Query about inter-religious marriage

Lu Tze

Hello,

I am posting here in an effort to sate my curiousity. For years in this country inter religious marriages caused controversy, indeed my sister married a non catholic 12 years ago and i know my own parent found it difficult to accept at the time (they were fine with it once they got used to the idea).

I have a muslim friend who is in a serious reltionship with a non muslim, and i didn't want to offend her by asking her a question as personal as this, so my question is, What is the general reaction of parent of muslims if their daughter/son wishes to marry a non-muslim? Is it a major stumbling block?

BuffyBot

To some yes, to others..no is the short and non-technical answer.

Some would say it isn't allowed (but Muslim males can marry non-Muslim women), where as many parents might not be so observant/concerned and allow it.

fur-skin

Strictly speaking it is forbidden for a muslim woman to marry a non-muslim, but as the other poster alludes to it depends on how observant of the Quran and it's teachings you are. I've travelled quite a bit in the middle-east and if your muslim friend is from that region (or the Gulf) I would say her family would not be best pleased. If your friend is from a non-mid-east/gulf nation, say in Africa or Malaysia, etc. I think the family would be more open to it. Muslim men have it easy they can marry a woman of any religion and can have up to 4 wives at any one time!!

Lu Tze

BuffyBot wrote: »

To some yes, to others..no is the short and non-technical answer.

Some would say it isn't allowed (but Muslim males can marry non-Muslim women), where as many parents might not be so observant/concerned and allow it.

Cheers. both your posts cleared that up!

Hobbes

fur-skin wrote: »

Muslim men have it easy they can marry a woman of any religion and can have up to 4 wives at any one time!!

Thought it was only certain religions they could marry into? Also the wives thing is limited as far I recall. You can't just marry 4 women.

Jannah

fur-skin wrote: »

Muslim men have it easy they can marry a woman of any religion and can have up to 4 wives at any one time!!

Muslim men can't marry women of any religion- only Jewish and Christian women, also known as 'people of the book'. It's believed that Islam is a progression from these religion, so it's allowed. While the woman can choose to keep practicing her own faith, the children of these marriages must be brought up as Muslims.

The reason that Muslim women aren't allowed to marry outside their religion is because it's commonly seen as the male who decides the religion of the offspring, and anything other than Islam would be a step backwards. The woman may also not be able to observe all her religious duties if married to a man outside the Islamic faith.

Lol, I wouldn't say that Muslim men who marry multiple wives have it easy though!! The reason that the vast majority of Muslim men only have one wife is because of the expense, time constraints and strict rules governing how each wife should be treated to ensure complete equality. And yes, there is a limit of four wives at any one time. However, a woman is allowed to state in her marriage contract whether her husband is allowed to marry any more women while married to her.

fur-skin

You may not be able to marry them all on the same day, but can most certainly can have four wives simultaneously, but it is a dying tradition; it was far more common in the past.

DinoBot

fur-skin wrote: »

You may not be able to marry them all on the same day, but can most certainly can have four wives simultaneously, but it is a dying tradition; it was far more common in the past.

^_^ I thought fur-skin was not allowed in Islam

Phsyche

My friend is an atheist and is married to a Muslim man. They have kids who are brought up in the same religion as their father and I can safely say she does not enjoy the visits with his family, and finds it hard to live with some of the basic rules the husband made her promise him to keep.

Jannah

Phsyche wrote: »

My friend is an atheist and is married to a Muslim man. They have kids who are brought up in the same religion as their father and I can safely say she does not enjoy the visits with his family, and finds it hard to live with some of the basic rules the husband made her promise him to keep.

Wow, that's a really weird situation! Surely is he was devout enough to make her follow his rules, he would be pious enough to have married a woman who is Muslim/ Christian/ Jewish. Those kinds of marriages can be really difficult for a lot of reasons- not only are there the religious obligations, but the whole culture shock can have a bad impact on their lives too, especially if one spouse isn't willing to go along with it. Could I ask would you know what rules he would be strict on? Lol for the family- I can't imagine that they're all that happy with an atheist daughter in law! Makes you wonder how much of their own lives and morals people are willing to sacrifice for love.

Phsyche

Jannah wrote: »

Could I ask would you know what rules he would be strict on?

As far as I know it's been food and clothes issues in the past. She's ok sticking to the food regime but she's putting her foot down about the clothes and the circumcision (for the child) traditions.

I think it was a whirlwind romance and a rushed wedding. We'll see how it goes:) They're just so different. Two people from completely different ends of a spectrum .

DinoBot

Phsyche wrote: »

As far as I know it's been food and clothes issues in the past. She's ok sticking to the food regime but she's putting her foot down about the clothes and the circumcision (for the child) traditions.

I think it was a whirlwind romance and a rushed wedding. We'll see how it goes:) They're just so different. Two people from completely different ends of a spectrum .

Worse type of situation IMO. I think inter-faith marriages are very difficult. You really need to find common ground and work from there. And common ground between a Muslim and atheist is very difficult.

Phsyche

DinoBot wrote: »

common ground between a Muslim and atheist is very difficult.

Completely agree with you there.

Jannah

Phsyche wrote: »

As far as I know it's been food and clothes issues in the past. She's ok sticking to the food regime but she's putting her foot down about the clothes and the circumcision (for the child) traditions.

I think it was a whirlwind romance and a rushed wedding. We'll see how it goes:) They're just so different. Two people from completely different ends of a spectrum .

Argh, what a nightmare situation! Halal food isn't that much of a sacrifice, it's just buying it somewhere else and steering clear of the sausages lol. Wow, I can just imagine the clothes issue- if a woman isn't 100% dedicated to wanting to dress islamically, it's a real trouble maker. As for circumcision, I whole heartedly agree, that's been a hugely troublesome issue from my point of view. I'm sorry to hear she rushed into this marriage- there can be so many problems from situations like these, especially if they choose to go their seperate ways and he's from a culture where the man is very likely to get full custody of the kids- and if he kidnaps them to an Islamic country it's a really dire situation...

That said, a teacher in my school married a Turkish muslim and appears to be very happily married to him with two boys, so who knows?

Phsyche

Jannah wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear she rushed into this marriage- there can be so many problems from situations like these

Yeah for now the problems are kept private but the strain will show eventually...

Lu Tze wrote: »

I have a muslim friend who is in a serious reltionship with a non muslim, and i didn't want to offend her by asking her

I think from a woman's perspective it's easier for a woman to adapt to a partner with different religious views (or the one with none). Being a bit old fashioned here but IMO a man with little or no views on religion will be much more tolerant towards his wife, be she religious or not, than the man with strong religious beliefs.