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Would you cheat?

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24

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    #32
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    I cant understand how people can get away with it in such a small country - everywhere I go I meet people I know and generally bump it someone when abroad as well. How do people manage to have affairs for years and no one know...

    I have done it in the dim and distant past but now consider it a sign of a very weak character (myself included back then).

    Life is too short to treat people like cr@p and at the end of the day, the shame hurts the guilty party as much as the action hurts the innocent partner


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    #33
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    No, never have and never would. Im similar to some of the other posters here that when Im in a realationship I only see him.

    OP, I honestly dont know how you do it, How you can sit there knowing that these people are ruining their marraiges, especially those that have kids. Having been cheated on (I think) I know how horrible it is. Its an unforgivable offence to me.


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    #34
    Das Kitty
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Puddleduck wrote: »
    No, never have and never would. Im similar to some of the other posters here that when Im in a realationship I only see him.

    OP, I honestly dont know how you do it, How you can sit there knowing that these people are ruining their marraiges, especially those that have kids. Having been cheated on (I think) I know how horrible it is. Its an unforgivable offence to me.

    So you think she should stick her oar in then?

    Really?


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    #35
    NewFrockTuesday
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Ah now nedtheshedoutragedfromclontarf. Thats out of line. I took the bang on the nose and have said I could have phrased it better. I wrote it when I was astonished at the levels of infidelity being practised.
    OP, I honestly dont know how you do it, How you can sit there knowing that these people are ruining their marraiges, especially those that have kids. Having been cheated on (I think) I know how horrible it is. Its an unforgivable offence to me.

    Its none of my business. If people choose to destroy what they have created over a good few years, its not my place to wade in. For the record, I do have an opinion on their cheating, but its mine and Im not going marching up to then wagging my finger. Its a desperatley sad situation - contrary to how I may have come across in the op, Im aware it sounds really seedy but it wasnt meant to be that way - and I do wonder that in the madness of the affair, do they realise what they are doing and the inevitable consequences.


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    #36
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Deepsense wrote: »
    Ah now nedtheshedoutragedfromclontarf. Thats out of line. I took the bang on the nose and have said I could have phrased it better. I wrote it when I was astonished at the levels of infidelity being practised.



    Its none of my business. If people choose to destroy what they have created over a good few years, its not my place to wade in. For the record, I do have an opinion on their cheating, but its mine and Im not going marching up to then wagging my finger. Its a desperatley sad situation - contrary to how I may have come across in the op, Im aware it sounds really seedy but it wasnt meant to be that way - and I do wonder that in the madness of the affair, do they realise what they are doing and the inevitable consequences.


    Fair enough and I apologise for any offence caused.Your OP just sounded very sensationalist to me.


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    #37
    Puddleduck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Puddleduck


    Das Kitty wrote: »
    So you think she should stick her oar in then?

    Really?

    No, but I dont know how she can look at it as some form of entertainment or something. Frankly if someone flat out told me they were cheating on there partner then Id tell them my opinions on it.


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    #38
    Das Kitty
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Puddleduck wrote: »
    No, but I dont know how she can look at it as some form of entertainment or something. Frankly if someone flat out told me they were cheating on there partner then Id tell them my opinions on it.

    As far as I can tell no one told her flat out that they were cheating, she just said she found out about them.

    I agree it's not entertainment though, but I reckon OP does too.


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    #39
    NewFrockTuesday
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭NewFrockTuesday


    Your OP just sounded very sensationalist to me

    Yah. It was hyper prose. Done in a hurry and with little though. Lets leave it there.
    As far as I can tell no one told her flat out that they were cheating, she just said she found out about them.

    I was told via phone calls. Literally one straight after the other. Thus my gog eyed response.
    I agree it's not entertainment though, but I reckon OP does too

    Nope - defo not entertainment. Its sad and I can see an incredible ammount of hurt down the line.

    Going on the poll results to date, options 2 & 3 give a combined %age of 7% of people who would be up for it outside the relationship. Thats far lower than I had anticipated given the stats that I see in PI and dotted around other forums. (I know its the net, but the stats were all fairly similar)

    2 firsthand calls (I know the cheaters very well) and the other was from the cheater themselves. A good friend by all accounts. But she knows my view on this and just wanted to make sure we are still cool as friends. Puddleduck, I love my friend dearly. Shes going through enough turmoil without me adding my 2 cents. Shes aware of my overall feelings on this subject and therefore we have no need to discuss it in fine detail over the phone. We might over a glass of wine sometime when we are alone, but tbh, we're adults and make our own choices in life. I know I wouldnt appreciate any patronising input if I had made a decision to go ahead and persue what I percieve to be happiness.


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    #40
    Das Kitty
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    Deepsense wrote: »
    Nope - defo not entertainment. Its sad and I can see an incredible ammount of hurt down the line.

