Is the Time Right to Invade Britain?

dublinario

Tempting, isn't it? Their armed forces are stretched, fighting on two fronts; their economy is in the crapper; and we've lulled them into thinking we're buddies, like Tim Allen and his over-the-fence neighbour in Home Improvement.

Harnessing the element of surprise, I believe we could arm the FCA with extra large hurleys, send them into London in a fleet of Fiat Puntos, and have a tri-colour flying over the House of Commons by teatime.

Once in control, I suggest we forcibly swap islands. Our 4 million people will have much more leg room on their la-di-da, fancy island. The Brits might be a little cramped over here on the teddy bear, but no more than in, say, China?

We then live peacefully on the big island for a year or two, until things blow over and the EU forgive us. Inevitably, Britain will rally themselves and launch an offensive to regain their island, but by that time we'll have long since invaded Belgium, hence ending our morbid association with these chilly, wind-swept, ocean-battered islands. We'll also have left a "surprise" for the Brits (a 50 square foot accumulation of turds on the lawn of Buckingham palace).

The Brits can then have their clunky rock back, and maybe use Ireland as a shed. Or give it to the displaced Belgians, who otherwise will probably be tortured for their chocolate-making secrets, and quietly driven into the sea while nobody's looking. WHO'S WITH ME?

Dancor

In Soviot Russia, Britain invade you....................

landcruiserfj62

i like "the brits", nice people...but yeah, why not do it for the craic?!

when exactly will this take place?

p.s, i may not be up for the whole Belgium bit tho, couldnt be arsed.

Genghiz Cohen

I liek it

Hazys

I think we'll all need a bit of Dutch Courage to pull this off...right every one to the pub, get a couple in ya and we'll all meet at roslare harbour in 4 hours.




4 Hours pass by...I'm standing in Roslare Harbour on my own with a feck load of hurleys and hurley helmets...

where is every1? Still in the pub

Hazys

Actually can we invade somewhere with a better climate? Like Jamaica mon.

dan1895

I like your ideals and wish to subscribe to your newsletter

Fizman

Maybe a good idea to invade/colonise little islands/countries on the perimetre of GB first of all. You know, before we tackle a superpower all by ourselves!!

Start at the Isle of Man maybe. Watch out for those manx cats though!

AnonoBoy

Didn't we do this with Riverdance already?

Alcatel

Fizman wrote: »

Maybe a good idea to invade/colonise little islands/countries on the perimetre of GB first of all. You know, before we tackle a superpower all by ourselves!!

Start at the Isle of Man maybe. Watch out for those manx cats though!

I called Argentina, they asked me how far away from mainland Britain that is. I told them. They laughed at me and hung up.

Dartz

I'm off to 'invade' some random Channel Island with a Thompson. Anybody wanna be my army?

dublinario

Some good suggestions. What's important is that we stick together. Unless it turns into an evenly-pitched battle. Then you guys are on your own. I've got so much to live for, and I don't want my head on a pike outside Windsor Palace, with my quartered body in transit to the four corners of Britain as a warning to future uppity Paddys.

It's also important that we fight under the banner of God. I don't mean that lethargic, absentee Christian God. I mean one of those warmongering Greek Gods. Someone with a bit of muscle. Zeus? Poseidon? Zuel from Ghostbusters?

It will also be a great opportunity to establish a new caste system in New Ireland. May I suggest we oppress pygmies? And albinos are sufficiently different to be threatening too?

Fratton Fred

ooohhh, get you lot and your army of ninja hurlers. One bloody grand slam and you think you can conquer the world.

Well, i've got news for you. West Ham don't have a game on Saturday, their fans are looking for something to do.

I can see it now, a load of red haired pasty legged hockey stick wielding paddies versus a load of broken bottle wielding, Burberry wearing Chavs, it will be like a scene from the Warriors erupting in London

Relevant

You clearly have never been to Belgium OP.

Since we are launching said attack from Rosslare why not just cut out the middle man and get Irish Ferries to France. They'll surrender while we are still in the Duty Free

dublinario

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Didn't we do this with Riverdance already?

AnonoBoy, we went too far on that occasion. Too, too far. So much suffering. If I thought this proposed invasion would result in as much misery as the Riverdance thing, I honestly wouldn't want any part of it.

minidazzler

Total effective Strength of our Armed forces including RDF is about 13000 max.

They have around 5 times that number at least on the Island of Great Britain, and that's just the Army. Never mind saying the Navy, RAF, and Royal Marines.


We would fail gloriously. Simple as.

