5 Year old stealing in school

carolinei

Hi everyone,

I work outside the home and my husband minds the kids. I have just found out that my daughter stole lunch from another girls lunchbox and put it in her own lunchbox and said nothing, until the girl noticed it was gone and the teacher told my husband when he came to collect her.

I am very upset over this as my daughter stole some chewing gum at christmas from a big supermarket. I caught her and brought her to the police station and they 'explained' that we wouldn't be putting her into jail now, if she promised to never to it again.

I don't know whats going on - she got a demerit during the week for non stop talking, I am concerned ... I am going to meet the teacher on Monday, is there anything I can do ? I am very upset.... so if my husband, he feels like he is not doing a good job as a father and house husband.

Rgds

C.

KittyeeTrix

Try not to worry, she's probably just acting out a little.
//have you been working out of the house for long, she may be reacting to your absence if you've just started lately

carolinei

I've been working for over a year now... I just feel let down... I am trying so hard to raise them with morals and to know between right and wrong, and respect the police, their elders you know, old fashioned values.

We don't smack them, discuss why they can or cannot have something, use the naughty corner, time out etc -

I told my sister and she thought it was hysterical, then I wonder am I over reacting - but I don't feel like I am :-(

KittyeeTrix

carolinei wrote: »

I've been working for over a year now... I just feel let down... I am trying so hard to raise them with morals and to know between right and wrong, and respect the police, their elders you know, old fashioned values.

We don't smack them, discuss why they can or cannot have something, use the naughty corner, time out etc -

I told my sister and she thought it was hysterical, then I wonder am I over reacting - but I don't feel like I am :-(

I'm sure you are not over reacting, it's easier for your sister to laugh when it's not her child. Not so easy when you think you might be losing control of your daughter and are not sure how to go about getting the control back. Just keep talking to her and keep explaining how it's wrong to steal blah blah.
Try the old how would you feel if someone took her favourite dolly prehaps, some approach like that or use the lunch scenario. I have four of mine and I know how hard it is and I totally understand how you feel let down by the current events, but seriously most kids do act like this at one stage or another. It doesn't usually lead to a life of crime so try not to worry too much.
And remember we can get them back in old age!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by living longer and being a burden he he he:D

MojoMaker

carolinei wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I work outside the home and my husband minds the kids. I have just found out that my daughter stole lunch from another girls lunchbox and put it in her own lunchbox and said nothing, until the girl noticed it was gone and the teacher told my husband when he came to collect her.

I am very upset over this as my daughter stole some chewing gum at christmas from a big supermarket. I caught her and brought her to the police station and they 'explained' that we wouldn't be putting her into jail now, if she promised to never to it again.

I don't know whats going on - she got a demerit during the week for non stop talking, I am concerned ... I am going to meet the teacher on Monday, is there anything I can do ? I am very upset.... so if my husband, he feels like he is not doing a good job as a father and house husband.

Rgds

C.

Parenting isn't so extreme over here in Ireland. Ease up, it's just a phase and will be grown out of.

IsThatSo?

Apparently all children go through this phase, its part of the learning process and while they do know they shouldn't take things (as rationally as children can know these things) they do need to figure out what it feels like and experience the consequences. Really though, at she probably is of the mentality "well,why can't I have it"!!!She will figure out soon enough that its not worth the consequences. Take away her favourite toy for a couple of days, or don't allow her to watch her favourite TV programe, that kind of thing.

If she continues to take things then ratch up the consequences and tell her what will happen the next time she does it etc. Try getting her to empathise with the people she takes things from, "did you like not having your fav toy? that is how the child felt when you took her lunch", she should be able to grasp this at .

We haven't experienced this yet in our house, but I am expecting it and I know several people who have gone through it and the children have learned and come out the other side of it.

Hope it all goes well, don't get too stressed about it, if she sees you getting uptight she might start using it as a way to get more attention.

luckat

Don't panic. Five is young.

cormac_byrne

I think 5 is a bit early to be going with the 'policeman will put you in jail if you're bad' line. (unless things are getting really out of hand)

It totally destroys the 'if you ever get lost a policeman will help you find mum and dad' line. (the policeman being an exception to the 'don't talk to strangers' rule)

If you child is lost (and maybe thinks they've done something bad), you want them to be pleased to see a Garda and to approach them, rather than hiding from them to avoid being put in jail.

claiva

hi op,
don't worry, it is just a phase. one of mine was a terror in play school and with his cousins etc. Biting and hitting etc. He eventually grew out of it and is now a little dote.
He's nearly 5 now. He is sometimes capable of rough play still but never bites etc anymore.

You need to ask her why she behaved like that but to also try and understand what life is like for her in school. Is she popular, does she mix well, are the other kids teasing her etc. What might seem very trivial to us adults can sometimes be very detremental to childrens self esteem and behaviour.

Have you tried a star chart for good behaviour ?
this can also help you to understand what she really wants.
e.g: you could ask her what she would prefer - a lollypop or an hour playing dollies with you or something as the treat for 5 stars or whatever.
Really good way to decipher what it is she feels she is missing.

Don't forget, this behaviour is almost always attention seeking.
good luck.

lostinnappies

Here is how a friend of mine delt with the same situation, she was 7 at the time and had been swiping things for about a year on and off. They stole her favourite toy from her, just so she could be on the recieving end of it because she wasnt listening to threats or talk. She is now 10 and hasnt taking anything since.;)

beth-lou

lostinnappies wrote: »

Here is how a friend of mine delt with the same situation, she was 7 at the time and had been swiping things for about a year on and off. They stole her favourite toy from her, just so she could be on the recieving end of it because she wasnt listening to threats or talk. She is now 10 and hasnt taking anything since.;)

Brilliant!

Seriously OP, it's totally normal behaviour. All kids go through a stealing stage.
I agree taking her to the police might have negative effects so try to reinforce that they arae also the good guys. One of my daughters friends is a real swiper, and every time she comes over I have to check what she's taken a fancy to before she leaves. A lot of kids do it, just keep reinforcing the point about not taking what isn't hers etc. You're not a failure and neither is your husband. Try not to be so hard on yourselves.

Mrs Fed

i wouldn't say don't worry...I would....
it is not the end of the world but i would investigate it it was my child.
First of all:
why didn't she ask for the chewing gum instead of stealing it?
why didn't she ask the school mate if she could have some?

Could it be need for attention? how much time do you spend with her? How do you spend it? What does your husband do at home? was it his choice?

ciao