Women, Food, and others' perceptions.

Morgase

I read a very interesting (but NSFW!) blog post the other day about women and food and thought I'd post about it here and get a bit of a discussion going.

Basically Girl With A One Track Mind was talking about how some people seem to think that they have full rein to comment on what they see women eating.

Here's an excerpt from it:

Because I’m a woman – and my physical appearance/body is up for discussion (and consumption, but we’ll save that argument for another day) – and it’s considered acceptable to pass judgement on how women look, or what they eat or don’t eat, this man – a complete stranger to me – felt entitled to comment on the contents of my breakfast. I doubt very much that he would have said the same thing to another man.

The post resonated with me a lot. I often get people commenting on what I eat. I love food; I love real foods like proper butter and lots of cream and thick steaks.

I get comments from both men and women. More often than not the male commenter will be of a larger size than me (I'm 5 foot 7 and not quite 9 stone) and doesn't seem to see the irony of him saying "are you really going to finish that? a lifetime on the hips!"

So - do any of you experience this? Does it bother you?

Stheno

Morgase wrote: »

I get comments from both men and women. More often than not the male commenter will be of a larger size than me (I'm 5 foot 7 and not quite 9 stone) and doesn't seem to see the irony of him saying "are you really going to finish that? a lifetime on the hips!"

So - do any of you experience this? Does it bother you?

Same here, tends to be more or less 50/50 in terms of the gender split and the commenting on what I eat/the amount I do, it does get on my nerves sometimes tbh. It's as if because I am slim, I mustn't eat or like food, and when people percieve that not to be the case they feel they must comment on it.

shellyboo

You might want to mark those links as NSFW, Morgase, I know my employer wouldn't be keen on me looking at sex blogs at work

I am constantly subjected to people commenting on what I'm eating, but I'm overweight so it'd be more to do with that than me being a woman, I suppose.

Sometimes it bothers me and others it doesn't. Depends on my own mood, I find; and who's saying it.

Morgase

nouggatti wrote: »

It's as if because I am slim, I mustn't eat or like food, and when people percieve that not to be the case they feel they must comment on it.

Yes that sounds similar to what happens with me; some people think that because I'm slim that I don't eat breakfast, and eat low fat stuff and couldn't possibly enjoy food without all that "Oh I really shouldn't!" nonsense.

This happens a lot to me in work. There could be a man sitting beside me eating the very same thing but no way are any comments addressed to him.

shellyboo wrote: »

I am constantly subjected to people commenting on what I'm eating, but I'm overweight so it'd be more to do with that than me being a woman, I suppose.

People would say that to your face? I don't know how I'd deal with that.

(Also Shellyboo thanks for reminding me about the NSFW, sorry about that!)

shellyboo

Morgase wrote: »

People would say that to your face? I don't know how I'd deal with that.

(Also Shellyboo thanks for reminding me about the NSFW, sorry about that!)

Oh yes, they'd say it to my face!! In an effort to shame me into being thin, I suspect. As if it were that easy

I won't go off on a rant, but yes, people would say it to my face. There are days I wouldn't be able to buy certain things in a shop or a restaurant because I don't have the self-confidence that day and don't feel like defending myself. But people comment all the time, yeah.

It's interesting that there are two sides to it though, I guess I could be guilty of doing the same with my thin friends - commenting that they're eating a lot/not eating a lot. Good to be aware of it, I'll make sure I don't from now on

metaoblivia

Generally, I don't pay enough attention to the things people say to me to get offended.
But once, a few years ago, someone did comment on my eating habits and it was wild enough for me to not only react but remember. I bought a sandwich at the store - roast beef and cheese, my favorite - and the guy behind me in line started telling me about how I looked just like his ex-girlfriend and how she had been a "meat-eater" and gotten cancer and died (no I'm not joking - he actually said this). The moral of the story being, if I didn't want cancer, I should stop eating meat. The checkout girl was mortified and kept mouthing, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," over and over again, because the guy just kept going on about it.
So I just looked at him, smiled, nodded, bought my sandwich and took a big bite out of it on my way out.

minidazzler

Basically, people who say this are just ****, Simple as. I would never comment on what a girl is eating, if I knew her and she didn't finish it, I would question her as to why and then proceed to steal eat the remainder.


BTW, GWAOTM is a great blog!!!!