Smart Bug

Right. Let's head off & take 'em over siwft & proper like. Once we run their parlyment, we can pass the law of 'Prima Nochta'. If we can't kick the brits out of brittland, then we can breed them out.

me-skywalker

Have we not already started with australia?

lest just bid our tiem and they'll cripple themselves... maybe we can do the aul switcheroo on em and replace all their jobs with our non jobs and we'll work for less and work longer hours and pay huge rent.. but we WONT pay tax not to the aul fart herself but to our new leaders blooding in the aboriginy tribes in australia and we can rename it Ourstralia...

dublinario

minidazzler wrote: »

Total effective Strength of our Armed forces including RDF is about 13000 max.

They have around 5 times that number at least on the Island of Great Britain, and that's just the Army. Never mind saying the Navy, RAF, and Royal Marines.


We would fail gloriously. Simple as.

But don't you see Minidazzler? We'd be martyrs. And a new generation of invaders would be radicalised and mobilised. Now, granted, their invasion (probably 20 years down the line) would fail just as spectacularly, if not more spectacularly. But it wouldn't be for nought, because they too would become martyrs, and radicalise another generation of invaders. That third generation would most likely fail in their invasion too, and become martyrs. We'd probably wrap it up then. The pattern would be undeniable. Better to have tried and failed though, eh?

Hazys

minidazzler wrote: »

Total effective Strength of our Armed forces including RDF is about 13000 max.

They have around 5 times that number at least on the Island of Great Britain, and that's just the Army. Never mind saying the Navy, RAF, and Royal Marines.


We would fail gloriously. Simple as.

Well with an attitude like that...we are better off leaving you at Roslare port

Leprachaun

Can we invade France instead? Never liked those guys.

'Sides,don't mean to be pesemistic but the SAS could propably beat all our armed forces singlehandedly.

Now the french,we have a much bigger chance of beating. They ALWAYS lose.

Smart Bug

minidazzler wrote: »

Total effective Strength of our Armed forces including RDF is about 13000 max.

They have around 5 times that number at least on the Island of Great Britain, and that's just the Army. Never mind saying the Navy, RAF, and Royal Marines.


We would fail gloriously. Simple as.

Better than failing ingloriously by doing nothing.

Wir mussen haben leibensraum!!


* marches off to Dublin Port wielding a spud gun & a stone of Kerr's Pink

Adamcp898

Pick somewhere a bit warmer and I'm in

No point in going with this lazy attitude of picking whoevers cloesest

dublinario

Hazys wrote: »

Well with an attitude like that...we are better off leaving you at Roslare port

Judge him not, brave Hazys. Fighting is not for everybody, and we shall not leave him behind when we forge the nation of New Ireland. Granted, he will be given a menial job (e.g. de-ratting the sewers beneath my palace), but he will be a full citizen, with something approaching a countable vote.

Relevant

minidazzler wrote: »

Total effective Strength of our Armed forces including RDF is about 13000 max.

They have around 5 times that number at least on the Island of Great Britain, and that's just the Army. Never mind saying the Navy, RAF, and Royal Marines.


We would fail gloriously. Simple as.

http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/P/O/propaganda_shutmouth.jpg

Fratton Fred

Leprachaun wrote: »

Can we invade France instead? Never liked those guys.

'Sides,don't mean to be pesemistic but the SAS could propably beat all our armed forces singlehandedly.

Now the french,we have a much bigger chance of beating. They ALWAYS lose.

There are 60million people in France. Their army has 134,000 personnel, their navy 55,000.

now where the **** are you going to put all those prisoners?

One thing to remember, any atack on Britain would mean the RAF bombing Irish infrastructure. The first things to go would be power stations and Leinster House.

This would result in the death of all ESB employees and all TDs......now then, where do I sign up;)

Fat_Fingers

Can we also bring our politicians with us? Please!

ferrigan101

Might want to leave scotland alone lads, we can be a bit mental up there. The romans couldnt do it. Actually, give me half an hour, il make some calls and get us all a lift from hollyhead to london, the lads will bring the shinty sticks aswell....

dublinario

ferrigan101 wrote: »

Might want to leave scotland alone lads, we can be a bit mental up there. The romans couldnt do it. Actually, give me half an hour, il make some calls and get us all a lift from hollyhead to london, the lads will bring the shinty sticks aswell....

No deal Ferrigan. This isn't "Braveheart". We have no intention of dividing the spoils with you kilt-wearing, haggis-gnawing, tartan-obsessed jocks. We'll give you a very simple choice: to hell or the highlands.

