How Much Longer?

LegacyUser

This time last year I was in a relationship and I didn't apreciate what I had.

He was getting serious pushing for us to get a house together and all that stuff but I kept putting the brakes on. I don't even know why.

Eventually he broke up with me. He works far away so I'd only see him on the week-ends. Now he doesn't come down home as much so I don't see him as much. I've a child (not his) and I don't get out very much. When I do I always hate it. There are no men around and I'm lonely (mostly at the week-ends).

I know he's seeing someone but we keep in touch. I tell him I want him back but he often ignores my messages. When he's drunk (late at night) he phones. We meet up from time to time in the local night club and we've had sex a few times. But he just won't take me back. And I just feel used in the morning when he goes. Last time we didn't use protection (I was very drunk) and I spent two weeks in a panic because I just can't go though a pregnancy alone again.

I learned my lesson. I know I had it good and I didn't appreciate it. My heart is broken and I can't get him back.

If he's just doing this to teach me a lesson isn't it time he stopped? It's been almost a full year. What does he want? What do I do? How do I convince him? How much longer will he do this before he lets me off the hook?

LegacyUser

why are you waiting for HIM to let you off the hook? Why do you give him that power over ur happiness?
You've been broken up a year, he's seeing someone else...he only calls u late at night for sex.....isn't that the definitition of a fb?

you're only hurting yourself, and letting him know ur available for no-strings sex isn't helping you. If he wants you, he has to put in more effort,both of u have to want it and work on it.
what exactly have you done to let him know you want a relationship again? are u sure it's not just out of loneliness...because he's probably picked up on that, hence leaving first thing in the morning. If he wanted to get a hosue and u pulled back...he probably got very hurt. there might not be any getting over that, esp if he thinks the only reason u want him back is out of loneliness....

be prepared to accept that you might not want HIM back...you might just want a relationship with someone...if that's the case, do both of u a favour and end this dragged out mess

CDfm

lessonlearned wrote: »

This time last year I was in a relationship and I didn't apreciate what I had.

He was getting serious pushing for us to get a house together and all that stuff but I kept putting the brakes on. I don't even know why.

The world has changed in the last year and we are in a recession. What seemed doable last year may not be now.

Having thought about your objections he probably now has a few of his own to add to the list. When you have been rejected by someone you never see them again in the same light. The spark might be gone and quirkly little things you do may now seem like annoying faults..

Eventually he broke up with me. He works far away so I'd only see him on the week-ends. Now he doesn't come down home as much so I don't see him as much.

Again with the recession - LDRs do not always work out and the likelyhood of him moving back especially to work are slim.

I've a child (not his) and I don't get out very much. When I do I always hate it. There are no men around and I'm lonely (mostly at the week-ends).I know he's seeing someone but we keep in touch. I tell him I want him back but he often ignores my messages.

When I read this I say - well he was your back up plan and if there was someone else you would not find your ex so attractive.

That he keeps in touch is something. He is dating so he is still looking for the special person.

When he's drunk (late at night) he phones. We meet up from time to time in the local night club and we've had sex a few times.Last time we didn't use protection (I was very drunk) and I spent two weeks in a panic because I just can't go though a pregnancy alone again.

Nothing really wrong with sex if you both need it but the risky behaviour is just wreckless

But he just won't take me back. And I just feel used in the morning when he goes. I learned my lesson. I know I had it good and I didn't appreciate it. My heart is broken and I can't get him back.

Very complex stuff -when someone especially a partner you trust rejects you as you did him -it is a huge event. He probably can't risk this again.

If he's just doing this to teach me a lesson isn't it time he stopped? It's been almost a full year. What does he want? What do I do? How do I convince him? How much longer will he do this before he lets me off the hook?

I think it is over and will eventually fizzle out. I don't think he is trying to teach you a lesson. He accepted it was over and whatever happened extinguished the spark. Im not saying its totally hopeless but I wouldnt bank on it ever being the same ever again.

MissHoneyBun

lessonlearned wrote: »

Last time we didn't use protection (I was very drunk) and I spent two weeks in a panic because I just can't go though a pregnancy alone again.

I learned my lesson. I know I had it good and I didn't appreciate it. My heart is broken and I can't get him back.

OP if you feel so unable to cope with becoming pregnant then you need to take the necessary precautions to avoid a pregnancy. Being drunk is no excuse to a poor baby who arrives unwanted to a mother who can't cope. Don't create problems for yourself when they can be avoided.

I think unfortunately you just have to accept that the relationship is over. Like CDFM said, your boyfriend was prepared to commit to you and you weren't interested at the time (which is fair enough, feelings can't be forced) Though I think maybe you assumed that this person would always be willing to wait for you and perhaps that's why this is such a shock to you now?

Whatever the case may be, I don't think you're doing yourself any favours by placing yourself in emotional limbo like this. I think you need to acknowledge that people move on and maybe you should too. Try looking at it from your partner's perspective -how can he be sure that if he was to get back with you that you wouldn't let him down again?

Sometimes people need to protect themselves, regardless of how they feel about someone and I think maybe this is what your partner has done. Try to respect that and go easy on yourself, we all make mistakes. Just try to learn from it in order to avoid similar regrets. Good luck x

Joey the lips

yes granted he should not be dragging it out now but you had your chance he offered it all and you refused it so its not him dragging it out.

Granted he seems to be using you a little but i can equally see him write here saying " G/F i was madly in love with would not commit to me now we use each other for sex"

Tell him your sorry you did not think you wanted that but now you do. but end by saying "I am telling you I regret what I done but I will leave it to you to think about it" That way you are giving him a chance instead of having him say you trapped him later

Lastly I would suggest you go on the pill as you seem to be crazing him a little and dont want to slip up again ( Or at least know how to get the morning after quickly)

bluecell99

you deserve better.Why do you have to suffer becuase you had doubts at the time?he is extracting the maximun punishment from you for your perceived rejection of him.

Gather your self respect,drop him completley from your life and open your heart and mind to new beginnings.They are there.You will be fine.

Dont beat yourself up.There are other people out there.We all have regrets and must move on.Nobody is perfect.You will be happy again.

Do not become a victim for one more second.Your instincts were right.Imagine if you were now attached to someone who shows so little respect for himself or others.

Good luck.

CDfm

bluecell99 wrote: »

Do not become a victim for one more second.Your instincts were right.Imagine if you were now attached to someone who shows so little respect for himself or others.

I can't understand how she is the victim. She regrets a decision she made and that doesn't make her a victim.

The OP does not mention if she was looking for greener pastures but the guy was really into her and serious and that all changed when she rejected him.

Sometimes its better not to dwell on the past.

OP you may need to look outside your normal comfortzone of pubs and disco to meet someone and while it may not be him -that maybe as good as you can hope to achieve. Try some new activities not around that -I dont know if you are in the country but Macra Na Feirme was used by many singles- a bit twee but try something and see.