posters are very immature when it comes to the serious topics. I enjoy the humurous threads like the rest of us but the serious ones sometimes just lack that sense of level headedness.

There are alot of young girls on boards, and possibly just lurking too who need to be educated. This forum should and in someways is an educating tool but sometimes it just comes across as being more of a mockery than anything else. Cringe worthy if nothing else.

There can also be alot of uptightedness also, some posters just take things waaaaay to seriously and obviously dont want to boys around, or the funny threads!

Jules

We need to be able to keep a balance, serious conversation and laid back threads. So we need some of you ladies to start more interesting topic of conversation, which, i personally, would love to see.

Thanks for the replies guys and please keep it coming!

Peared

I've been posting in the LL since the beginning and watched as it has changed over time (I remember when all this was just fieelds!).

Sometimes I pop in, glance at the thread titles, roll my eyes and click back out again.

Sometimes I will spend ages replying to many different topics.

It's just the nature of a forum like this and down to many differnet things, not least the ages of the posters.

Do I think it should be different? No, not really. I think too many rules would stifle the place. Do I think a common sense approach should be implemented in, for example, a thread about abortion where a man is telling a woman what is what? Yes, I do.

It may be helpful for posters in this thread to say what they would like to see as well as what they don't like.

b3t4

I was so happy when I found out about this forum. I mean absolutely delighted!! I've been on the internet for nearly 10yrs now (good god, how did that happen!!) and it was great to see that there were enough females around this cyberspace to warrant a forum. Woop!

hmm but some of the nonsense that goes on in some of the threads here annoy the bejaysus out of me and it's generally from the same posters. I normally sigh and say here we go again and watch the thread climb up to very high numbers. I only watch the numbers climb as I can't be bothered clicking into them as I know what'll be beaten to death in it. I'd like to report them but is there a 'report thread' function as I often find it hard to pick all the offenders? haha

I've started to feel like I need to hide my sex again. From some posters, I get the impression they're tutting in their head going 'Sure she's only a female' or some other such nonsense. Maybe I'm mad, I could very well be

For the mods, I think yeer doing a tough job voluntarily I'd like ye to adopt a fist of iron with regard to posts having to be ontopic for a thread.

A.

Madame Razz

When I first joined boards I really enjoyed the Ladies lounge.

Now I must admit I really don't.

I feel in the last few months It has really gone downhill, and I can't quite put my finger on why, but I suspect it's because the regular posters who were got fed up with what was going on and have stopped posting here, and we have been usurped to a large extent by a PHENOMENAL number of people whose sole purpose in posting on this forum appears to be to goad and to headwreck, or to sleaze and be sleazy. This is best demonstrated by how quiet the forum has become, when 6-8months ago it was busy and vibrant.

Even the regular male posters, whose posts I have ALWAYS enjoyed reading and responding to aren't in here very often....... indicative n'est pas??


I mean no offence to anybody when I say this; but I think the forum has gone down the toilet.

I check the forum everytime I log on to boards in the vain hope of something interesting but usually there isn't.

The threads, the posts, the responses, the twats.....this forum needs a serious freshen up and a bit of a cull tbh. I'm not saying we need to get all serious; a degree of frivolity is good, but currently this forum has all the substance and depth of an eggwhisk.

And I guess nobody can be blamed for how it has evolved, but we can all take steps to change it.

Perhaps it should be revitalised, renamed and the womens role in here reemphasised; in an effort to discourage the type of 'kerbcrawling' that has become oh so omnipresent around here???:)

My 0.02..... please don't slate me for it!!

Jules

Why in the name of god can't i post as well. Nicely said, but, a cull... no, a rename.. no a freshen up .. most definately and as you said madame razz we ALL need to help with it. So i have started the ball rolling its up to you fine people with all your great opinions to pick up the ball and start running!

And as i have stated no one will be slated for there opinions.. by anyone!

Zaph

It's quite clear the place has fallen apart since I left.

I know a lot of people view one of the problems of tLL as there being too many guys posting in it. Personally I think it's slightly different - there aren't enough women using it. I float around enough forums on Boards to know that there is a huge amount of incredibly articulate and funny women using the site, but they are never seen in here. Even posters who were regular here when I first became a mod just aren't about as much. Now I don't want to go bad-mouthing anyone in particular, but I do think that the establishment of a particular private forum has had a lot to do with that (you either know about it or you don't, but I'm not going to elaborate further so don't ask). This is something I mentioned to my former co-mods at the time, and I do think that unfortunately I've been proved right. So I think the big question to be asked is why don't many of the women of Boards want to post in tLL? I don't have an answer, I'm afraid, but if I was still a regular poster here it's something I'd looking closely at, maybe even starting a thread in Feedback for the wider community to express their opinions.