Nevyn

Yup it happens, not that often as you can imaging most of the people in my life
know better then to start at me and being a stay at home Mam means I don't
tend to eat in company other them my own or the family that often.

But it has happened when I am out for a meal with people who are not close friends
comments do get made. Yes I am having steak, I am having it blue, no I don't want
a chicken salad I don't care if you find it two heavy your are not me and if you get to
comment on my food so do I, I will point out how 'blue' it is an all the lovely blood juices
on the plate and maybe even tilt the plate and say 'Moooooooooo'.

Yes I am having desert, yes I refuse to make me having a desert an issue or
a topic of conversation but if you do, esp as I have gone for the chocolate fudge cake
with cream I will turn the converstaion on you as I refuse to be cowed.

I am entitled on my rare nights out to dinner to treat myself and eat what I damn
well like and I am going to enjoy it and the more you comment the more I will
enjoy it and make all the delightful noises of ecstatic enjoyment I want.

and after making my desert fodder for comments and trying to make me having
the chocolate desert a political statement or a statement of independence
or just utter contrariness when I just bloody well like chocolate,
you had better not dare ask for a taste or worse yet ask as you encroach a spoon
towards my desert esp when you did not have the balls to order your own.

Yes some of us girls do mind sharing and if you can't enjoy yourself on a night
out then don't try and ruin mine.

Yes people judge, they look at a person who is not skinny and think 'tut, tut
how can she be buying X" last time I saw that look of judgment I was buying 6 cream cakes
to bring to my mothers but why the hell should I have to explain myself
so I told the person I was going home to eat them all in bed and then have lots and lots
of sex to work the calories off and left them spluttering like a fish out of water.

Women's bodies and what we eat has been made fodder for public comment by the media
and frankly it's wrong.

amacachi

I get a lot more comments about what I'm eating or what food I'm buying than I've seen anyone else get. It's not just something that happens to women, if anything I hear a lot more comments on what men are eating.

banshee_bones

OP know the boat iv been there. Where do complete strangers get off making comments on what you eat or drink.

Who the Fcuk asked you!

Example: Sat morning, grab a bottle of coke on my way to work (dont normally drink the stuff but i over slept leaving no time for breakfast or tea.Needed something to wake me up)
En route two rather large middle aged balding blokes decide to comment loudly to inform me of my choice of beverage and how an excess of such would make me fat.

Same thing happened a few weeks later, this time i had grabbed a roll, had probably taken a bite out and another fat nosey man driving past me at the small pedestrian crossing decided to comment.

I will eat what i want,where i want and whenever i want. So there.

Jules

Julie doesnt share food!

Snowie

banshee_bones wrote: »

Example: Sat morning, grab a bottle of coke on my way to work (dont normally drink the stuff but i over slept leaving no time for breakfast or tea.Needed something to wake me up)
En route two rather large middle aged balding blokes decide to comment loudly to inform me of my choice of beverage and how an excess of such would make me fat.

:eek: thats just plain rude :eek:...

banshee_bones

Jules wrote: »

Julie doesnt share food!

neither does miss bones....

Léan

Something similar happened me quite recently.

I was in PizzaHut in London with the OH, when asked what did we want to order we both said; "Two large pizzas please".

The waitress looked at me and said;
"No, don't order a large pizza, they're far too big, get a small"

I told her I wanted a large pizza again and she kept saying how i'd never finish one. So i compromised and ordered a medium...and lashed the whole thing back, not a bother.
She collected the plate, stunned, throwing a dirty look, I felt like saying 'fúck you', and i was still hungry.

It really got to me, no one should dictate what i should and shouldn't eat except myself.

Similarly what really annoys me is when you go out for a meal (especially with other women), and someone says;
"Why don't we share desert?" and half the time most of the people at the table are too afraid to speak up.
I LOVE desert, it's one of the best parts of the meal, no i don't want to share it, I want to eat it all myself and enjoy it and the same goes for any other course.

Now I'm not overweight, I'm pretty average, but I enjoy good wholesome food (and a big dirty burger and chips every few weeks ) but it drives me mad when people look down on you or judge you for what you eat, there's no need for it. I enjoy food, trying new food or just a cup of tea with three sugars and I should be able to enjoy those things without snide comments from other people. :pac:

Stheno

Thaedydal wrote: »

comments do get made. Yes I am having steak, I am having it blue, no I don't want
a chicken salad I don't care if you find it two heavy your are not me and if you get to
comment on my food so do I, I will point out how 'blue' it is an all the lovely blood juices
on the plate and maybe even tilt the plate and say 'Moooooooooo'.

