Asking permission to marry...

kizzyr

CDfm wrote: »

I have never heard of a monarch being anti monarchy and you could have renamed it after your favorite sweet.

I wonder if Hitler had his own room as a child?:D

I should look into that and I'm bad at art too:eek: Watch out world here I come:D

tbh wrote: »

ok fair enough. Can I ask you a question tho. Do you think that when I asked my father-in-law, that I was actually asking his permission? Do you think he thought that? And no, not every woman dreams of the day, but does that mean that women who do are in the wrong? and if not, why are you bringing it up?

No I don't think you were in any real sense asking permission from your father in law. Again no, not every woman dreams of the day she may get married. However, I was making the point that even the appearance of asking permission / blessing from prospective in laws just doesn't sit with me. In fact it would make me question the man I was with if he did speak to my parents to seek permission or a blessing. I think it is disprespectful to me to do any such thing. Saying it is tradition doesn't make it right.

kizzyr

iguana wrote: »

I just always wanted superpowers. I still do. I wish I had any power at all, except for the one I do have which is to get migraines before an electrical storm. That is a stupid superpower, I want telekinesis or to walk through walls. I can't quite express how much I, a 30 year old woman, still desperately want to be a superhero.:(

I'm with you on that too.........Super Kiz with a kick ass outfit through which I feel no pain. I will be able to fly (needless to say, what kind of superhero can't fly?), walk through walls......it will be great. You're current powers suck really don't they? We'll have to find someway to harness the power of your brain so that your migraine becomes something wonderful.

tbh

kizzyr wrote: »

I should look into that and I'm bad at art too:eek: Watch out world here I come:D



No I don't think you were in any real sense asking permission from your father in law. Again no, not every woman dreams of the day she may get married. However, I was making the point that even the appearance of asking permission / blessing from prospective in laws just doesn't sit with me. In fact it would make me question the man I was with if he did speak to my parents to seek permission or a blessing. I think it is disprespectful to me to do any such thing. Saying it is tradition doesn't make it right.

no, that's fair enough. If I was getting married to you, I'd hopefully know you felt like that, and would respect your wishes above any others. my fiancee is a kiz as well

Dudess

tbh - yep, I'm talking to you tbh, the Boards.ie member/moderator - I don't think what you've done in this regard is even what's being referred to here. You proposed/decided between ye to get married... then you said to her folks "cool?" meaning "we're getting married anyway - just letting you be the first to know the happy news".

I don't think that's even comparable to "Hey Jim, Michael here - got a minute? Ok, I've something important to ask you. Maybe you should sit down... Right, I want to ask Michelle to marry me - do you and Margaret approve?" which is what's being focused on here.

tbh

Dudess wrote: »

tbh - yep, I'm talking to you tbh, the Boards.ie member/moderator - I don't think what you've done in this regard is even what's being referred to here. You proposed/decided between ye to get married... then you said to her folks "cool?" meaning "we're getting married anyway - just letting you be the first to know the happy news".

I don't think that's even comparable to "Hey Jim, Michael here - got a minute? Ok, I've something important to ask you. Maybe you should sit down... Right, I want to ask Michelle to marry me - do you and Margaret approve?" which is what's being focused on here.

yeah, fair enough I copped that after I'd painted myself in my corner there is a subtle difference in the asking before or after, but I'd still think that what you're saying above would still be a formality more than anything else. Imagine the scene: "will you marry me?" "no" "but but...your dad already said yes!"

kizzyr

tbh wrote: »

no, that's fair enough. If I was getting married to you, I'd hopefully know you felt like that, and would respect your wishes above any others. my fiancee is a kiz as well

Watch out;) My boyfriend knows how I feel and to be honest we're of one mind on things like this anyway.

tbh wrote: »

yeah, fair enough I copped that after I'd painted myself in my corner there is a subtle difference in the asking before or after, but I'd still think that what you're saying above would still be a formality more than anything else. Imagine the scene: "will you marry me?" "no" "but but...your dad already said yes!"

so you have to, tough luck! And you're mother has picked out your dress too.

CDfm

iguana wrote: »

I just always wanted superpowers. I still do. I wish I had any power at all, except for the one I do have which is to get migraines before an electrical storm.

Sounds a fairly impressive Superpower -you get migraines and cause Electrical Storms.

A pastoral scene - "here's Iggy with her fella askin for her hand in marriage - be nice Father- remember the flash floods in Mexico when she was on holiday"

Blangis

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi everyone,

I'm just curious to know if men in this day and age still feel the need to ask permission from your girlfriend's father/parents before you propose?

I know it's an old fashioned idea but it seems respectful towards her parents if you do this. Of course people will argue that you are both adults and its none of their business but some parents and women may still think it's appropriate.

Well, do you?

I would hate to be the kind of father that expects someone to jump through hoops, and show me "respect" like some goon from the Sopranos. If I ever have a daughter I will make sure that she and any prospective husbands know that this is the very last thing I would want.

If someone's father genuinely expects this, then it is a sign of bad things to come. If he not only expects it, but expects his decision to be taken seriously, then I presume you have already converted to Islam.

CDfm

Blangis wrote: »

I would hate to be the kind of father that expects someone to jump through hoops, and show me "respect" like some goon from the Sopranos. If I ever have a daughter I will make sure that she and any prospective husbands know that this is the very last thing.............

You are making it sound attractive - I have a teenage daughter and asked one poor urchin who called up if his mother knew he was wearing Penneys clothes going out on a date with my daughter rather than something branded another spotty goth like one I bought mascara for.

It could be me:D

SarahSassy

Blangis wrote: »

If I ever have a daughter I will make sure that she and any prospective husbands know that this is the very last thing I would want.

So the last thing you want is respect from your family?

iguana

SarahSassy wrote: »

So the last thing you want is respect from your family?

Perhaps he wants his daughter to find a husband who respects her as an independent adult and their privacy as a couple. And a son-in-law who respects him as a man who doesn't think he has a right to know his daughter's business before she does. Just like lots of people here.

A lot of people see going behind your partner's back to discuss major life decisions with her family as disrespectful.

fatmammycat

The last thing he wants is someone to treat his daughter as chattel ( he made it quite clear in his comment he would not regard it as a respectful thing to do)
For the record I too would be horrified if my OH asked my father for his permission to get married. My father would not appreciate it either.
A lot of women and men here feel differently about it, and that's fine. But what is funny though is how so many people dismiss people who do NOT approve of it as 'feminist' or over the top or making a fuss out of nothing. Talk about being tediously dismissive of other people's points of view.

Silverfish

Take it to Humanities.