Child has a meltdown

memo_to_all

Hi,

My 2 year old nephew seems to be suffering a great deal since his parents spilt up last year. He spends almost all his time around women who fuss constantly over him and pander to his every whim.

The result is a child who goes into a tyoe of meltdown if anything is said to him...

He has also developed a mild stammer in his speech.

What im asking is do children, and especially boys, suffer when theres no male role model in their lives? When i look at my nephew and compare him to my own son ( whos also 2) there is just such a difference. My boy is confident, calm, relaxed, throws the odd temper tantrum but gets over it quickly, loving and affectionate...where as my nephew is so nervous, scared of simple horseplay, clingy. I starting to feel guilty that maybe i should be doing more for him...

lostinnappies

To be honest I think it has more to do with the split and how the wemon are over comensating the loss he feels rather then the the lack of a male role model. Every boy should have a male influance in their lives, wither it be the dad or not. As its your nephew there is not much you can do about the parenting side of things without insulting mom or grandma. Perhaps you could do the fun uncle who comes and does the boy side of things soilders, cars ..:D

IsThatSo?

The little fella does sound stressed, the stammer is a big hint

However, any toddler will go into meltdown if they are allowed to, so it is also about what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. Its hard to reason with a 2 year old but when they are calm they do understand more than we give them credit for so thats the time to explain things to him.

Its a tough situation, its hard not to try and compensate for the unsettling situation at home, but in the long run its not doing the child any favours. The meltdowns will only get worse.

I don't suppose the local PHN or GP might have any advice on what to do? given that the situation is more complicated than "terrible twos".

I hope the little fella is ok, he must be very confused

Rubens

I don't think the behaviour is because of the split as such, but because of all the women fussing around him and probably giving in to every tantrum!

He's still young, so it's very likely he doesn't even remember his parents being together or splitting. But he's clever enough to know that if he throws a hissy fit he'll get what he wants. You can't really change his mother or granny or any other adults in his life - but when you deal with him, you can let him know that it doesn't matter how much he screams or shouts or sulks for something, if you've said No, you mean it... and stick to it!! You will find, very quickly, that he learns how to behave with you, but may still act up to those who will give in to him.

I used to deal with my nephew like this and one day his mam was giving out to him and said "When are you going to start being good?" His answer, "When [Rubens] is here". Despite this we're great pals, and he doesn't hate me, because of it!!

Also, I wouldn't be too worried about him being scared of horse play and clingy, some children are just more nervous. My son and his cousin are the same age.. 2 months between them, cousin is younger. His cousin is tough out.. scared of nothing, climbs on everything, and tumbles head first of any sort of height! My son is a bit more "civilised" ;-))! Seriously though, he is a more nervous and careful child, doesn't really like horseplay much.. but as he's getting a bit older, he's getting more adventerous.

The stammer on the other hand can be put down to normal, developmental disfluency. Many children can develop this type of stammer up until they are about 6, when their speech is still developing. Adults speak as fast as is physically possible for themselves. Kids try to mimick and end up trying to talk fast than their brain and mouth can co-ordinate.

My son, now 3 was developing a very bad stammer this time last year. It lasted for about 8 months and was very, very bad. It was worse when he was tired or excited. I brought him for a speech therapy assessment, and the one thing we were advised to do that improved him immediately was to slow down our speech when talking to him, or talking around him. Within 3 days of slowing down our own speech his stammer was gone. Completely! Sometimes is starts to creep back in, but we just slow down our speech again, and it goes again immediately.

Never draw attention to it. DON'T EVER tell him to slow down, start again. Just let him know he has your attention and slow down.

He's a lucky little man to have someone like you worrying about him and keeping an eye out. You can be a great influence, without having to upset anyone else.