    Sorry, I phrased it badly, I meant that I reckon you agree that it's not entertainment either, going on your subsequent posts.

    And I was saying that no one told you: "Hey, I'm cheating on my wife / husband", that you heard it from a third party. I'm assuming?


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    #41
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Would never cheat.

    But when I read people saying they never even notice other people when they are in a relationship, they are lying and just being more relationship than thou.


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    #42
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    stovelid wrote: »
    But when I read people saying they never even notice other people when they are in a relationship, they are lying and just being more relationship than thou.

    Obviously you can see other people, but none register as 'oooh look at him I quite fancy a bit of that'. Someone like Brad Pitt could come up and ask me to marry him & I'd say 'I got the perfect guy right here'. I say that in all honesty, no 'holier than thou' attitude, it's just who I am.


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    #43
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Of course some couples , married or nay will look ,admire ,fantasize and even flirt a bit with opposite sex .It's a human trait .Many wont like to admit to but many will .


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    #44
    mollybird
    Registered Users Posts: 1,053 ✭✭✭mollybird


    ya i cheated on one guy before but i was very young (20) and he was twice my age and i was living over in the states but every relationship i have been in since i most certainly have not.


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    #45
    Pyr0
    Registered Users Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Pyr0


    It's perfectly normal to look at other men and women, I don't know why people say "I've only ever looked at you in that way", I never believe it 100% but I do see the meaning behind of it :)


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    #46
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I have cheated in the past, I have been cheated on - and no, I would not cheat on my current partner as things stand. :)


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    #47
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    I dont understand people who cheat I mean there staying with there wife/husband...
    Going of with some one yet coming home to them, I mean if your unhappy in something why stay that way why be missribble? and have a fling ?why not sort the problems out ?with some the person you once may of loved and live with ?
    why go behinde that persons back how can that help ? why would it help?

    Ive never cheated on some one and to be honest i think if i was in a reletionship that was going that stale id leave or dicuss the options with the woman i marry if i choose to marry not go behinde her back....

    its sad like, its sad that people wont help them selves, why wont they help them selves ?


    It doesnt make much sence to me


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    #48
    GirlInterrupted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,440 ✭✭✭GirlInterrupted


    I've never cheated, and I don't think the circumstances exist where I would.

    I've been cheated on, and its a horrible experience to endure and I don't believe I have the character trait necessary to do that to another person.


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    #49
    SeekUp
    Registered Users Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    star-pants wrote: »
    If you don't want to be with your OH / you want to be with someone else, break up, then go do your business.

    I agree.

    I'll be the first person to admit that hardly anything is black and white, and infidelity is no different. I'm sure people cheat for various reasons, and while it doesn't make it okay, in many cases, it's certainly understandable.

    That being said, I think life is messy enough without adding fuel to the fire. If you want to be with someone else, be with them. And if that ends your current relationship, so be it. And if that means you have to find somewhere else to live, then do it. The sneaking around is what kills me -- if you're adult enough to make your own decisions, you should be adult enough to face the aftermath.


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    #50
    shezzie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,626 ✭✭✭shezzie


    just dont understand the cheating thing - i am in a realtionship and would never and have never cheated - if you are that miserable in a relationship to wanna be with someone else just break the relationship - it is an incredably hurtful thing to happen - i was cheated on we were together nearly 4 years - it took a while to get over - you simply cant have your cake and eat -and what comes around will go around


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    #51
    Salome
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Salome


    I can see how people can be tempted tbh. But not me. An ex was in town yesterday and texted me - it was friendly "how are you, what's happening in your life, how's your lovelife" banter for a while and as the day went on, the texts gradually became more flirty. In a previous life, I would have been very tempted to meet up with him but not now, I know what I've got and I would HATE to lose it on account of me philandering with this philanderer! Flattering as it was, he was recounting how much fun we had, I wouldn't go near him in a heartbeat - I have what I want at home.


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    #52
    Clayton Dazzling Vent
    Posts: 0 ✭ Clayton Dazzling Vent


    I would never say never but I don't think I have it in me. I've been very tempted a good few times, really fancied other people, but don't think I could have gone through with kissing them and certainly not more. And one of the guys was really trying it on big time. I'm a crap liar, hardly ever do it so the whole not telling the OH thing would be impossible for me. If I did it, I'd probably tell him and everything would be over.

    My ex cheated on me and it was awful, especially because I was very suspicious and asked him about it and he kept denying it. It was worse because it wasn't a random snog, this girl was sending flirty texts for months beforehand and weeks afterwards as well. I'm ashamed to say things look so suspicious that I looked at his emails while he was in the shower, and that confirmed that something had happened. I was furious that he was so spineless to look me in the eye and deny it all, repeatedly, dumped him on the spot. It's shocking how common cheating is and how people can justify it to themselves and think it's no big deal.


