BF doesn't want to have sex with me

LegacyUser

The background to this problem is:
We're both young (in our mid 20s) and have been together for a few months. We've been getting along really well, haven't had any problems and we're both very physically attracted to one another.. or at least I hope I'm right in saying that.

But when it comes to sex, it only revolves around foreplay and not much at that. He does have sexual interest, though seems hesitant in letting me go down on him, also he has only gone down on me once before so taking that into account even the foreplay is quite limited.
Also when we are doing the foreplay he refuses to take any direction even if what hes doing is uncomfortable for me.
Because its never led to anything further I'm starting to wonder if he's just doing it because he feels as if he has to, as if its a chore he has to please me..

He's mentioned condoms being a problem for him and there seems to be a fear of getting me pregnant. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this and obviously all sorts are running through my mind, that he doesn't find me attractive or maybe he's gay and the condoms are just an excuse to hide something else.
I guess I came on here to get some opinions from other guys, if maybe some men have a fear of getting a girlfriend pregnant that would lead them to having no sex at all, even with a condom. Or any women that have been in the same position?

Thanks, and sorry for the post's length!

SarahSassy

He is a virgin and sexually inexperienced and he doesnt want to let on to you...

Phototoxin

Or he has religous or moral reasons for not wishing to have sex with you before he's married perhaps?

Despite what people tell you you can have a good relationship without sex. You are young I don't see why you feel pressured.

rover84

SarahSassy wrote: »

He is a virgin and sexually inexperienced and he doesnt want to let on to you...

I agree

LegacyUser

Hey, thanks for the replies

SarahSassy wrote: »

He is a virgin and sexually inexperienced and he doesnt want to let on to you...

That also was something that crossed my mind but I don't think I'd class it as one of the top reasons, I just haven't really got that impression off him.. though I could be completely wrong of course!

Phototoxin wrote: »

Or he has religous or moral reasons for not wishing to have sex with you before he's married perhaps?

Despite what people tell you you can have a good relationship without sex. You are young I don't see why you feel pressured.

I meant to say in original post that it's definitely not a religious reason, he is 100% not religious.

And I don't feel pressured. I'm just someone with a high sex drive and I think sex is a really important part of a relationship. Of course people are different but personally, I could never be happy in a sexless relationship. Hence my concern over this.

Madame Razz

What's his relationship history like OP??

Craft25

SarahSassy wrote: »

He is a virgin and sexually inexperienced and he doesnt want to let on to you...

Quite possibly, maybe a fear of premature ejaculation or of not being able to satisfy you. Maybe he had a bad experience in the past? It seems like he's not letting you in on his fears and communication is a bit broken. It could also be religious conviction but then i'd imagine he'd be confident enough to explain that to you. Fear of pregnancy sounds like an excuse, especially as he wont even let you go down on him.

If the above is the case you're going to have to draw him out of himself by making him feel safe & not under pressure to perform & even then he will have to be ready to allow himself to be vulnerable with you.

Does he go down on you? Cos if he does but doesn't let you return the favour it could be that he is overly trying to please you.

Joey the lips

I would agree with the other posters above. Its most likely inexperience provided you have figured he is not gay

But have you considered spicing things up between you I am sure you have. A personel fav I heard once but have yet to experience is being out for dinner with the o/h and she turns and says I am wearing no knickers or I am wearing a lovely black g string you get the jist.

Hope it works out I find it unusual to see the women questioning lack off it is usually the man which I would say has you curious....

Koushki

Craft25 wrote: »

Quite possibly, maybe a fear of premature ejaculation or of not being able to satisfy you.

still though, he can at least make some effort.Minimal effort with the foreplay is just ridiculous. it's been a few months the OP says. i'd say go and find a man that will satisfy you and not make you feel unpretty.

Blue_Wolf

Maybe...he has had lots of sex, has an std, can't stand condoms but cant have sex because of passing the std to you...

smileysurfer

:rolleyes:Id say he's a virgin too!! Be patient with him and give him a chance

cantdecide

+1 on the virgin thing, IMO.

Come out with it. Tell him your concerns and ask him if he wants you to guide him...

If he knows you're not a bit shy then it's probably intimidating for him to be with you...

Miss Fluff

+1 on him being a V-Reg, sounds inexperienced.

galwaygirl000 wrote: »

Also when we are doing the foreplay he refuses to take any direction even if what hes doing is uncomfortable for me.

Be careful with how you do give direction OP. If he is inexperienced, any guidance could be misconstrued as a personal slight and he'll think he's "doing it wrong", which will affect his confidence more.

You need to open the lines of communication here. He doesn't necessarily have to admit to being a V-Reg, that's something he may not want to share, but start communicating what you like him doing to you and suggest he tells you what he likes too.

Prezatch

galwaygirl000 wrote: »

He's mentioned condoms being a problem for him

I'd say he's had a bad experience in the past with possibly loosing his mojo when it comes to putting on condoms and having sex. Probably overthinking the whole thing and afraid he won't impress you. My workmate beside me is female here and she suggested you should try putting the condom on for him. You take the reigns and guide him. Make him feel relaxed too and let him know you dont give a crap if he's a virgin or not. He'll learn!!

small

Blatantly agree on the inexperienced/virgin theory....and perhaps any experience he's had in the past has seriously knocked his confidence....such as condoms making him loose his mojo or a partner who wasn't understanding. Bottom line would be...talk to him, if you're intimate enough to get sexy with one another you should be intimate enough to talk about past experiences/historys and stuff.