Hahahaaaa I lolled, this has happened to me loads of times.

minidazzler

Léan wrote: »

I told her I wanted a large pizza again and she kept saying how i'd never finish one. So i compromised and ordered a medium...and lashed the whole thing back, not a bother.
She collected the plate, stunned, throwing a dirty look, I felt like saying 'fúck you', and i was still hungry.

I can't believe
a) you compromised,
b) She tried to get you to spend LESS money!!!

My little 14 year old sister, 75 lbs, can eat a large pizza herself!!! That waitress is ****e!!!

LightningBolt

Léan wrote: »

I was in PizzaHut in London with the OH, when asked what did we want to order we both said; "Two large pizzas please".

The waitress looked at me and said;
"No, don't order a large pizza, they're far too big, get a small"

I told her I wanted a large pizza again and she kept saying how i'd never finish one. So i compromised and ordered a medium...and lashed the whole thing back, not a bother.
She collected the plate, stunned, throwing a dirty look, I felt like saying 'fúck you', and i was still hungry.

In fairness to the waitress she was just trying to be nice and save you money. It's not common for a couple to order two large pizzas. Trust me I know!

tribulus

amacachi wrote: »

I get a lot more comments about what I'm eating or what food I'm buying than I've seen anyone else get. It's not just something that happens to women, if anything I hear a lot more comments on what men are eating.

Used to get this a fair bit in college myself, mainly because of my healthy choices! I'd say equally from both sexes, the guys in a kind of "wtf is that you knob" and the girls in a "eeewww that looks disgusting" way.

Meh, it bothered me a bit when I was younger but I genuinely couldn't care less nowadays.

amacachi

tribulus wrote: »

Used to get this a fair bit in college myself, mainly because of my healthy choices! I'd say equally from both sexes, the guys in a kind of "wtf is that you knob" and the girls in a "eeewww that looks disgusting" way.

Meh, it bothered me a bit when I was younger but I genuinely couldn't care less nowadays.

I got it from a security guard in a garage deli who I don't know :P

shellyboo

Léan wrote: »

I told her I wanted a large pizza again and she kept saying how i'd never finish one.

:eek:

I'd have walked out. How dare she try to tell you what you wanted to eat when you hadn't asked her opinion?! Waitressing fail.

LightningBolt wrote: »

In fairness to the waitress she was just trying to be nice and save you money.

I hope her manager didn't hear her in that case. I'd have been sacked for doing something like that in my waitressing days.

Léan wrote: »

Similarly what really annoys me is when you go out for a meal (especially with other women), and someone says;
"Why don't we share desert?" and half the time most of the people at the table are too afraid to speak up.
I LOVE desert, it's one of the best parts of the meal, no i don't want to share it, I want to eat it all myself and enjoy it and the same goes for any other course.

This bugs the bejesis out of me. If you are on a diet/too afraid of judgement to order your own fries/onion rings/milkshake/dessert, I don't want to see you even LOOKING at mine. You're not going to suddenly balloon into obesity if you have a side order of chips or a dessert, if you want one, order one ffs.

Wibbs

All I can say is I cannot believe the waitress came out with that. Jesus.

Gauge

Same thing happened to my female friend and I- we were in New York and visiting this pizza place was was supposedly known for being amazing. We both love pizza and they only came in one size (I think it was 14"- not that big really!) and we proceeded to order one each. The waitress spent several minute trying to talk us out of it like we were eejits, telling us that "SERIOUSLY, no SERIOUSLY, you guys have no idea what you're doing, even my son can't finish one of these pizzas by himself."

There wasn't a crumb left when she came back. And I'd do it again, they were delicious

To be honest I usually laugh it off when strangers say things to me- how sad must they be to feel the need to comment on what other people eat? I do have a no tolerance approach to friends doing it- specifically friends on an 'Eternal Diet', you all know the ones. So obsessed with their battle with food that they can't resist blurting things out when they see someone else actually enjoying it, in an attempt to make that person feel guilty, or insecure. Misery loves company I guess. I have no time to be brought down by people with that kind of attitude and my friends are all very much aware of it by now.

the_syco

banshee_bones wrote: »

Sat morning, grab a bottle of coke on my way to work (dont normally drink the stuff but i over slept leaving no time for breakfast or tea.Needed something to wake me up)
En route two rather large middle aged balding blokes decide to comment loudly to inform me of my choice of beverage and how an excess of such would make me fat.