Wibbs

Have to agree with both Madame Razz and Zaph on their points. Personally, I would come down heavier on trolling and shít stirring and yes I would go so far as to say along gender lines. IMHO there are too many AH style posts here. Now the odd time it lightens the mood and that's cool, but it's too much. Hence along with what Zaph mentioned there are women no longer posting here(and why that happened in the first place). Until such times as many realise that this forum is for women and whatever the hell they wanna talk about, then I think it should be more restrictive to men. That's my 2 cents. If there was a mans forum and women were coming on to every thread serious or not and were having a go, whether they realised it or not I would ask them to leave. In fact, cards on the table, I would make it invite only to male posters for a while, until the forum built up it's user base.

Zaph

Wibbs wrote: »

Personally, I would come down heavier on trolling and shít stirring and yes I would go so far as to say along gender lines.

I make no apologies for the fact that when I moderated this forum I came down on trolling and general rubbish from guys far harder than I did from women. Why? Because there was actually fcuk all of it from women, I don't remember handing out a single infraction or ban for trolling to a female poster while I was a mod here. I was accused by one poster I banned of being over-protective of the women here and that they were well able to stand up for themselves. They are, I've no doubt of that, but that doesn't mean idiots have carte blanche to run riot through the forum just because the posters for whom the forum was intended can give as good as they get.

Gauge

I have to say, I don't post here often, but I do read a lot of threads and this forum is great for certain interesting, inspiring threads.

This isn't a major issue by any means, but one small thing that annoys me about threads is when male posters insist on turning things around to be all about men, usually in a way that aims to demean or belittle the point of thread, and generally don't contribute anything positive at all- it happens in any thread about feminism, for example- invitably a male poster will chime in just to whine about how feminism negatively affects men, why aren't men entitled to special treatment, oh how men suffer too, and so on. It happened in the My Beautiful Cervix thread, with posters complaining that if a man did something similar, it would be pervy/sick/pornographic/etc.

I'm not saying that men aren't entitled to their opinion- this is the OPPOSITE of a man contributing an opinion as a male. This whole thing of turning a topic on it's head - "Ooh, if a MAN did this it would be *insert insulting/degrading adjective here*"- seems to happen to almost every vaguely interesting or controversial topic here, it contributes nothing, and is just a cliché that makes me roll my eyes every time I see it happen in a thread I'm following.

Hope that made sense

shellyboo

Gauge wrote: »

It happened in the My Beautiful Cervix thread, with posters complaining that if a man did something similar, it would be pervy/sick/pornographic/etc.

That thread was everything that's wrong with tLL, condensed into handy thread format. I could not BELIEVE the disrespect and abusive language used about the topic, from men AND women. It absolutely sickened me.

And, ironically enough, it just proves the NEED for a forum like this - if women can't look at a cervix without feeling naseous, then there is a serious need for education and, yes, empowerment. This is the right place to do that, so we should be able to do it without having ignorant idiots coming in and stirring.

Wibbs

shellyboo wrote: »

That thread was everything that's wrong with tLL, condensed into handy thread format. I could not BELIEVE the disrespect and abusive language used about the topic, from men AND women. It absolutely sickened me.

Agreed, but TBH women making those comments give me very much less of an issue. It's a woman's forum so if they want to think a subject like that is disgusting to them, well I say play ball. It's their opinion and it's just as valid as other women who get something from it(providing they're not stirring for the sake of it of course). I personally wouldn't like to see a situation where a woman felt she couldn't contribute because she wasn't "right on" enough or following the "accepted" angle. That's where good debate comes from IMH.

Dragan

Wibbs wrote: »

Agreed, but TBH women making those comments give me very much less of an issue. It's a woman's forum so if they want to think a subject like that is disgusting to them, well I say play ball. It's their opinion and it's just as valid as other women who get something from it(providing they're not stirring for the sake of it of course). I personally wouldn't like to see a situation where a woman felt she couldn't contribute because she wasn't "right on" enough or following the "accepted" angle. That's where good debate comes from IMH.

Okay, i have to be flat out honest and say i have an issue with the above.

It's okay for a woman to make a style of comment, but not a man? So we assume the man's comment is meant in a different way simply because of the sex of the source?

Jesus, simple question for Mods, are men equal posters here or not? If the answer is yes, the above doesn't really back that up. No offence Wibbs, i just think you are a bit off keel on this one mate.:)

I am not talking about language or posting content here....just the general theme of "that is NOT attractive to me" that went on in that thread.

It's fine for women to say that but not men? Come on.

Wibbs

I can't speak for others, but to me personally, as I say, yes it would be less of an issue for me coming from a woman. It's a woman's forum. It's not even a gender thing so much as a forum subject matter thing. If it was a rugby forum and soccer types came on and flooded threads saying rugby was crap and needed rule changes, I would feel the same way. If fellow rugby types said it I would simply have less of an issue as it's a rugby forum. To continue that dodgy analogy,:s if soccer types wanted to post in the rugby forum and make valid non trolly points then they're as welcome as anyone else. In essence men are equal here, but AH type men(or women) are not.