_blank_

small wrote: »

Blatantly agree on the inexperienced/virgin theory....and perhaps any experience he's had in the past has seriously knocked his confidence....such as condoms making him loose his mojo or a partner who wasn't understanding. Bottom line would be...talk to him, if you're intimate enough to get sexy with one another you should be intimate enough to talk about past experiences/historys and stuff.

I'd tend to agree here.

I don't think he's a virgin though, absolutely not.

He is afraid of something though, and my guess is that it's premature ejaculation.

It probably happened to him while he was with a less-than-sensitive lover who made him feel inadequate, and this is playing on his mind when he is with you.

LegacyUser

Hey, OP here..

Thanks so much for all the replies and helpful advice. I don't feel comfortable talking about this kind of stuff with my friends so its great to be able to come here.

Just to comment on what a few of you have said.

If he does turn to me and tells me he is a virgin I would be very surprised since, as I said I don't get the vibe that he wouldn't have had the chances with many a girl before. Maybe he's turned them all down though.. I will keep that option in mind.

Madame Razz asked me what his relationship history is and to be honest I can't tell you. I've never asked him. I feel that the past is the past when it comes to relationships and I know if I asked him he's obviously going to return the question and I don't feel like guys I've been with in the past should matter. So its never come up. Though now obviously I'm considering I should!

If its an inexperienced reason, I have a question, maybe out of my own inexperience... If he was afraid of something like pre-ejaculation then wouldn't that show with things like handjobs or blowjobs aswell? Because with those two theres never been a problem of pre-ejaculation but maybe its different for some guys when it comes to further than that, is it? And to do with the condoms... When we were putting on the condom a time before it seemed harder to put on, as if because he was going soft, though he was rock hard before any mention of the condom. So could that make it seem more likely its some sort of... I dont know, fear? of condoms? I wish I could say more, be more specific but I'm so afraid of the very very slight chance he'll ever be on here to read it!

Jimmy Bottlehead

Personally, i find it extremely difficult to keep aroused once condoms are brought into play. Maybe try extra hard to turn him on while the condom is going on... kiss him really passionately, touch him all over, maybe even moan. Once its on thats the most difficult part over.

Faddymackshyte

My ex used to have a really bad problem when it came to sex. He could never prolong a hard on, especially in certain positions and definitely when condoms were conerned. And he would get really frustrated and grumpy about it and then give up altogether. But if it is an inexperience issue, you need to talk to him. I'm sure he'll clam up, but patience and talking will really help IMHO.

Being considerate and "there for him" could really help his confidence, if you know what I mean.

LegacyUser

After reading all youre comments I think the most likely reason from my experiences with him is the condom problem, seeing as other guys here have said the same happens to them.
Inexperience could be a likely part of it too.

Anyways, thanks a million for all your help, now I've a better idea where its coming from I think I'll know how to go about and handle it a lot better.
Thanks!!pro ina

LegacyUser

Many people do have temporary issues and even being dehydrated can be an issue so is he getting enough water as it can take a week to rehydrate.He may need to lay of booze and coffee and drink bottled water.

My GP perscribed me Cialis as a kickstart(apparently Viagra is for one event). One tablet of Cialis gives a 48 hour window of erect when aroused.I nearly nailed my partner in the hallway within 10 minites after taking one. A great weekend was had by all.

Normal sex for me would be an hour or more and several orgasms for her.

I have a Woman GP and it was just taking blood pressure and not a physical exam.

It was a once off and its 50 euro well spent if you need it.

beggars_bush

first few times i tried to have sex with herself i flopped badly as i was so nervous. despite the presence of some alcohol

so i did nt use condom the next time until i had penetrated her and was comfortable. that might not solve problem with yourself, but good luck

beggars_bush

beggars_bush wrote: »

first few times i tried to have sex with herself i flopped badly as i was so nervous. despite the presence of some alcohol

so i did nt use condom the next time until i had penetrated her and was comfortable. that might not solve problem with yourself, but good luck

alcohol is what makes you flop as well

beggars_bush

not a small amount, just a glass of wine or two

CDfm

beggars_bush wrote: »

not a small amount, just a glass of wine or two

dehydaration will lower blood pressure so lots of water.

yawnstretch

Condoms can be such a mood killer.

LegacyUser

First time with gf we had problem with condoms. I couldnt stay hard when putting it on. She kissed me and put it on and worked but even when it was on couldnt stay hard and get it in, was so frustrating. Then finally got it in but wasnt great. So she went on the pill and last time we had sex without condoms and it was 10 times better and more enjoyable and less frustrating. Out of curiosity what did other people who had problems with the condoms do? I mean me and my gf now are not using condoms, theirs no worries of std's, shes on the pill, do people think thats sufficent enough protection.

Silverfish

An even bigger mood killer is STD's and pregnancy.

CDfm

Silverfish wrote: »

An even bigger mood killer is STD's and pregnancy.

Yup thats a passion killer:pac:

Terodil

Where STDs are in the realm of possibility, then passing up on condoms is very reckless. Condoms aren't 100% protection, much less actually where STDs are concerned, but there's nothing better save abstinence. That said, it also depends on the type of condom used. I personally don't like the extra-thick ones, even if they provide that little extra security. The Durex sensitive or emotions are much better IMO. Shape, fit, and material make a lot of difference. Try out different makes. The pregnancy risk shouldn't be significantly different anyway.