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    #53
    Munster_Gal
    Registered Users Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Munster_Gal


    I would never cheat. I'm either 100% in the relationship or I'm not. I've been cheated on and I would never do it to anyone else


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    #54
    1966
    Registered Users Posts: 1,655 ✭✭✭1966


    DancingDaisy wrote: »
    I can't ever imagine cheating, I've been with my OH almost 3 years and can honestly say I haven't looked at another guy in that way in these last three years.

    I think that if it gets to that stage then you know something is wrong, that there is something missing in the relationship.

    couldn't agree more........

    know of a serial offender getting away with it for yrs on wife - problem is the world & its mother know hes at it. Reckon she turns a blind eye - so that baffles me more. Staying in relationship and knowing (or even suspecting) things are not right - don't know whose worse him or her?

    Would I cheat - no way - only ends up causing heartache for all involved.


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    #55
    pyrite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭pyrite


    I feel like this poll needs another option. Whilst I haven't cheated and hope that I never will, it's not something that I could say I would definitely never do, as I just don't know what situation I could end up in.

    For example, if an accident happened which left my partner severely brain damaged or in a coma with no hope of recovery, I doubt that I would/could leave them, but could see myself meeting someone else eventually...


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    #56
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    pyrite wrote: »

    For example, if an accident happened which left my partner severely brain damaged or in a coma with no hope of recovery, I doubt that I would/could leave them, but could see myself meeting someone else eventually...

    Thats very different from making the concious decision to stray in a regular relationship though,is it not?It is to me anyway.
    There are certain grey areas in this though.For example,if my OH was to cheat on me,would it be ok for me to stray to even the score?


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    #57
    Armin_Tamzarian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,833 ✭✭✭✭Armin_Tamzarian


    I've never cheated on a girl and I don't think I would.
    If I felt that way inclined I'd end the current relationship
    before beginning the new one.

    I work away alot, in somewhat remote places.
    The places I work usually have quite a few people there who are
    all working away from home at quite a few months at a time.

    The levels of infidelity have shocked me to be honest.

    From my experiences.
    I would say that a maximum of 10% of people who
    are in relationships don't cheat.
    Bare in mind I'm referring to these people who I see working away
    from home for long periods.
    Not people in general.

    To be fair I don't think it's fair to tar all cheaters with the same brush.
    There are different types, IMO.

    First off are the worst offenders.
    The sleazy sort who actively set out to cheat as soon as they're out
    the front door.
    Effectively they're always on the pull.

    Next you have the sort that go out and happen to pull a guy / girl.
    Not exactly pillars of morality but they're slightly better than
    the first category as they're deeds aren't as premeditated.

    Finally you have the accidental cheaters.
    The sort who go out with the best of intentions, get hammered
    and wake up thinking 'Christ, what have I done'.
    One chap in particular springs to mind.
    He'd been working away from home for 5 months and never so
    much as looked at another woman.
    There was a works party on and he got totally destroyed.
    This oldish, slapper sort had been preying on him all night
    (she was a double for that greasy barmaid off Eastenders).
    He woke up the next morning to realise what he had done and
    the poor chap was in bits for the next month until he went home.


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    #58
    racheypachey
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22 ✭racheypachey


    ok. im going to be more honest than i have ever been. i am in a relationship with a lovely guy who i have been with for nearly two years. if i go out without him i usually have a drunken snog with a random guy. i have never had sex with any of these guys it has only been kisses and i dont meet up with them again. . i just do it because sometimes its fun.


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    #59
    sillyputty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 654 ✭✭✭sillyputty


    I have cheated, only once, and only because i wanted to break up because it he was getting serious and it was only one drunken kiss.
    I have never been cheated on (to my knowledge)
    I have knowingly been with a guy who is seeing someone else and that is probably as bad as being a cheater...


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    #60
    SeekUp
    Registered Users Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    racheypachey wrote: »
    ok. im going to be more honest than i have ever been. i am in a relationship with a lovely guy who i have been with for nearly two years. if i go out without him i usually have a drunken snog with a random guy. i have never had sex with any of these guys it has only been kisses and i dont meet up with them again. . i just do it because sometimes its fun.

    At least you're honest with us!
    sillyputty wrote: »
    I have knowingly been with a guy who is seeing someone else and that is probably as bad as being a cheater...

    That's an interesting add-on to the OP . . . whether it's just as bad to be the person with whom someone is cheating - and fully knowing it (as opposed to being the person doing the cheating). Is there the same - or any - level of responsibility there?


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    #61
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,144 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    i have cheated & been cheated on in the past within serious relationships.

    I found both to be equally unpleasant (yes equally) and as a result I would never cheat on anyone again. Nor would i try & work through things after someone cheating on me.


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