Fratton Fred

ferrigan101 wrote: »

Might want to leave scotland alone lads, we can be a bit mental up there. The romans couldnt do it. Actually, give me half an hour, il make some calls and get us all a lift from hollyhead to london, the lads will bring the shinty sticks aswell....

I hear skirts are all the rage in Wales these days. Now that the sheep have got used to the sound of a zip ....

ferrigan101

dublinario wrote: »

No deal Ferrigan. This isn't "Braveheart". We have no intention of dividing the spoils with you kilt-wearing, haggis-gnawing, tartan-obsessed jocks. We'll give you a very simple choice: to hell or the highlands.

Was "Braveheart" set in Scotland? Thought it reminded me of our history a wee bit.:-)



*heads for the hills with shinty stick in hand*

Fizman

Fratton Fred wrote: »

I can see it now, a load of red haired pasty legged hockey stick wielding paddies versus a load of broken bottle wielding, Burberry wearing Chavs, it will be like a scene from the Warriors erupting in London

Never in my life have I been so offended!

I have never, and I repeat never, wielded a hockey stick. :pac:

Leprachaun

Fratton Fred wrote: »

There are 60million people in France. Their army has 134,000 personnel, their navy 55,000.

now where the **** are you going to put all those prisoners?

Who said anything about taking prisoners?

*evil cackle*

SEPT 23 1989

can we not invade somewhere with a nice bit of weather like the canary or the balearic islands?

dr.bollocko

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

can we not invade somewhere with a nice bit of weather like the canary or the balearic islands?

**** that it's full of Dubs.

Sean Quagmire

When can we implement the programme?
I see no flaws in the plan

mike65

What about all the Plastic Paddy collaborators? Remember they have access to the media and could use thier influence to lead resistance to the invaders.

magick

no we do this like the Cylons did, take over their computer systems (because if they lose they ability to interweb they go crazy)

Then invade by the usual means, then call London "New Tipp"
Then call the new union "United Kingdom of Ireland"

IvySlayer

I'm in!!

When's the bus leaving?

RonMexico

We should invade the Island of Lesbos and teach those carpet munchers a lesson.

*shakes fist*

We might miss a good Mass though...:pac:

Sean Quagmire

Can we make it look like this?

IvySlayer

RonMexico wrote: »

*shakes fist*

We might miss a good Mass though...:pac:

Save the action for the enemy son.

Ah I love a good old Mass :pac::pac:

I reckon we need a cuppa or 2 before we go. Barrys tea can solve everything.

Fratton Fred

Sean Quagmire wrote: »

Can we make it look like this?

What about Northern Ireland? you lot have been banging on about it being yours for years, then the first chance you get, you drop it.

Gerry will be cross :P

dlofnep

*grabs hurley and sliotar*

Time for those bastards to pay!! FREEEEEEEEEDOM!!!

Sofiztikated

Fratton Fred wrote: »

What about Northern Ireland? you lot have been banging on about it being yours for years, then the first chance you get, you drop it.

We didn't really want it, we just don't like sharing.
If we do get New Ireland by teatime, can i have a go at those fella's on Jersey? Why should they get away with being all snooty and islandlike.

dlofnep

Fratton Fred wrote: »

What about Northern Ireland? you lot have been banging on about it being yours for years, then the first chance you get, you drop it.

Gerry will be cross :P

It was all just a big trolljob, surely you knew that?

g5fd6ow0hseima

Hazys wrote: »

Actually can we invade somewhere with a better climate? Like Jamaica mon.

That sounds cool, chronic alcoholics and stoners

Hazys

I don't think anybody has called any positions in New Ireland yet..

I begs Vice President

Saibh

Hazys wrote: »

I don't think anybody has called any positions in New Ireland yet..

I begs Vice President

Why not aim for President?

Think a good idea as well is leave Biffo & co behind

Hazys

Saibh wrote: »

Why not aim for President?

Think a good idea as well is leave Biffo & co behind

Remeber the last time we got indepence a cival war broke out, it could easily happen again and the president is too much of a target, its much safer being Vice President.

Maybe I should be Junior Vice President, its got a nicer ring to it also i think the ladies would dig the Junior Vice President over the Vice President

Saibh

Hazys wrote: »

Remeber the last time we got indepence a cival war broke out, it could easily happen again and the president is too much of a target, its much safer being Vice President.

Coward :P

Hazys wrote: »

Maybe I should be Junior Vice President, its got a nicer ring to it also i think the ladies would dig the Junior Vice President over the Vice President

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