Same thing happened a few weeks later, this time i had grabbed a roll, had probably taken a bite out and another fat nosey man driving past me at the small pedestrian crossing decided to comment.

Sorry, but I LOLed. Ask are they jealous that you can keep a nice figure and eat what you want, and they can't?

Léan wrote: »

I was in PizzaHut in London with the OH, when asked what did we want to order we both said; "Two large pizzas please".

The waitress looked at me and said;
"No, don't order a large pizza, they're far too big, get a small"

Christ on a muthaf**king bicycle. If anyone ever said that that to me, I'd tell them to go f**k themselves, and walk out. I'd also ensure a letter of complaint went to the manager.

=-=

The only time I comment on womens eating habits would be to "eat more", before a serious amount of drink is taken. Mate and I were with two ladies in London. One of them ate the same as me (half pounder and chips), the other got a bit distressed when we tried to get her to eat more. Seems she didn't like people commenting on how little she ate. Bo||ox to that; the lass who ate the burger was fine leaving the pub, but the other was legless. Sure, she ate nothing, so no surprise there:rolleyes:

Me and my mate both agree: when you're going on a session, you either need good soakage, or you just don't drink much.

LightningBolt

the_syco wrote: »

Christ on a muthaf**king bicycle. If anyone ever said that that to me, I'd tell them to go f**k themselves, and walk out. I'd also ensure a letter of complaint went to the manager.

You really sound pathetic if you'd walk out and write a letter to management because a waitress suggested going down a size or two.

shellyboo wrote: »

I hope her manager didn't hear her in that case. I'd have been sacked for doing something like that in my waitressing days.

And you would have taken them to court and won on grounds of unfair dismissal.

Really, I'd say nine times out of ten when I was a waiter that when an individual never mind a woman ordered a large pizza there'd easily be at least three slices left. I'd like to think that when I informed the individual or couple (if ordering two) that I was helping to save them a couple of euro on needless food, but no, you're both right. I should have been sacked or have a letter of complaint sent to management about me.:rolleyes:

Léan

LightningBolt wrote: »

You really sound pathetic if you'd walk out and write a letter to management because a waitress suggested going down a size or two.



And you would have taken them to court and won on grounds of unfair dismissal.

Really, I'd say nine times out of ten when I was a waiter that when an individual never mind a woman ordered a large pizza there'd easily be at least three slices left. I'd like to think that when I informed the individual or couple (if ordering two) that I was helping to save them a couple of euro on needless food, but no, you're both right. I should have been sacked or have a letter of complaint sent to management about me.:rolleyes:

I think you've missed the point a little bit. If this particular waitress was making a polite suggestion that would be fine, but she wasn't.

minidazzler

LightningBolt wrote: »

Really, I'd say nine times out of ten when I was a waiter that when an individual never mind a woman ordered a large pizza there'd easily be at least three slices left. I'd like to think that when I informed the individual or couple (if ordering two) that I was helping to save them a couple of euro on needless food, but no, you're both right. I should have been sacked or have a letter of complaint sent to management about me.:rolleyes:

No one would complain if she just mentioned it. But the Waitress PUSHED less food on the woman who ordered it. That's not OK.


Ladies, eat what ye want. or at very least what ye NEED. I am sick and tired of female friends not eating enough during the day.
I have a few friends who are on less than 800 cals a day, and are quite small as it is. They look a bit off alot, but won't take my advice and eat a bit more.

Their Motto, "Eating is Cheating" :eek:

Honey-ec

minidazzler wrote: »

Their Motto, "Eating is Cheating" :eek:

There's a girl on another forum I'm on whose sig is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels".

Eh, HELL YEAH it does!

Thankfully I've never really had to deal with the "you're not going to eat THAT!" brigade, but I am getting really, really sick of having to send back steaks that I've ordered blue because they've arrived medium.

I genuinely believe that waiters think that because I'm A) Irish and female, that I couldn't possibly even understand what a blue steak is, much less actually want one, and just write "medium" on the order regardless.

