will my coming out scare them

joe freethinker

I'm 16 year old guy and I'm 99.9% sure I'm gay I so want to come out as keeping the secret makes me put on an act for both my male and female friends, soon people are going to see how strange I am and I'll lose friends any way.I was always a quite person who didn't have a mad social life but people are finding it strange I'm sure that I've never had a girlfriend or been with a girl.
i can't be truthful about anything like the music i listen to the movies i watch or the people i admire, isit and listen to everyone else i don't talk i must look so sad as I constantly have to up keep my straight image it's no joke.and i'll never have a relationship until i come out.

LegacyUser

hey man
my advice is to come out to ur best friend (the one u trust the most) and see how they take it.if they are a really good friend they wont see u any differently and it will feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off ur shoulders!ask them if they think its a good idea to tell ur other friends too, then soon ul be out and ul feel more like urself than ever, hope i helped

LegacyUser

I'd say go for it mate. I'm in my mid-twenties and have gone through a tough time recently because I have kept being gay a secret for so long. I've always been with girls. If I could turn back time and go back to when I was your age I would do things differently. It might take time for people to understand but they will be ok with it. Its better to go through it now rather than wait and have to live a lie any longer. You are not alone in this mate and there are plenty others who are going through the same. Hope it all goes well for you man!

spurious

It's not the being gay is making you 'strange', it's the hiding it.

People react in different ways, but coming out is quite a good friend filter. You'll find it's not news to some of your friends. It's also an eye-opener how wrapped up in themselves other people are. You will be yesterday's news soon enough.

Good luck - it's quite liberating to be able to be yourself with your friends.

donegal1

I think your life will be much easier if you "come out". Being gay isn't something to be embarrassed about. No point hiding it. Some people might not like it but so what. I have a good friend who "came out" many years ago and it just gave me more respect for him, and I'm sure he's enjoying life so much more.

Rick_

Why do you have to have 'done stuff' with someone at 16 anyway? Everyone does things at their own pace when they are ready, so don't feel pressured to do anything because you *think* some people will find it weird that you haven't had a girlfriend yet. You're only 16... the best years of your life, enjoy yourself and stop worrying what other people think. I never had a girlfriend (ever!) and was very quiet when I was your age, yet no-one said a thing to me or suspected anything. If you're convinced that they are thinking it, maybe it's just all in your head and you're thinking about it way too much?

If you are unhappy because you don't get to talk about the things you have interests in then maybe coming out is an avenue to explore, but even the next time you and your friends are talking try and bring up some of the topics you want to talk about. If they laugh and give you a negative reaction over them then maybe telling them you're gay may not be the best idea straight away, but if they seem OK with the topic, talk some more about it and it will let you gague what they're going to be like. People will surprise you and that song or film you want to talk about could be something someone else is interested in but was just too afraid to say themselves.

Untense

joe freethinker wrote: »

will my coming out scare them

True friends will be happy for you. Coming out isn't easy, so if anyone is going to feel fear it'll be you.

keeping the secret makes me put on an act for both my male and female friends

It's not nice.

soon people are going to see how strange I am and I'll lose friends any way.

I don't know how true that is. You'd be surprised how much slips under the notice of even your closest friends. My friends were shocked when I told them I was gay, even though I had convinced myself they had to have suspicions.
When you have a big secret like this, it's easy to get caught up on imagining what others are thinking, or how they could react when you open up to them. The problem is our minds are very good at conjuring up the worst case scenario.

Take your attention away from how others might react and point it back at yourself. You can't truly know how your friends will react until you tell them. What you do know is how it feels pretending to be someone you're not. You will continue to feel that way until you open up to someone. Even just one person can be enough to take the weight off your shoulders.

You're only 16... the best years of your life

Jesus, those were not the best years of my life! People said this to me all the time when I was young and it didn't help at all. I'm sure for a lot of other people life gets better and better every year. (Once you escape school)

spurious

Untense wrote: »

Jesus, those were not the best years of my life! People said this to me all the time when I was young and it didn't help at all. I'm sure for a lot of other people life gets better and better every year. (Once you escape school)

16-17 was a horrible age.
I wouldn't like to do it again.

rainbow kirby

spurious wrote: »

16-17 was a horrible age.
I wouldn't like to do it again.

+1, I hated being a teenager in general. 20s have been so much more fun so far