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

I personally wouldn't like to see a situation where a woman felt she couldn't contribute because she wasn't "right on" enough or following the "accepted" angle. That's where good debate comes from IMH.

Yeah, I take your point. I had no problem with the posters (male or female) who came in and questioned the validity of the project, why it was empowering, what the point was, or merely expressed a dislike for the images... it was the posters proclaming that the images were "disgusting" or "sick" when they had been WARNED of their content that bugged me.

I have no problem with non-feminist views, or critical views... but I do have a problem when they're expressed disrespectfully, especially in a thread about health.

Wibbs wrote: »

I can't speak for others, but to me personally, as I say, yes it would be less of an issue for me coming from a woman. It's a woman's forum. It's not even a gender thing so much as a forum subject matter thing. If it was a rugby forum and soccer types came on and flooded threads saying rugby was crap and needed rule changes, I would feel the same way. If fellow rugby types said it I would simply have less of an issue as it's a rugby forum. To continue that dodgy analogy,:s if soccer types wanted to post in the rugby forum and make valid non trolly points then they're as welcome as anyone else. In essence men are equal here, but AH type men(or women) are not.

+1

This is my point exactly.

Pyr0

Gauge wrote: »

I'm not saying that men aren't entitled to their opinion- this is the OPPOSITE of a man contributing an opinion as a male. This whole thing of turning a topic on it's head - "Ooh, if a MAN did this it would be *insert insulting/degrading adjective here*"- seems to happen to almost every vaguely interesting or controversial topic here, it contributes nothing, and is just a cliché that makes me roll my eyes every time I see it happen in a thread I'm following.

Hope that made sense

I feel that if it started out as a thread directed at men for whatever reason and the women came on and started lashing out the "Oh, if a woman did this it would be.." it'd be taken on and discussed. I noticed even in a thread today that if it's brought up like you said above it needs to be "moved to another thread".

Silverfish

Pyr0 wrote: »

I feel that if it started out as a thread directed at men for whatever reason and the women came on and started lashing out the "Oh, if a woman did this it would be.." it'd be taken on and discussed. I noticed even in a thread today that if it's brought up like you said above it needs to be "moved to another thread".

Say it with me.

"Laaaaayyyyydeeeeeeesssss llllloooooooouuuunnnnngeeeeeehhhhh"


Keep repeating that.

You'll note it sounds nothing like 'Men! Bitch here about women!'

Dragan

Wibbs wrote: »

In essence men are equal here, but AH type men(or women) are not.

I've started to think it's running along the lines of "we are all equal, but some are more equal than others".

At the end of the day we have a former Mod and some active ones saying they look at posts from males differently than posts from females.

The "Ladies" thing should cover the subject matter, nothing else. It's not a "womans forum" and never will while it is public, because people like me, the dreaded male, can post here.

Accept that, move on, make things better...don't stay banging the same drum when it's getting people nowhere.

jellie

I wasnt going to post here again but im getting annoyed reading it..

While I have no problem with men posting here, and I agree that a lot of men make a good contribution, for example Dragan, some men cant seem to grasp that in the end its still the LADIES Lounge. Every thread doesnt HAVE to show the equal sides for men. Why? because its the LADIES lounge. Theres a couple of posters at the moment that seem to be constantly trying to go "but what about men", & trolling constantly. Ive started reporting posts because Im not going to rise to it, but FFS learn to read the name of the forum & shut up.

Otherwise i might have to stop reading and do some actual WORK today & id rather browse boards

shellyboo

Dragan wrote: »

The "Ladies" thing should cover the subject matter, nothing else. It's not a "womans forum" and never will while it is public, because people like me, the dreaded male, can post here.

There's a huge difference between tLL being a forum where women are discussed and and forum for women. I was under the impression that this was the latter. A women's forum where men are welcome.

I honestly wouldn't be interested in posting in a forum where women are simply the "topic". tLL is not a zoo for men to come in and ogle us and our strange, mysterious ways.

I think it should be a women's forum. I think men should be allowed to post in it, but with that in mind. I'd refer back to Wibbs' analogy about other fora - if I go into the pro wrestling forum, I have to be aware of and RESPECT the fact that its members are fans of pro wrestling. I can't go in and muppet about, throwing around negative disprespectful views about their sport. By all means, people who are critical of pro wrestling should contribute and they should be part of the community - but they need to remember that it is a forum where the majority of posters are fans of pro wrestling and act accordingly.

And in the Ladies Lounge, posters should remember that this is a forum for women and women's issues. People who are critical of women or womens issues, male or female, are perfectly welcome to post - as long as they remember where they are and post accordingly. It's an attitude that exists in every single other forum on boards. Is it really too much to ask that we have it here too?

jellie

thanks shelly, you said what i was trying to but put it much better.