I had to send back a "blue" steak in the Unicorn last week, ordered from a French waiter, because it was cooked medium. The manager came out, all apologies, and assured me the next one would be correct. It came out rare. I couldn't bring myself to bother sending it back again, all of my dining companions were long finished at that stage and my appetite was pretty much gone anyway.

Macha

tribulus wrote: »

Used to get this a fair bit in college myself, mainly because of my healthy choices! I'd say equally from both sexes, the guys in a kind of "wtf is that you knob" and the girls in a "eeewww that looks disgusting" way.

Oh god, I get that too. Ugh, is that cottage cheese you're eating? Is that a protein shake Aren't they illegal? :rolleyes: I went on a class study trip to Copenhagen and they have ready-made protein shakes and protein bars in cans in Spar so I bought some. When I came back outside, one of my classmates looked at what I bought and said "What the hell are they? Jesus". I looked down and in his hands he had a large bag of penny sweets and a fanta. I took great enjoyment from guessing out loud the amount of calories, carbs and sugar he was holding in his hands and the effect it would no doubt have on his blood sugar and insulin levels. Muppet.

More subtle examples of the comments towards women about food/drink also exist. For example, when I worked as a waitress and I was bringing a glass of wine and a pint of beer to a couple's table, I'd always ask who was drinking what but I know a lot of waiting staff who would just assume the wine was for the girl and the pint for the guy.

jellie

This WRECKS my head. Im quite sensitive about my weight so if anyone even looks twice at what im eating i hate it. At lunch in work id usually have a sandwich or a roll or whatever, but then id usually add a small "treat" to it - somedays its an apple, or a packet of light crisps, or very occasionally ill have a bar of chocolate. A guy in work for some reason felt the need to comment to me "you always have lots of things for lunch". eh what? 1. how is it any of your business what i eat for lunch? ill eat a days worth of food if i like, and 2. its hardly lots of things! a sandwich & an apple & a can of diet coke? oooh im such a pig :rolleyes: but yet for some reason it still really bothered me.

Léan wrote: »

Similarly what really annoys me is when you go out for a meal (especially with other women), and someone says;
"Why don't we share desert?" and half the time most of the people at the table are too afraid to speak up.
I LOVE desert, it's one of the best parts of the meal, no i don't want to share it, I want to eat it all myself and enjoy it and the same goes for any other course.

+ 1
Dessert is the best part. Id rather skip the actual meal and have a dessert if I could only have 1. plus i rarely get starters while most others do, and then when it comes to dessert Im left going "anyone want dessert?" and its just me. I find it even more annoying lately, ive been on a diet for what feels like forever (-1.5stone, yay!) so when i go out for dinner i want to make the most of it. its got to the stage where ill usually say "f*ck it ill have it on my own" & then they all watch me eating :pac:

Dragan

To be honest what i took from the story in the linked blog in the OP was that the male she ended up with most likely had more body issues than she did and was doing a bit of projecting.

Thats just working off the same clues the writer herself had but she interpretted it to be an insult to her, rather than the blokes own insecurities.

Then again, that may not have been as interesting an article.

As for people commenting on food, happens all the time, don't really care about it.

Morgase

taconnol wrote: »

More subtle examples of the comments towards women about food/drink also exist. For example, when I worked as a waitress and I was bringing a glass of wine and a pint of beer to a couple's table, I'd always ask who was drinking what but I know a lot of waiting staff who would just assume the wine was for the girl and the pint for the guy.

Yes! I often get this one as I am fond of stout, and himself would often be on the water because of driving. People have been known to comment on the fact that I drink stout. "You drink Beamish? But you're a GIRL! OMG"

Léan wrote: »

I think you've missed the point a little bit. If this particular waitress was making a polite suggestion that would be fine, but she wasn't.

That is just not on. Did she not realise how it would look, assuming that your partner would be well able to finish his meal but you wouldn't? Very poor service imo.

Gauge wrote: »

Same thing happened to my female friend and I- we were in New York and visiting this pizza place was was supposedly known for being amazing. We both love pizza and they only came in one size (I think it was 14"- not that big really!) and we proceeded to order one each. The waitress spent several minute trying to talk us out of it like we were eejits, telling us that "SERIOUSLY, no SERIOUSLY, you guys have no idea what you're doing, even my son can't finish one of these pizzas by himself."

There wasn't a crumb left when she came back. And I'd do it again, they were delicious

Heh I love that look on people's faces when you finish a big plate of food that they were so vocally sure you couldn't possibly eat.